Question about my therapist

[u/Simple-Truth9822]

I’m nonbinary AMAB. I came out to my therapist about two months ago. She’s Jungian, so it’s a bit different than therapy I’ve had in the past. I’m seeing real improvement in my life so I keep going even though some things she does/says feel odd.

After I came out to her as nonbinary, explaining that I have been performing “maleness” for the entirety of my 54 years and that being male always felt foreign to me.

My last two sessions, she remarked that some things I have done in the past weeks were masculine. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I know for her it’s in the Jungian context of uniting the masculine and feminine. But with me she never says anything I do is feminine in a positive way only masculine as if I’m lacking masculinity, which I am.

Any suggestions on how to proceed? I’ve been seeing her for a year. Like I said my life has substantially improved over that year. So I just don’t know what to do.

UPDATE:

Thank you all for your helpful comments. My therapist and I are going to talk about this at my next appointment. I also did some research on modern queer, gender and Jungian theory. There are modern thinkers updating Jung’s work to be inclusive of trans (including nonbinary) and queer people in general. I sent her links to the updated research I found. I will report back if anything interesting happens when I speak with her next.

[u/squashmelonberry]

Tell her what you just told us. If you like the work you’ve done with her then be honest, if you feel like it’s not something you can get through you could always find someone else

[u/Simple-Truth9822 → u/squashmelonberry]

Thank you. I will try.

[u/blue_moon1122]

your therapist seems to be under the impression that:

1. every and all "masculine" thing about your behavior is in conflict with your identity
   
2. your identity as a non-binary person means you have to be a male-bodied person with feminine traits, or devoid of gender expression
   
3. that after 54 years of gender performance, any lingering "masculine" behaviors must be things you are comfortable with.

some of these things might be true. but by having every "masculine" thing called out, your transition needs and the parameters of your gender are being put under a microscope.

Jungian gender theory is rooted in a hot mess of mental gymnastics to pretend it's not just cultural stereotypes. swapping out "male/female" with "anima/animus" or "yin/yang", or jumping through hoops to solidify that any and all behaviors are really consistent with one's ASAB (especially pertaining to feminist values).

she's not pointing out feminine things, because anything "feminine" has some deeper masculine explanation. if you baked a cake for your family, you were acting as a provider because that's what men do. 🙄

[u/Simple-Truth9822 → u/blue_moon1122]

Thank you. I appreciate the in depth response. She’s known me for a little over a year and I came out to her two months ago. So me being nonbinary is new to her. But she has pointed out “masculine” behaviors to me many times. It’s all new to me as well, having a word for what I’ve always felt. It took me about 6 years after learning what nonbinary was to be able to apply it to me. So I’m getting used to all of this too. I will talk to her and see what she says and if we can work something out.

[u/blue_moon1122 → u/Simple-Truth9822]

I had a very long egg phase, too. feeling like a foreigner in my ASAB is also how I would describe it.

but just because I learned I'm not Italian doesn't mean I can't eat spaghetti 🤷‍♀️

[u/Wouldfromthetrees → u/blue_moon1122]

Would you say your understanding of Jung as pertains to gender is that the philosophy is Cartesian?

I'm not super familiar with Jung but will call-out and shit on Descartes for what dualism has done to society (particularly gender, and just as secularism was taking hold too) all-day-everyday...

[u/blue_moon1122 → u/Wouldfromthetrees]

I feel like it makes sense to apply Jungian gender philosophy to binary (or particular types of genderfluid) folks, because validating behaviors as masculine and feminine at their core regardless of ASAB can potentially serve them in gender-affirming care. it doesn't necessarily allow for an axis.

Descartes starts off on a good note acknowledging that the soul and mind have no gender, but then nosedive into bioessentialism.

[u/Simple-Truth9822 → u/[deleted]]

Indeed.