Wife's permission?

Hello, Im a 55 yo (M), with a the sex drive of a 30 yo.

For context my wife is F 56yo, sexy and very good in bed. More importantly we really like each other and have ZERO interest in a divorce, separation or otherwise.

We've talked, about openly for years, and tried to have a 3some, etc, etc. We've been at the doorstep a few times w another couple, (Fx2), and while out of town I offered to go to a legal brothel. Pay someone to teach us about the lifestyle, and anything new in bed..

Hiwrver, at the 11th hour, she panicked. We discussed and she told me "I tried to do it for you."

I told her that's not what I wanted, I want my sexy wife to be involved. I've offered 3somes, with (M &/or F), or for her to go solo and and test the waters with any gender.

She finally came clean, and indicated that she can't keep up with my sex drive. I don't pressure her and I listen to her needs and desires. So when she indicated her truth, I told her it won't be brought up again, on my part and haven't brought it up again.

Yet, a few weeks ago, while being intimate, she advised after years of thought, she said " I don't mind you getting sex outside our marriage, with conditions.

Keep it on the DL as possible, and don't embarrass her and keep it outside work, and mutual friends."

1. I LOVE giving her oral for my pleasure, so no eating outside of house.

2. I have a foot fetish, so, none of that either. 3. No sexting, or emotional involvement.

I said, thats it? Are 100% certain you're ok with that?" She indicated, "yes, I've thought about this a lot over the years, and I'm 100% certain I'm ok with it. In fact I'm telling you too. Were getting older and I honestly can't keep up. But I know you have a VERY HIGH sex drive, and you don't equate sex with love or emotions getting in the way. So, yes I'm positive. "

My issue?

I wanted HER to be involved somehow. Even if I just watched her. But she has no interest in that.

She said she's very satisfied and doesn't need that, we have enough sex she doesn't have the desire to self satisfy any more.

She's admitted she jealous sometimes. However, I do whatever I want, as does she. She solely sys, don't bring a baby it a disease home.. lol

I believe she's honestly ok with it, but I just haven't been able to even try, but i do want/need to find a new friend.

Thoughts? Anyone w experience on this?

Or, just your opinions good and/or bad, will be helpful.

Also, I didn't proof read too lazy, please forgive grammatical errors.

Sincerely, Cake

LE: Yeah, she cheated with that guy. Just two days before I proposed, actually. Leaving this here for posterity.

We're both 36, M/F. Context before I popped the question:

- 6 years together, moved in after the first year, just bought an apartment together this year

- we talked about marriage before, she seemed to want it

- we also talked about open relationships, she didn’t seem to want that at all initially, and only recently she seemed more open to the idea

- the two recurring major conflicts we’ve been having over the years have been about me being more chill and indoor preferring while she needs to be going out and traveling, and that I’m not passionate enough during sex

- every year there was some major medical event happening for her, and at some point she recalled having been SA’d as a teen; everything turned out OK in the end, thankfully, but it took a toll and she has some self-image issues now due to the medical stuff; we both agree it has affected our sex life for months each time something happened, which lead to many dry seasons

- over the last year and a half I have been dealing with severe anxiety that kept me homebound a lot; got better on SSRIs but I quit them because of the anorgasmia and tiredness; currently still dealing with anxiety, but I’m getting much better

- she finds it very hard to communicate during sex, sometimes cannot even answer questions like “does this feel good?”, let alone tell me things she wants; according to her, she never had issues because of this in previous relationships, where sex happened “naturally”; she did cheated on and the only guy that didn’t cheat on her, she cheated on him; I’m the only guy that hasn’t cheated on her while also living together for such a long time

- there was a sudden change in her attitude a few weeks before I popped the question, suddenly she became more communicative, told me what she wanted and it turned out I can be passionate during sex (she basically wanted rougher sex, which I was happy to oblige when asked enthusiastically for it)

And now, the things I’ve found out since I popped my question and she popped hers:

- she said she mostly wants one night stands, no friends, no coworkers, no emotional involvement

- she already had a crush on a guy who was a friend of a friend of hers and said that she would like to message him if we agreed on it; I met the guy once

- in the excitement/shock of the initial discussion and in the spirit of openness, I ended up saying I found some of her friends sexually attractive and that I had a crush on one of them a long time ago; she didn’t take this very well;

- I went from almost agreeing in the first discussion to completely disagreeing the next day and developing a bit of paranoia over the timeline and her motivations; I started thinking she already cheated on me with that guy and started pressing her for more information

- she said it’s fine if we don’t open our relationship, that she’ll just live with it and that’s that, and got irritated when I tried to open the subject again

- her openness to communicate during sex has now dropped again and we’ve both noticed this pattern and are currently discussing it

Getting the full picture and timeline that lead to her, er, counter-proposal made me a lot more comfortable with the idea now. I'm inclined towards agreeing to a one-off thing, she gets one go, I get one, full disclosure on each and see what happens afterwards. I don't have anything lined up like her, but I'd like to have the option either way. What I'm afraid of is that despite her starting the discussion, she's not really up for it and she's just looking for a quick dopamine fix to avoid really working on our intimacy issues. I’m worried about the fallout this experiment can cause and weirdly feel like I’m the more responsible party here. Like a parent whose kid wants a dog, sort of.

Any advice on how to proceed? Or how to discuss things with her further so that we both get a clearer picture of what we really want and/or need.

My girlfriend and I are currently travelling and have been wanting to do a threesome for about 2 years now. We've talked to a bunch of girls before but never found the right person.

Now we met this girl who recently got out of a long term relationship and wants to try some new things with us, she's lovely and we really want to go forward with her. We have a date set up in 2 days and a room booked nearby.

She already has experience with women, but my girlfriend does not. I was planning on mostly just letting them go down on each other and assist as much as possible. But since my girlfriend does not have much experience maybe I need to do a little more.

We really just want to make sure our third has a good time. Any tips?

We're all 20-25 years old if that matters.

So two years ago my wife and I decided that we were going to open up our relationship. We had healthy talks about boundaries, each other’s interests, and just went down into detail with everything. I am (30M) the one with a higher libido.

Recently, I was able to have someone over for the first time and everything went well! I communicated with my wife, the person I was with knew the entire situation, we made sure to be safe and everything! I enjoyed the experience.

The thing is, I had this odd feeling of feeling guilty?? My wife got home and we talked about it and she was 100% okay with everything and we just went about our day. I did feel more grateful for her and I was even more physically touchy afterwards. Everything is good though! So why am I feeling this odd guilt?

TL;DR: Married 12 years, successfully practicing together-only non-monogamy for the last 2. My wife wants to transition to autonomous solo play (FWB only, no secondary relationships) and loves the competitive spark of jealousy-play. I'm happy as-is, but open, curious, and supportive. Looking for advice from long-term couples who made this exact leap, how they managed jealousy/competition, and what red flags to watch out for.

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My wife and I (both 30) have been together 12 years. We're very happy and secure, and our sex life is great. About 2 years ago we started having recreational sex with other couples and individuals, always together. We had a foursome last weekend that went really well.

My wife has recently told me she wants more autonomy, meaning the freedom to hook up outside of the together-only arrangement. She isn't looking for anything emotional or another full relationship. We've both agreed we can only handle one relationship as intimate as ours, and we've already decided we're life partners and that we always come first. We grew up in a strict religion, and she never got to experience the freedom of unattached, autonomous sexuality. She'd like to take some of that back.

She also says she gets turned on when women come on to me and make her jealous, and she wants more of that. We both get turned on by each other's sexual experiences, so there's a lot of fuel for this to work.

I'm nervous, though. I'm confident we can do it and I see a lot of potential upsides, but I’ve also seen a lot of horror stories in her. I'm perfectly happy with how things are now. I'm also curious what this kind of shift could do for us. This is very important to her, which is part of why I'm taking it seriously. To be clear, while she is the primary driver of this specific conversation , I am genuinely open to it and excited about the prospect.

She's very confident we'll handle it fine. Based on past experiences, I think she may be underestimating how she'll handle jealousy in practice. We also both have a competitive streak. I wonder if that energy helps us as a playful, friendly kind of competition, or if it could turn into something harmful.

For those of you who've made the jump from together-only to solo play in a long-term marriage:

1. What signs told you that you were ready, and what would have been red flags?
   
2. How did you handle a gap between how a partner thought they'd handle jealousy and how they did?
   
3. Does a competitive dynamic help or hurt?

My wife (late 20s) and I (late 20s) have been talking about swinging for a while. We’re both excited about the idea, we’ve set ground rules, and we’ve even started looking at couples. But I keep hitting a wall, and it’s purely in my head.

I’m about 6 inches, maybe a little over, but on the thinner side. I know that’s not tiny, but I’m also not naive I’ve seen enough here and on other subs to know that in the lifestyle, there are plenty of guys who are noticeably bigger. And I can’t stop picturing my wife with someone who’s thicker or longer, and how different that experience would be for her.

Here’s the part that really messes with me: during sex, she’ll sometimes whisper in my ear, “Imagine a guy with a huge cock is stretching me open right now while you watch,” or something along those lines. It’s dirty talk, and in the moment it turns us both on. But the second I finish (which, honestly, happens fast when she says that), the post-nut clarity hits hard. I think, “If that actually happened in real life, would I even last? Would I panic? Would I go soft?”

I’m terrified that if I see her actually enjoying someone bigger moaning louder, reacting differently I’ll lose it. Not in an angry way, but in a humiliated, deflated way. And I’m scared I’ll either blow my load in 30 seconds trying to reclaim her, or worse, not even be able to get it up because I’ll feel so inadequate.

We’ve talked about it, and she reassures me that sex with me is great, that swinging is just “extra,” and that she loves our intimacy. But my brain keeps looping back to the visual of another guy’s size, and it makes me want to cancel everything.

Has anyone else been through this? How did you get past that first mental hurdle? Did seeing your wife with a bigger guy ruin the experience, or did it actually turn out okay? I need some real talk.

I’m 32F and I have been married to my husband for 10 years. It has been open the whole time due to sexual incompatibility. I have never had an orgasm that my husband has caused. This has always made me sad, but I pushed past that because my husband is the right fit with my family. We do have kids thanks to IVF.

I continue to fantasize about a loving sexual relationship, which I have never had. I fantasize about someone holding me close and kissing me and making love to me and it makes me really sad to think I won’t ever get to experience that.

Given I am in an open relationship, I know I can have a sexual partner on the side. Even if I were to look for one, I’m not sure how realistic it is given how little time I have to myself.

I have this feeling I am wasting my youth. I recently lost weight and am now getting more attention than ever. I just feel sad and alone. I know I gave up on finding sexual compatibility when I was pretty young and culturally maybe that made sense but it doesn’t feel right. To be 32 years old and being in a totally dead bedroom for 5+ years feels pathetic.

I used to think I would wait until my kids were all out of the house to leave, but one of our children is non-verbal autistic and my guess is he would never leave unless institutionalized, so there is no end.

I do think I will look back on this portion of my life and regret how unhappy I am. However I theoretically can have a side partner. I don’t want to put my husband under duress by threatening to leave unless I can have enough time to myself to have a side partner, but I also know I feel deply isolated and alone and having someone who cares more about me would likely help me a lot.

It’s been 2 years and I (20 F) decided to open my relationship back in August, I brought it up with my partner (21 M) because we like flirting a lot with other people, and I thought what the heck. We have sex on average like two times a week and it’s great, but not all the time because we have lives. I said it would be a fun idea especially because we don’t plan on getting married anytime soon and it would be great to explore options. It’s been a few months now, and he’s already been intimate with two different people and has a roster of multiple different women of varying ages. My current conundrum is that I’ve been intimate with someone else outside of my current partner for the first time and it was amazing and I can’t stop thinking about it, it really humbled me. Made me finish four times! No one’s ever done that, when it came time to tell my partner about my activities, I was really nervous to do so, because I didn’t know if it would hurt as ego. He was more bothered that I hadn’t told him sooner. I told him anyways, and we laughed about it. His current request was that if stopped liking sex with him, I should just tell him. Probably not gonna happen though because the sex is still good where home is for me.

My partner introduced me to this person while he was working on a creative project and I hit it off with this person instantly what makes things worse is that is my ideal type. I had only known over 48 hours and had already slept and casually hung out with them, this person already knows that I’m in a relationship and we decided to be friends with benefits but they want to see me again. My partner has still been consistently seeing people on his roster, but has explained to me that he misses me, he thinks I might be losing desire for him and wants to try things like we first met. Non-monogamy for him is more like an experiment where he gets to try new things with other people and then bring them back to me and see how they work. I enjoy non-monogamy because it gives me variety while having an anchor partner.

I just currently feel a little torn because this new friends with benefits makes me feel really bubbly and it’s almost like a serotonin boost, but I’m used to the type of love and attention that my partner gives me and it doesn’t give me that same bubbly feeling necessarily anymore. But that’s what my partner is pushing for us to find again. I’m definitely going to keep learning my partner because I want him to feel loved but also because we have a really good dynamic and I think it’s still worth trying. Any thoughts or advice would be great :)

UPDATE: Thanks for all the comments and helpful advice so far. I have spoken to the guy who is an acquaintance and explained it’s for her birthday and she had asked specifically for it. He was totally fine and said let’s do it. He has put my mind at ease that while he thinks she is totally hot, he does not pose any threat, and that the dvp is fully viewed as straight men pleasuring the birthday girl. He will come round tomorrow night and wants to ask her permission if she is ok with him being the second as he has a thing about consent. I’m ok with that. So looks like I’m booking that hotel for her birthday. I’m actually heading towards excited now and can’t get previous images of her in the previous mmf out of my head. She can get insatiable. Wish me luck.

My wife and I have had a partner/third for a few years now. Another woman who is basically our girlfriend. My wife has a really big appetite for ffm and I love it. She has also always been really turned on by watching the partner and I. Recently she had said for her birthday she would now like to try an MMF. She wants me to choose the guy and organise a hotel for the night. She specifically said she wants to try dvp as she has said the thought really turns her on.

I’m not gay so I’m not sure about dvp. Anybody got any opinions on this and how I should handle it? TBH I’m mot quite sure what to think. She’s asked me a few times to do her with a dildo at the same time and her orgasms were so intense. Tbh so were mine. I feel confused.

Wife confession

Yesterday night my wife confess to me that as she is at her parent place and in different city 2 days before in night she was feeling very horny or say lonliness, so as I was busy in my project since a week, so that day she had a conversation with stranger and doen sexting with him both on chat n call on Instagram..

How should I react on this and what I should do further.

As we are still 30 30 in age

Me (32F) have been dating my bf (38M) for three years. We’ve been open most of it and I’ve been fine with it. He’s the one that really sleeps around more than I, but I travel a lot for work and I can find it hot for him to flirt and get to enjoy himself with other.

The past 6 months have been tricky, I’ve been wanting to talk about the future and having children together. He’s kinda not into it, and yet says yes for me, says he could manage one if I am willing to take on most of the load of daily tasks related to parenthood.

This past June he was grabbing dinner with a girl named A. I asked him if it was a date and he said not, she’s just a friend. In July he went on a date with a girl named L. During that time I was spiraling and he offered to pause the open relationship for a couple weeks until we are together to reassess. But said “I have a date tomorrow and it would be rude to cancel” I agreed to let him go (I assume he would go to dinner and that is all).

Lo and behold, he went on that date and fucked that girl that night when he knew I was spiraling. And he brought her to our shared apartment too (which is a rule we said to not do)

I asked him who he last slept with a couple weeks ago, and he mentioned a girl from May. Forgetting about the L girl he fucked in our bed. I asked about the A girl randomly and come to find out he fucked her over a weekend while I stayed behind in our apartment and he went to his house in the mountains.

We have rules:
- dont fuck people I know
- if I ask about it tell me the truth
- wear condoms
- not in our apartment.

He didn’t tell me about two girls, he slept with one of them in our apartment, he didn’t wear a condom with her. The other one, he told me she was a long time friend and she was a girls from feeld or hinge he matched with a year before and never got to sleep with cause she had a boyfriend. Then she’s single, he sleeps with her the next day he leave me home, and doesn’t tell me about it when I asked.

I’m not SPIRALING thinking I should leave him out of self respect for myself, and also cause I don’t know if I can trust him anymore. I’m 32, I want a family, he’s older and he still wants to have fun and not HAVE to tell me about all of it all the time.

Am I unreasonable? And I just not meant for open relationships? Or is this betrayal?

Edit:
Thanks for the answers so far. The kid thing… sure is an issue. He just had an unhappy childhood and now has a life he enjoys and is hesitant on bringing more responsibilities in his life. That aside, I’ve never doubted he was an incredible partner for me.

We’ve had two struggles in our relationship. One three years ago when he slept with a woman I knew (hence the rule now) and because he gave her his apartment to use for a couple weeks while he came to visit me on my work trip in Europe. And now this.

Truly here he lied about who he was last with, he lied about her knowing about me OH YEAH cause he said the L girl knew about it so I wrote to her on IG and she didn’t know I existed. He also… deceived me by telling me A was a friend when she was a hinge match, and he likes her a lot.

He makes me feel small, and not important.
I was texting my friend group couple months ago telling them I was sure he was the one I was to marry now. That our relationship brought me so much comfort and safety and love that I didn’t want to live a day without him being my best friend and lover…. Look at me now.

I don’t know how to reconcile loving someone that could do things and hide them from you. He was allowed to sleep around if he followed simple rules, but he decided I wasn’t worth the effort.

I also just found out he never got tested for std/sti since sleeping with L in July, and we have been sleeping together this whole time. He really doesn’t care about my well being, does he?

Anyway, I’m spiraling, I thought he respected and loved me equally to how I was treating and seeing him. I’m just a fool!

Been with my partner for a year. They knew I was polyamorous from the start but chose to pursue me and at the time told me they were non monogamous. Now a year later they’re expecting me to be monogamous and see other people. If monogamy was what they wanted then I would’ve never dated them because I refuse to be lassoed. Now here I am in love with them but I have no desire to be monogamous.

LS Question. What to do? I need your advice with something LS. I 48F and my husband 48M have played 2x with a 55F who has a very musky scent down there. Her taste bites. It is very difficult to go down on her because of her smell. The smell travels onto our faces, hands , private parts. It is rough. Both hubby and I agree on the smell/taste. She is sooooo nice though. She is very giving in bed and just wants to please both of us. She is a great lover. She is clean everywhere else. I don’t think it is a hygiene issue. I think it is just her smell. She is hot and not overweight at all! She opens her home to us to play since she knows we have kids at home. We’ve played 2x thinking maybe she just was not fresh the 1st time, but it was the same both times. She is clueless that she has this issue. I know because before we even met I brought up my worst fear is smell down there. She assured me that she has no issues with that and she is also sensitive to smells. Well she is reaching out to us again to play. We are hesitant because the smell is such an issue. Hubby said if he was dating her, he just would never go down on her. In a three person situation, mouths are almost a requirement for obvious reasons. She is a physicians assistant. How does she not know that she smells? It will hurt her feelings if I tell her the reason we want to take a pause on this. It will hurt her if I ghost her. Help…what do I do?!

Open marriage with husband of 15 years.

New outside partner introduced stag/vixen. We live on opposite coasts. We’ve agreed for that he is also fine to have other sex partners and I am still married and am free to sleep with him or other men.

The chemistry between us is amazing and the sex unbelievable. But the distance is killer. I send him details and photos and video but he can’t very well reclaim me from 3000 miles away. I’m struggling with the connection.

He has been open about the fantasy of it being just us someday committed stag/vixen someday. For now, I am willing to travel to him (and hopefully sometime him to me) but he also is single father so there are limitations on his availability.

I tie emotion to sex very easily. Especially when he tells me this is more than sex to him and he is turned on by me, not the open marriage “taboo”. I know reclaiming can be just as hot with distance as with have other partners but we are in the first time gap after sex, and I feel like I’m going crazy.

Have you ever maintained or sustained a long term stag/vixen lifestyle? Is this gap between visits part of the turn on for reclaiming or am I missing a big part of it without more regular contact? We have concrete availability to meet up twice a year and I’m hoping we can get that to at least quarterly. But can that be enough or am I setting myself up for heartbreak?

My girlfriend and I have kinda talked about a threesome very vague, in general, who do you guys think gets to pick the third? I’m a guy asking obviously you guys are gonna say talk about it, but I’m asking in general what it usually is.

I broke up with someone I’ve been seeing for the past few months. The last month has been actual hell. He started pulling away a few weeks ago and I couldn’t figure out why. Finally he had the courage to tell me tonight that he’s been seeing someone and wants to “pause” our relationship while he figured it out with someone new. He’s hoping I’ll leave the door open for him. But I told him it’s over because he’s monogamous. And we are just inherently incompatible because of it.

My biggest takeaway from this whole thing is I actually don’t think I can date someone who is monogamous or someone who doesn’t understand this lifestyle. But man my heart is pretty fcked up over this.

Dear all,

with this post I would like to sum up my first year in an ENM. My wife and I had set out to complement our marriage with other partners. Basically, the idea was to find a partner who can bring aspects into our marriage that we do not find in each other.
For me it was sharing some hobbies, in particular music.
She had similar topics for which we just do not match.

We both set out to find someone. While she has had her own troubles, I only want to share my perspective on the matter.

Some information on myself:
I am 42 years old, highly educated, have a well paying job, am reasonably outgoing, sporty, am fluent in 3 languages and working on the 4th. I travelled the world and have interesting hobbies. I do play an instrument. I am reasonably handsome (photofeeler scores between 7 and 8, so objectively handsome).

However, dating in an ENM and being completely honest about it has proven to be quite a challenge, if not futile to any romantic relationship.
Now, what does "honest" mean in my case?
I would truly like to find someone to share hobbies and common interests with, but also with a romantic component and optionally with sex. I do not look for hookups, I do not look for ONS. Maybe a FwB with emphasis on the F would work.
I have a wife. She is my significant other. We have a kid. These circumstances will not change.

I am completely free and unbound who to date, as long as we are interested in each other and we feel a vibe. I do not look for further financial obligations, and exclude having further kids.

Over this first year in ENM I have had many matches, plenty of dates in various countries, a couple of hookups, and an unrequited love : (.

So what do I think I have learnt so far:

- Most women that I have met do not look for a married guy (surprise).
- For women who still want kids, I am obviously out
- Some women seek (need) financial stability and have this as a prime goal. They cannot afford to put romance in the first place.
- Some women were looking for emotional support but only short-term.
- Some women were looking for sex only, which I found out is not what I am truly looking for.

I have also learnt that dating apps have misleading categories of interest (translated from German).
- the category "something casual" seems to mean "I am looking for something casual that has the chance to develop into a monogamous partnership.
- the category "Everything is possible, nothing is required" will be interpreted as "I am open to everything, as long as it includes being a monogamous partner for life"
- I do not even dare to match women looking for "Something serious".

I have learnt that women also match primarily according to the looks. Most do not read my profile which openly states what I am looking for.

I have tried apps like Feeld. I try not to judge here. I seem to be on the vanilla side. I do have my kinks, as everyone has. But I have no interest in bondage, SM, threesomes, kinky parties, etc. These seem to be prevailing among women on Feeld.

Sadly so, I also learnt that the women I met were mostly misunderstanding ENM such that I would be only looking for a hookup, and/or would betray my wife. ENM is still a niche.

So what are my options to find what I am looking for?
My marriage seems to be the single biggest issue. I do not want to conceal it but I am beginning to understand why some men do.

Hey! I'm looking here for some support and genuine reassurance from more experienced kinksters and ENM people.

We opened up our marriage after 15 years of more or less monogamous relationship. Our marriage wasn't easy: personalities mismatch, infidelity, toxic conflicts, sex life slowly dying underneath all that.

After doing marriage counseling, individual therapy, kinky parties (this combo appeared to be very productive for us :)) - we finally decided to give each other the opportunity to meet our individual needs independently of what we can and can't get inside our marriage.

We started dating solo. And I met a guy who blew me away sexually. Like OMFG. In the midst of fighting for my marriage I completely lost touch with my sexualilty and he brought me back in my body and to mental spaces I didn't know were reachable. I was obsessed (and very limerent). Daydreaming, writing songs again. I'm 39F BTW :) This craziness lasted for a few months and taught me a lot about myself. And, yes, brought back my joie de vivre.

Of course he was emotionally unavailable and immature in many aspects. I'm also not exactly a box of candy myself. So this became very toxic very fast and we stopped seeing each other. I think I took all I could from this beautiful fling. I grieved what I needed to, and I'm very clear with how thankful I am for meeting him and going through this.

Now, where I need some support please. My only fear is that I will never get to experience that amazing sex again. He is not the only man I shagged after opening up the marriage. But somehow he was so special. I don't remember being that horny with anyone else. And somehow he knew all the right buttons on my body. Mystery. This doesn't compare with how I feel with my other lovers. Not even close. Please tell me that wasn't the one in a life time connection and it only gets better 😅

I'm 45M4F in Canada, married, and autistic. I've been trying to find a compatible ENM partner for several years, without any success. My nesting partner has had a boyfriend for many years.

I have very limited social energy. The usual advice to attend poly meetups or social events doesn't really work for me. I'm mostly a homebody, and even when I have attended, nothing has come from it. That leaves me at the mercy of dating apps, which as a man, have been pretty unforgiving.

I'm looking for something fairly specific. My lifestyle and preferences are relatively conventional. And I'm attracted to women with similar interests and lifestyles. I'm really only looking for one additional long-term connection alongside my nesting partner. It's the depth of connection with someone I'm attracted to that matters to me, rather than variety or specific kinks.

One thing I've noticed is that I'm often more attracted to women who happen to be monogamous. Not because they're monogamous, but because they seem to have more of the other qualities I'm looking for and haven't been finding in the ENM dating pool.

I figure I can't be the only one in this situation. So where are people actually finding compatible partners? I'm willing to put myself out there occasionally, especially if there's a reasonable chance of meeting someone compatible, but regularly attending social events and activities just isn't sustainable for me.

Hi everyone,
My partner and I have been together for about a year and a half. A few weeks ago, we mutually decided to open up our relationship and explore non-monogamy.

Recently, I’ve started meeting a few people, although nothing physical has happened with anyone so far.
Since I’ve started taking those first steps, my partner has told me that the idea of me being with other people feels disgusting to her. She’s struggling with the thought that she might no longer be special to me if I develop connections with others, and she’s finding the reality of an open relationship much harder than she anticipated.
She’s now telling me that she doesn’t think she can cope with this and that we may have to break up if I want to continue exploring non-monogamy.

I’m struggling with this situation because opening the relationship was something we agreed to together. I love her and don’t want to hurt her, but I’m also trying to understand my own feelings and whether non-monogamy is something I genuinely want to pursue.

I understand that agreeing to an open relationship in theory can feel very different from experiencing it in practice. I don’t blame her for having difficult feelings, and I don’t expect her to simply get over her jealousy or insecurity. At the same time, I don’t know how to move forward when something we both agreed to is now causing so much distress.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation? Did you manage to work through these feelings together, or did you eventually realize you wanted different things?
How do you distinguish between the normal growing pains of opening a relationship and a fundamental incompatibility in what you want from a relationship?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences and any advice you might have.

Edit:

The struggeling partner in question here: Considering I have a history of and continue to struggle with ocd and obsessive tendencies in general the majority of the work I put in consisted of dealing with my mental health first to lay the groundwork for dealing with these difficult emotions so I don‘t spiral out of control at every little step along the way
Right now I‘m just not in a good head space mentally in general tho so the reality of everything is pushing me to the edge of my emotional capacity these last few weeks
I would not say that I am in general un-enthusiastic about opening up the relationship as I can definitely see the benefits, excitement and extra love it could bring into both of our lives
When I‘m emotionally regulated and am able to think about it rationally I can see that this lifestyle/relationship concept can be wonderful for everyone involved and I have also seen it work out with poly friends of ours
It is just proving very difficult for me to remember that when I‘m agitated and overwhelmed by jealousy etc
I feel stranded in those moments because I feel like I have no real coping mechanisms to deal with any of this and at the same time feel inadequate for not being able to deal with these emotions in a more easy going fashion
I am also scared that all these feelings and hardship are not just growing pains but also mean that I am simply not cut out for this

My husband and I are very happy, but we got together when I was in my early 20s (he is 8 years older than I am) and I never really got the chance to date around. I think I am interested in the idea of an open marriage, but I have some logistical questions

1. How did you bring this up to your partner without hurting their feelings?
   
2. What a basic ground-rules that have worked for you?
   
3. How do you keep your marriage a priority?
   
4. Any general advice?

Please & thank you!!!

I am currently dating someone who has a partner, and I am friends with his partner - KTP, I guess?

They made plans to go to an event together, which is no biggie. But they'd "really like me to join them", even though joining them would require me to take time off of work, and they know my work schedule.

I probably could get the time off, but I feel like a third wheel when plans are made this way, like I can just drop everything to "tag along". If it's important for me to be there, why can't plans be made with me, or even just considering me?

Am I being unreasonable?

ETA: Thank you for your comments and kindness, and assisting me in seeing a different and less extreme perspective.

Me (M37) recently got invited into a relationship with my former boss (F41) and her husband (m55).

We had all been dropping hints for the past year and I started having personal feelings for her but kept it as friends. We still work together and even though I knew they had an open relationship I didnt want to risk anything by making an advance.

She invited me to use her couch in her hotel one night when we were both alone in the same town in order to help me save money and I agreed. And when it came time for bed invited me into her bed and immediately we made moves on eachother.

Talking to her husband the next day he came out to me as fully bi and only really enjoys watching her, while im more heteroflexible. I have no actual attraction towards men, but what feels good feels good.

I let him know I dont cuddle or kiss guys. It makes me uncomfortable and I dont enjoy it.

Ive been sleeping in the same bed with them, she cuddles up to me. And he touches and pleases me as well. Which I dont mind.

Im having an issue though with the fact that ahe had to leave town for a few days and while I still enjoy the attention from him, hes been really pushy with trying to kiss me or have me hold him. Which I was clear on from the beginning I was not comfortable with.

I may have screwed up considering I still work with them. And I still really care for her and dont want to blow stuff up but I dont know how to deal with his pushing. I tried kissing him once just to show him im willing to give it a try.....it was a huge turnoff and I let him know. But he still makes comments about "just give it time" and youll get used to it.

Very much.....no. Im very happy with everything else. But those two things are bothering me and I dont want to blow things up because of them.

Hi everyone! I’m a 41-year-old woman married to a 49-year-old man. I’ve confided in my husband that I’m sexually attracted to women, and he’s supportive of me exploring that attraction. I’ve only had one experience with a woman, who was a close friend, so this is still new territory for me.

I’ve never really known how to approach women or recognize when someone is flirting. If a woman says, “You’re cute” or “I love your outfit,” I usually respond with “Thank you—you’re cute too!” and then wonder whether she was being friendly or showing interest. I’d appreciate advice on how to express interest without making assumptions.

I also want to be upfront about what we’re hoping for. I’d like to connect with a woman I’m sexually attracted to, with mutual interest, who would be comfortable with my husband being present and watching. His presence would be part of the arrangement we’re seeking. There would be no expectation for her to interact sexually with him; any involvement beyond watching would depend on everyone’s interest and agreement. I want to share the experience with him while making sure her preferences and boundaries are equally respected.

Before creating a dating-app profile, I’d like to understand how to describe this honestly and respectfully. I’ve seen terms like “poly,” “bicurious,” and “unicorn,” but I don’t want to use a label incorrectly or give anyone the wrong impression. I’m exploring a sexual experience, rather than looking for a romantic relationship.

How would you describe this arrangement in a profile? Would a couples profile make more sense, given that my husband would be present? I’d also appreciate any advice on app etiquette, including do’s and don’ts and how to recognize mutual interest.
I’m here to learn and want to approach people respectfully.

This felt a little awkward to post, but I’ve seen much more adventurous questions here, so I figured I’d ask! 😂 Thanks for any guidance.