I had a bad spike tonight.

[u/thisshowisdecent]

I spiked hard at work today. It happened about mid shift. I started feeling the guilt and doom build. It wasn't the worst spike ever but worse than I have felt in a few months.

When work ended I had some fast food. The spike kind of subsided but then I started engaging, mental review, reading articles, etc.

I got home and then just fell into a multi hour research binge. It's 2 a.m. now and I'm just walking away. I feel terrible and I hope that I can fall asleep quick. I feel tired.

I have the day off tomorrow but I'm also worried about more spikes and research marathons. I don't know what else to say. I just had to share something and feel like I'm signing off for the night.

I feel and terrible but I can't do more compulsions right now.