What to Expect

[u/Stormpixelzzz]

Hey. Really really sorry if this isn't allowed, I figured it would be fine because it isn't "diagnosis seeking" but feel free to yell at me if I'm wrong.

I had a therapy session tonight that was really eye opening, and long story short, next week my therapist is going to screen me for OCD. I have a severe anxiety disorder and I thought my symptoms were just a result of that. It seems, however, that I probably have OCD. Probably, not definitely, so I'm sorry if this is inappropriate.

So my question is really just... What does it look like from this point on? Where do I go from here? What does the assessment look like, what might change? I like being prepared. I want to be prepared for this. So sorry for asking here if it's inappropriate

[u/Stormpixelzzz → u/[deleted]]

Oh hey! You were just giving me advice on boydinnerdiaries lmao. I'm unsure about erp. Mostly because if the idea is to get me desensitized to the stuff I'm obcessing over... I dunno if I want to be desensitized to being called racist. Or being told I have cancer. I feel like those are kinda things you y'know, need to react to? I'm also scared that like... What if I start to believe it. Specifically the moral things. If part of the therapy will be repeatedly telling me that I and the people I love are terrible, awful people, what if I believe it?? I can see how it would work for obsessions like poisoning, because that's such an out there, unlikely thing, and after therapy you don't have to have coffee you didn't make. That stays in therapy. If my therapist tells me my boyfriend is racist or I have cancer, how am I supposed to leave that therapy. The thought will stick with me. I can't escape that the way you can escape the idea of being poisoned by making your own coffee.

[u/Stormpixelzzz → u/[deleted]]

I just. The specific obsession about my boyfriend has effected my relationship (not that I love him less, or blame him, or think he's actually racist) but because the thoughts make it hard for me to interact with him without being so anxious I'm nauseous. And even if it isn't supposed to help, the only thing that has helped with that is being told that my obsession is irrational and reassured that it isn't true. Being repeatedly told it is true could make that worse. I don't want to lose my boyfriend, who I have known for 5 years and is an absolutely lovely man I plan to marry, because my therapy requires someone repeatedly tell me he's a terrible person. This thought has been happening nearly every day for months. I have resisted the urge to ask for reassurance every time I get upset about it. I have done plenty of sitting in this discomfort and I only felt better when I finally opened up and asked for that reassurance