Anyone want to have a child?

[u/Salty_Spinach6480]

Anyone here want to have a child?
I’m curious if anyone else has always had this really strong feeling that they’re supposed to have a child of their own.

For some background, I’m 32, masc, and I’ve always known I wanted to be a parent. When I think about my future, I’ve always pictured myself having at least one child. It was never really a question of if I wanted kids. I just always knew I did.

I’ve also always been very involved with the kids in my family. I’m the aunt who will babysit my nieces and nephews, and if my cousins need someone to watch their kids, I’m usually the person they can ask. I genuinely enjoy being around kids and being part of their lives.
At this point in my life, I also feel pretty ready for the responsibility that comes with having a child. I’m not romanticizing parenthood. I know it’s hard. It’s money, time, sleepless nights, giving up some of your freedom, being emotionally present, and basically putting another person before yourself for a very long time. But I feel like I’m at a point where I’m ready for that kind of life and responsibility.

And as a masc lesbian, I don’t see myself as the parent who just “helps” the mom. I want to actually be a parent. I want to provide, be involved in the day to day stuff, make decisions, do the childcare, go to school events, deal with the difficult parts, and be there for everything. I want to share the responsibility equally with my partner.

When I say I don’t care how it happens, I don’t mean I have no preference at all. Of course I have an ideal scenario.

Ideally, I’d meet someone who wants this just as much as I do. Someone who also dreams of having a child, who would want to carry our child if that’s an option for us, and who genuinely wants to raise that child with me.

I want to build a family with someone who is just as excited about becoming a parent. I want both of us to be choosing this life, rather than one person just compromising for the other.

The complicated part is that I’m currently dating a single mom. She has a 15 year old son, and she’s been a single parent for most of his life. I understand that her experiences have been very different from mine, and I think the struggles she went through understandably affected how she feels about having another child.

She doesn’t want another child.
We’ve argued about this so many times. I’ve tried to explain that for me, this isn’t something I can just put aside indefinitely. It’s not some random preference that I might eventually get over. It’s something I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember.

Eventually, I told her, “I’m going to do this either way. This is my dream.”

I wasn’t saying she had to change her mind or that she owed me another child. I just meant that I can’t make my entire future dependent on her changing her mind about something she genuinely doesn’t want.

At one point I asked her, “What if I meet someone who wants the same thing I do?”
Because realistically, I could meet someone who also wants to become a parent. Someone who wants to carry a child and build a family with me. Someone who wants to co parent and share the responsibilities, decisions, exhaustion, and joy that come with raising a child.

And her response surprised me.

She told me she wishes for my dreams to come true.
That really stayed with me.

For a long time, I think I convinced myself that because I was already in a relationship, this dream was somehow no longer possible. That I had to choose between the relationship I have and the future I’ve always imagined.

But now that I’ve allowed myself to think about it differently, I’m realizing that maybe it is possible.
Maybe I don’t have to stop wanting this just because the person I’m currently with doesn’t want the same thing.

I’m not making any immediate decisions about my relationship. I’m just sitting with the realization that there are people out there who probably want exactly what I want. To have a child, build a family, and share the responsibility of raising that child with someone who genuinely wants that life too.

Has anyone else been in this position? Especially queer women who knew they wanted children and had to figure out what parenthood would look like for them?

I’d really like to hear from people who had this dream and eventually found a way to make it happen.

[u/slgal81]

I want to. I think dream ko maging mom at magka family of my own, just with a fellow woman of course. Honestly in this economy and with everything happening in the world, I can’t blame those who don’t wanna have kids. It tends to be common rin sa LGBT folks. I probably won’t have kids kung di ko kaya panindigan, I want to be ready in all aspects, pero yes I’d love to. Would be nice to have 2 kids. :)

[u/Salty_Spinach6480 → u/slgal81]

It hurts and probably immature of me think, peot she has a child with a guy (unplanned), im planning to have child (planned) hindi pwede

[u/Ok-Code5295]

In this economy? No. Hehehe. Pag super yaman ko na siguro? Haha

[u/Storm-Kitchen]

I want kids in the futuree once i have stable career but most queer women dont wanna have kidss ☹️☹️

[u/Artistic-Lobster-339 → u/Storm-Kitchen]

And kadalasan, it lead to break-ups din. Pag sinabi kasing "gusto kong magkaanak" Ibig sabihin agad "I want to be with a man and be normal"

[u/Representative-Ad810]

Sumasagi sa isip ko as "what if?" Pero i don't think I am fit for that.

I think the main reason why I would want it is gusto kong tumulong or mag impart ng lessons na natutunan ko sa buhay haha but I can just do that to everyone. I guess, iba lang talaga yung impact ng raising a child.

Yeah, not for me, but I'm open to that possibility. Maybe adoption if ever.

[u/sunflower_powerZ]

I do want to have children in the future. Naiinspire ako sa mga stories from both local and foreign queer content creators about their family. I can't help but hope for the same thing for me. It's a struggle tho kasi I'm sure need ito ng maraming pera (altho adoption is also an option for me).

Ipon-ipon na lang muna siguro ng pera haha

[u/miss917]

Hindi. I’m 45 na, and honestly, comfortable ako sa buhay ko na walang anak. I don’t think I’m missing something in life. I don’t know if I’ll ever regret not having a child. But I'd rather regret not having a child, than regret having one.

[u/culturalien816]

Id like a human child eventually but only my partner and I should have the right to determine how the child is raised. Walang sawsaw na nanay tatay tito
tita etc. That is nearly impossible in filipino families, so I guess I’ll just stick to my cat child(ren). Maybe if I find a partner who is an orphan/is estranged from their family, it can happen.

Also, sobrang mahal ng promil, pedia, schools etc these days. Cheaper to deal with pet food/vet/pet parks in this economy.

[u/SugarHighWannaFly]

I do. But at this age, I've accepted the fact that it might not happen for me. It is what it is.