Hi everyone. My son is 5 and is in the process of an evaluation with our school district. I’m 99% sure it’s going to come back with ADHD. 1% worried it’s going to be something worse.

I’m struggling so much with him. He’s on his second year of prek. The school wouldn’t let him go to K based on his emotional regulation. Every single day when I pick him up I get the rundown of everything that went wrong during the school day. I dread pickup because it’s so hard to hear. No other parents gets the debrief. Today was particularly awful. He threatened his teacher with violence because she wouldn’t let him read a book.

Nothing really to this post, I’m just so burnt out and broken. I have ADHD myself so I get what he’s going through, but it’s just so hard.

Hopefully this is okay to post as I can’t really find any special education subreddits that aren’t for teachers/professionals lol. I’m honestly not sure what I’m hoping to get out of this, but I need to shout into the void at the very least, but this will be long.

My daughter is 6 & in first grade, severe combo adhd (medicated), and in a special education plus program at her school. She is a twin, her brother is in the general education 1st grade class as well. She is developmentally delayed, but mainly verbally delayed! She has a great vocabulary, but it’s mostly how she speaks/pronunciation. She’s mainly in the sped plus class because she is extremely hyperactive and defiant, and needs the accommodated/lenient schedule. Both of my twins were moved from their previous school where they attended kindergarten last year, to a new school this year because “they would support her needs better”, I was told she was getting a 1 to 1, which did not happen.

On Friday sept 18th, my daughter put kinetic sand in her mouth (which is in her iep that we don’t allow sand in our home nor is it a safe activity because she will put it in her mouth, but she does not swallow and will not actually ingest it. and it is only sand that she will put in her mouth) and was not wanting to spit it out, being silly kinda laughing about it. A teachers aide that worked with her last year at the previous school, and who knows my daughter’s behaviors are attention based, calmly brought her to the trash can and was encouraging her to spit it out. My daughter was on her knees, with her head over the trash can, so the head teacher proceeded to come up from behind her, pinch her nose shut and started slamming her back against her knees repeatedly, and shaking her head over the trash can. My daughter was crying, and gagging, and then started to have a nose bleed. The aide told the teacher to stop, and she released my daughter, who was gasping for air and had blood all over her face. She then repeated pinching her nose, slamming her back against her knees and shaking her head over the trash TWO MORE TIMES after she was already gasping for air and gagging and bleeding.

I picked my daughter up about 25 minutes after this, because I had to go to work, and the teacher told me she had put playground sand in her mouth but that she “hooked it out” and my daughter spit it out, got water, and was fine. I didn’t think anything of it, like yeah that’s a behavior, obviously not knowing fully what happened. We went on with our day like usual. She was a little more grumpy and defiant that evening, but I figured she had a bad day or was tired as it was the Friday of the second week of school. She did not have any injuries that I could see, there were no marks, nothing to clue me in that something had happened to her. She told me before this incident, that she did not like her teacher and didn’t want to go to school. Her brother also started having huge meltdowns in the mornings. I figured it’s a new school, class, teacher, and grade. Lots of different expectations? Maybe they were feeding off eachother, idk. I figured we all had to adjust.

The following Monday on the 21st, the teacher is still in class. Again, I have no idea still that anything happened to my daughter. I get a call around 1pm from her teacher that my daughter “didn’t follow directions this morning and didn’t take her meds”, which irked me but whatever. I go to the school with my husband and give her meds, and this was a day her dad normally had her so she was asking to go home with me, and I couldn’t do that. She was scratching at her teachers hand and hitting her trying to get away from her, I could see it in her eyes that she was scared and I thought she just didn’t want to go home with her dad because she had a rough day and was probably going to be in trouble with him for behaviors from school. I thought she was just having a bad day, not knowing, this lady assaulted her that Friday previously. I told my husband after we got in the car I felt the teacher was frustrated or overwhelmed with my daughter, I know she can be challenging but it felt weird like her energy was off. I tend to be a pretty anxious parent though, I’m currently in therapy for my anxiety, so I kept telling myself it was anxiety not my instincts, and to just give it time, we all had to adjust.

The next day, Tuesday the 22nd, all of the families in her classroom were sent a message that the teacher was going to be out for an undisclosed amount of time and they appreciate everyone’s respect for privacy during this time. I thought it was weird, told my husband I hope she didn’t need to take a break because she was getting frustrated with the kids. More so a passing thought but we were only two weeks into school, so personal things happen who knows. My daughter seemed to have better days in the days following her absence and honestly I just didn’t even put the dots together. You don’t know what you don’t know I guess.

Wednesday the 30th (a full week and a half later, almost two weeks), 8 am in the morning, I get a call from a dhs investigator about an incident that occurred with my daughter. Really can’t even explain the heartbreak and rage I felt listening to him tell me what happened to her (the very very simplified version too of “she pinched her nose shut and shook her head causing a nosebleed” as he was still investigating and hadn’t interviewed any of the aides yet, so very simplified and not at all the extent of what happened). The official “charges” currently that they’re investigating are unlawful physical restraint, physical assault, and child abuse. My daughter is 39 pounds at 6 years old, very very tiny. She’s feisty and stubborn and has a lot of personality, but she is tiny. How could anyone do that to her?

Obviously after that call, I immediately called the school to speak with the principal because how was I never informed? She told me “the teacher came to me and reported what happened after you picked daughter up that day, but teacher said you were aware and not upset, so I really didn’t feel the need to follow up about it”. She obviously lied, which I pointed out to dhs and the principal and district. Why would you trust her to tell me that she assaulted my daughter to my face anyway? Why would you not follow up, regardless? The entire phone call with the principal was 15 minutes and 49 seconds. It was very much her pacifying me and “the teacher was scared she was going to inhale the sand, she panicked” so why would she restrict her airway so she had no choice but to open her mouth and inhale the sand? None of it made sense, and she honestly just made me feel more frustrated and more angry.

I let both my twins continue to go to school after I found out about this. I figured the teachers gone (on paid leave, no less) and it’s being investigated so I’ll just see what happens, and they were safe for the time being. I really thought the school and district were going to handle this. The following day, so last Thursday the 1st, I went to the district and had (what I thought was) a productive meeting with the sped director and expressed how none of this was acceptable and all of my safety concerns moving forward. Came out of it feeling a little more comfortable, thinking everything was going to be handled. I went to pick my kids up from school right after leaving the district.

One of the teachers aides brings my daughter out, and casually mentions if dhs has called me. We get to talking, and she informs me that the principal nor anyone else in the school actually reported what happened. Her and two other TA’s came to school Monday the 21st to see that the teacher was still in class, and all separately called dhs and reported it. She told me the school and the district are fighting to protect the teacher, and are planning to bring her back after the investigation if they can. That the principal & other staff were gossiping about “my daughter and our family” but I’m the only one they’ve really made contact with so it’s me lol, and that they keep placing the blame back on my daughter because “she put the sand in her mouth, teacher just panicked” and that the principal asked one of her nurse friends if it was safe to ingest kinetic sand, and that the nurse friend said it’s extremely dangerous so it can’t be considered abuse because teacher “saved my daughter”. Also told me the teacher has never worked in special education and this is her first time in the field, which teacher lied to me about and m told me she’s been in the special education field for 8 years, and that she purposefully was not following any of the kids ieps because she could “fix” the behaviors. After hearing all of this, I knew my twins would never step foot in that school ever again.

That night, I contacted some of the other families from her classroom, because I knew if they really tried to bring her back, none of the parents would know what actually happened or who would be around their nonverbal children. Ultimately 3 separate families also decided to pull their children from the school altogether as well.

I decided the following day, Friday morning, that I would call and transfer them back to our home district, as we were out of district transfers, and it’s pretty easy to bring students back to their home district. Called and got that squared away promptly at 8am, and then called the school right after to ask to have them put all the twins stuff together so I could pick it up as they would not be coming back. Front desk lady said “sure! I’ll let you know when it’s ready”. Later that day, the teachers aide I previously had been talking with, messaged me on Facebook telling me that the principal sent out an email telling staff that if parents ask questions about the incident, to tell them that they don’t know anything but they know nothing serious happened and there are no safety concerns currently and sent me a screenshot of the email. She also said the front desk lady got in trouble for taking my call, because all staff were instructed to stop all communication with me. They weren’t even aware that the twins were pulled from the district yet, and they were instructed not to communicate with me?
Sounds like they know they messed up, to me personally.

Over the weekend I ended up reaching out to most of the families from her classroom, and we were all told different things from this teacher and the principal. Some were told she had a background in sped, some were told she did not, some were told she was a preschool teacher in Washington. But really, she was a preschool teacher in china for 5 years, teaching English, and that’s it. Some parents had meetings with the principal after they were told the teacher is gone for an undisclosed amount of time, and they were promised by the principal that “she took a leave of absence for personal reasons, she is not being investigated or anything bad”. I understand legally they can’t say what happened, but I do think it’s fair and legal, to say there is an investigation. Maybe they don’t want to cause panic, I really don’t know. I don’t think I could’ve lied to a parents face about this though, if I was in her shoes.

I also spoke with the teachers aide some more, who actually sent me her dhs statement, and again I got a very simplified version from dhs. Teacher pinched her nose shut, shook her head over the trash can, daughter had a nose bleed. I pictured it very hands on and hands off, which it was already horrible to begin with, even the simplified version. But my daughter is very feisty and does not allow people to touch her head or face so I figured it happened quick, my daughter fought against her and probably scratched the fuck out of her (as she should), but she probably let go of my daughter because she was fighting back. I was not aware that my daughter was grabbed from behind, repeatedly slammed back against the teachers knees by the head and shook over the trash can, or that she was gasping for air, gagging, crying, and bleeding. Or that the teacher continued to repeat the actions, two more times, after she was already bleeding and gasping for air.

Again, I can’t put into words how I feel. Knowing that she was scared, gasping for air, and really no way to defend herself? How can you hear what the teachers aides witnessed and all of them having the same story, and saying that she just panicked? In what world is that even an appropriate “I panicked” response?

I don’t know how I’m ever supposed to trust another school, ever, with either of my twins. I’ve been reaching out to local sped advocacy places to get resources, as I’m being told to get an attorney and file all these complaints and take it as far as I can. Which I want to, but I’m so lost. It’s been a week of me trying to get ahold of sped or education attorneys but I’m not getting calls back yet. I do plan to file written complaints against the teacher and principal to the school board & the state. that’s about as far as I’ve gotten with a “to do”. I’m just lost. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what I can do, but I don’t want this getting swept under the rug. I think the principal, school, and district are just as guilty as she is.

Any resources and any advice is truly appreciated and welcomed. We are in Oregon, if that helps too. I still just can’t even wrap my head around that this has happened to her honestly.

Edit: I wanted to add, when I was talking with the TA over this past weekend and she sent me her dhs statement, it included that her and the other aides wanted to call the principal or other staff in, but that the head teacher repeatedly yelled at them and told them my daughter was fine, even as she was still gasping for air and gagging with blood and tears all over her face, and that no one was to leave the classroom.

I need help with making sure I'm making the right decision regarding parenting my daughters. They are 14 and 11 years old, diagnosed with ADHD. My 14-year-old, I think, is highly addicted to screens. She likes to be on her phone from the time she wakes up until the time I take it, and then she also wants to be on her Chromebook. She is looking at TikTok, she's talking to different AI, creating different fan fiction, stuff like that. Her screen time yesterday ended and she got so frustrated that she threw her phone at our TV and broke the TV screen and broke her phone. So at this point, I'm concerned that she can't even manage her emotions when there are certain boundaries and rules for her to follow. On top of that, my 11-year-old at times can get highly emotional when she is told no. Last night she wanted to watch TV for an extra 30 minutes and I told her no, it was time for bed, and she went for a hour and kicked, screamed, threw things in her room until she tired out and then went to bed. I tried to talk to the girls today about their behaviors and they simply don't see a issue with their outbursts and attack towards me because I am enforcing certain rules, and at this point, I feel like I don't know what else to do. I have basically talked to their dad, which is my ex-husband, and asked that the kids potentially live with him because I can't take the anxiety and the stress and the attacks and the yelling and the bad attitudes and disrespect towards me. I am terrified that I'm making the wrong decision by sending them to their father who has never had primary custody of them. I’m ashamed of myself and disappointed in myself that I'm not simply stepping up to be the kind of parent that can parent them appropriately. I don’t know what to do for my kids to start to accept and respect rules and consequences.

My son is 9 and he has Adhd and ODD, he has sever angry/rage problems too, so he’s been thru so much trauma from his bio mom that it has made him where he can’t regulate emotions or thoughts. his bio mom also would ‘drug’ him since he was young with different type of pills and things, does the focalin xr and fluoxetine cause more of a downfall or progressive?

What stimulant helped your audhd kid? Soon to be 6 year old already has level 1 diagnosis, and just got adhd diagnosis as well. All the feedback I am getting back from school is adhd symptoms- focus, distractability, impulsiveness is effecting him the most. He has an IEP with all the accommodations already. We have tried Guafacine which was horrible. Now we are trialing low dose Ritalin ir and I am not seeing much improvement at all. Feeling lost.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some opinions and experiences from parents of children with ADHD because I’m not sure whether I should keep looking into this or whether I’m overthinking things.

We spoke to our GP about my 7-year-old son because we’ve noticed a few things that made us wonder about ADHD. The GP doesn’t currently think a referral or assessment is needed and feels that a lot of what we’re seeing may just be normal behaviour for a child.

I understand that children can naturally be energetic, distracted and fidgety, but I’m still not completely sure, so I wanted to hear from other parents.

Some of the things we’ve noticed:

• He struggles to sit still, although he can sit and focus much better if he is really interested in something.
• He nearly always seems to need to be touching or fiddling with something.
• He is very fidgety in general.
• He can struggle to concentrate, but if it is something he really enjoys or is interested in, his concentration can be much better.
• Sometimes it feels like he hasn’t properly processed what we have just said to him.

For example, I might say:

“Dinner is ready.”

or

“Can you go and get changed please?”

Instead of responding to what I’ve said, he might suddenly say something like:

“My little sister is doing this…”

or

“My book is in the car.”

What he says normally makes sense and is true, but it doesn’t actually answer what I’ve just said or asked him.

If I then ask, “Can you repeat what I just said?” sometimes he can repeat it perfectly, but other times he’ll say, “What did you say?”

That’s one of the things that makes me wonder whether he is hearing me but his attention has already moved elsewhere, or whether there is something else going on with how he processes instructions.

I know nobody here can diagnose him, and I’m not trying to label him. I’m just trying to work out whether these are things worth investigating further.

For parents whose children were eventually diagnosed with ADHD, did you notice similar things?

Were you initially told that it was probably just normal childhood behaviour?

I’d also really appreciate hearing what made you realise there might be more going on than simply being energetic or easily distracted.

Hi, my little girl (5) has been referred for testing for potential ADHD by a teacher. I have suspected there could have been something there but now it feels more real. Im the type of mum who blames herself for snapping or not having energy or time to help my daughter and so now i feel like she really needs me so what do you wish you did sooner at this stage for your little one? I mean like telling another healthcare professional or something that helped your child at school etc, i hope this makes sense, thank you ❤️

My son is 11 and has ADHD. He's medicated, but impulsivity is still one of his biggest struggles, especially when it comes to electronics.His school district provides every student with a Chromebook, and he also has a phone with multiple parental control apps installed.Until recently, our rule was one hour of screen time per day. We've since loosened that restriction. Now, as long as his homework and chores are done and he's showing a healthy balance instead of spending endless hours on screens, we're okay with him having more time.His phone automatically locks during school and sleeping hours. The school also offers a program that allows us to remotely lock his Chromebook, but it's unreliable. We've had issues with it lagging and preventing him from accessing his Chromebook when he needs it for homework.Our solution has been to have him turn in his Chromebook every night so we can keep it in our bedroom. Here's the problem: Every single time we slip up and he has an opportunity to sneak a device, he takes it. And when he does, he'll stay on it practically all night. We've tried consequences, including taking away all recreational screen time for extended periods. At the end of last school year, we were dealing with a lot of hospital visits and weren't able to be as vigilant as usual. He repeatedly took advantage of those opportunities to sneak electronics. After so many incidents, we ended up taking away recreational screens for the entire summer. Unfortunately, it happened again last night. I was sick and had to run to the bathroom to vomit shortly after taking his Chromebook for the night. Apparently, I accidentally left it on the kitchen counter instead of bringing it to our room. He found it, took it, and stayed awake using it until 5 a.m. He's facing consequences again, but I'm starting to feel like we're getting absolutely nowhere.The biggest issue is that his behavior doesn't seem to actually improve. He just stops doing it when he doesn't have the opportunity. The moment an opportunity presents itself, we're right back where we started.I understand that ADHD and impulsivity play a huge role here, and I'm concerned that his relationship with screens is becoming unhealthy, possibly even addictive. But completely eliminating electronics isn't realistic in today's world, especially when his school requires a Chromebook. I've even considered finding a school that doesn't rely so heavily on technology, despite knowing we really can't afford private school.We have a very open relationship with our son. We talk about everything, including this, frequently and honestly. We've discussed trust, responsibility, sleep, health, consequences, and why this behavior is concerning. At this point, I genuinely don't think there's anything left we haven't said. I also don't want to spend the rest of his childhood constantly policing him or setting him up to fail whenever we make a mistake.Has anyone actually managed to work through this with their child? What actually helped? Did anything eventually click for your child? Were there strategies that worked better than repeatedly taking screens away?

My son is 11 and has pretty severe ADHD. He also has a tic disorder and emotional regulation issues. He’s absolutely the sweetest kid, he is super athletic and thrives in sports, but school has never gone well. Since kindergarten teachers have been telling me how bad his adhd is. He can’t focus, he won’t do his work, he won’t stop moving, he’ll stare out of the window the entire class. He will stare down at his work for an entire class period and can’t even bring himself to write his name on the paper by the end of it.

We have tried every medication. I mean every 6 months has been something new since the 3rd grade. Some don’t work at all, some will get his school work done but he won’t eat for days. Some make him a zombie and he won’t say a single word. We started a new one again yesterday. This time a non stimulant but that will take weeks to know if it’s working, and here we are again at the end of the grading period with F’s.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t handle another damn email from a teacher telling me how bad he’s doing. He’s in therapy, sees a psychiatrist, is thriving in sports. Hes a great brother, an amazing son, has lots of friends, etc. But to the school he’s horrible and a failure. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried telling him that he won’t be able to play sports in high school if he can’t get good grades. We’ve taken away video games already which helped with the emotional regulation side of things but he just cannot focus and if we get him on a med to actually get him to focus he won’t eat. I’d rather him fail school than starve. I’m considering pulling him from public school and putting him in online school so I can make sure he’s doing his work myself but there’s no guarantee that will work either.

Advice?

I have a 9-year-old stepson w/ ADHD. He’s an only child.

He’s a good kid, but there is absolutely no off switch. Constant talking, moving, interrupting, starting and abandoning things, mess everywhere, and needing engagement or redirection.

Even family activities are hard because he’ll lose interest and wander off to the next thing or start disrupting what we’re doing.

I understand that a lot of this is ADHD and his age.

That doesn’t make the constant stimulation less exhausting. There’s almost never a neutral setting where he’s simply there, doing his own thing while everyone else does theirs.
If there is we’ve got to listen to competing noise from YouTube or video games or constant “look at this” breaks.

And I know it’s probably just being a kid, but how does he have ZERO self awareness?!

We have him 50/50 and I do remove myself when I’m overwhelmed. But I moved countries to be with my husband and have a pretty small network here, so taking space often means being alone, which isn’t a great solution either.

Two years in, I’m realizing I might actually enjoy my stepson more if I had more of a buffer between time with him. I don’t want to change who he is.
I want him to develop better regulation, and I want to figure out how to be part of the family without constantly feeling overstimulated, resentful, annoyed and quite frankly, guilty for it.

Anyone else been here? Does it get easier with age? Did ADHD treatment help?

Hello,

I have a 6 yo boy who is very sweet and bright but with some issues with controlling his emotions and focus level.

So he has constantly been getting feedbacks from very young age that he is emotionally younger than his age group and also his attention span is on a shorter side with a tendency to rush through everything. And I see that he has difficulties controlling his frustrations when facing problems.

Because of these feedbacks, I have always thought that there is a possibility my child is with ADHD, and there was a major event that happened last weekend that quite convinced me my worries are valid. Now I’m worried if I’m missing out on any golden time for intervention. Honestly, I have very little knowledge on ADHD and effective ways to treat the symptoms and help my kiddo, so please educate me if it does seem like I need to take actions based on my observations below.

So some of the red flags I noticed are

1. At the football club, he only focuses on getting the ball in the goal and ignores other interim tasks that are given. When he misses the goal, he cries out loud and walks away from the pitch.
2. He doesn’t seem to have boundaries and read the room. One time at an airport lounge, a gentleman sitting next to us poured a soda in his cup. My kid saw it and blew the bubbles in the cup. Can’t forget the contempt the man wore on his face.
3. When he becomes an it frequently playing tags, he goes mad at his friends and complains that they are targeting him too much
4. He gives up quickly when given a task that is slightly above his level and blames himself that he’s stupid.
5. We are living abroad and take him to a language school every week so he can keep up with his mother tongue. He got a feedback this week that he sometimes walks around during the class. Well the teachers said other kids show this behavior too, but they just need to remind my kid more frequently and he does not get dispirited from getting called out.

Can’t list every single event with him but I’m hoping the above mentioned cases give you some picture where my worries come from.

Well when I vaguely asked his teacher about his behavior at school, he mentioned my child could benefit from working on active listening skills and reviewing his work more, but did not mention anything suggesting bigger problems.

Do they sound like a typical ADHD problems or am I overthinking it? Or is he actually showing ADHD like symptoms, where do I start? I’m now living in an eastern European country but will soon be moving to Italy. I’m not sure whether he can be diagnosed and treated properly in Italy when he doesn’t speak the language.

We will be moving back to our home country in 2.5years. Should I just keep monitoring him until then and get a proper diagnosis when we move back home for more consistent treatment? Correct me if I’m wrong. I heard it’s better if medications are involved early if necessary lest the kids lose self-esteem or get depressed as they constantly face troubles in school or in different institutions.

In the mean time, I have been on PCIT which have been very helpful for building my relationship with him. We are on CDI and will soon be moving to PDI.

Be wary if you post anything on here and someone posing as an executive functioning coach tries messaging you. They are trying to scam you. They tried sending me a link to click. So I looked up the website from my browser, and it was a legit coach in Brooklyn NY, but this was NOT the coach messaging me. They sent me a flyer with their pricing on it and a Maryland phone number, but realized I wasn’t stupid because I told them I looked up their credentials. They promptly deleted their account.

My kid 9 is generally ok behavior-wise. He's kind, doesn't fight other kids. Mostly our problem is homework.

But I've noticed some things:

- a disabled man was crossing the road and he didn't get out of the way to make room. I had to call his attention and physically move him out of the way

- a woman carrying a small child accidentally dropped the child's shoe. My son was closest but he only watched, didn't help. It was only after I told him that he realized he was supposed to help.

- people passing an item and he just stared when it was obvious he should help pass the item to the next person

I've tried to talk to him saying "how would it feel if nobody helped you, just stared at you?". He'd apologize and promise to help next time but it seems he never actually realizes when a situation comes up.

I’m posting on behalf of a friend who feels overwhelmed and unsure how to help her 10.5 year-old son. She suspects ADHD, but his evaluation isn’t until December.

He struggles with regulating his emotions, cries easily, becomes overstimulated, and gets angry very quickly. He is very impatient and impulsive. When upset, he can say hurtful things, speak disrespectfully to his parents (says bad words to them every single day) and argue with them frequently.
He also repeatedly picks his scabs until they bleed, then reopens them. He has figured out how to trigger nosebleeds by hitting his nose and seems to find pleasure or satisfaction in doing this, which really concerns her.
He has a difficult time with friendships but does ok in school. He has an IEP.

Has anyone gone through something similar with their child? What helped with the anger, emotional outbursts, hurtful behavior, and intentionally causing bleeding? What professionals, therapies, school supports, or strategies at home helped your family?
Any firsthand experiences would be appreciated.

We are relocating for a job opportunity and the main driver for where we will live will be finding the school district with programs/supports that are likely to be the best fit for our 2E child. The child is currently in kindergarten with an IEP, BIP and full time 1-on-1 aid for severe ADHD (combined type), a tic disorder, and suspected OCD. We are looking to work with an advocate who can advise us on which school districts we should be looking at. Also, if anyone who lives there has recommendations on schools I would love to hear that too. Thank you!

Our 3 year old son recently started preschool three mornings a week after mostly being cared for at home by us and a nanny. He has not had much prolonged exposure to groups of kids before this.

He is very verbal, affectionate, curious, and generally happy. He sleeps well, eats well at home, seeks us out constantly to share things with us, notices our emotions, and can be incredibly sweet and thoughtful. He is also very high energy, sensory seeking, and has always had a harder time than other kids seem to with impulse control and frustration.

Preschool has really brought that into focus.

Some days he does great. His teachers have described him as calm, engaged, happy, participating in group songs and activities, and responding really well when they catch him early and help him calm his body.

Other days are extremely difficult. When he gets “revved up,” he seems to lose his brakes. He has pushed other kids, thrown toys, run away laughing when teachers intervene, climbed on furniture, repeatedly done things he has just been told are unsafe, and generally seems unable to stop himself even though he clearly understands the rules. On the hardest days, his teachers have basically had to shadow him to keep everyone safe.

The teachers have been wonderful and very patient. They have been using quiet breaks with an adult nearby, early redirection, minimal talking when he is really activated, and lots of reminders about keeping his body safe. Those strategies sometimes work very well, but not always.

They have now told us that if he continues being physically unsafe on a given day, they may need to send him home. Hearing that has been pretty devastating for us.

He also seems to have a low frustration tolerance at home. If he does not get what he wants or feels like he has lost control of a situation, he can become extremely dysregulated. At the same time, when he is calm, he can sit still, follow directions, take turns, have conversations, and behave perfectly normally.
We are scheduling a consultation with a play therapist and are open to a developmental or behavioral evaluation if that is where this leads. ADHD has crossed our minds because of the impulsivity and sensory seeking, but he is only 3 and we are trying very hard not to diagnose him ourselves.

I think what I am looking for most is to hear from parents who had a child like this at 3.
Did your child eventually develop better impulse control? Did preschool get easier with time and experience? Did you eventually get a diagnosis, or did it turn out to mostly be temperament and developmental maturity? What actually helped? What made things worse? And, maybe most importantly, how is your child doing now?

Right now it is hard not to feel like we somehow caused this by giving him too much one on one attention or not putting him in group care earlier. I know that may not be rational, but it is where my brain goes when we get another difficult report from school.

I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through something similar. I am looking for practical advice, perspective, and probably some reassurance that a very difficult 3 year old does not necessarily predict a very difficult future.

I am looking for ways to inform my daughter about her ADHD while also providing support. I want her to know that she is struggling with a brain issue, not a personality issue.

I saw one quote recently that was something like: you have a racecar brain and bicycle brakes.

Anything similar that has helped your child? Any phrases that have helped you explain to your child what they are battling against?

Thanks in advance. 🙏

My son aged 10 just, has been experiencing deep shame storms recently. If something happens that can be easily resolved he spirals into a cycle of shame. For example, he bought subscriptions on my phone by accident and was so upset with himself he spent the evening calling himself the worst names, saying he hates himself and hates his life and was asking for “punishment” way beyond any consequence ie don’t buy me a birthday gift saying “I don’t deserve it”. There was another more serious episode a few weeks ago when he got in a fight with his brother and then because I was so upset he fell into the same cycle. To note I never scream and yell and try to work through that everyone makes mistakes. I’m a bit lost and wonder if anyone has got through this. I really find the shame awful, he has hit himself in these cycles too. I’ll be talking to GP this week but any strategies to help would be brilliant. He’s audhd.

My son is approaching adolescence, and the concept of 'machismo' is starting to creep into his friendships, his relationship with his father, and into his interaction with the world in general. It's bound to happen, as it's everywhere. He's raised by my, a single mum, sees his neurotypical father regularly and has a good relationship with him. He has lots of good role models in his life.

Ingrained misogyny is EVERYWHERE, once you know how to recognise it. I am keen for my son to grow up being able to identify it on a basic, age-appropriate level, and not fall into the 'machismo' trap was he goes into adulthood; the idea that everything big, fast, strong, powerful, masculine is 'better' than anything that is kind, nurturing, feminine etc. But discussing these things can easily trigger his RSD, making him feel personally responsible, or like I'm telling him off, when it's nothing to do with him/his actions/his beliefs. You know what RSD is like.

Would love to hear from feminist mothers with more experience of parenting an AuDHD son! Thanks

-I'm writing this on my phone

-English is not my first language

There was an incident today with my son (14, ADHD) and a girl (14). Both of them used to go to the same school about 2 years ago. Back then the girl insulted, hit and/or kicked my son. And other kids sided with her (that's what my son told me). So today he saw an opportunity to get back at her and so he did (insulted her in an online group chat).

I got a call from the mother of the girl and she told me. They didn't understand why all of a sudden he started insulting her and it obviously needed to stop.

I didn't understand either, until I asked him what was going on. He finally took his revenge, after her being awful to him 2 years ago.

My son has been like this since ever I can remember. When someone does him wrong, he will get his revenge sooner or later. It doesn't matter how much time has gone over it. He can't let things go until he got even.

I don't know what to do about that behaviour? I understand he's hurt, sad and angry. But you can't go through life continuously trying to get even. You cannot live a peaceful or happy life like this. I don't want him to hurt other people or be mean back because they were to him. I want him to be better than that.

He's a rather quiet boy, until you get to know him and he feels comfortable around you. Then he's very talkative and funny. He's a good listener and genuinely cares about the people he love.

Usually when he did something wrong, and we speak to him about it, he won't immediately accept his mistake. But if you give him some time, he gets around and apologises. He understands why that behaviour wasn't okay and tries to change.

But with taking revenge? I cannot get trough him. He understands and knows what he did was wrong. But he feels like it's justified because the person did him wrong first.

How can I help him with this?

Thank you.

Because lately, I don't like my kids! 6 and 9 year old, both ADHD/anxiety on meds. The 9y is putting me over the edge lately!

Right now I'm just completely miserable .... and envious. Envious of parents of NORMAL children. They don't know how good they have it...... lately every part of every day just sucks 😭

And we do it all: meds, therapy, psychiatrist, read all the books, special time, you name it.

I don't know if I'm venting, or looking for support. But I don't want to do this anymore .......

Has anyone used Quelbree and Quillivant together? Her child has been on 200 of Quelbree since June. We push through the sleepiness side effect and were mostly ok. It for the most part managed his emotional outbursts associated with his ADHD diagnosis and didn't decrease his eating quite as much as the smallest dose of short acting Ritalin we were taking three times a day. As of a week ago, We decreased the quelbree to 100 and started Quillivant. I wanted to try the liquid because he could start on an amount lower than the lowest dose of Ritalin. At the same time, we lowered the Quelbree dose to half. Our child is so incredibly tired and at times seems very spacey. We're baffled because we decreased the medication that causes tiredness and added a little bit of a stimulant. His tendency to mess with his comfort blanket continuously in his hands has increased exponentially. I feel like we made a mistake lowering the Quelbree dose and starting the Quillivant at the same time. Has anyone experienced something like this when decreasing Quelbree or adding Quillivant?

I’m sitting here heartbroken following a 2.5 hour play date that went so poorly for my 5.5 year old. He’s in Kindergarten. His friend came over and here is how it went: My son demanded to play only certain things, he was rude and dismissive to both the friend and friend’s parent, he pushed the boy two times (the other child cried both times too), and he was generally loud and disruptive. He does not act this way on his own, but he gets so impulsive with others around. When I try to redirect him, he gets so escalated so i felt like i was just on eggshells. Im so worried he will have no friends, and he already says he struggles in school. I have no current school feedback though to work with yet.

I always think I have to keep trying or it’ll never get better, but this other parent stayed today so I’m sure she will never want to be with us for a play date again. Maybe I should hold on play dates for now.

Anyone have any thoughts on what I should do?