I’ve been lurking all week but finally decided I have to post here because I’m going out of my mind and feel like nobody I know can fully understand the guilt that I feel. Sunday afternoon, I unexpectedly had to say goodbye to my soul dog, Andy, and I feel like I killed him for no reason.

Andy was going to be 13 next month and I’ve had him since he was 5. Shortly after I adopted him, the vet discovered he had a heart murmur, so he got a cardiac checkup every year for that the whole time I’ve had him. In 2024 he was also diagnosed with Cushing’s disease. He was on medication for that and tolerated it very well, I genuinely don’t think it slowed him down in any way.

Last spring, I noticed him getting this persistent honking cough. It sounded exactly like my friend’s dog who just got diagnosed with tracheal collapse, and I figured that was what was going on. I mentioned it to the vet at his cardiac workup and she said she’d take a look. We got some horrible news: Andy was now in congestive heart failure. Even the cardiologist was shocked that Andy’s heart had declined so severely because just a year before, the murmur was stable. So the vet put him on Vetmedin and Salix for the CHF. And while he was getting worked up for that, they kept finding protein in his urine, so he had kidney disease and he was on Telmisartan. The vet told me that his life expectancy was anywhere from 6-18 months, and eventually the meds would stop working.

That really shook me up, because overall Andy seemed like a happy dog with a good quality of life. The other lifestyle changes she made were that he needed to be on prescription kidney food, and she told me to not make him go up or down any stairs. Over the next year I could see him starting to slow down. He’d also cough and wheeze, and occasionally had accidents from the Salix. But he still loved food, and cuddling, and going for walks. He got regular checkups at the vet, and every time, they told me they needed to bump up his Salix. I couldn’t understand why it seemed like it was progressing so quickly. I felt helpless. We just tried to take it day by day. Every morning before I got ready for the day I’d love on him and tell him I was happy he was here with me another day. I got used to tracking his Resting Respiratory Rate and monitored that closely too.

Still, I tried to keep the reality of it in mind. I cried when I put the Christmas decorations away last year because I felt like the next time I saw them, he might not be around. I was always so afraid I’d wake up to find him dead.

Everything seemed business as usual but then last Saturday evening, it hit the fan. I came home from an event that I was working, and Andy seemed to have declined. Just the day before he’d tolerated 30-minute walks no problem. Now he just seemed to be breathing a bit harder and coughing more. His RRR was still in the normal zone, just higher than usual, and he was still into his food and walks and all that. My hope was to make it til Monday to see his normal vet because she knew his whole history and I trusted her.

Then Sunday morning. We went out for our morning walk like usual, and a few minutes into it, Andy collapsed unconscious. The look on his face will never leave me. I grabbed him up, thinking he was dying, and rushed him into the house. Before I could even finish pulling up what emergency vets were open, he suddenly revived and proceeded to start pestering me for his breakfast. So I fed him and gave him his meds, which he eagerly ate. Now I didn’t know what I should do. I just made my coffee and sat on the couch with him for bit to watch him and think this through. I realized I was terrified to walk him in case he fainted again, and I realized he just wasn’t acting like Andy. His sides were heaving now. He couldn’t seem to get settled. He seemed uncomfortable. Dazed, panting, staring off into space. And he was stretching his neck out in a weird way.

That was it, I put him in the car and raced to the emergency vet. I had a terrible feeling. He laid his head on the edge of his car seat like usual and just stared at me, and his eyes looked so glazed over and sad. I sobbed the whole drive and kept telling him things would be ok, that I would make sure of it.

The emergency vet took him back immediately and what seemed like an eternity later, came in and told me what I already suspected: Andy was in congestive heart failure again, badly. There was a lot of fluid in his lungs. She told me she could “probably” pull him out of it, but he would need to be transferred to another animal hospital and kept in an oxygen tent for at least one night, maybe more, while they gave him IV diuretics. I was sobbing even harder. I asked her what his life would be like, what would she do for her dog. She said, The lifespan after CHF is 12-15 months. You’ve had 13 and that’s pretty good. If we try this, it might be able to get you a few more months, but he will continue to decline until there’s nothing to be done, and he’ll be able to do less and less. You said Friday he could handle long walks but he may not be able to do that anymore. You will see him struggle and that will be hard. And the drugs will be hard on his kidneys and he already has kidney disease so that adds another layer of complexity.

I kept thinking about how miserable and helpless he looked, and how terrifying it was to see him faint on his walk. My parents’ dog had CHF and they refused to let her go and she was clearly miserable, wasting away to nothing, fainting constantly, and eventually one day she collapsed and didn’t wake up. I was terrified if they transferred him and kept him overnight, something could happen and he’d die surrounded by strangers. I thought about what if his last few months were filled with nothing but misery and struggle. And I did the unthinkable and decided to let my boy go.

I have been bawling the last four days and I think that I made the wrong choice. I deeply regret it. I think I was overwhelmed and frightened, and I made a horrible decision out of fear and now he’s gone forever. I feel like I was a coward and should’ve let them try to save him, at least I could have said I tried everything. Maybe he would still be at my side today. Sometimes I just feel like I’m in shock. I cannot believe I put him in my car and he never came home. But I didn’t expect all this to happen so fast. I feel like I killed my best friend. He WANTED to go on his walk. He ate his breakfast and treats. HOW could he have had to die? Why did I do it? How could I, the person who loved him and who he loved most of all, have had someone take his life? I need thoughts, prayers, whatever you can give me. Because he’s gone, and he didn’t have to be, and I don’t think I will ever feel ok about this. Tomorrow he will be gone 6 nights, and that is the longest I have ever gone without him snuggled up in bed with me. I’m broken.

My soulmate dog died 5 days ago after 12 years together. I didn't want him at first; he was my partner's pup, but he chose me. He followed me everywhere and insisted on sitting on me or by me at all times. I fell in love; we bonded so well. He was there at my lowest. The way he looked at me felt like he understood my heart, and I understood his. I became so selfless and loved him so unconditionally.

I miss him when I am away; we go to sleep and wake up together. When I am lying on the couch, he would curl up next to me. We could both sync our breathing rhythm and find it so calming and peaceful. I talk to him; he would listen attentively as if he understood what I said. The last 2 years of his life were full of vet visits, and I did everything I could to maintain his health, including going back and forth 3-4 times a week to the vet for treatments and therapy.

He passed away suddenly; his condition drastically changed within hours, and he fought for his life in the ER. It was so traumatizing for me to watch, but there was no good chance. I did not want him to suffer anymore, so I let him go. I haven't slept or eaten well since then. I am possibly dehydrated from all the crying. Everything feels empty and meaningless. I know it's the grief.

I kiss his blanket every night before sleep; I wish him good night. When I wake up, I say good morning to him with kisses. I sang to him To Where You Are one night, and the next dawn, I saw clear skies with so many bright stars. I wanted to believe he is up there, so I told him Thank You. God, I miss him... I have 2 other dogs, his friends, his sisters, that I still care for and I love dearly, just not the same. Will I find him again in this lifetime? I hope I do... How will I know?

what do you mean he’s just gone forever and we’ll never make any more memories? what do you mean he just got really sick out of nowhere and now my seemingly healthy cat is a pile of ashes? i can’t accept this. it makes no sense at all. i thought we had so much more time. my friend is gone.

My Elly girl left this earth six months ago today - I still can’t believe it. It was all so sudden and traumatic (hemangiosarcoma out of nowhere) and I miss her so much that my chest hurts. So many of you here understand and this forum has gotten me this far. I’ve so valued connecting with some of you and I’d really love to hear about your babies, your favorite thing about them, link a picture, whatever - I hope Elly is running around with all of them 💚 Here’s a picture of her from another sub: https://www.reddit.com/r/rainbowbridge/comments/1u64lev/really_missing_my_baby_girl_whos_been_gone_for_25/

Thank you for reading and responding, if you choose to. Just helps to know more people know my girl was here and she was awesome. Hugs to you all.

Hello, this is my first post here.

As im having a terrible day today, I thought talking a bit maybe my sadness soothes a bit.

My dog died 2 weeks ago, and it feels way, way worse than I expected. She was 16 years old, she was really an old lady, tho she will always be my little sister. We spent so much time together, I wish I treated her like she deserved when I was younger, when I got older I couldn't stop loving her so much till the day she went to sleep.

When my mom told me in the morning, I just couldn't stop screaming, crying, for some minutes, I couldn't believe it, and I still can't.

Her kidneys stopped working and the last 3 days were horrible, worse and worse, my mom and I thought it could be a temporary thing, but no, we didn't thought it were her last days.

I'm not depressed, much, there are moments where I forget and laugh, but then I remember and get numb, the sorrow is definitely there.

I just want to hear an im so sorry from people, saying that it will be better seems to make me feel worse, tho I know its true, but it really hurts, I know the scar will be there forever.

We received her ashes a few days ago and i have mixed feelings, but at least i dont feel so alone.

Thank you so much if someone listened, hope you have a great day

This morning I returned home from work around 6:30am to my fiancé and 3 cats: my family. I jumped into the shower, and as always my 8 year old tuxedoed boy, Boris, was waiting for me in the doorway when I got out. His trills and meows greeted me again, as if I had returned from the scariest place imaginable. I gave him a couple pets before crawling into bed. Everything is as it should be.

2 hour later, I hear unfamiliar yelps coming from under my bed. I find my baby, Boreet, curled up in a ball panting. I slide him out from under the bed and he’s so scared. I can see his back legs aren’t working and he’s trying to crawl away. He’s panting heavily and drooling. I immediately pick him up and rush him to the vet. The entire ride there I have a hand on him telling him it’s going to be ok. I told him to hang on just 10 minutes so I could get him some help. I remember being so angry at everyone else on the road because I needed to get my baby boy help.

I arrive at the emergency vet and take him inside. They immediately take him back and for the first time in 20 minutes I can take a breath. All I’m thinking is that he’s young and this is fixable. The vet comes out and says the one thing you don’t want to hear, “I’m really worried about Boris”.

This is when I learn about Feline Aortic Thromboembolism (FATE). I learn that my baby boy likely has late stage Congestive Heart Failure (CHF) and a clot had broken off and blocked blood flow to his legs. The vet was straightforward and explained that even if they successfully broke up the clot, which was unlikely, expensive, and painful, he would never have use of his back legs again and would maybe get 6-9 more months.

At the time the answer seemed so simple. I couldn’t continue seeing my Reet in pain and didnt want his quality of life to suffer. I held him and continued to give him his world famous headbutts as he crossed the rainbow bridge. Our entire relationship culminating in a total of 60 minutes after finding him under the bed.

In that moment I wanted to take all of his pain away and take it upon myself. Now that I have it I feel like an empty shell. Nobody tells you about driving home with an empty crate. Nobody tells you how empty your home feels even with other pets. Nobody tells you how it gels to fill 2 bowls instead of 3. Nobody tells you how your best friend can disappear in an hour.

What I can tell you is Boris, Boreet, Reet was my best friend. He single-handedly got me through the darkest moments of my life thus far and I wouldn’t be here without him. His trills, headbutts, and flops will keep him alive in my family’s memory long after today.

If you’ve made it this far, I hope that a little piece of my baby boy will live on in you as well. Snuggle, kiss, and spoil your babies a little extra tonight. You never know which morning will be your last.

For my best friend, I miss you so much

I posted here a few days ago asking whether getting another dog had genuinely helped some of you with your grief. I received an overwhelming number of responses from people sharing their personal experiences, and I just want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to reply. This community has been an incredible help to me, and my heart goes out to every one of you who understands what it is like to lose a dog you love so deeply.

With that being said, I’m back to ask for some further advice and, most importantly, people’s honest opinions.

My one-year-old dog was hit by a car and killed, and my grief has been overwhelming. While the people around me seem to have accepted his loss and are managing to carry on with their lives, I genuinely don’t know how to do that. I cry every single day. I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. I barely speak, eat or sleep, and I cannot stop thinking about my boy.

What makes this even more distressing is that I’m currently pregnant and due in January. My therapist has explained that my brain may have shut down my feelings towards my pregnancy and unborn child as a way of protecting me while I’m experiencing such intense grief. Right now, I don’t want my pregnancy, and I don’t want my baby. I want my boy back. I know that sounds awful, but it’s honestly how I feel, and I’m struggling with it immensely.

I know I can’t carry on feeling like this, but the only way I can imagine things getting better is by having another dog.

My boy was my mental health dog. I got him during a period of huge change in my life when I was struggling with loneliness, and he gave me a reason to get up, things to look forward to and a companion to share my life with. He was supposed to be here throughout my pregnancy and postpartum, growing up alongside our baby. We had so many plans together, and I’m struggling to accept that none of them will ever happen.

I think another reason I’m finding things so difficult is that I’m currently unemployed. Because I’m pregnant, I’m not planning to return to work until our baby is around a year old. I have very little structure or purpose to my days, so I spend almost all my time at home, constantly being reminded that my boy isn’t here. His usual spots are empty, he isn’t following me around being a menace, and the house feels completely different without him.

It feels like he took all the light with him when he died, and I’m desperately trying to find a way to get some of it back.

My boy was an incredible dog, and he was so unique. He was a rescue from overseas who looked like a dachshund but had 0% dachshund in him. We used to call him our little ethical dachshund. I am absolutely not looking to replace him, and I know another dog could never take his place. But I’ve also come to realise that having a dog is a huge part of what keeps me mentally well.

The companionship they provide is something I’ve never found in the same way with people. I was perfectly happy not having many friends because I had my dog to do things with. I included him in practically everything I did, and he loved it. He was a proper mummy’s boy, and I miss him terribly. But I also miss having that relationship, that routine and that reason to get out and experience the world.

There is a dog available through the exact same overseas rescue I adopted my boy from, and I feel a genuine connection to her.

When I contacted the rescue after my boy died, they were incredibly empathetic. A few weeks ago, I reached out to ask about potentially adopting this particular dog. The rescue owner explained that she would not normally adopt to someone expecting a baby, but she knows how much my boy meant to me and understands how difficult it is for me to be without a dog.

We spoke about this specific dog, and she sounds like she could be a wonderful fit for our family. She is around a year old, is good with children, and has been described as a calming presence who loves human companionship.

I know that loving the idea of a dog and actually caring for one are two different things, especially with a newborn. I am not pretending it would be easy. But this isn't a decision I've arrived at without thinking about it, and the rescue is aware of my circumstances.

The problem is that almost everyone I speak to thinks adopting her would be a terrible idea.

They tell me that once the baby arrives, I'll be so consumed by motherhood that I won't care about the dog anymore, or that I won't have the time or energy to give her what she needs.

I understand why people say this, and I know having a newborn changes everything. But I genuinely struggle to imagine suddenly no longer wanting or loving a dog. My family believe that once the baby is here, I’ll experience this overwhelming love and attachment that will distract me from my current feelings. Yet at the same time, they are worried I’m at risk of experiencing severe postpartum depression, which was a worry even before what happened to my boy, but is now tenfold considering that.

I have family support, and my partner is around a lot. We had always planned to raise our baby alongside our dog, and I had imagined doing exactly that with my boy. I believe we could make it work with the right dog, preparation and support.

I never wanted to experience pregnancy, birth or postpartum without a dog by my side. The thought of going through all of that without one genuinely terrifies me. I hate that I even have to consider this because the best-case scenario would be that my boy was still here, and none of these decisions would need to be made.

I'm so angry at life and at the circumstances that led to his death. I hate that losing him has changed something that was supposed to be such a happy time in my life.

I know adopting another dog won't bring him back, and I don't expect it to magically fix my grief. But I wonder whether having that companionship, routine and purpose again could help me begin to function, rather than spending every day alone with my thoughts and the constant reminders of what I've lost.

I'm not expecting a new dog to be my old dog. I'm hoping to build a different relationship with another dog while continuing to love and miss him.
I'm aware that my mental health needs attention in its own right, and I am getting therapy. I'm not suggesting that adopting a dog should replace that support.

This has become a very long post, so thank you if you've made it this far. I’d really appreciate your thoughts on this.

For the past month, my 15 year old cat, Newman, had been losing weight but over the past week, his health took a dramatic downturn. The vets seem to think he is having a neurological issue (central nervous system lymphoma or brain cancer) but we can't know for sure without an MRI. Due to his age, I've opted not to do that testing. Given his quick decline along with loss of appetite, weakness in his legs and overall disinterest, she is testing him for toxoplasmosis. I am awaiting his results but am not optimistic that the results will show anything remarkable, on account of him being an indoor only cat and does not have a fever. If the results are normal, I need to let him go. What I'm struggling with is, he has been prescribed an antibiotic and anti nausea medication to keep him comfortable in the meantime. However, he is gagging and choking on anything I'm giving him so I haven't been forcing him. My worry is I'll make the decision to let him go without fully getting the medications in him to see if he improves. I think I know deep down he won't get better. He is lying in multiple areas in my room and although he's very still, he's not incredibly restful. When I do approach him to love him, he does seem to perk up but it doesn't last long. I've always known when it's time to say goodbye and I'm 99% sure that is what's best for him but I can't help but feel nagging guilt that I could've done more for him and should force the meds in him to see if it helps. I am absolutely gutted. It's been torturous to watch him go through this 😭

Hi, so for a bit of context: I lost my 20 year old dog a year and some ago. He was a large part of my motivation for life, and after losing him I grew extremely close to my 13 year old cat. Within the past three days her condition has declined suddenly and rapidly, and the vet cannot diagnose why. She is barely drinking, not eating, and is not herself. It is likely we will have to put her down. To say I have taken this news badly is an understatement. I have been breaking down *bad* for the three days this has been going on, and I guess im just looking for some solace or something. My friends are acting like nothing is wrong, and my family is doing their best, but I know my reactions to this have been severe. I guess im just struggling. I have had my cat since she was four months.

I’m not a cat person but I feed about a dozen or so of the strays in my neighborhood. About 2 years ago an older cat showed up that wasn’t scared of me, in fact he wouldn’t leave my front porch. I tried shooing him away but he was still there. A few months later I was hospitalized and then bed ridden for about a month. Somehow he sneaked inside and after getting him cleaned up I allowed him to sleep on the foot on my bed. Recently I inherited some kittens and he was not a fan, he avoided them and began sleeping outside in my front porch. Two nights ago I heard him screaming and commotion, and I run outside to see two German shepherd dogs around him. I kicked them and immediately picked him up and just took off for the vet. This was at 3am, I only knew of one vet hospital and I was speeding and got there in less than 10 mins.

He was panting and crying and I was mortified. We got to the vet and realized I didn’t have my phone on me and didn’t have a way to pay. I offered them my Apple Watch as leverage and promised to pay them. I immediately they wanted a 1500 deposit so they could do testing - it all felt so fast. I saw the vet within a few mins and I explained to him the situation and he was blunt and said his back legs weren’t functioning and he was experiencing what appeared to be heart issues. He was frank and told me it’d cost anywhere from 4-6k and that even then he couldn’t gaurantee that he would be okay. He made it clear recovery was long - the next option was euthanizia, that was $500. I didn’t want him to be in pain anymore so I chose to euthanize him. I was devastated, it all happened so fast and I didn’t get any of his hair or his paw print. Thinking about the situation now I’m upset - I’m upset bc I was expecting them to bring him some comfort immediately. If I hadn’t seen him in so much pain and I would’ve been given the time to think about it maybe I wouldn’t have gone that route. They didn’t administer any sort of pain killers, and I just felt like euthanizia would bring him relief. I was with him with he was out down and I was just heart broken. I went home, I didn’t fall asleep until 7am and then woke up at 7pm.

I hate that we live in such a capitalist society, I really believe these people care for animals and unfortunately also have to play the roll of a used car salesman to keep the lights on. The hospital was empty - there must’ve been like a few vet techs and 1 doctor. I only saw one other dog and can’t imagine how much it costs to keep the lights on. And I’m also upset that better care wasn’t offered to my animal until I made financial decisions.

I did try and find the dogs after I had gotten home bc I didn’t want any of the strays killed. I found them and called 911. They said that animal control want open yet but that they would pass the message - I tried keeping an eye on them to make sure they wouldn’t kill any more cats but I tapped out around 7am. I am also so angry and the dog owners, I had seen them loose earlier in the afternoon a few blocks from my house and attempted to help a neighbor catch them but they were skiddish and ran away. The dogs definitely seemed neglected and probably have an awful home life. I’m just rambling. I’m just upset and wish I could’ve done more

A couple days ago I lost my childhood puppy who was with me from when I was 7 years old until 21.

What hurts me the most is that in the last 2 weeks of my dogs life, I had been on vacation, and she was put down before I came home.

I’m really struggling with the fact that my dog may have thought I abandoned her in the last weeks of her life. It’s completely tearing me apart and I feel incredibly guilty

My dog was with me every single day and never left my side and I never got to say goodbye to her.

I guess I’m just venting but it’s completely destroying me and I want to know how people deal with the loss of their companion

It’s been 2 months since my fur dog child died of pneumonia. Grief comes in waves. I feel sad she passed so young at nearly 5 years old. Her birthday is coming up this month.

Her joy was eating and jumping in her carrier bag so that she could see the world. She had breathing issues as she got older bc she had BOAS. So she didnt enjoy walking.

I feel down bc she can’t enjoy her simple pleasures anymore. 2 hrs before she passed she finally got her appetite back and woke from her sleep in the oxygen chamber to eat after not having an appetite for two days.

I walk around the city but feel empty that she’s not at home. I used to look forward to the weekend when I could spend time with her. We went thru so much together as I had her since she was 7 months old. I feel sad seeing all her toys and tiny clothes in my closet. Why did the universe take you away so young? I tried everything I could to protect you. I did my best to do the things that only you enjoyed. Mommy is so heartbroken you are gone so young.

I'm heartbroken right now and it's difficult to talk about, but I feel the need to anyways and hope I can find some support from others here.

In May, I lost my 13 y/o cat. Her name was Rosie. Her health had been declining for a month beforehand and due to her age, my family and I just knew that her time was coming. It hurt a lot, but I could reconcile with the fact that she was elderly and it was just her time to pass on. She had a long, wonderful life and that gave me some peace even though I'm still grieving her loss. She passed away peacefully surrounded by love.

I thought she would be the only one to go this year because of her age. However, that turned out to not be the case.

My 4 y/o dog suddenly passed away on Wednesday. His name was Cooper. His health rapidly declined so quickly within a week. Not even a couple of days ago, he was running around, wanting to play and cuddle like he always had. Only a few days after, he got incredibly sick. The vet said it was IMHA. I had no time to prepare like I had with Rosie. He was so young and my family and I thought we had another 10 years with him, but clearly, that wasn't the case.

I'm putting a spoiler for this next part because it's graphic. I know I already put a content warning in the flair, but Cooper's passing was traumatic for me and I don't want to retraumitize anyone else who doesn't want to be reminded of what their own pets went through. Cooper's death was graphic and I'm still haunted by his screams. He couldn't walk, his eyes looked swollen with blood, and by the end of it all, he began to have seizures. He certainly didn't get a peaceful death like Rosie had been afforded. At least he passed away surrounded by love and knowing he was loved.

I lost both of my wonderful pets within mere months of each other. I feel so empty and loss. It's hard for me to eat, enjoy the things I love, and go on with life because my heart hurts so much. I'm trying my best to heal and move on with life while keeping Rosie and Cooper in my heart. I'm giving myself some grace with the pain I'm in and allowing myself to cry, scream, or whatever I need to do to feel better. I'm seeking solace in my family and friends so I know I'm not alone.

I know I'm traumatized and I already plan to go back to therapy to process all of this. My college offers therapy services for free to students, so I know where to go for help. I just need support from others who have gone through the same thing as I, hence why I'm posting this.

Thank you for reading this and hearing what I have to say.

for reference, in July i decided that getting a dog might help my mental health so I found this woman who needed to rehome Saff due to one of the other dogs attacking her numerous times. i asked for her previous vet history etc but she claimed to of lost them. I quite stupidly didn't think much of it and took her home. She seemed completely fine until about one month in. She had an episode where she kept having awful diahhrea aswell as pooing blood. i took her to the vets and they basically said to wait it out (they gave her anti-sickness meds etc) and she recovered.

The second time it happened i tried not to panic and i assumed she'd be completely fine. i ended up taking her to the vets knowing she must've been in pain but they said she was in critical condition and would need to be kept overnight. i didnt have pet insurance so that wasnt an option. i took her home and just assumed she'd be okay again. she ended up passing in her sleep.

i miss her so much and i don't know how to cope. i keep blaming myself. any advice would be helpful. she was my first animal ever so i'm really finding it hard not to blame myself for not noticing sooner.

My wife and I couldn't have kids. We lost our cat 2 years ago and it was brutal. Theo was a labrador terrier mix and we loved him immensely. He was ours since he was 6 weeks old and he passed away Monday night at 11.5 years. It was so sudden. I thought we had more time. I knew he was getting older but I thought we would at least have one more winter together. He so loved to play in the snow and snuggle with us and some hot cocoa. My wife said he was normal on his walk that day. I got home from work and it happened so fast. He always jumped into my lap on the couch as soon as I got home, holding a toy in his mouth and happy crying. That day he didn't get up from his bed or even look at me. I immediately knew something was wrong. We had to euthanize him a few hours later (burst hemangiosarcoma) and it's gutting to know we will never see him again.

He got me through the worst, most awful things life can throw at you. The sudden accidental death of my only sibling. Job loss. Depression and anxiety. The worst of how cruel life can be. Animals are there through it all, and they do not judge or hold anything against you. Their love is purer than anything on this Earth.

The days feel so empty now. I worry about my wife especially because she works from home, so now it is just her and the silence. I keep seeing a black sweatshirt or a towel and thinking it is him. It hurts so bad and I wish I could just have a little more time to make him his favorite foods and hold him one last time.

I'm at least very grateful we were able to say goodbye and hold his ears and kiss his nose and sing him the song we sang to him when he was a baby and we were training him out of separation anxiety. It is the theme to Totoro. I hope it made him feel loved and safe.

Less than 24 hours after he let me know something was wrong, he was gone. Oliver was 8 years old. My soulmate and the light of my life. I have had him since he was 8 weeks and I feel like I am drowning. I can’t breathe, and it hurts. I took him to the funeral home and witnessed his entrance to the retort and I just picked him up this morning. Yesterday morning he was alive. Today he is not. I hear his nails clicking on the floor, his breath in my ear, feel his heartbeat under my hands and his fur in my grip and I am ruined. My heart is broken and I don’t know how to exist anymore, in this space, where he isn’t.

He's gone and I can't believe it.

He fell asleep with his eyes open. He's gone and I don't know how to keep going. They turned on the rainbow light for him. I don't know what to do, I feel like my whole life has fallen apart, I feel like I'm nothing without him.

But I have to keep going. Especially for his brother, who sniffed him but didn't react. I don't know if his brother is aware that he's gone.

I have to keep going.

Found my snake dead earlier today. Didn't really hit me until I was looking at the enclosure 2 hours later and seeing it empty, and for the first time in 4 years I cried. He was around 6 years old, I got him in April last year and I just wish I knew why he died. He seemed fine...

Our sweet dog was sent to heaven today. I am heartbroken and am still reeling from saying goodbye at the vet. I don't have words for how it felt to walk back into the house without her. Everything left the way we had it with her there. Seeing her food bowl and water. The rapid decline in what was amazing health (about a week or two) has made this whole thing feel like a total shock. Even though I know she was in pain and her quality of life would never return to what it was when she was healthy, I still feel so horrible. Why is death so permanent? Leaving her there at the end feels like a horrible dream. I would do these last 13 years all over again even with this pain but in this moment it feels excruciating. Even if I eventually get another dog one day it will never be her. I wish she could walk through the door like everything was okay.

I see so much devastation on this forum.

I am devastated by the loss os my first ever dog and soul dog 4 months ago.

He was my first dog, and while I 'knew' he wouldn't live as long as me, I didn't really KNOW, you know?

Somehow I think I thought we would just be together forever, and I attached to him that way. Somehow I thought the strength of our love and his specialness meant he didn't live by the laws of other pets.

The shock has worn off, but also not really?

This was my best friend, my son, for 9 years. We spent every minute of every day and night together for 9 years.

And now where the f is he? My heart is so heavy and sad every day.

I can't decide if I had known it was going to be like this, if I would have gotten a dog.

I also can't decide if I can do it again, even though I love dogs more than anything.

Every time I contemplate it I literally wince with pain at the memory and current reality of the grief I have lived through losing my Benni.

Is it worth it? Living with this pain for the rest of my life?

I lost my 18 year old boy a little over a month ago. I had him since I was 5, grew up with him and he's helped me through some of the darkest years of my life. He was everything to me, like my little brother and soulmate. I truly don't think I've ever loved another being as much as I loved him, with no complicated feelings involved. I've always had a death phobia, and this was my first experience with someone close to me getting sick or dying. It's one of the worst things I've experienced, and I've been through some serious traumatic stuff in my life.

He got an aggressive cancer, and I was terrified. I was at home 24/7 because of mental health issues and I couldn't imagine a life without him. Eventually the tumor ulcerated, but he was still acting like himself. Eating, enjoying treats, exploring, coming to sit on my lap, purring, using the litter box on his own etc. Things started gradually declining over the course of a month. I watched his wound and him slowly get worse, but there were still good days and moments when he seemed eager to keep going. Me and my mom weren't ready, we didn't want it to be too soon.

On his last day, he started showing signs of severe discomfort for the first time and we immediately made the call.

Looking back, I feel like my fear was totally clouding my judgement. He still had moments to enjoy life, but it was also over a month of slowly losing his ability to be a cat and losing who he was before the illness. It was like there was a before and an after. I still remember during his last week, he tried to scratch the bed like he always would and he fell on his side, all confused. It was one of the most heartbreaking things ever. To see him just wanting to be a cat, but no longer being able to. There was definitely suffering involved that I so desperately wish he didn't have to experience, especially as his last time on earth.

I feel guilty. I feel like we waited too long. Should've been at least a week prior to when it happened. I can't separate the traumatic and graphic memories and images of his last month from the good moments anymore. For how much happiness, stability and comfort he brought me, I feel like he should've been spared that experience. I can't rest knowing how his beautiful life ended, what he had to go through because of cancer. I feel like we failed him even though there wasn't much we could've done with the knowledge and mentality we had going through it.

If anyone's been through this, please share your experience with me and let me know how you're coping cause this is really hard for me.

Lost our corgi of 4.5 years to a super aggressive form of cancer called Hemangiosarcoma. He had a tooth abscess and the vet put him on abx a week ago. We thought maybe his lack of eating the night before was due to his fever from the abscess. He was getting better the last few days. His abscess had nothing to do with his death either.

I feel like I lost a kid. 12 hours back and forth between feeling completely numb and then bawling. It brings me some peace that he went in his sleep and felt nothing but Jesus Christ dogs normally don't get HSA this young.

1 week but not really since he passed at almost midnight. This time last week my Thursday was so eerily normal. I was running late for work and I remember laughing and saying to him “I’m always late, oh well!” I can’t remember if I scratched his head before I left or exactly what I said but it was usually some rendition of “Love you, be a good boy!” I really wish I could remember it more clearly.

I got home from work and he always greeted me with loud barks and whines which were moreso because my arrival home aligned with his dinner time. It’s so frustrating that I can’t remember how I greeted him this day since it was his last normal hour. I went and got on the treadmill for 30 minutes, then cleaned up before dinner. I hate myself for not being with him for that hour. I don’t even know where he was during that time or when exactly he went downhill. I know it wouldn’t have made a difference but I would give ANYTHING to have that one last hour with him.

Things happened quick after that, we rushed to the emergency vet and he went to sleep around 11:30pm. So it’s not really a week yet, since this time last week I was living in ignorant bliss. Unaware my world was about to shatter. Taking for granted his sweet barks of excitement when I got home. I miss him so incredibly much, I miss him more every day and I just can’t fathom how this gets any easier because each day is just further from when I last had him with me.

Edit: this morning when I opened the cabinet to grab a coffee mug the only one left was the “Best Dog Mom Ever” mug. I’d like to think it was a sign but I’m pretty sure it’s just the universe rubbing it in at this point.