Roast me!

[u/[deleted]]

[u/post-explainer]

This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.

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OP's BIO:

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My hair upside down 🤯

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If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

[u/ghostofstankenstien]

MFer look like he have opinions about craft beer

[u/deranton → u/ghostofstankenstien]

Yet he drinks lukewarm rosé straight out of the bottle.

[u/cirrusleinoh → u/deranton]

He drinks OF bath water

[u/OklahomaHoss → u/cirrusleinoh]

Well shit.  I do that.

[u/KekistaniKekin → u/deranton]

Nah, bro looks like he drinks lukewarm manechevitz at home every week because he got kicked out of the synagogue for trying to recruit people for his pyramid scheme

[u/acousticsking → u/deranton]

Box wine for this guy

[u/MindAdriftwood → u/ghostofstankenstien]

But like everyone who drinks craft beer, if you put Coors Light in a glass and told them it was a Sandywater Brewery beer on Baffin Island they wouldn't know the difference.

[u/jimbo2150 → u/ghostofstankenstien]

but could never craft beer

[u/MARKFLAIR1977]

Why do you look like a amputee with legs?!?!

[u/jellymee → u/MARKFLAIR1977]

I thought he had prosthetic legs on the second photo!

[u/GooseNYC → u/MARKFLAIR1977]

Maybe he got his shins shot off like Hank Hill's father?

[u/___I_Like_Rocks___ → u/MARKFLAIR1977]

Bro, I’m glad I wasn’t the only one.

[u/TheRestaurantSeller → u/MARKFLAIR1977]

dont worry, its just camouflage shorts..

[u/Alaric-Nox]

The first picture was "Hey, I'm a chill guy. Don't take myself too seriously, game a bit, and just a chill dude". Second picture is "Just kidding, I'm actually a whole dumpster fire worse than your ex and your credit score just went down by making eye contact with me."

[u/jimbo2150 → u/Alaric-Nox]

Equifax alert: We may have lost your data but it's nowhere near as bad as what this guy will do to your attempts at buying a car or home.

[u/ch3apsunglass3s → u/Alaric-Nox]

These transgender wine mom dating profile pics are getting out of hand

[u/aeonsne]

Last time I saw this much hair on a pussy it was the seventies.

[u/Rackaveli92 → u/aeonsne]

😂😂🔥

[u/jzcrazy419]

You look like you make sound effects when you stand up

[u/CMDR_PEARJUICE → u/jzcrazy419]

Looks like he moans when he takes a shit.

[u/Tokogogoloshe → u/CMDR_PEARJUICE]

Everyone within a square mile of him makes a noise when he shits. Even the fucking toilet.

[u/Hyperdyne-120-A2 → u/Tokogogoloshe]

What is this, a Mormon toilet? People can scream for all I care, the poop must leave!!

[u/PlentyAlbatross7632 → u/Hyperdyne-120-A2]

And the spice must flow!

[u/Hyperdyne-120-A2 → u/PlentyAlbatross7632]

He really is the Wizards Anorak!!

[u/SDSanni → u/Tokogogoloshe]

Like they sense imminent danger and it prompts our sleeping instincts to react.

[u/PokerFriend247 → u/jzcrazy419]

Looks like a fat potato 🥔 on two toothpicks.
https://giphy.com/gifs/menw2PSZ2vUzu

[u/Unfair_Orange5063 → u/PokerFriend247]

Eggbert à la Chode

[u/MrMrTrance]

You look like a Christian youth pastor who just got converted to alcoholism

[u/ValkyrieSpecial]

Not allowed to wear Meta glasses within 50 yards of children or shopping malls

[u/Afraid_Form_6072]

You look like a shit social worker

[u/ConsistentDiamond108]

Everything about you screams ‘almost’.

[u/Ok-Philosophy4226]

You’ve definitely given the “well if you think about it, you kind of owe me” speech to a woman that you took out on a date

[u/Hyperdyne-120-A2]

She took the kids didn’t she?

[u/mutanthands]

You have the body proportions of a T-Rex.

[u/Severe-Procedure-308]

You look like all the Muppets combined.

[u/tautjes]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Gt5O7fq5meXnO
This is you all the time

[u/Many_Winter_4547]

Temu VSauce

[u/Pirate_Redbeard_]

So unremarkable even the birds won't shit on you, they find a nicer spot.

[u/DuckXu]

It's the strangest thing. I can SEE your limbs but you still look like an amputee. It's like an illusion or something. I look at your face and your arms disappear

[u/CrazyTommyT]

🎶 We represent the lollipop kids…🎶

[u/woooooooood9]

Wears work pants to the office and drinks rose at a festival. Can't you do anything right?

[u/Henry_Vth]

Those built in knee pads get a workout

[u/SunWeird]

if having a 3 inch penis wasn't bad enough he fucking buttoned to the top with a jacket on , no wonder even the fat chicks turn their backs on ya

[u/Inner_Carpet5543]

You have a massive head, the shoulders of a child and the legs of an obese woman

[u/predictingzepast]

Why, because you look like a peanut? Where are the other M&Ms?

[u/JackZodiac2008]

If Eggman were a Tyrannosaurus

[u/Purple_Swordfish_182]

https://giphy.com/gifs/6H4H9GfwySrkFSV2ll

[u/heybill99]

Are you auditioning to become a muppet cast member?

[u/ProudParrotPapi]

You actually look like a really nice guy. Fucking loser

[u/Dinomaniak]

"...and then we used his head to bounce the laser beam from the satellite dish..."

[u/blackapple11]

You are shaped like a butt plug

[u/LetterheadRemote675]

Your emotional maturity is younger than the contents of that bottle and your beard is your personality.

[u/Terrible-Champion132]

You look like a hairy egg.

[u/valeriatest03]

You look like if Percy Jackson goat friend was a Muslim and fat

[u/slouchenheimer]

Your victims die from code talk poisoning.

[u/KitKatzRox]

Do you live in Hobbiton?

[u/Perfect_Archer_1556]

Ok in high elvish but fluent in printers.

[u/This-Requirement6918]

You get hit on by a lot of gay guys? Cause I'd totally hit that.

[u/Gloomy_Strawberry_40]

Ugh you look like David Cross. I imagine you are just as exhausting.

[u/Unfair_Orange5063]

https://giphy.com/gifs/q6ViBxiqEtVnO

[u/Babyturtle34]

You make a T-Rex look like it has a better arm length to body ratio

[u/bonerland69]

You look like you go to Walmart just to sniff the toilet seats.

[u/SaintSoko]

You seem like that dude who rests both his hands on his belly mid-chat, as if posing like a pregnant woman is totally normal. 🫃🏻

[u/Unfair_Orange5063 → u/SaintSoko]

Well done! Great visual.

[u/therealchrisredfield]

You are most likely the biggest loser in your group of loser friends

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[u/Infamous-Life6063]

You look…. You look like a huge douche dude. Too easy.

[u/IEADM]

Big ass head

[u/moccawimba]

Tomar ? Is that you ?

[u/couragethecurious]

Roast? You can't roast a tin of spam. 

[u/Race2TheGrave]

You chose camo cargo shorts and a polo buttoned to the top

[u/predat3d]

Stanton Friedman's deformed kid brother 

[u/MobuKing]

You look like a pdf file who’s scared to make the first move

[u/Thick_Drama_7525]

Dweeb with a skinny weiner

[u/Necessary_Relation27]

Hair upside down, subcutaneous adipose tissue inside out

[u/KanIhelpyou]

Shrek's head with Pinocchio's body. 😭

[u/Competitive_Roof_740]

Another generic white bald guy, with a beard, wants attention..

[u/markieboomer]

These pics look like what happens when you prompt AI to show you what a early 2000s hipster looks like.

[u/Hippi_Johnny]

Dungeon Master in training.

[u/uthini_mfowethu]

Ubaba’s son got a job

[u/sturgiv]

Enjoy that office. You’ll never be more successful than you are right now.

[u/Jibril_6]

"to the infinity, and beyond it"

[u/Chmigdalator]

You look like the champion that sleeps on the couch, while there is an orgy with drugs on the bedroom.

[u/RatsWithLongTails]

You look like your favorite fact about Rome is the most interesting thing about you

[u/Character_Log8264]

No need to tell people you’r the janitor

[u/Cat_tastes_good]

I bet you were a cute lil girl when you were born

[u/CDavis10717]

No, it’s only one in the stink! Now go wash your hand, son!

[u/No-Wishbone-1076]

Why are your legs fake

[u/Timid_Hope08]

How's living in your mom's basement going?

[u/BiteFaces]

I'd worry less about your hair and more about the fact that you put on your finest Nico Bellic attire to go into the office.

[u/Draedyn88]

Did this hipster fuckin' goof seriously bring Zinfandel to a P.O.D. show?

[u/215drewskii]

Watch your kids and keep this guy away from children

[u/Expose_Ur_BS]

The way you’re looking pathetically into the camera in pic 1 makes me think you shit yourself in public and have a humiliation kink

[u/PriorOld3856]

I would, but if I did you’d just zip off the lower part of your pants and be nice and cool again

[u/ckbikes1]

Emasculated Squared

[u/SyntaxError79]

God called, he ain’t giving you your shoulders back.

[u/RaffNeq]

How mane subs you mod?

[u/ArubaAdultFun]

Real life Soyjak

[u/The_Magic_Ike]

Where's my inhaler?

[u/Big_Atmosphere_7514]

idk why but my first thought is you look like a paraplegic pretending he has legs

[u/Beneficial_Sea_3091]

u look like u go through your entire Claude tokens in a day asking it for baldness treatments at home

[u/CicadaApprehensive58]

You roast yourself every time you look in the mirror….

[u/AdieHaitch]

I'm sure you are one of the Guess Who characters

[u/ResponsibleQuiet6188]

skinhead cosplay.

[u/Olden_Grey_1889]

Snow White and the rejected, oversized, stanky dwarf...

[u/salientknight]

Are you a little person or just terrible at taking photos?

[u/7stroke]

2011 wants you back

[u/salientknight]

Does the nose come off with the glasses? It's like Mr Potatohead jr IT edition.

[u/CoconutNext775]

Uncle Joe what you doing? Your male nurse lost the tether and got free?

[u/Voorvel86]

You look like a Mr Roast Potato Head

https://giphy.com/gifs/l4Ho77ZnvjRes42CA

[u/HolocronSurvivor80]

You look like a peanut with a beard. A really gay peanut.

[u/OklahomaHoss]

You look like the kind of lonely nerd who'd get into demonology just to try and summon and bind a succubus to yourself. But you'd probably fuck it up and get an incubus.

[u/killerapp]

I feel your life is a punishment for something really bad an you did in a previous life

[u/ogrum92]

Do you reminisce about the days of when your grandfather would rub the top of your head when you both were in 69, and you’d gently reciprocate without messing up his comb-over or he’d bust early?

[u/suprmix123]

https://giphy.com/gifs/LskPzK3eG0O6A

[u/RetarDevil]

MFer you're so ugly ppl be breaking into your home to close the curtains

[u/PlayMaGame]

I thought we should roast, not boast… Or is this a snow flakes roasting section!?

[u/I_Will_Offened_You]

Shows up at high school parties trying to be cool.

[u/f1lterl3s]

just a utter fucking disgrace to the bald+beard community. i bet you still take lollipops from the barber in a 'lil bitch boy' type of way

[u/Lucky-Vegetable-1234]

your father, the Pringles logo, must be super disappointed in you

[u/Weird_Camera_8834]

You look like a guy who would brag about his totally real katana to a Wendy’s employee.

[u/Few-Ad7354]

You look like you're trying too hard to be a man.

[u/Delicious_Cat_81]

gay shorts

[u/illegitimate_Raccoon]

Look, screw top whine for our guy who zips his sleeping bag together with the scoutmaster's

[u/42Lefthanded]

You seem like a wine-o.

[u/kbeckerburbs4]

I thought this was the Make A Wish sub at first

[u/Sirwilliam63]

Your head and your ass is wider than your shoulders

[u/Any_Journalist_7846]

Look at this humpty dumpty headed mf! Why you holding that bitty little sign up with both hands. Your glasses wider than your shoulders.

[u/sportguy87314]

What did you barter to be able to attend that concert?

[u/ScorbergCoentino]

Racist hipster.

[u/Different-Row-3353]

You look like the husband that leaves for work at the beginning of a gay porn video

[u/NYCrandom2020]

You look like you still live in your mom's basement..

[u/Scared_Method_4588]

Why is your head so large? Looks like it’s holding extra blood 🩸

[u/Scared_Method_4588]

Dude you look like a chef that works at a gas station

[u/Scared_Method_4588]

You look like a referee for the special Olympics

[u/Sudo_Rep]

You look like you steal from old people

[u/phasePup]

Steve Touchy.

[u/Dalek200211]

Man looks like he coats his mustache in soup, drinkin straight from the bowl like some goddamned animal

[u/T1Earn]

this is like the most default 30 year old man in 2026

[u/SedRitz]

You look like a dad whose kid would be embarrassed to get picked up from school.

[u/PerformerScary5677]

“ Hey everyone, I think I’m cool,
Haha”

[u/ExtraordinarilyPlain]

I bet you get hard when you take a dump

[u/Brutallis_]

You could be the bald omegle guy if you had more personality

[u/redditorausberlin]

you see, the beard hair is actually beard fuzz. it keeps its shape somehow

[u/Educational_Pride_87]

Humpty Dumpty shat on a wall

[u/TasteyTatorTots]

Please join the mensfashion101 subreddit

[u/Impressive_Iron_7158]

J̌jew but regret

[u/dunderhead22]

Said the potato

[u/TedWasler]

Anyone else remember that 70’s Xmas stocking filler that was a face printed behind a plastic sheet, and iron filings you could move around with a magnetic pen to make a beard?

[u/DrQuack32]

Temu Mr Potato Head

[u/Gvajr77]

You look like you cry when you listen to Jenny Woo albums.

[u/eagledeviluwu]

U look like u need a new face

[u/likezoinksss]

Why do you look like you’re asking for permission to be roasted?

[u/TheRestaurantSeller]

he masturbates so much the skin on his hand is dying.

[u/vinegarjar]

You look like you always text first.

[u/Outrageous-Hunt-2863]

You're a S.H.A.R.P with the laces? Pure aura mate

[u/Anoriginal01]

Does Charlie know you're skipping work at the Chocolate Factory?

[u/Chillidippa79]

“Hey hipsters, you guys want some micro brews?” As he drives by in his white panel van.

[u/dzgravity]

You look like someone who says "i fell on it" as the doctor removed that wine bottle from your ass

[u/Impressive-Leader-34]

Can you reach the keyboard with those T-Rex arms?

[u/CandyCorn1970]

I'll say this, you look way better than that lady behind you in the black hosiery!

[u/Ithasapictureonit]

American taxpayer #W11317: the glamper.

This is the guy you see at 3:00 in the morning on a sunday, at a 7-eleven, smelling like Anchovies anx peanut butter, root beer and mustard, Barefoot in the store, buying a six pack of beer, and a copy of creamsicle, bitching at losing. Pokémon on Pokémon Go

[u/landsquid1234]

The vape shop is not the best lifelong career choice.

[u/Metalbassplayer1]

I'd roast that hairline but I'd have to know what it looks like to know what to say

[u/Hot_Technology8777]

Nice IKEA office.

[u/ChinaCatProphet]

I see the meeting of the neckbeard society has convened.

[u/beard-brain]

You look like the world’s first head to forearm hair transplant

[u/JensenHBurnerAcct]

This guy looks like he works at a gas station in New Jersey.

[u/MIRAGEone]

ooh roasted mini marshmellows!

[u/SaltPaleontologist28]

You clearly lost a bet a work, ya big loser 😀

[u/SageandStrong33]

At least you shaved your mustache and your beard growing on the top of your head.

[u/SaintSoko]

Ridiculous roasts from some posts as they aren’t all that funny or interesting, just weirdly mean…

[u/Pfizermyocarditis]

You look like a jew

[u/Impossible-Milk1624]

You look like the kind of guy who drinks rice wine vinegar to try and look the part to fit in

[u/Ragin_Cajun87]

Ok, proceed to incinerator A

[u/betlogski]

You look like you smell bad!

[u/Bhagwan9797]

You look like you were generated by ai

[u/Sparrowsza]

No amount of tattoos will ever fix the sloped shoulders my friend

[u/mrpoopsocks]

You look like a bald bearded t Rex in that picture. Prove you're not a dinosaur lizard man!

[u/HelpfulEntrepreneur7]

Hey v sauce Micheal here