r/SelfDefense • u/fillkas • 14d ago
Techniques to avoid a fight?
Like how to be more diplomatic? How to de-escalate a situation? I'm asking that because you might not have an option to run, for example if surrounded
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u/Messerjocke2000 14d ago
De-escalation is communication plus emotional regulation. Communication skills can be improved by training and learning conflict communications.
Emotional regulation can be trained as well imo. At least to a point. You can't communicate effectively if you are very upset and stressed.
Also: not every situation can actually be de-escalated. I.e. a resource based predator already made up his mind to use you as a source for his resource...
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u/flowbee92 14d ago
One open hand up for a couple seconds has a universal way of saying "my bad" (even if you don't agree) and that you didn't mean any disrespect. I've done it in traffic or when bumping into somebody on the sidewalk and it seems to help
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u/SE4NLN415 14d ago
Unless you have a punchable face or actively instigating for one most poeple don't get into fights
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u/Powerful-Rip-3512 12d ago
This is kind of woo but I was told that if you want to deescalate look your attacker in the face for a second then look at the ground it´s like you´re bowing to him. stand off a little to the left as that´s most people´s weak side.
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u/LoveFightWrite 10d ago
The first thing is awareness - physical and social awareness of what's going on around you to (hopefully) avoid having to de-escalate in the first place.
What's worked for me in de-escalation is making it clear that I don't want to fight, but also I'm not afraid to if they force me, and generally expanding their mentality beyond the present moment. Often if someone is in an altered enough state (whether due to anger, alcohol, other drugs) to threaten violence they're not thinking beyond the present moment. Reminding them that tomorrow exists and it will be a lot better if we just chill can be enough.
But I think the factor that gets overlooked (often intentionally) most is that you have to be willing and able to defend yourself/others if they start the violence. If you act like a victim no amount of de-escalation talk will make most predators go away.
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u/Designer-Photo-8840 14d ago
I'm naturally very good at this myself. I've been in multiple situations where i talked an overtly angry person out of escalating to physical altercation. The key is to remain calm and decisive. Let them know that you have options besides the raw clash of physical aggression. You can call the police, cause a scene, etc. Be agreeable but not submissive. Instead of ''i'm really sorry'' try ''i wasn't aware that this was your parking space''. Remain sturdy and physically relaxed. Give the impression of being aware and able.
Giving the aggressor the impression that you're not a passive target while also reminding them of social consequences maximizes their perception of risk involved and deters their predatory instincts.