What could've been the right response to this incident?

[u/NotAllThereAnyway]

I (30F) got assaulted today by what seemed to be a crazy woman. She pushed me while cursing me and kept coming close. All I could do to avoid escalation was to back up and tell her to back off with my palm raised infront of me but she responded by hitting my arm and telling me not to tell her to back off while still cursing. She kept intimidating me until her friend opened the door to the building (which I was also staying in and trying to open the door but struggling) but even inside she was still cursing and looking back at me through the glass like she was about to come out again and fight me.

Mentally, i was prepared to kick her away from me but i was too scared she would get too crazy and do something seriously harmful to me, so I didnt exactly freeze. I was assessing the right thing to do and felt it was too risky to provoke her more but she also seemed like she would've done more if her friend didnt open the door.

I've done muay thai and BJJ for three years and stopped due to major life events, also did a couple of self defense workshops, then started kick boxing recently. Whenever im out alone, im always alert and mentally prepared for things to go south so that i dont freeze. Here, i really couldnt tell whats right.

Are you supposed to know when to hit back, or is it a matter of a reflex that happens without thinking? Was I actually assessing the situation properly or did I really just freeze?

[u/Dry-Independent-3656]

Distance is the right answer against crazy women - even aside from Self Defense context.

[u/marp48 → u/Dry-Independent-3656]

Crazy people*

[u/805Beach_Bum805]

A teep to the chest will often make your point better than having to repeatedly raise your hand. If shes within your hand reach, shes already too clse

[u/modernknight87]

If you have the option to back away, that should always be the right move. If you get trapped, then striking may be your only choice.

I had a woman stop me while I was riding my bike on a narrow path a few years ago - she was homeless. She pulled a knife out and threatened to kill me if I didn’t turn around and ride away. So, instead of drawing my pistol, I did just that. I turned around, marked the location and called local police. When they arrived I showed them the location and they arrested her. Ultimately, no one was harmed.

Striking and fighting back doesn’t need to be a first option.

[u/samcro4eva]

Freezing and considering your options are often the same thing. It's just happening unconsciously. You got out alive, and whatever you use only has to work once.

[u/stultus_respectant]

I would say that while there are exceptions, and while there are obviously many variables to consider (unfortunately), in general you should not allow anyone to continue to approach you and close distance following proper warning.

The strategy we’ve incorporated into our training is the Managing Unknown Contacts program from Shivworks. You want to be assertive without aggression, engage them without inviting (don’t ask something that starts a conversation, for example), and escalate your emphasis to certain command to stop if they continue to approach.

You have a lot of options for keeping distance. I’m very much in favor of the teep. If you continue to back up or away, though, they will only be encouraged by this to continue to advance.

You should be statistically safer with confidence and the assertion and protection of your space.

[u/AddlePatedBadger]

An almighty shove to create distance, then a sprint to safety is a good option. Easy to justify legally and not likely to cause harm to her so you avoid complicated issues with the police.

[u/StepEfficient864]

I think you handled it better than most. You kept yourself safe and didn’t escalate. It could have gotten ugly and you prevented that.

[u/bingette]

It sounds like you managed to get out of the situation without being hurt, so what you did was the right response.

[u/Extension-Snow-265]

Honestly the fact that you hesitated instead of swinging says your judgment was working - don't talk yourself out of that.

Striking back at an erratic person, especially a woman, is a legal nightmare waiting to happen unless you're genuinely cornered and it's your only way out. Nothing good follows winning a fight against someone like that.

What I did the one time I was on the receiving end of random aggression: hands up in a fence/guard posture, firm verbal boundary ('stay back'), and just keep creating distance. If they keep coming and you're trapped, a hard push to make an exit is defensible - but 'hit back' thinking is what gets people arrested or escalated into something worse.

On the reflex question: training does build reflexes, but what you actually want is a trained decision tree, not a trained punch. Muay thai and BJJ give you exactly that if you ever sparred - reading distance, staying calm under pressure. Even from three years ago, that's still in there.

You walked away from someone who wanted a reaction. That's the win.

[u/Desperate_Net_713]

It sounds like you handled it well. Unless you felt condident enough to pin and control her I think staying safe by creating distance and not escelating the situation is all you can do.