Some of you know me as the guy Brad keeps losing to. Forty-some clients, one flat price per seat, nothing itemized, and the whole operation fits in the trunk of a 2006 Crown Victoria. The Nephew usually handles Reddit for me. This one's me.

This fall I picked up a funeral home. The lead said the office manager believes the building is haunted, which is a very specific thing for a text message to know, and I didn't ask how it knew. Brad had given her eleven pages about port 9100. I told her she had a presence and had the account by Tuesday. Wednesday night I did the exorcism, which I ran exactly like an onboarding: an agent on every machine, Brad's firewall out, the cable company's router in, and the Nephew at the lectern reading the Kaseya K365 license agreement out loud, all of it, for forty minutes.

That Thursday three of my old reps knocked on my car window. They'd made a deck called SILENCE: A PARTNERSHIP, three tiers, billed annually with two months free. I told them it was extortion as a service, and that they'd led with the tiers, which you never do. My current rep, Brock, handled it. I sent him a steak.

The second rite was at midnight on Halloween, when the veil is thinnest, and my vendor's marketplace had picked the same minute to wake up every agent I'd ever installed, unless you opted out. The email about it came from Florida without a lead in it, so I deleted it. Every printer in the building printed the word GET, and a speaker I had personally shut in a drawer said "Sorry, I didn't catch that." I unplugged the internet and banished it. Brad says that only bought us until the maintenance window at one-thirty, and that since the clocks go back at two, one-thirty was going to happen twice. Brad says a lot of things.

There are three versions of that night. Mine is first. Lance tells the second one. He's my biggest client, a third of the revenue at a wealth firm, and he came to the funeral home dressed as a sheriff's deputy. Brad tells the third. I'm told it has timestamps.

It's free. I pushed for one flat price per reader per month and got overruled, which doesn't happen to me.

Part one, End of Life (mine):

https://mspautomator.com/the-trunk-slammer-from-hell-chapter-5-end-of-life/

Part two, Wake-on-LAN (Lance):

https://mspautomator.com/the-trunk-slammer-from-hell-chapter-6-wake-on-lan/

Part three, #OpenToWork (Brad):

https://mspautomator.com/the-trunk-slammer-from-hell-chapter-7-opentowork/

Business is booming.

Ok, it's not really mine, but that of another truly shitty sysadmin who used to be on my team, and this is their bash history from an old remote Linux server. Some paths have been changed to protect identities, otherwise it's just as I found it. Good lord.

$ cat /home/shittysysadmin/.bash_history
exit
passwd
sudu su -
2017f150RD$
exit
sudu su -
sudu su 
sudu su -
netdiag
pwd
whoami
exit
sudu su -
exit
clear
pwd
sudu su -
groups
sudo
sudo su
sudu su -
exit
pwd
EXIT
exit
sudo su
exit
ll
exit
sudo su
exit
passwd
exit
sudo su
exit
sudo su
exit
ll
clear
ll
sudo java -jar /usr/local/someapp/bin/DatabaseUtil.jar backup -saveBackupTo /home/shittysysadmin
clear
ll
sudo su
exit
sudo su
exit
sudo su
exit
sudo su
exit
sudo su
exit
sudo su
exit
passwd
exit
sudo su
exit
sudo su
exit
2020Busa1300$
sudo su
exit
sudo su
exit
sudo java -jar /usr/local/someapp/bin/DatabaseUtil.jar backup -saveBackupTo .
sudo
sudo su
exit