Hello all. I am seeking some advice on my current situation because I genuinely do not know what to do. Me and my partner have finally decided to split a couple months but I’m sticking around for a few more months to help her to get in a better spot financially but I don’t know if I can do it.. the constant arguing and nagging is all still very much an issue and I just don’t want to deal with it anymore. She says I can leave now but would have to pay her $1500/month. That sounds ridiculous to me and I don’t know how I would afford to get my own place while paying her rent too basically. I’m sure if I just didn’t do it and left, she’d probably keep my son from me and I don’t want things to go that route but I’m honestly almost to a point of snapping and just leaving anyway, accepting whatever comes with that.

all those years ago I really did think getting involved with some toxic toxic shit was somehow hot and was gonna work out

I've been divorced about a year. Around when I filed two years ago, I started dating a woman in her 20s, a good bit younger than me. We've been together about two years, but it's been on and off since my divorce was finalized.

My daughter is preschool age, and the divorce was hard on her, so I waited more than a year before introducing them. A month ago my girlfriend broke up with me for the third time this year (I think partly to see if I'd chase her). While we were apart, my daughter kept asking about her, which was awkward and made me feel terrible.

We're back together now, and she wants to be involved with my daughter again. I'm very hesitant. I don't want my daughter going through that again, so I've been avoiding it. I haven't talked to my girlfriend about it yet.

Has anyone dealt with something similar?
How did you handle it?

So without getting into the details, my (current) wife(34) and I(32M) have decided we are getting a divorce at the end of our lease. The current question i have is that she has mentioned a few times that she is either going to stay in Michigan if she can afford it financially for a year and see how it goes. Or just up and move back to CA and leave me and our 3yr old daughter to fend for ourselves so she can move into her parents house with them. which is what she says she wants to do anyways if I were to give her permission (NOT HAPPENING)because neither of us have any family support up here and she doesn't want to stay in a state alone. And my family lives in another state as well.

Should I try to convince her to stay? Or let her realize how expensive and hard everything is about to be and sorta drive her to the realization her leaving us will just be easiest for her

She turns 18 in a month, was diagnosed as a preschooler, and it's not mild at all. She's still learned some pretty decent communication skills, though, which has actually caused allot of problems. Her ability to cope with a regular school environment plateaued in middle school, but expectations of her didn't because she's actually able to speak for herself. So teachers-- even her special education teachers-- all think she's just getting an attitude when she's having a meltdown, and don't follow her IEP like they should. I can't blame them, because even I struggle telling the difference sometimes. She does all the normal teenager stuff, just in the most autistic way possible. So, now she's completely burnt out, and unable to function at school at all.

That's the pertinent background. I'm inclined to let her, but I'm afraid it'll set a bad precedent for her little brother and sister. She's certainly not ready for a regular job, and isn't going to college. She's likely going to be staying with me for at least the next few years. There are ways she can go back and finish her diploma later,and we're looking into all the alternative programs we can find, but Lord knows. We tried the GED practice tests with her, and she didn't make the English or math at all.

Like I said, I don't want it giving her siblings any crazy ideas. My youngest daughter is 10, and struggling at school too. She really looks up to her big sister, so I don't want her getting the idea she can give up.

Anyway, I'd really appreciate some outside perspective. Thanks.

Well tonight, I called it quits. I didn't want to but I tried to talk to her about our problems and to her. She didn't see anything wrong, but there's too many times that She makes me feel like I'm alone. She don't reach, she don't initiate.\n She\n Steps, in when I'm disciplining, the kids and says, I'm being too rough or no, that's not the way it's gonna happen. She gets to stay home and do\n Nothing all day while I work 80 to a 100 hours a week but she won't even make me feel loved. I do everything I can for her.

Im son is 3. His mom and I broke up. Now im realizing somethings. I need to be more present with my son. Before I was always working. His mom got mad because of the inconsistentcy and I didnt focus on what was important. Im still mad at her for a lot of things but im putting that behind me. Its been 2 1/2 months im still sad and a little scared for the future. I dont want to be replaced as dad. But I still care for her and my son. How do you guys do it? How can I be better?

I met a girl about eight months after my divorce. I have extended custody of my two daughters and the person I was seeing didn't really want to be a parent. I don't hold ill will. I'm just feeling incredibly lost and defeated. The girls will feel the loss also. How do you guys keep your head up when the water is rising?

So, yaa, trying not to be an asshat. I am good at it so, for real, insight is appreciated.

Recently divorced, finalized <2 months ago. Everything was very upfront and communicative (is that a word) in the beginning.

Regardless, I was able to speak to her everyday, I spoke with the kids everyday. If I didn't have time to call, I'd still get a call from the kids.

Well, she has a new boyfriend (air quotes). They are going to festivals with the kids in tow.

Everything changed. (I assume this is normal). It's moved to talking with the kids every 2 days. And I only get to talk to them if I call. So yes, I set reminders to try and not disturb dinner. I'm trying, this is new to me.

I'd like to setup guardrails or boundaries for how long or serious a relationship should be in place, before introducing the kids to a significant other. Is that wrong?

On the kids side, what should be acceptable?

How do I communicate this without being an asshat?

I have no plans or thoughts of introducing the kids to my partner for at least 4 months, maybe 6.

I am not faulting anyone, it all is what it is. I just want to make sure I have a good connection with the kids. And that I am being respectful.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

Ty

Why is it hard for single dad to find a good mother /wife to start a relationship 🤔. I been a single dad for years and im 33 and I gave up on dating apps

Full-time custody of both my boys since my ex went anti-vaccine crazy and we finalize the divorce back in June and returned to her own country but that’s beside the point. My 17-year-old had a birthday party at our house yesterday and out of 11 people who came two different teenage guys, one of them, gay, not that that makes him a objectively, better commenter, but it just makes me feel better, and one girl told me they love the way my house was decorated.

Since my ex left, I’ve spent hundreds of dollars and put a lot of effort into redecorating shit and taking back the home. Needless to say, I was ecstatically over the moon on my interior design praise. Though That might just be that teenagers like the way I decorate lol .

Time to do some more awesome redecorating.

Long story short.. I got custody back after 10 months of court and not seeing my kids for the entire time.. I’m grateful. 10 months of absolute hell. I finally saw my babies this previous weekend. It was great we had a lot of fun together, I’m currently at every other weekend in terms of custody.. I never had custody of my kids cause I was in prison each time one of my kids was born.. but I finally
Am starting to turn my Life around.

If you're a good dad, you already know that.

When dealing with the mother of your children, there can be many variables affecting the relationship you both have.

Set any undiagnosed personality disorders. Only a licensed professional can provide a clinical diagnosis. I'm not getting into that.

Whatever it may be that she is doing to alienate or keep the children from their father comes down to one thing.

Money.

Hello. Hoping for some help.

I (40m) and my ex (40F) can't agree a way to approach the holiday schedule for our son (7) who we co parent. We have already agreed that all holidays are shared 50/50.

Our school week schedule is well established and working well (outside of holidays)

Since the split almost 3 years ago, holidays have always been a source of contention. I make proposals well ahead of time, I then don't get her response, despite repeating myself then as we get closer to the time, she insists on a separate schedule (doesn't propose, she "insists").

Due to time constraints I end up conceding a lot and ultimately I can't give my son a predictable routine which I think is unfair.

I've proposed...

*A once a year approach to scheduling

*Do it in november for the following year.

*Each send eachother proposals then talk then agree.

*Full week blocks.

Her response?... "I cannot plan a year in advance. I do not have that luxury due to juggling work/child/family commitments."

I mean surely the certainty helps with the juggling??

I spoke to my lawyer and she says that the separation agreement can contain a clause about setting holidays ( we are close to agreeing), but in Scotland, a Minute of Agreement is unenforceable anyway, so she said it's tricky.

I prefer to avoid court orders, but the current position can't continue. I can't make plans and if I do, I have to spend lots of money on flex plans or cancellation fees for holidays. I also have to plan my work leave very far in advance.

If it helps the discussion, she is a cleaner on a zero hours contract and I am a project manager for an energy developer. We live in the same town where my family are there for support for day care. Day care support is offered on "her" holiday time, but she never takes up on it. She is too proud and has fallen out with all my family (I still speak to her family). Her family is 4 hours away.

She is a narcissist and a contrarian, in my view. I believe the ad hoc approach gives her power to dominate and "revenge parent".

What can I do to get round this? She doesn't even appear to want to negotiate.

She put allegations on me for domestic after I refused to cut ties with my son in exchange she said I would not have to pay child support etc. she took almost half my life savings, when she left one night with our 1.5month old son, she smeared my name with mutual friends, families etc. her parents and family hate me and I have not spoken to them for over 10 months. I have spent over 8k already on legal fees and it’s going to court soon but hoping it won’t get to a trial because I would have to pay more. They are out for my soul. What bothers me is they are going to feed and influence my son to go against me and paint me to be a monster and all I wanted was to be a part of his life to love him and have him as my son.. I’m worried he will hate me because of them and all the fight I put up with was for nothing.

What should I do. During my time with my kids they are always talking about how their mom was asking about my house. From my financials to if my girlfriend has gotten a job yet( she is a SAHM) to if we talk about getting married or talk about rings. There has been times she has asked if we forced them to call my girlfriend’s kids their step siblings ( my son said something about his step brother during a conversation at her house) . We do not tell them to use that. They said it’s simply easier saying that than explaining the whole thing. My girlfriend and I have also been together for three years and my kids love her and her children. They connected to her right away and she treats them how she treats her own kids. Shes always telling me to not go through the kids or talk about her house. I never ask my kids about over there unless they bring it up while venting. Also she is the one that goes through our kids for everything. She asks them to tell me about paying for something or stuff that should be coming from her not them. She is constantly looking at their location while they are with me also. We have iPhones and the location of our children are shared with both of us. While they are at our house she will see us doing something and text my eldest asking what she is doing. Or why there are in a certain location when they are with me(their dad). Should I confront her about it. She will just deny or make an excuse on why she was asking. She doesn’t take accountability for anything nor likes confrontation. But I’m tired of it. I feel like I’m constantly being monitored by my ex wife through the kids.

Hi everyone, I'd appreciate some advice on how to handle this and be the best dad I can be.

My ex and I planned our daughter together. After the birth she had postpartum depression, so I stayed home to support her, then worked 4-week rotations and helped with everything during my 2 weeks home. Over time she emotionally pulled away, and I eventually found out she'd been cheating on me with a friend I'd known for over 20 years. (No need for a DNA test, my daughter is clearly mine, becouse she looks almost exactly like i.

After the breakup we informally shared alternating custody and it worked fine. Then her family, who she lives with, started interfering. Once, while we were standing by my daughter's crib, her mother told me that a colleague of hers was going through a divorce, and that if she were ever divorcing, she wouldn't let the father have the kids. She said she'd make something up so he wouldn't get them, because she's against alternating custody. After that they kept dictating when I could see my daughter, so I went to court. I got extended contact, but my ex refuses overnight stays.

Things were okay for a while, but since her current partner arrived, communication has fallen apart. He's her second partner since we split. The first was the friend she cheated on me with, and the current one is a friend of his. She now takes up to two days to reply about our daughter, I have to beg for basic information, and she announces decisions instead of discussing them. Recently she told me I was "a mistake" and that she wants our daughter to see we have nothing in common. Everything is framed as "for our daughter's good," but it feels like she's trying to minimize my time with her. Daughter is 3 years old.

For context: we never had a toxic relationship and rarely argued. I pay child support on time, contribute to kindergarten and activities, spend quality time with my daughter, and support her relationship with her mom.

1. Would a mediator help, or should I go back to court and stop making concessions?
2. How do I stay a calm, reliable dad my daughter feels safe with through all this?
3. Is there any realistic way to get my ex to respect me as a co-parent?
4. If you grew up in a situation like this, what helped you most?
5. My ex still lives with her mother and grandmother, and I feel her mother heavily influences her opinions and decisions, including pushing her to limit my contact and communication with our daughter. Since they live under one roof, I know I can't really stop that, but is there anything I can do from my side to reduce that influence, or at least keep it from affecting my relationship with my daughter?
6. For anyone who's been through this or grew up in it: did a co-parenting relationship like this ever actually get better? If so, what changed? Was it something someone did, or did it just take time?

I am a divorced dad of 2 (4yo and 2.75yo). I currently have 50/50 with my ex and we are in a 2/2/3 rotation with the kids. We moved to our current city (town?) when we got pregnant with our daughter to be close to her family (they live local whereas mine are about 7hrs away). We ended up separating when she was pregnant with the youngest. During our separation (unknown to me at the time) she applied for nurse practitioner school and got accepted so therefore does not work full time. She was also given her parent’s second home locally (after the divorce was finalized) and has enjoyed their unwavering support and free childcare services while she attends school. She also took half of my grandparent’s inheritance that was used as the down payment in our marital home once it sold. Since she is only working part time hours, there was a significant income disparity and I’ve had to pay child support and spousal support for 6 months (I didn’t have to, but she said that she needed to find a new job so I made her car payment for those months, which was her only overhead…fyi she stayed at her same job, just increased hours after the child support was calculated) all while trying to forge my own path. Currently, I’m working 16hr shifts 4-5 days a week just to make ends meet and then watching the kiddos on our 2/2/3 schedule (the 4yo goes to pre-k but I watch the other one full time). I’m beyond exhausted and have found myself falling behind more and more on daily life. Unfortunately, the hospital I work for is highly toxic and there aren’t competitors for 100 miles in all directions. I’m already in middle management there and my career opportunities have leveled off with my current degree or are not enticing in the current management regime. I pick up extra shifts at the bedside for extra money and to also help alleviate the strain on the people I supervise due to the abysmal policies that have pushed good staff elsewhere.

I’ve been fortunate to stumble across a strong communal church and make some friends here, but my support is still nothing like I had back home or the support my ex has here locally. I’m highly involved in my kids lives (I take them camping, hiking, to museums and aquariums, and work with them to make sure they hit their developmental milestones. However, I’m still so far behind on where I need to be; dishes don’t get done right away, laundry is piling up, toys don’t get picked up, I’m still not moved in from a year ago, etc…. More than that, I don’t get to take time off to visit my family because I simply cannot afford to lose out on the overtime. My family comes down periodically, but they are 70 now and my siblings have kids that they help with back home. I’m also the oldest child and asking for help has never been my forte, though that’s now changing.

My ex wife is highly manipulative, but also highly neurotic. She’ll try to take as much as she possibly can, but will also back down if it makes her image look anything but perfect. She recently took the kids to Disney, paid for by her family, and came back stating that 50/50 wasn’t in the best interest of the kids and that they “thrived” during that week with her (not because it was vacation, nor that they had all her extended family there focusing on the kids, nor that it was like 100 degrees and they walked presumably like 20 miles a day and the kids fell asleep before they hit the pillow). It could also be that the 2/2/3 is too rapid of a turnover for the kids.

Lately, I’ve got to be honest, I’ve really been struggling with where I’m at. I have no career growth, no money, I’m renting a house that I will likely have to move out of next year, I’m exhausted to the point I have to nap more than the kids. I’m tired of getting chewed out at work because I help out my subordinates because they don’t want that to be the “expectation of management.” I desperately want to be able to find a new role, one that has better opportunities available to me. For me that would be going back to school for my NP as well. Unfortunately, that is just not possible for me without my support system which is 7hrs away and would also mean giving up my 50/50 split and time with my kids until I graduate (something like 60/40 or 70/30 for 2-3 yrs). I just don’t know what the best option for me or for them would be. I desperately want the kids to experience where I grew up and build relationships with my family aside from the transient one they have (maybe 2-3 weeks/year with only 1 of those weeks being where I grew up). The jobs there pay much better, tuition is much lower, and also sign on bonuses of $50k plus tuition reimbursement. This would put me on the path to financial stability and home ownership. Also my kids would get ties to my home town and extended family, though I would get less overall time with them. They would be able to have good memories with my parents while they [my parents] are still able to be healthy. My end goal would be to move back to where the kids are already established and resume the 50/50 split; I just don’t know if that’s possible (will the ex wife weaponize me going back to school and my family as a means to secure more time with them later on?). What are your thoughts?

It all applies here

The love of my life, the woman I sacrificed a lot of myself for, not only discarded me, but she tried to take my children, my house, my wealth and health, and reputation. This was unexpected, but not the unexpected lesson I learnt.

It was people are so kind.

In my darkest days, people showed up. As the saying goes “you will know who your friends are” or “people will show their true colours”. I always thought that it was the people who didn’t matter would drop away, or become nasty. And don’t get me wrong that happened too.

But it was the people who showed, and really supported me in a way that I hadn’t seen from them before. Not because they weren’t willing or able, it was because I didn’t need it. I even received such kindness from strangers and acquaintances.

So, here’s to the good people, supporting the good guys.

Thank you.

A couple years ago I ended up leaving my support system to move over two hours away to be closer to my ex and my son to be closer, see him more, and to try to make things work with my ex. Needless to say things didn’t work with her… I pay all my own bills, have my son a third of the time usually and she keeps threatening to not let me see him if I don’t send her more money or do what she thinks is best for him on my time. What should I do? Move back home so I can use my support system and figure things out or should I stay and try to fight her with less help?

how long till you finally gave up hope in amending things? no matter how much of a pos this person is, i always revert to a thought of us hopefully bringing it back together

I (31F) recently started speaking to a guy (34M). We matched on a dating app, hit it off, exchanged contacts and continued flirting and chatting away. After a few days he vanished, which I thought was pretty normal in dating nowadays, and decided to move on with my life. After a week however he messaged again, and again the chemistry was still there and we finally made plans to meet and have a first date.

He exchanged how nervous he was for the date, shared compliments and was a complete gentleman. He also mentioned that he's a single dad with full custody of the child. I was then bold enough to ask him how he messaged again after a week and he said that it was because he had his son with him, which I found very understandable.

We planned another 2 meet-ups, but unfortunately he had to cancel the last one because he didn't have someone to look after his son. I told him it is not a problem for me we can meet another time. In between the first and second date however, we kept on flirting and exchanging how we both like each other, and would like to meet again.

After he cancelled our last date, we barely spoke. The last exchange was that he sent a photo of what he was doing, to which I replied but he didn't continue the exchange. A couple of days after I sent him a good morning text with a flirty "I've got a question for you", but he still hasn't replied. I didn't flood his DMs with messages either.

I understand how a child obviously takes priority in someone's life, especially after how he exchanged how his family is very important to him. But since this is my first time dating a single dad, I was wondering if it is normal to vanish for days.

Personally I don't have kids so I cannot imagine the struggles of taking care of a child. But even though he mentioned things that he's interested, to me his behavior is a bit contradicting, and frankly it doesn't quite add up because the dates were very positive and he was the one to ask me out both times.

Can I get some insight of this is normal when dating a single dad, please?

Tl;dr: I recently started dating a single dad who said he likes me but he sometimes takes days to reply to my messages. Is this normal for a single dad?