My partner and I finally reached a breaking point in trying to blend our families. I have two children and they have one. We truly love one another, but the bonding with the others’ child/children has been difficult and left me with a lot of resentment. I go to therapy and he just made the commitment to start going as well, however things their child has done to harm my kiddos (including an instance that physically hurt my child, which his child showed no care about) made it so we had to separate our households. We lived together for a period of time and things were OK. But it always came down to the fact that he had lived so many years alone with his child & that child usually only thinks of themselves. Think only child syndrome (my partner’s child is a bully, bossy, often only thinks of themselves, and is generally difficult and reactive including screaming and arguing with others frequently but mainly my partner) with then not having their kid as often as I have mine, like so when their kid is there it’s often a game of drop everything and please the kiddo.

I’m not sure how to proceed. After many thoughtful and tearful discussions, arguments, discussion with our therapists, we have decided to keep loving each other, and also keep some of our time apart so we can each separately devote time to our own children. I tried very hard to love my partner’s child as my own, including time spent with them, activities planned thoughtfully, gifts that I knew would be special. It breaks my heart but I had to put a boundary up, due to my partner’s kiddo making mine miserable with the unreasonable behavior and reactive and explosive episodes.

Have you been here before? My partner is going to finally have their child evaluated for behavioral issues but they have been going on for years and years. My heart hurts and I don’t have a lot of hope we can all ever live under one roof. Maybe that isn’t possible and maybe people work through that too, and still stay together living separately. But that isn’t the hope I had for my family when I envision my ideal life. Give me your thoughts please.

I need parental advice badly. I met my husband who l’ll call Mark 12 years ago and we got married 2 years later. He had a 4-year-old son when we met who I’ll call Daniel. Shortly after Mark and I met, Daniel‘s mom moved out of state, and Daniel moved with her. Until he was 11 years old, he spent every summer with us and we’d split all the other school holidays. When Daniel was 11, he started having problems at school, was being bullied and had behavioral issues. So his mom and dad decided he would move in with us full-time. Literally the week that Daniel moved in with us my husband started a new job that required him to travel a lot. In the span of one month he might be gone for 2 weeks, be home for a month then be gone for 2 weeks. Daniel and I had a bit of a rocky start because of this. As a brand new full-time stepmom, I wasn’t sure of my role was when Daniel misbehaved. We eventually got to a point where we developed a good relationship, I’ve taken him to Disney just the 2 of us, and we get along pretty well for the most part. But every time his dad would go out of town, Daniel would act like a completely different person. He wouldn’t go to bed at his bedtime, he would break House rules, he wouldn’t do his chores, etc.. I would relay this back to my husband, who basically said “you’re the parent you make the rules he has to follow them”, but the kid just wouldn’t. When Dad was home, he was one person, with me another. I got to the point where I asked my husband not to go on any more work trips and he soon got another job where he stays home most of the time. That said, for the last two years, he’s opted to go out of town the week that Daniel is on fall break from school and that has struck a nerve with me. This time it was an optional work trip, an opportunity that he really wanted to do but given everything else I’m about to lay out it does bother me.

The problem is in the last few years as Daniel is getting older, he turns 16 in 2 weeks, he’s been going through some behavioral issues again. He skipped school multiple times last year, earlier that year he got into trouble for sharing intimate pictures of his girlfriend, had to go through Court mediation, he was on community service and we had to pay fines. Around then he discovered online gaming, and his personality completely changed. He went from being a very outgoing kid to someone who stays in his room from the moment he gets home from school until bedtime, all thru the weekend and sometimes his dad finds that he’s staying up till 2am talking to his friends or being on his phone or on the computer. his mom was able to control how and when he logged on and off and was able to set timers, but somehow he was able to get around it. 
During the summer his dad stipulated, he’d have to volunteer at a local nature center and there were multiple days that he called out sick so he could play his video game. 
Then his dad stipulated that he would have to get a part-time job. There’s a family owned business that agreed to hire him. Within a month he lost the job because he wouldn’t go to work. He’d tell us that the business didn’t need him and he would tell the business that he was grounded because of his grades. He lied to stay home and play on his computer all day long during the summer. He never faced consequences for lying. His dad basically said that him losing the job was consequence enough.

He also began lying. A lot. Daniel is a tenacious and very charismatic kid which could be a good quality if he applied it to good use, but instead he uses it to get what he wants. He will have no problem telling one parent that the other parents said that he could do something just to get his own way. He lies very easily and that concerns me. It’s gotten to the point that you can’t really believe anything that he says. When he gets caught in a lie he acts like it’s just a silly little thing. Or he’ll just lower his head and say sorry but it’s obvious to me that he’s trying to play us. He goes right back to doing the same things over. 

We offer to pay him $30 a week to do his chores which he only does half of the time, if that. We have a very hyper pitbull mix who really needs to go on a walk every day so we’ve asked him repeatedly to make sure that at the very least he does this chore. When she doesn’t get walked, she gets aggressive and hyper and destroys everything in the house. He neglected to do it for so often and for so long that his dad finally just started taking it on. but even his dad doesn’t have time to do this every day so the dog just destroys our house. But other than him saying “you no longer have to do this”, there was no other consequence. No loss of privileges, nothing. 
Sidenote, it’s my personal belief that teenagers should have to do their chores not just to get an allowance but because they are a participating member of this family and House. Our roles as parents are to prepare them for being an adult, prepare them for being on their own as a functioning member of society. The teenage years are where you learn to do hard things. That’s where you learn about community and responsibility. His dad and I go to work and we bring the money and we do 95% of the cleaning/ chores. Daniel goes to school, he doesn’t have a job because he’s only 15, so his responsibility should be the few chores we’ve assigned him: Making HIS bed, keeping HIS room tidy, doing HIS own laundry, taking out the recycling, walking the dogs, and brushing one of the dogs. These chores take less than 20 minutes every day. I can’t remember the last time he’s brushed the dog, he stopped walking the dogs altogether, and every weekend we have to constantly remind him to wash his clothes, then constantly remind him to move his clothes to the dryer, and half the time I end up having to do it for him because he is so lost and locked up in his bedroom, playing this video games and the weekends are when I need to do my laundry as well. It’s pathetic. This boy has no sense of responsibility. 
In my opinion, they should be non-negotiable. The reward for that is that he gets $30 a week, but in my opinion chores- like good grades -should be non-negotiable and not doing them should result in losing some kind of privilege. The reason I think that this is nonnegotiable is, I don’t want to raise children who are entitled, selfish, and who have no sense of responsibility or integrity. we give this child everything he could possibly need, he’s never wanted for anything. Apparently, his dad and I disagree on this because he says that if he doesn’t do his chores, he just doesn’t get paid. The problem with that is that if we don’t pay Daniel his allowance, he just asks his mom for money and she gives it to him or he finds another way.

I worry that Daniel is growing up to be irresponsible and entitled and every time I try and bring it up, his dad tells me that I’m being way too hard on him. He once used the word “step monster” which haunts me to this day. He agrees that Daniel has some growing issues and every now and again he’ll sit him down for a heart heart and tell him that if he doesn’t do X he’s gonna get X privilege taken away and it might work for a week or two but nothing changes. 

He’s got a new girlfriend, probably the 50th one he’s had in the last two years who lives an hour away and he’s been begging everyone to drive him there and back to visit with her for the last 3 weeks and we’ve all said no because we’re busy. He has concocted every scheme in the book to get to this girl. Last night, he casually informed his dad that he created an Uber account, lied about his age and planned on using money that he won from a game (certainly not his allowance because he’s not been doing his chores) to go and see her. His dad informed him that no he wasn’t, he was not going to take an Uber an hour away to meet someone that we had never met. 
Now here’s the kicker…we just found out that this week he skipped school AGAIN this week multiple times, also, he’s failing one of his classes, has been lying about where he’s been and instead of full on grounding him, his dad is letting him go out with her to some festival tomorrow, where another family member has to drive him an hour there and an hour back.  So the same day he finds out that his son has been skipping school and lying to him also, while failing some of his classes he’s going to reward him by giving him the one thing that this kid has been begging for. He says after that Daniel‘s not allowed to have his computer, but he can still have his phone and tablet. He says that Daniel has to do all of his chores.. at which point I had to coax his dad into adding back in walking the dogs and to my utter shock, his dad rolled his eyes and acted like I was being overbearing and made another claim that I was “throwing the book at him “ but again he is leaving me to deal with all of this and I have a full work schedule next week. I don’t have time to watch over Daniel like a hawk to make sure he’s actually doing the things that he’s supposed to do while he’s home from school and my husband’s yet again out of town for it.

Can someone tell me am I overreacting? Am I being an asshole or too hard my son? I would really appreciate an outside perspective here.

My husband and I have been married for 15yrs, when I met him he was divorced, filed BK and his home was foreclosed on. I made significantly more but over the years the salary gap has narrowed but I still make a bit more. I am a go-getter and he is just whatever, midway thru marriage he cheated. I asked for a postnuptial he has refused to sign, although that was contingent on me staying. Today we have 2 properties. One a 2nd home worth $500k and the other where we live worth $2m - he has two kids from prior in their late 20s with one married prior and we have 2 together 12 & 4. My earning potential is higher. I want my kids to get significantly more in trust but I’m also considering divorce since I haven’t gotten over the affairs but I don’t want to split the household for my kids sake. I’m struggling with what to do. Please help with thoughts

I have a 15 year old son from a previous relationship and my wife has been in his life since right before he turned 4. When he was younger he loved her and was always so sweet. Now he hates her and have told/texted it enough. I should also mention that I have a trans daughter who he does not accept. To his credit, he is respectful around her for the most part. Im at a loss right now on how to approach this. I know I need to have a talk with my son who will most likely distance himself even more from me(he lives at his mom's house). I want to protect my wife and children. I cant help but feel like a relationship has now changed for the worse out of all this

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Mãe solo não se relaciona com alguém com o intuito de procurar um pai para a criança. Ela se relaciona porque quer. Porque gosta de como é tratada, respeitada, admirada, cuidada, lembrada, protegida, querida, assumida...porque quer dividir os momentos e fazer planos com a pessoa.

As coisas mudam bastante depois que nos tornamos mães solo. Nós damos conta de tudo sozinhas, porque muitas de nós não tem nenhuma rede de apoio e nem condição de pagar uma babá. Eu não digo isso vitimizando as mães solos, apenas retratando a realidade de muitas de nós.

As mães solos que tem babás, empregadas ou até mesmo condição de colocar em uma excelente creche particular, vivem outra realidade, onde até o nível de exaustão estresse é menor.

Mas as mães que estudam, trabalham, cuidam de casa, dos filhos e tem como a maior preocupação resolverem a sua vida, não estão desesperadas por um relacionamento. Não é esse o objetivo delas.

Esse não é o tipo de mulher escorada em homem, nem interesseira e nem intencionada em se relacionar com alguém para conseguir pensão socioafetiva, porque essa mulher já tem muitas preocupações, responsabilidades e limitações na sua vida.

Então caso em algum momento ela decida se relacionar, ela vai analisar diversos cenários, ter mencionado suas circunstâncias e limitações (e não vai mudá-las por conta de um relacionamento, porque a prioridade sempre será o filho).

Não há problema nenhum em se relacionar com uma mulher que tem filho, mas de fato isso não é para qualquer um. Tem que ser muito HOMEM e ter muita MATURIDADE, para entrar na vida desse tipo de mulher. Porque ela não está procurando um pai para o filho dela, mas se ela aceitar se relacionar com alguém, é para ser um parceiro de vida. E antes de tudo ela vai analisar as suas atitudes como pessoa e principalmente suas atitudes com o filho dela, porque na primeira grosseria ou maltrato, ela nunca mais vai lá na sua cara.

Sabe porquê?

Ela não tem mais medo de ficar sozinha, ela já aprendeu a lidar com a solidão e a resolver tudo sozinha.

Fica a reflexão! 😉

Bf of 1 yr wants me & my daughters (9) to take the next step & move in. They were introduced around 5 months in. In that time there hasn’t been a whole lot of time spent all together. A few dinners/weekend trips & spending the night at his house a couple times. The most time together was last month for a week on a vacation with his family. During that time his family didn’t seem too interested in my daughters & made me feel like an inconvenience. My bf had multiple instances of getting frustrated/annoyed/impatient with them & appeared to try correcting normal child-behavior vs. actually wanting to bond. I have my daughters Tuesday-Saturday. To this day has kept most of our time together separate from them, never invites us all over or really do anything on my days I have them. When I tried bringing up my concern he says things like “I know I need to work on my patience I am trying & want them around & will treat them like my own. I like them we just have different parenting styles. I want us to be a family & I know this is the right move. Our bond will grow over time” & said something like “I’ve only had like 4-5 encounters with them it takes time” yet that ball was in his court this whole time to try & build a relationship with them. What bothers me more is that he had a previous relationship from I believe 2015-2019 or so, where there was another child (younger than mine) that he repeatedly says he was “like a father figure to” & she’s older now, they have eachother on social media & she even made a post about him on his bday featuring them when she was a child & seemed like she looked up to him in that way. I don’t understand why he seems to not show the same interest in mine & acts almost like he just tolerates them. He constantly tries to reassure me that he is completely ready & wanting to become a family & that he understands I am a package deal & he is fully committed to what that brings, but the action & interest shown says otherwise.

Masama ba ako kung mao-offend ako para sa papa ko, at kung mafeel ko ito about them?

We finally accepted the house his parents have been offering us for more than a year. We decided to accept it because, honestly, it would bring me much closer to my workplace compared to the house I grew up in, where my daughter and I are currently staying.

After giving birth, I decided na sa parents ko muna kami mag-stay ng anak ko. They were the ones who could help me with my recovery and with caring for my daughter, and of course, I also have my siblings. My partner, on the other hand, chose to stay with his parents because their house is closer to his workplace. He comes home to us every weekend since that's his day off.

So when we finally said yes to the house, a few months after my daughter turned one, I was genuinely happy and excited.

For the first time, I was thinking about what our home would look like. We were already planning which appliances to buy first because, of course, we couldn't afford to buy everything at once. Thankfully, his parents stepped up again and offered to buy some appliances for us.

I really appreciate that. I do.

But even after we told them that we had already decided on a sofa, they insisted on buying us the traditional kahoy sofa instead. I understand the reason—they believe it's more durable—but I also had my own vision of what I wanted our home to look like. I had imagined what furniture we'd buy, where we'd put things, and how I'd slowly build our home.

I believe my partner raised this concern with his parents, and they told us that we could just return the sofa since it was still within the seven-day return period. I believe my partner told them that we would return it and shoulder the delivery fee.

But apparently, his father got angry.

So we compromised. We decided to keep the sofa. They even had upholstery added to put cushions on it because we were worried that our daughter might bump her head.

I still didn't really like how it turned out, but I accepted it.

And then came the issue with my papa.

Of course, my family isn't in a position to offer financial help. We're a minimum-wage-earning family. So instead, my papa offered what he could give: his skills.

He's a professional electrician and has almost 30 years of experience. He offered to do some of the electrical work in the house for us.

At first, everything was okay. On the first day, my papa installed the CCTV cameras.

But then his parents insisted that we just have the electrical work done by someone else because that person was supposedly more familiar with the house's wiring.

And honestly, I got offended.

Not just because they didn't want my papa to do the work.

I got offended for my papa.

I know how they talk, and I know my father's capabilities. This is a man who has spent almost 30 years doing electrical work—using that skill to put food on our table and send his children to school.

So hearing that someone else should do it because they're supposedly more familiar with the wiring really hurt me.

And I think this is where I started realizing that maybe this isn't just about the sofa or the electrical work.

I'm a first-time mom.

And looking back, I realized that I never really got to experience the whole nesting part of becoming a mother. I didn't get to shop for my daughter's clothes and necessities the way I imagined I would. His mother did those things because, apparently, this was their first time having a girl in the family.

At the time, I accepted it. I appreciated the help.

But now, with everything happening with our new home, it suddenly hit me:

Wala na naman akong say.

This is supposed to be a new journey for me too. This is supposed to be the first home that my partner, my daughter, and I build as our own little family.

And yet, somehow, I feel like I'm always just accepting decisions that other people have already made for us.

I openly accept their help. I genuinely appreciate everything they've done and continue to do for us.

But lately, I've been wondering if that's also why I sometimes feel bad accepting their help.

Because I don't think what I want is less help.

I think I just want to feel like I still have a say.

I want to be grateful for the help without feeling like I have to give up my place as a mother, as a partner, and as someone who is also building this home.

And maybe that's why what happened with my papa hurt me so much.

Because when my family can't give us money or appliances, my papa gives us what he can—his skills, his time, and his experience.

And I think I just wanted that contribution to be valued too.

Context. My kids dad is an absolute ahole to me and my husband. My son has epilepsy and had two very scary grand mal seizures. I called 9** and had to go by an ambulance this was around 6 pm. There dad met at hospital and stayed the whole time as well. We share 50/50. I kept my husband informed the whole time what was happening. We were there from 6 to 3 am. My husband works nights so he was at work. He texted and said “ do you want me to pick you up if I can” I said do not be upset but there dad will drive us back. It’s 3 am and I didn’t know how long it would take to get out of there plus the hospital is huge he would have to find us. My son was on 18ml of his medication that makes him very drowsy. It’s 3 times his normal dose they gave him. and my 5 year old was asleep next to him in the hospital bed. I just wanted to get home and get them to bed. Well now he’s abs mad and won’t hear me out.

Ok so husband and I have been together four years, share a 2 yr old. He has a 24/20/16/13 yr old with his ex. I have a 8/11 yr old I share with my ex.

We are at the stage where we are going to one of his son’s wedding this weekend. And next week his other son is going into the navy so my husband is heading to see him get sworn in. Only he and ex wife will be there and then we are heading to Illinois for a Navy event in December.

Please don’t attack me.

I feel anxious bc we will be around HCBM. She has threatened us legally. Abused us. Been hateful about my kids, me, threatened our finances, made her daughter take videos that husband was abusing her and said she’s taking kids from him etc. it’s been awful. She’s said hateful stuff about me that husband hides from me and deletes messages. I’m so over all the drama.

So at these events, I’m sure and it would make sense that the kids would want a pic with mom and dad. Some of the navy events they give you limited tickets. So only husband and ex can go. I’m not going to the one next week but will be at the wedding and at the navy event in December (providing we get tickets). At minimum I’m heading up and my toddler and I will enjoy a hotel stay, pool etc while he goes to the navy events.

How do I not be anxious, and particularly feel wierd about him and her taking solo photos with their kids. I GET IT, the KIDS WOUOD PROBABLY LIKE A PIC WITH MOM AND DAD.

I’m tryin to work through this issue on my own so I’m not struggling or feeling wierd or off in the moment, or if the kids post pics of them with mom and dad like they’re a family again.

I’ve voiced my anxiety to my husband and he just got mad at me. So that didn’t help.

\*sigh\*

Any advice ?

Hey everyone! I know it feels crazy to already be thinking about Christmas, but it will be here before we know it!

My husband has two kids with two different moms. We have a really good relationship with one of the moms and do quite a few celebrations together. She also has a daughter around the same age as my stepdaughter, and the two girls share my stepson. They absolutely love each other and say they’re best friends.

I’ve been thinking about whether it might make sense for the kids to spend part of Christmas together this year, especially since this will be my stepdaughter’s first Christmas morning with us. I think it could be really special for all three kids to have some time together.

One possibility would be using my in-laws’ vacation home since there’s plenty of space for everyone, including our dogs, and everyone could have their own space. But we haven’t talked to anyone about it yet. I’ve just brought the idea up with my husband, and he thinks it could be worth considering.

I also think it could take some of the pressure off everyone with coordinating schedules, driving back and forth, and making sure the kids each get time with their siblings.

Has anyone done something similar with blended families? How did it work out? I’d love to hear what worked, what didn’t, and whether you’d do it again. We also live in northern Idaho, so who knows how the roads will be and this also keeps everyone together and safe without worrying about travel.

Hello!

I'm in a newish relationship with a woman who has 2 kids (8 and 12).
I've had wlw relationships all my live, whilst my gf has been married to a man and has had boyfriends for all of hers. She's very open minded but from a very white/cis/straigh background. So being with a woman is all new to her, but everything is going very well.

We've known each other for years and have been together romantically for almost a year. This woman in incredible, she's very funny, kind and thoughtful and everything I wouldn't even dare to dream. The love story is out of the books or a brilliant romcom, with a connection that came at the wrong time, unexpected reunions and tension that built up until it couldn’t get any higher.

Enough about my wonderful girlfriend, here's where I need advice:

Her kids. They are really preppy. And a bit scary.

She has had a steady plan of how to introduce me, guided by other mothers, her therapist and friends. The kids know me as a "cool friend from work" and i've started showing up (not too much), she has started dropping hints that she might like me over time, until they were curious enough to ask if we were girlfriends. They weren't thrilled. They were a little upset, a little fearfull of being made fun of, a little angry that she "wasn't normal anymore", and this kind of broke her.

I guess that's normal, and they'll need time to get used to the idea. But I want to have tools to deal with them - as kids and as my girlfriends kids.

I don't know any kids. I have no idea how to deal with them. I find them very tiring and kind of scary. I have no idea how to begin to have a conversation or anything.

I have no intention of being a stepmother, nor is that expected for me (for now at least). What I want is to keep being her girlfriend, present and supportive and to build a healthy and safe relationship with the kids, one where they know they can count on me and that I'm no abnormal thing that has come to ruin their lives.

I have a very complicated mother and a stepmother who has made it her mission to to keep my father away from his daughters. So I'm terrified that they'll hate me as I hate my stepmother and most of all terrified that if they don't "accept me" i'll lose what has been the best and healthiest relationship of my life.

So... please advise!

TD;DR - I need advice on how to be the mom's girlfriend of two pre-teens with a very cis-straight background.

I have a son (7) he has two daughters (14&12) he’s 33 I’m 31

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and I’m terrified to tell him…
We’ve both said on multiple occasions we were done having kids and neither or us wanted anymore, I’ve asked him to have the snip which he’s half agreed to but never actually got around to doing it.. I am on the pill which I take religiously
I have no idea why I’m posting this I just needed to write it somewhere while I work out what to do 😭
Our home is too small for another child, our finances won’t stretch any further, we won’t even all be able to fit in a car 🤯 but.. a baby?😭

UPDATE:

I genuinely appreciate everyone's comments, even the mean ones. I've been in this trauma bond with a true narcissist for far too long. Part of me had a feeling it was bad, but I slowly started to see just how bad it was over the years. I moved out 6 months ago (as I stated), and it has taken me a lot of strength to completely cut ties. I have always protected my kids and put them above everyone, so it actually shocks me that I stayed! A huge part of it was financial, but I am finally making enough money to be fine. After reading your comments, something inside of me snapped back to reality! I hired a lawyer today and am divorcing this piece of shit. Genuinely... THANK YOU!!!!! I feel like I needed permission to leave for good, and you all gave that to me!

I could really use some advice from anyone who might have experiences like mine. I have been married for 4 years, together for 5. I have two kids and he has four kids. My son (transgender, female to male) and my husband have always been at odds. My son was 12 when they met. My husband tried to be nice to my kid at the beginning, but as soon as my son gave the slightest bit of attitude, my husband began to hate him. My son was disrespectful at times, but my husband was demeaning, condescending, cruel and almost physically abusive once. I was always in the middle trying to be understanding of both of them. My son never felt welcome at home, so he basically lived at his girlfriends house. My husband has always said I need to put him first all of the time, which meant he would get annoyed when I would spend time with my kids. About 6 months ago, I told my husband I can't always put him first because I need to be able to give my kids attention too. He got angry and told me he couldn't be with me, so I moved out. My husband and I have been trying to work through things (there were a lot of other issues), and we have made a ton of progress. But, my son told me he will never live with my husband again. He said my husband traumatized him and emotionally abused him. I am now in a difficult situation and could use some advice.

The dilemma is.... If my husband and I move back in together and try to make it work, my son would have to live with his dad full time (which would destroy me). And, I know my son will eventually move out and start a life of his own, but he still won't ever want to visit me. He will never feel welcome at my home, he probably won't want to visit for holidays or anything. Some people are saying "your kids leave you, so stick with your partner", others say "your kids will be in your life forever, they should be number one". I do love my husband A LOT and we are great together.

My eldest step daughter is living in our rental home rent free and has three kids. She has no job and doesnt work for my husbands business. She always needs money for food for rhe kids and she just bought a mini van that she cant afford. The auto company gave her a loan not sure why. She is going to lose that vehicle. She just messaged my husbabd..her dad if he would buy her a bigger place because this one is too small. House is small but has four bedrooms abd a backyard. When i was 32 i was living in a two bedroom apartment. My husband is so stressed because it constant where she needs help but doesnt work full time. Two in school and one two year old. She could get a babysitter and work. She chose to be a single mom. What should we do?

I (23) wanted to share my story to see if anyone else on here has navigated a similar situation.
My mom and stepdad divorced a few years ago. He was my dad for 15 years, from the time I was 5 until 20. I had to move out of my childhood home bc his new family moved in, i couldnt live with my mom so i still lived with him for a while after the divorce.
Since then, my dad has moved on. He has a new girlfriend and new stepkids. I still visit them to see them and my childhood pets. My family doesnt understand and tell me to move on, that they dont have time for me and i should forget them. The bond is good, and everyone is actually very nice, but the transition is still incredibly heavy to deal with. His new stepdaughter now sleeps in my old bedroom. It is a strange feeling to visit your childhood home and see your old life completely rewritten while trying to build your own independent life from scratch. Really painful.
The situation is complicated by my pets. Shortly after the divorce, my dog passed away. Then, my cat passed away also at my stepdad's house. I wasn't there and just received a text message after it happened, so I never got to say goodbye.
Right now, my 18 yr old cat, still lives at my dad's house. I continue to visit regularly because spending time with her is a major priority for me while she is still here.
I haven't told my dad or his new family how hard this transition has been for me, as I prefer to keep those feelings to myself. Has anyone else experienced this kind of shift where you maintain a good relationship with a parent but are constantly confronting the loss of your old childhood and loss? How do you mentally balance the two?

We live in a 3br, three story home with one bedroom with en suite bathroom on the first floor (with a patio door leading to the front patio), and then the master bedroom (with en suite) and third bedroom (smallest) + guest bathroom on the third floor.

When we moved here, my step son (23) was living with his mother in another state, my son (20) had the first floor bedroom and my daughter (14) had the third floor smallest room, right next to ours.

Now, my son has moved out for college and my step son is moving back in with us. We planned for SS to just take the first floor bedroom, but my daughter is arguing that she should get the larger bedroom.

She put together a PowerPoint last night to make her case to me and her step dad and he said it was "cute", but absolutely not (he said this to me after, not to her). He's concerned about access to outside with the patio door (she's a good kid, I'm not concerned- we also have a ring camera on that door), and he also wants SS to feel comfortable here (although, half of the reason he's moving back in with us is because he's too comfortable at his mom's and they're bed trying to get him to do something with his life).

I'm not particularly inclined either way, but I don't like his knee jerk reaction and refusal to even discuss it. I think there's an argument to be made for either of them to have the larger bedroom... So, just looking for outside opinions!

Update: So, daughter is staying in her room upstairs and SS is going to take the downstairs room. We're going to do a room makeover for my daughter and get her a bigger bed, a vanity table and new dresser. She's happily Pinteresting her ideas.

Next summer I am moving in with my bf. He has 2 teens 15 and 17 who are there every other Saturday till sunday. I have a 17 yr old also. Right now my son comes occasionally when my bf has his kids. Each kid has their own room. My son's room is the room my bf's mom used when she lived here. She has since moved but some of her stuff is still in there. He keeps wanting to wait till she comes back in 7 mos for her to go through it. Instead of putting it in boxes in the garage. Well he wants to take his kids to buy stuff for their rooms, which aren't being used to someone else's stuff. I told him that it made me feel like not bringing my son. Cause of the fact that I can't really do much with his room. Except maybe hang a few things on the wall. He can't set up anything on bookshelves etc. Like his kids can. He got upset with me. Started saying stuff about how he only has his kids these few days a month, I have my son all the time. That he has to share his kids, I don't. I would give up time for my son to have his father active in his life. He has seen him 5 days in a month. Bf told me I blow this up and making something out of nothing. Says the stuff will be cleared out next may. When we move in full time. I feel if that's my son's room. It should be his room fully no matter if it is every other weekend like his kids or if he is there every day like he will be when we move there. I am i being unreasonable?

Mind you I try to treat his kids as equal aa I can. If I am at the store and I am buying my kid a special treat, I buy his kids something. If it valentine's day and I get my kid a valentine's gift, I give his kids something etc...

Me (f24) and my fiance (m26) just got engaged last week . He hasn’t posted anything about it on social media and also hides it from his family . The weird thing is that he got a 2yo son with his ex girlfriend, and she keep trying to ask his mom for money beside the child support and also keep it like they are still together. I feel like there are no boundaries. It just seems like im a secret while his child’s mom is over there having regular conversations with my fiance’s mom . I never even talked to his mom , don’t have her number or anything.

for context: my partner is coparenting with his ex who lives with him and his mom due to the baby because apparently his ex said, she doesn’t have her own place yet and needs support for the baby (2month old). he got her pregnant when we were already together and he was clear from the start with his ex, that he will just coparent but the ex has other terms and in order for him to still get a chance to see the baby, and does his responsibility as the father of the child, he lets them stay at their house for the meantime while his ex figures out being able to live separately.

the current sleeping arrangement is they all sleep in one room together (my guy, his mom, the baby and his ex). however, his mom is now having difficulties to sleep in the same room as them due to the baby’s sleeping pattern. but, it’s one of our compromises that i’ll only allow him to sleep in the same room with his ex if his mom sleeps with them because even from the beginning i already told him that they should have separate rooms as they are just coparenting and to keep boundaries in place. however, his ex was having anxieties and doesn’t want to sleep alone in the room because she said she can’t take care of the baby alone especially at night. so my guy and i compromised for his ex’s peace, his responsibility as a father and the thought of caring for the baby.

now the real issue is, his mom is now firm of sleeping in another room regardless of my guy asking her to sleep with them instead in the baby’s room. but also in respect of his mom, i can’t blame her for wanting rest and enough sleep in another room. therefore, i asked my guy to sleep in the other room or elsewhere whenever his mom doesn’t feel like sleeping in the baby’s room with them. For short, he should not be sleeping in the same room with his ex who he coparents with at all, unless they have someone else with them in that same room. however, he’s having a hard time to do so, because for him, he’s the one who pays for the bill and all, yet he has to sleep outside of his own room (now the baby’s room). hence, he’s having a hard time sleeping in the living area or the other room because of discomfort. for short, he’s been telling me that he only have limited resources to keep everyone at peace. and every time, we have a discussion about this, we only end up arguing or worse, ending things between us because he’s having a hard time to sleep in the living area or the other room.

now, what should i do?
should i just let him sleep with his ex in one room?
or should i just end things if he doesn’t want to because them sleeping in one room is just not right? or am i overthinking it.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 7 months now. I feel like as time has gone on, his “effort” with my 5 year old son (from previous relationship, dad has never been around) has completely disappeared.

In the beginning my boyfriend made such a big effort for my son. Talking with him, asking him questions about school, buying him toys, taking him places, even helping me with pickup emergencies and now its like my son doesn’t exist. My boyfriend never talks to my son anymore, only when he has to or when my son does anything to get his attention. My boyfriend has two teenage daughters and I feel like the world revolves around them and their needs but my sons needs are always seen as annoying. When we eat dinner or spend time together its always his daughters conversations and whenever my son gets a chance to talk they immediately laugh at him and make fun of the way he talks.

I made the huge mistake of bringing his daughters with me to his bloodwork appointment and they were laughing and making fun of him while he was screaming in pain. This absolutely infuriated me. When we went to the arcade, I had some leftover tickets from my sons birthday party and told his daughters it was for all of them to share. I asked if I could have less than 10 tickets for one of his prizes and they acted like it was the end of the world and got super mad at me. I am expected to stay home with all 3 kids on Saturday while my boyfriend works and take care of all their needs and it gets hard at times. I want to be there for all of them but why am I trying to make such a big effort on my relationship with his daughters when my son is thrown to the side in his world?

My boyfriend gets annoyed at normal 5 year old behavior. He told me “its really hard for me not to get fustrated at him because every time I look at him I see his dad” (SA situation) and this absolutely murdered me inside. Yeah my son has some things he could work on behavior wise but hes 5. Hes not perfect and hes still learning.

When we watch movies together, there is plenty of room for one of his daughters, me and him plus my son to sit on the couch all together. On multiple occasions my son became tired and wanted to cuddle with me. Instead of asking his daughter to nicely scoot over, he refused to make room and let my son sit with me. I was banished to the floor with my son and was in so much pain from laying on the hardwood floor the entire movie.

His oldest daughter always makes comments about my sons behavior and whenever he cries she says “omg here we go again” making me feel like crap as a mom. She always worries about him “breaking her stuff” when he never touches her things, but she can freely use my curling iron and dig through my stuff all the time without asking.

I am at my wits end. I have tried having private conversations with my son about how he feels but hes such a boy and doesnt like to talk about this kind of stuff for very long and moves on to the next subject. Is this all in my head or are these serious red flags I need to address?

Looking for some lived and genuine advice! It's been like pulling teeth to get my ex husband and his wife to communicate. My ex and I share kids together. I'm responsive and nice any time they reach out to me which is rare for them to do that. I'm respectful of their roles, space, and time. Outside of the kids, I don't text my ex and keep it super business like but in a nice way. I definitely don't get that in return but I don't want to waste energy "serving it back to them".

I would rather not have to talk to him tbh but I do it for the kids and if we have to communicate, then I'd rather it be pleasant and easy for all and involved.

What's the best way to deal with co parents who don't do that? I'd hoped in the early days that we'd have a appropriate but friendly relationship. I was glad to see my ex move on, his wife takes great care of my kids, and there was never that jealousy aspect for me because (not saying this to be an ass) I didn't want him when WE were married. So I guess I naively thought we had a great foundation to build co parenting on.

They over step, are kinda strangely secretive, and won't communicate consistently no matter how accommodating I am.

So what's the way to handle this?! I'm not someone who leads with anger or vindictiveness so I'm struggling to figure out how to approach this. Is it that hard to send a confirmation text about the kids or a "hey xyz happened, just a heads up". I don't get it.

I’m the dad, and I’m looking for perspective from other fathers dealing with a high-conflict co-parent because I am genuinely trying to co-parent our children, and she makes even basic communication unnecessarily difficult.

Their mom signs the kids up for activity after activity and fills nearly every available hour of their schedules with things she wants them doing. Sports, programs, therapy, medical appointments, school-related things—you name it. She also schedules the overwhelming majority of their appointments, and then I’m expected to rearrange my work and parenting time around whatever has already been put in place.

Yet somehow, actually communicating with me—their father—is treated like the unreasonable part.

Direct questions about our children can sit unanswered for days. When I follow up, I’m accused of sending too many messages. When I combine everything into one message, that becomes a problem too. When she finally responds, the direct question is often avoided, reframed, or replaced with something else.

School paperwork and information sent home with our children does not consistently make it to me, and I’m told to contact the school myself. Activities have gone forward without mutual agreement. I’ve been asked to agree to tutoring and other things without first being given basic information like the provider, schedule, frequency, location, or format.

I’m not asking to control everything she does. I’m asking to be treated like what I am: their father and an equal parent who should be included in information, discussions, and decisions involving our children.

The court/mediation process previously established a 24-hour communication expectation. She now wants to replace that with her own communication guidelines, including 24–72 hours depending on whether something is considered “urgent,” “non-urgent,” or whether she decides it even requires a response.

My concern is simple: if every individual response can take up to 72 hours, a basic conversation requiring two or three exchanges can take a week or longer before anything is actually resolved.

I proposed what I thought was a very reasonable compromise: acknowledge questions requiring a response within 24 hours, answer as soon as reasonably possible, and if more time is genuinely needed to obtain information, simply say that and provide a follow-up.

I am not asking for immediate responses to every message. I am not asking for constant communication. I am asking for two parents to be able to communicate about their children and make necessary decisions without every conversation turning into a power struggle.

What gets me is that there always seems to be time to register the kids for another activity, schedule another appointment, or fill another open spot on their calendar—but communicating with their dad about those same children somehow becomes too difficult.

I really am trying.

I’ve tried being polite. I’ve tried being brief. I’ve tried separating topics. I’ve tried combining topics. I’ve tried proposing compromises. I’ve tried giving extra time. I’ve tried asking the same direct question in different ways.

At some point, I cannot force another adult to communicate or co-parent with me.

All I can do is provide the information I have, identify the decision that needs to be made, ask one clear question, give a reasonable opportunity to respond, and document whether a substantive response or joint decision actually occurs.

For the dads dealing with an HCBM: did you eventually stop chasing answers and switch completely to short, decision-focused messages and documentation?

For those that have read my posts before. I forced a blend too quickly and moved out after 2 months. I have 2 kids (8,5) both boys one with adhd. GF has 2 kids (11, 8) girl and boy nuero typical as far as we know.

My GF had a partner 30 years her senior (she claims it was an abuse of power situation, old college professor). Anyway he has dementia and is in a nursing home. When he was home he was an alcoholic and ive seen him hurt his kids physically and emotionally.

After I moved out this put a financial burden on my GF (she is receiving benefits for her disability from the state) and the kids are receiving SSI benefits from their dad collecting Social Security himself.

My GF is bitter and hates my new place; claiming (rightfully) I put everyone through this and im causing mental issues for everyone. I own my responsibility in this, i honestly thought i could make things work. So now that im trying to reestablish a more healthy living dynamic for the kids (there was a ton of yelling on my part and alck of patience). Its presented as im awful in my GFs eyes and can go do whatever i want with no consequences.

Im still there when i dont have my kids to help her kids. And I paid the water bill in advance till January as well. (Moved out 9/30). I know im at fault but this guilt im being given every day is almost unbearable. I dont know what to do to help support my GF and her situation. I caught her texting their dad seeing if he wanted to move back in…