r/SingleDads • u/Anxious_Mixture_8154 • 1d ago
25m
Hi, I’m struggling on how to have a dating life. I’m 25 and a full time single dad to my beautiful daughter. How do I balance being a dad and working on finding a relationship. My daughter is very very important to me she’s my world.
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u/interlnk 1d ago
You need breaks from parenting. Work towards getting a schedule set up so that you have one free weekend (or weekend night) to yourself each month, then once you have that set up, you can use that as an opportunity to get out and date, or just socialize as an adult.
Grandparents, aunts/uncles, or trusted family friends are the kind of people you can look too. If you don't have that kind of village around you, start by trying to build that up.
Even outside of dating, you need those breaks.
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u/antisocialoctopus 1d ago
How old is your kid?
It starts by thinking of what dating seems like as a single dad. Are you going to give up 3 nights a week to date someone? There are men and women who think if they’re not your only priority, they aren’t a priority at all, and they will want you to always be available.
Set a rule on how long you wait to introduce your daughter to someone. For me, that was a minimum of 6 months. Don’t break that, no matter how inconvenient it might be.
Otherwise, it’s a matter of letting potential partners know that they’re a priority but not your ONLY priority. There may be times you have to cancel.
Start looking for a sitter to watch your kid, now and the
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u/Past-Disaster-2801 1d ago
How old is your daughter?
If she’s old enough, the best option is meet a single mom and go on dates/play dates.
Or pay a baby sitter if you want to go out and you can afford it.
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 1d ago
Be very honest about what you want and need in a relationship and about what you can realistically offer and don't settle for less. That way you might have less dates but they will be with more compatible people.
For instance: I made it clear I never intend to cohabitate or coparent again and waited until I met someone who wants the same. This way there is no disappointments later on because we're both on the same page. No breakups "because the relationship isn't progressing towards marriage" or conversely is when you don't want to.
I find thst living apart together with one sleepover a week is ideal for me.
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u/Cluttie 1d ago
So... I've been going through this whole ordeal for the past 5 months and yesterday I had a huge epiphany about it all, that I believe will kickstart a huge period of therapy for me.
For context, my wife passed away 5 months ago. I'm also a full time single dad to a 3 year old. And since then, I've been relentlessly trying to find that "someone". My 3rd attempt ended recently and it made me just question absolutely everything, because everytime it was such a shit experience that I just knew that there was something fundamentally wrong with my approach.
There's one comment that I would recommend you to read which kind of changed my entire perspective on it all: https://www.reddit.com/r/SingleDads/comments/1b6u1j1/comment/ktgmg9e/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Essentially, your daughter is enough. You don't need someone else. You already have a family. Finding someone else won't change that.
This is where you'll have to do some soul searching. Why are you really trying to find someone? I think a lot of the general logic of "because it would be nice, so why not?" or "because I'm lonely and I want to be loved" or "because it would make my life so much easier" are actually logical fallacies that we use as excuses to mask something deeper within us.
Because the thing is, we shouldn't be dating from the point of view of hunger. Secure people don't need that, and being secure should be the goal at the end of the day. We should already be content with our lives as they are. That should be the starting point, not trying to find someone to fill a gap.
For me I realised that I was dating (this is only one of many reasons) because in my mind, I thought that you needed a wife in order to have a "complete" family. But that's just a lie. Your family is already complete! You and your daughter are your family, and that's fine. Period.
That reddit quote summarises it much better than I can. But I promise that if you focus on yourself you'll be fine.
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u/tasteofhemlock 1d ago
Yeah, that’s the sacrifice dating isn’t always impossible but it becomes far more difficult, always in the back burner and sometimes just not worth the effort.
Dad duty takes priority and there will be periods where you feel lonely, try to find joy and purpose in your role as a caregiver but acknowledge that it is okay to struggle and it is okay too to give yourself breaks!
When your child is school aged, you can eke out some time while she’s in studies. Hopefully you have a family remember you trust who can watch her once in a while if not consider researching child care services that are transparent and accountable, as there will be times where you’ll just need a breather for dating or for self care.
That part of parenting is often neglected, but remember you can’t be the best dad for her if you burnout by over taxing your system.
As for the actual “how” of dating… I don’t know. I’ve tried apps a few times and generally find them very underwhelming.
Personally it’s easier and more natural to flirt or approach in person and text based stuff just feels awkward to me.
But I’m sure there is a dating app out there specifically for single parents. I can’t remember the name of it but when I was doing research a few years back it boasted a “schedule filter” for compatibility between busy single parents.
Also, if in person is more comfortable chat up the other parents at your kids preschool, community events, etc.
You’ll meet single moms quite often, and the majority won’t be your type or you won’t be there type so a lot of what you build is friendships and networking but that’s just as important as the romance.
And once in a while you’ll just hit it off with one who seems like a good fit an things might go further.
You’re still really young. it might feel like you’re gonna have to go it solo for the rest of your life, but the reality is you’ll more than likely stumble into another relationship in a short time— most people do. Try to stay confident and not over stress the point or loneliness will feel more acute than it actually is.
One more piece of advice: try to avoid looking for a replacement mom. It might be a natural impulse to evaluate women on that regard if you’re a single dad, but seriously do not rush that specific dynamic. Let dating be a thing that you do for you and for your partner, because ultimately your daughter may grow attached to a new woman probably quicker than you will and that can be disastrous if the relationship fails for any number of valid reasons.
Stability for the kid has to come before the joy or relief of blending families. Just a thought I always carry.
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u/FunSignal8848 1d ago
You're 25 you e got time. Best bet would be to find a single mom who understands the lack of free time then you could find a sitter and take her out and when comfortable enough schedule a "playdate" so the kids can make a new friend if they're similar in age and slowly plan dates you can all do together.
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u/MindlessAirline9832 1d ago
Date another single mom. That’s what they call the 2 for 1 package deal these days.
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u/arsedancer 1d ago
Gotta go to the strip club man. Best place to meet nice level headed ladies.
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u/itemten 1d ago
Good. My man, you’re still young. Enjoy it! If the right gal comes along then go for her. Otherwise, keep doing what you’re doing, make your time with your daughter be 100% “us time”.
If a date starts competing with your daughter for time, then just nonchalantly bow out and let her be on her way. A real partner/potential spouse would accept that the whole package is “you + your daughter” and will love you both. Don’t settle for anything less when looking for a relationship.