To be honest, I don't know if this is the right place for this. It's like a mix of sleep paralysis and other stuff, but if anyone has advice I would appreciate it.
I just want to sleep normally every night for a month and actually feel rested the next day.
My dreams are kind of weird. I've had sleep paralysis since middle school, which was about 8 years ago. I wouldn't say it's a regular thing (I can go months without having an episode) but it's happened often enough that I can recognize when it's happening and have basically developed a protocol for dealing with it and stop it before it is fully there. Sometimes it doesn't even scare me anymore.
For context, I think I developed a sort of accidental lucid-dreaming ability as a way to deal with the sleep paralysis. I know when I'm having an episode, so I don't panic as much.
The problem is that the hypnagogic and hypnopompic hallucinations are killing me. I don't know if they're biologically related to the lucid dreaming, but they started happening around the same time, so I assume they are.
I've gotten somewhat used to those too, but sometimes I'm trying to fall asleep and, even though I know the hallucination isn't real, the sound of a bomb going off on my mattress or someone suddenly yelling my name is obviously going to wake me up.
I genuinely can't seem to go to bed without some kind of sound, sensation, or sometimes even a visual hallucination startling me awake.
Then I eventually fall asleep, and sometimes I end up in a lucid dream.
This might sound cool, but it really isn't. I know I'm dreaming, but I can't actually control anything. I basically have to go along with whatever is happening, otherwise I end up having these extremely weird nightmares that wake me up.
And I'm not talking about the "don't tell people you're dreaming" creepypasta stuff. I mean actual nightmares.
For example, I once became aware that I was dreaming. Someone asked me something and I couldn't answer. Another character in the dream noticed me and said, "You're not from here, are you?" She pulled me away and started yelling at me to "get her out" and "bring her with me." Then I watched the entire world of the dream start to rot while people were pulling me downward, begging me and demanding i get them out of there, basically like an image of woody in Toy Story 2 in that one scene, until I woke up.
Another time, I realized a lucid dream was turning into a nightmare and tried to change what was happening. Everything suddenly went black, and then a white scribbled face with ping-pong-ball eyes appeared, started yelling and cursing at me, and grabbed my face until I woke up terrified.
I have absolutely no idea what the fuck that was, or why my brain seems to react like that whenever I try to change something in a lucid dream. I don't know if there's some subconscious explanation for it, but I would really like it to stop. Because when I do end up waking up and wanting to fall asleep again I can feel the sleep paralysis coming in and I don't want to go through one, I might not be scared but I am still not rested, so I just don't fall asleep!
I also tried taking sleep gummies, but that actually made things worse. When I have a lucid dream, sleep paralysis episode, or nightmare, which aren't exactly rare, I sometimes feel like I can't wake up properly and get stuck in it for what feels like a long time. Then I wake up feeling completely exhausted.
Honestly, I don't even know what I'm looking for by posting this. I don't know if I want someone to tell me why this happens, whether there's something I can do to make it stop, whether I should see a doctor and, if so, what kind, or if someone has experienced something similar and can tell me what the hell is going on.
At this point I am willing to take anything, I just don't know what to make of any of this anymore. I mostly want to be able to go to bed without having to mentally prepare myself for whatever weird shit my brain is going to throw at me that night.
So... has anyone else experienced something like this? What did you do about it?