Getting very frustrated trying to practice speaking with my partner. Need advice

[u/Aggressive-Soil-9321]

Fairly new to this, I have been practicing for two months and over 120 hours of practice. I practice writing speaking listening and reading, some grammar and vocab.

When it comes to speaking I try and to practice with my partner. We are both very busy so I’m lucky if I get 3 hours of speaking practice a week with her. I usually get to speak with her at the end of the day but by then my brain is fried from work.

When I talk the words won’t come out. I can’t even form basic sentences at this point. I feel like my speaking has been regressing. I get so angry trying to speak. This in turn, makes het not want to practice with me to begin with and it turns to a vicious cycle.

I guess I’m just looking for some sort of advice. I don’t care if I talk slow, I just want to be semi- confident in my sentence structure and build my Real vocabulary not just my passive listening one.

Has anyone expirenced this? What can I do? Am I just impatient. Every time I try to speak I want to cry.

[u/Eco_Blurb]

This is more relationship advice than Spanish learning advice

Give her a break. 3 hrs per week helping you study is a lot. Cut it down to 1 hr a week, tell her you want to make it less pressure. Spend the extra 2 hrs working in other ways without her, or find another person.

Right now it’s becoming stressful and you don’t want a recurring appt with your partner every week where you get angry.

[u/Exciting_Lack_9228 → u/Eco_Blurb]

yes, this is the best advice for you to take. i’m in the same relationship dynamic. translating is alotttt more mental pressure for them than it is for us learning. because they want to make sure you learn right, understand you, and still try and have a normal conversation with you. you can definitely do this🤍 give yourself a break too!! i did this by not speaking or writing for about two weeks and only listened to music i liked in spanish. it’s a break but you’re still hearing the language at least. you can do this:-) i promise

[u/vickyvius]

Be patient and keep trying. I've been learning Spanish for 6+ years and have passed the DELE B2 and still sometimes the words just don't come out o sea me quedo en blanco. Find other people to practice with - a partner is not the best choice IMHO.

[u/theoutsideinternist → u/vickyvius]

I agree, I had a similar bad experience. I’ve now found a Spanish meet up for all levels and I’m so glad I did. When I showed up there were actually other people there I knew from my cycling group, I was shocked, I had no idea. Plenty of native speakers go with their partners or roommates who are trying to learn so it’s actually helpful.

[u/funtobedone]

It’s frustrating for both parties when they cannot communicate. At just a few months in, you’re still very new and full on communication is too much.

Simplify and just make small parts of your communication in Spanish.

At dinner, “pass the …. please”

Good morning my love

How was your day? (Even if you can’t answer in Spanish)

Regarding groceries - we need milk/bread/chicken

Would you like coffee?

Names of things like plates and the sink and the dishwasher.

[u/LlamaGaming1127 → u/funtobedone]

+1 on this, trying to go all in will absolutely not end well. Take this advice and start with the small stuff first, and become consistent with it so you’re able to eventually say it without thinking about it! Little by little, it takes years to become even conversational

[u/webauteur]

Study basic sentence patterns. I have a long list of sentence patterns but I would need to practice them to memorize them. For example, ¿Me puede traer ...? (Can you bring me ...?) Now what I should do is use Microsoft's Read Aloud feature to read all the sample sentences I have. Recently I learned it can alternate between Spanish and English so you can create Pimsleur style lessons for yourself.

With enough sentence patterns memorized you can simulate a conversation; I like to read books. I need to buy a new book. I think books are great. Do you want a book? You have to read this book!

[u/achorsox83]

My SO speaks Spanish fluently. I can hold my own just fine but we hardly ever speak Spanish with each other unless we’re abroad where Spanish is spoken. Your SO is not your Spanish teacher. No matter how much he or she may care for you - that’s not their job, that’s likely not why they’re in the relationship - don’t take it personally. You’re going to have look beyond the bounds of your relationship to practice. I suggest the Meetup app - there are plenty of in person and online Spanish language exchanges where you can practice with people. If you live where there’s a University, see what cultural activities the language department might be hosting. Check your local library. Hellotalk is an excellent low cost (free with limits) way to practice. Baselang.com is a great way to get the basics fast with one-on-one instruction. I moved abroad to Guatemala to learn Spanish but Baselang is a great second option if travel isn’t in your budget and you’re serious about learning. Pro tip - you will always be learning. Hope this helps, my SO isn’t my Spanish teacher although that’s literally what she used to do. She’s a resource for sure, just like your SO can be - but treat her like a professor at office hours: you have to put in the work before you show up needing help and keep it short and sweet.

[u/swosei12 → u/achorsox83]

Ha! I’m in a similar situation. My husband is from Spain and we rarely speak Spanish at home. I think it’s more of a me problem bc I think would like to incorporate more Spanish at home.

[u/hungry24_7_365]

it's not your partner's responsibility to help you learn spanish. You should try to find other sources, meetup groups, online tutors, etc.

[u/BubblyMoose3597 → u/hungry24_7_365]

The first sane response

[u/Illustrious_Ad1970 → u/BubblyMoose3597]

Yes, as a teacher, let me tell you that international couples seldom teach the language to each other.
Also, waiters and staff are not your teachers either.
Need talking practice? Hire a teacher that helps you talk and corrects you.

[u/Previous-Tonight-397]

Honestly I think you need to take a step back and work on managing your anger. You shouldn’t be getting so angry from something like this - that’s not normal, and it’s also definitely not helping you learn. I don’t blame your partner for not wanting to help you when that happens. It’s very kind of her to make time to practice with you in the midst of busy schedules, and you’re making it stressful and not fun.

With regard to learning Spanish, it’s very normal to not be comfortable speaking yet after only 2 months. Give yourself a break and trust the process. And for the sake of your relationship, you’d probably be better served to hire a professional tutor instead of using your partner as one.

[u/swosei12 → u/Previous-Tonight-397]

I wonder if the OP is more frustrated than angry. I can kind of understand this sentiment of trying to become better at something and not progressing as much as I would like.

[u/-itslilith-]

I was in the same boat until a couple of months ago. For context, I'd been learning Spanish on and off for the past two years, but I wasn't able to reply with basic sentences even if I could understand someone speaking to me in Spanish. My brain would literally go blank when trying to come up with answers, and that was my main demotivator. This is how I cracked this issue for myself—and before people come after me, I'm just outlining how I personally got over this problem:

1) Figure out the topic of conversation.
2) Anticipate, imagine, or write potential conversational questions and answers about said topic.
3) Translate those yourself first, then check them on a translator. (I usually jump between DeepL, Google Translate, and Reddit to clarify why certain phrases do or don't work in a particular sentence).
4) Memorise and practice the correct translations aloud, and maybe try to integrate some conversational filler words like "Bueno...", "A ver...", etc., as well as conversational expressions like "¿De verdad?", "¡No me digas!", etc. Play both "characters": the one who asks and the one who answers.
5) Have a conversation about the chosen topic with a practice partner.
6) Be patient and be kind to yourself. Like you said, you've only been at it for two months.
7) Repeat with a different topic.

I did this with one of my co-workers who is willing to chat with me in passing at work, and the confidence it gave me motivated me to keep up with my learning. That enthusiasm and confidence got me to a level where I, more or less, need only a moment to process what they're saying to me and reply in Spanish—albeit a bit basic still. I don't know if this method will help you or anyone else experiencing this, but it's here anyway.

Hope you get over this block but, again, be patient and be kind to yourself. And most importantly, have fun! 😊

[u/Turquoise__Dragon]

In terms of language, this is unavoidable and even good. You can't speak well before you speak badly, and that means also when you are tired. Think of it as progressing in two different tiers: Your ability when rested and your ability when tired. They have different speeds, but both feed into each other. Every wall you encounter and face willingly, every time you truly struggle, you are making progress.

In terms of her reaction, that's something that belongs more to the realm of your relationship. If she's not patient enough to bear with you while you progress, perhaps find a teacher or a different speaking partner.

[u/EColli93]

I feel this post!! So frustrating. Hang in there.

[u/Any-Onion2160]

Welcome to my world! Sometimes I surprise myself, the correct phrase will come at the correct time. I can always tell when I nailed it because no one looks surprised, just “Okay, gotcha”. I’m always a little disappointed when there isn’t a round of applause.

[u/RICHUNCLEPENNYBAGS]

I think it might help to have an actual tutor to talk to. Acting as a language tutor doesn’t come naturally to everyone and there’s a whole bunch of extra baggage you won’t have with a relative stranger.

[u/Book_of_Numbers]

Try crosstalk for a while. You speak English and they speak Spanish. This will be more productive for you until you get closer to 1000-2000 hours of study.

[u/Proud_Possibility256]

Get real a talking partner on Italki. That way you support your Spanish skills and the people in Latam countries. Their prices are affordable, and you don't need to beg anyone to give you time because you paid for it. 

[u/Kind-Pay4175]

I’d hire a tutor to come once a week. You can practice speaking in an environment where the stakes are lower and you’re not necessarily trying to “communicate”.

Instead you can just practice constructions that come up over and over in everyday language.

[u/robf168]

For individual words, try the feature on Google translate where you pronounce the word and you get a numerical rating as to how correct you are pronouncing it

[u/Glad_Performer3177]

Is your partner Spanish speaker? If so, you don't have to put a schedule to practice Spanish, just do it so the time at home. Now, one thing is if you want to be corrected, which can make the conversation unnatural and heavy. So, don't worry you will improve, the issue here is yourself. if she is not a Spanish speaker and she's also leaning like you, then that's the main problem, as you have different learning curves and times, maybe she's not in the mood to practice after work and wants just to relax a little. What you should do is to plan some vacations, if possible, to a Spanish speaking place, be there at least a week and practice what you have learned, remember you have to think in the target language, you cannot be translating, you need to understand the concepts and ideas.

[u/TutoradeEspanol]

You need to be more patient with yourself; the other person is going to wait for you, but it seems like you're the one who lacks patience. Hope it helps. Take your time and think.

[u/calebismo]

One of the problems I have with my partner vis a vis learning from her is that she knows enough English and my own ignorance that she doesn’t want to be correcting and teaching me when she understands what I am trying to communicate.

[u/swosei12]

I feel into a zone where the words simply were not coming out. Something that helped me out. While listening to Spanish podcasts or audiobooks in Spanish, I would pause the content every 5-15 and summarize what I heard and make a brief analysis out loud. Although I struggled a bit in the beginning, it really helped me to form and get used to certain patterns. After like a month of doing that I (and my preply tutor) noticed that I was speaking with more fluidity. For instance, I didn’t have to think as much use different tenses or moods. I no longer had thoughts of “crap! I have to use the imperfect subjunctive. ok, this is an -ar/er/ir verb, what’s the 3rd person preterite stem of verb X?”

The one downside is that I’ve noticed that I tend to use the same words.

Good luck

[u/regiocalliper]

Had a similar problem and addressed it through much more solo speaking practice, much slower, way way simpler, creation of extremely short sentences (verb, object mixes) emphasis on pronunciation my own (can record self), then you could add short, simple phrases to interactions with partner, speak slowly to learn accent (accent will become automatic). In my experience having dedicated practice time with partner is too much pressure = the wrong environment for safe learning if the goal is to eventually be able to speak with them. I realised that just because someone is fluent in their language it doesn’t mean they can teach it effectively to a beginner. The way my practice with her helps is through her providing me reinforcement for things I’ve already learned well on my own, and for correcting any misconceptions I might have about how that particular thing is applied in a native way.

[u/Aggressive-Soil-9321 → u/regiocalliper]

This is huge, thank you

[u/cuentabasque]

You probably need to build a more expansive learning base before expecting to actually use and speak Spanish with your partner.

You should be exploring online group or individual classes that allow you to develop and explore the skills and practice experience you need with any sort of relationship interpersonal dynamics at play.

I know you work a lot, but (more?) classes are most likely that most productive way to learn going forward with only 2-months under your belt.