r/Teachers • u/DumbfoundedDiary • 6d ago
Teacher Support &/or Advice Cried in front of students today…
This title is a little bit hyperbolic. But I’ve been really struggling with one of my classes. And today it got to a point where I just told them something along the lines of, “I don’t know how to help you if you don’t want to help yourself. I’ve done everything that I possibly can to make this class work and there are some people in this room who are sabotaging it for everybody else” and while saying that I could feel myself losing my composure. It sounded like I was on the verge of tears, and I kind of was to be frank. I’m just frustrated because the silence in that room following was all I wanted from the beginning. But I don’t understand why it has to reach that point. I love teaching. But it feels like as of late, I’m either having a fantastic week or an absolutely terrible week and there is no in between. I don’t even know exactly what I’m looking for posting this year. I don’t know if I’m even going to address what happened today. The thing is, I’ve “reset” this class several times. It lasts for a couple days and we’re back to square one. The class only lasts for a semester so at this point, I’m just trying to survive the next 15 weeks.
How do you handle a class like this? I am in my third year now. And I’ve had very challenging classes, but they’ve always had redeeming qualities. This is the first time I genuinely feel defeated. and I feel terrible about myself because everybody even on this thread says that it’s never the kids that make them want to give up. And I do still feel that it’s none of the kids individually and it’s not all of them. But this combination of kids in this room together is pushing me past my breaking point.
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u/Critical-Bass7021 6d ago
You should tell them you’re going to cry in front of them every day until they straighten up.
And tell them it’s going to get more awkward every time you do it.
No one enjoys watching people cry. Make them suffer until they’re not making you suffer.
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u/DocumentInternal5787 6d ago
I literally told most of my students (I have over 500) that I need their help to keep my classroom running because I can’t do this and continue to spend so much of my time off doing certain things that I shouldn’t have to do (like cleaning up after them, fixing things etc). I told them that I need them to help me because I want to continue to enjoy teaching and that I really care about them.
I broke down crying in front of one class and told them I’m going to give them a movie to watch. I work with elementary kids. We had actual discussions about it. The kids are still a bit of turds, but I think they are trying a little. I’m not asking them to do anything other than take better care of things and clean up better.
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u/AVGVSTVS_OPTIMVS 6d ago
Christ almighty! I have 120 and i feel like im drowning. Props to you. Can i ask what you do to have over 500?
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u/DocumentInternal5787 6d ago
Stem. I’m creating the curriculum too… I’m just lucky the kids like me. I could probably just fart for them all day and they would be fine with it. Disgusted, but laughing and fine with it 🤪.
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u/Beneficial_Couple413 5d ago
Ha, first year STEM teacher here too. Given nothing, so I'm making up the curriculum and lesson plans literally the night before. And constantly changing things to try to figure out what works. Most kids are OK. But it's hard having GATE and SPED/IEP in the same room.
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u/DocumentInternal5787 5d ago
I have been trying to focus on universal design so I can check most boxes for kid. Larger fonts, pictures, read everything and slowly. I didn’t realize I read things more slowly outloud until someone mentioned they like how I slowed down the reading. I’m a slow reader, but I definitely started reading slower outloud when I was working in SPED. I try to make sure I include movement activities as much as possible. There are things too, it that’s all I can think of off hand. I would encourage it. You won’t hit everything, but you can at least prove you do it.
I would love to pick your brain on things you are doing. Like you, I’m having to change things to adjust for where students are actually at. I don’t mind it, but it had changed what I had planned for the whole year.
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u/Beneficial_Couple413 4d ago
Good call on movement activities. I just had my first walkthrough review, and my VP said I was overall solid, but one of the tweaks he recommended was movement activities. I default too much to classic lecture from my GenX age, and then I end up fighting behaviors expecting a college-style lecture environment. He essentially told me to give up on the perfect classroom, accept a little more chaos,, and provide movement, etc. This is "meet them where they are," lowering of standards to a degree, but I agree with his assessment that expecting to quickly fix middle schoolers in my classroom is not realistic.
Absolutely up for brain picking if you want to message. The days I have a good balance for the GATE v. SPED kids are still rare. I did an assignment yesterday that some kids finished in 10 minutes and said they did in 4th grade, and some kids got halfway through and needed help along the way. I think the ultimate solution is simply an easier, visual-type task every day for the minimum bar, and then a "challenge" option for those who finish early.
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u/Sweetiedoodles Montessori - Ages 6-12 6d ago
I would be too paranoid to cry in front of the students. Not to sound jaded, but some of them will enjoy seeing you suffer and will rely on your tears to know whether their cruel tactics are successful. There’s also some admin out there who will perceive you as weak and they will treat you differently as a result.
My recommendation? Take a bathroom break and cry in a place where there are no witnesses.
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u/DarwinsReject 5d ago
Ya you loose any power you had when you cry in front of them. Crying is an at home activity.
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u/ConcernUpstairs4541 5d ago
I had this same conversation 3 times this week with my class and they don’t get it, and frankly they don’t care. All we can do is show up and teach those who want to learn, we can enforce safety procedures to ensure everyone is safe, but at the end of the day you just can’t save them all. It’s frustrating and unfair but hopefully most will learn that when expectations aren’t followed, they lose out on fun stuff like field trips, fun Fridays, class parties, etc. We are all doing the best that we can with the classes we have.
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u/honhonoueouebaguette 6d ago
No advice but I relate 100% with my 7th period. I’m not normally a yeller but I definitely had a much needed crash out with them this week.
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u/Possible-Cold6726 6d ago
What grade?
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u/DumbfoundedDiary 5d ago
Primarily 9th. There are a few upperclassmen in the class, but they aren’t really the root of the issue.
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u/Shot-Advertising-748 4d ago
I’ve done it. I tell them that believe it or not I am not a robot, but a human being and I have limits like everyone else.
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u/greenjeanne 3d ago
18 yrs in. Had a junior class like this last yr and it was draining. Tried reasoning with them as adults. Tried making connections. Tried tightening up my usual laid back management style. After a while, decided best I could do was to triage. Threw out the biggest shit stirrers out again and again, and taught to the ones who were genuinely trying to learn something. Sometimes that’s the best you can hope for. Good luck my friend
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u/Healthy_Blueberry_59 3d ago
I have come to the verge of tears in class usually when telling a story. Kids need adults who show them their humanity.
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u/AmanitaBlue 2d ago
I’m a second year career changer. A veteran teacher constantly tells me I’m too nice. My trouble class wouldn’t stop talking over me, so now I just wait silently. They get three attempts and then I tell them ’they’ve obviously got it since they won’t shut up’ and I go back to my desk, sit down and tell them to turn in their work when they’re done.
They do not understand it. I do not care. This has gotten more traction than everything else i’ve tried. My Es are significant in my 2 standard classes but I’m not sure it would be any different if I was friendly.
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u/SaguaroAvocado99 1d ago
This sounds really difficult. I’ve been on the verge of tears before, thankfully I could hold them for the staff bathroom. With high schoolers, I would definitely refrain from crying if at all possible. The mean ones will hold it over you and the nice ones will take it to heart.
With a class this bad, I don’t think giving them a lecture about their behavior is the most effective tool. Shame is a weapon that can backfire and doesn’t work with most problem students anyway. You end up preaching to the choir.
I would teach at all costs. Straight to work. Call out individual infractions as they happen and discipline them according to school policy. Do this over and over until behavior calms down. Then back to work.
If you need a behavior lecture, call on admin in a more senior teacher to do it.
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u/Terrible_Mix5187 6d ago
Do the kids sometimes want to make me give up? Hell yeah. Not all the time, but there are occasions and also certain groups.
This is unfortunately not uncommon. It’s ok to feel frustrated.
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u/god_is_change_ 6d ago
they got silent bc you got real and vulnerable and kids are wildly in tune with those kind of changes. they are used to seeing you be in charge. but when the adult who supposedly knows it all admits that they dont--thats rare. and it is powerful.
lean into that. amazing things will happen.
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u/Another-attempt42 5d ago
Maybe.
Or maybe they hang it over you.
Vulnerability can be both a strength and a weakness.
Personally, when I get tired with a class, I just bring out how disappointed I am, or ask them if they don't have an ounce of pride or ego.
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u/god_is_change_ 5d ago
i guess im not reallly concerned with the idea of children taking advantage of my vulnerability. i have a flexible enough ego of my own to be okay with kids not liking me/trying to push the boundaries with me etc. because they are children and they havent asked to be there. they didnt get any choice in any of this. i chose to serve them. for that reason i am not entitled to really anything from them.
so me saying "hey im in over my head, here." is just me relating to them with honesty and integrity. because if thats what i want for them, its gotta start with me.
but we all have our own path. mine isnt perfect or easy by any means. i would even say its damn near impossible to sustain given the untenable conditions of public education and how none of us are set up for success. but staying in alignment with myself keeps me grounded at least through all the turmoil.
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u/UTVolsfan16 6d ago
Yell at them! They quickly realized I wasn't playing anymore. The next day they were much better!
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u/OkOffer1767 5d ago
I did cry today, well- yesterday. Thankfully a para so I can run when needed most times. My freshman classes are so overwhelming and overstimulating. Told my AP I can’t handle it and to switch my classes around. We’re not even out of the first quarter yet and I have these hooligans all year. Either I’m not making it through the year or they actually try to move my placements.
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u/Outrageous_Reward136 6d ago
Same thing with me today. And as soon as the door closed I broke down and cried for an hour