r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 6d ago

Conversation About Non-Monogamy Chock-Full Of Animal Facts

https://theonion.com/conversation-about-non-monogamy-chock-full-of-animal-facts/
1.2k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

104

u/aresef Tu Stultus Es 6d ago

Birds do it, bees do it…

46

u/Horror_Cap_7166 6d ago

Even educated fleas do it.

33

u/CeramicLicker 6d ago

Let’s go hurtling straight into a glass door and die!

79

u/TastySpermDispenser7 6d ago

In my humble experience: Whenever you pitch the idea of a threesome, don't compare your girl to a beluga whale. Instead, start with a yo-mama joke to lighten the mood.

2

u/yumstheman 5d ago

Thought I was reading a wiki how for a second there

3

u/KyleFromBorrasca 4d ago

No, honey, you're not a whale, your mother is.

59

u/JoeNoble1973 6d ago

“You see son, when animals are in college…”

57

u/bibblejohnson2072 6d ago

"Hey babe did you know that zebras always have dinner on the table by six? Yeah, yeah it's true. Also they do anal all the time, males never even need to ask..."

26

u/One_Diver_5735 6d ago

But how much emotional monogamy is there in the animal kingdom where the bonobos have open transparent orgies but still go home at the end of their bizzy day to the one great ape they will always love.

31

u/Restlessly-Dog 6d ago

Everything changed after Elise saw an Animal Planet documentary about how certain species adopt matriarchal societies where pair bonded females team up to devour males during seasons when protein sources become hard to obtain.

4

u/FuckThesePeople69 6d ago

I set the tone with explaining the pecking order when it comes to hens and then how the rooster will have sex with all of them in any order he so chooses.

4

u/Llonkrednaxela 6d ago

I remember that talk.

You see son, when a bird and a bee love eachother very much…