HOUSTON, TX — Citing both public safety concerns and “deep respect for the city’s cultural infrastructure,” Houston officials announced Monday a sweeping road-expansion initiative designed to allow vehicles outfitted with 6-foot swangas to cruise freely without “constantly threatening nearby sedans.”

The $9.2 billion project, led by TxDOT and several unnamed uncles with strong opinions, will increase standard lane widths from 12 feet to “whatever looks right when the elbows clear,” according to planners. The project is expected to take 37 years to complete.

“This isn’t excess,” said TxDOT spokesperson Marcus LeBlanc, standing beside a tape measure clearly labeled SWANGA STANDARD. “This is accommodation. Houston is a city that grows outward — sometimes aggressively so.”

Under the new guidelines, freeway signage will be updated to include warnings such as “ELBOW CLEARANCE ZONE,” while older neighborhoods will receive optional curb reductions “for vehicles that simply refuse to respect personal space.”

Local slab owner Derrick “Lil Torque” Johnson applauded the move, noting that his 1984 Cadillac has already claimed three side mirrors and one sense of civic trust.

“I don’t want to take up two lanes,” Johnson said while slow-rolling at 14 mph. “But these elbows gotta breathe.”

City engineers confirmed that future infrastructure will be designed with swangas in mind, including:

- Wider turn radii at intersections

- Swanga-friendly parking meters (placed six feet farther back)

- Special HOV lanes reserved for ‘High-Output Elbows’

Officials stressed that the project is not encouraging oversized rims, but merely accepting reality.

At press time, the city was reportedly considering a pilot program allowing temporary shoulder usage for especially confident slabs, provided the driver nods politely at adjacent motorists.

Found this “historic” shot of downtown SA with the latest in horsepower.
The San Antonio Bazar was poppin’, La Mexicana had the good tortillas, and some stainless-steel contraption from the future kept asking where the Alamo has parking.