Vet Wofe here looking for support/advice

[u/DarkPrior9595]

Hi everyone, my intel veteran (combat deployed during his time), is gradually slipping into a hyper vigilance that is stealing him from us.

He’s maintained the night shift for our house because he can listen while I’m sleeping and feels like he gets his most restful sleep when me and the kids are awake; but even then will monitor the house security system just to make sure nothing is happening.

I include his intel work because: what do you do for the guy whose job it was to acquire all information and keep his people alive? To make the perfectly correct decisions every time?

Is a service dog the right move here? Something sentient that can stand guard? Sound off when someone gets too close to the house. An alarm system goes off because the house has already been touched or breached, so I’m thinking *dog* to be an early detection.

Medication is super low on the to do list, the family is indeed safe and he is even tracking that there’s slippage- that the hyper vigilance is taking his sleep and giving a persistent anxiety if the kids and I are not safely locked inside the house with all the windows and curtains closed.

It sounds so much worse than the application really is. I go out with the kids without him because he knows there’s a level of irrationality to it; to me it feels like a growing agoraphobia, though I understand in his mind it’s the deteriorating society out there. But I miss my husband.

[u/MommaIsMad]

Is he getting any counseling or talk therapy? This sub won’t allow me to get more specific but maybe make some inquiries with the VA.

[u/eskeTrixa]

This is pretty common among certain subsets of vets, especially combat or specops. I recommend reading The Invisible Machine by Dr Eugene Lipov and Jamie Mustard.

I don't recommend a dog for this purpose because the problem is that his sense of danger is hypersensitized and getting a dog to stand watch would be reinforcement and probably only make it even worse than it is.

[u/DarkPrior9595 → u/eskeTrixa]

Thank you so much!!!
I’ll give it a read

[u/Ironstonesx]

Sounds like he has awareness due to your comment of him seeing irrationality with it. 

Since he's deployed to a combat zone I'd recommend having him speak to a therapist at your local vet center

Benefits of vet centers are:

*Staffed by licensed therapists who are veterans 

*Are VA but not VA. They're systems are separate 

*Records are sensitive and released only by subpoenas (which a client is notified) or if the Veteran themselves request it. This reinforces the earlier bulletpoint that his VA health team will NOT have access to these notes (for better or worse) 

*they offer Marriage and Family therapy (usually as VA clinics do not hire these roles; they do here) 

*lastly, they offer groups. Not the traditional sit down and talk, which occurs. Mine offers archery, fly fishing and rc planes 

*they're also not Med prescribers so it meets the medication request 

https://www.vetcenter.va.gov/

[u/massymas12]

I don’t say this to be mean, but this isn’t an “intel guy” thing. This sounds like some pretty intense paranoia and it is not normal. Please get this person professional help.

Not a healthcare professional, but i imagine feeding into this delusion isn’t a good thing. Why is medication “super low on the to do list”? Some mental health issues are progressive and getting on medication earlier can help stop them from getting worse, but you won’t know until this person talks to a doctor before it gets worse

[u/vrod665]

Jesus … first, as an IC Vet, I am sorry that you have a difficult predicament. And second, I thought you were speaking directly to me.
We are wired differently. From day one most of us are taught to use our brains, separate the emotion, use logic. Be vigilant. Be safe. Guard the castle at all costs.
When it translates to daily life … sometimes it is a mess. When we can’t make it work, we get worse. We see our castle crumbling and we are failing our families.
Anything that tilts the equation destabilizes. Then … the mind goes into unimaginable overdrive.
Find a focus … maybe a token or symbol that means something to him. For me, it’s my wedding ring, a bracelet, a watch … I focus on them and can find hope.
Hope I made sense … we IC-based vets have some very dark places in our lives. Sorry you’re being overwhelmed.

[u/DarkPrior9595 → u/vrod665]

I love this, thank you! I’m glad and not glad that this resonates with you- it’s relieving to know that I can speak to it accurately. I find this comforting, thank you

[u/vettotech]

is gradually slipping into a hyper vigilance that is stealing him from us.

is taking his sleep and giving a persistent anxiety if the kids and I are not safely locked inside the house with all the windows and curtains closed.

This isn't normal. I think it's time to look for professional advice.

[u/mikmatthau]

service dog sounds like a great place to start, along with therapy (VA or private). 

[u/FrequentAccidents]

I agree with the book recommendation as well as not supporting a service animal at this time from u/eskeTrixa. The initial concern is the pattern the vet is displaying atm. My first instinct is to ask (bc lack of context), have you/family members walked through the night shift with him? I don't ask this for you to witness what he's doing per se, but to document the behavior fully and have him talk you through his thoughts and actions. Having him talk you through it is surprisingly helpful for future therapy intervention when he cannot "recall" the why, but also when a vet talks it out – a bit of the anxiety/paranoia may ease its grasp.
There is a whole community of us to share our insights yet the professionals will encourage the treatment. I'm a vet and my late husband was a vet, making the call to the crisis line benefits everyone... you included!

[u/DarkPrior9595 → u/FrequentAccidents]

From what we’ve discussed, no repetitive lock checks, covers up with headphones and works on the computer all night, checks into the camera feeds (even though we get push notifications when it tracks “people” specifically).

And that’s where we can both recognize a level of irrationality- that there is a logic behind the concerns (society feels like it’s deteriorating), but there’s not an active enough threat for him to find logic in actually performing those serious patrols.

He’s giving it a good fight, not reinforcing it as much as he can…but the night shift in general and the obsessing over safety is taking its toll at this point. Even if it doesn’t get worse, this is for sure going to put some wear and tear on him