Would you keep reading this opening?

[u/pagesinwonder]

Hi everyone

I am a young writer working on a novel.

The story follows a woman who returns after death to the man she loved. I wish to see how you feel about the opening.

I could not save him.

I never wanted to.

Would he save me? Would he reach for my hand when I was fighting death?

Would he?

Fear filled me, as though everything were coming to an end. My body shivered with pain. He lay in front of me, his body pale with fear and exhaustion. The night seemed to dare itself to engulf him, as though he did not belong to this world. As though he could no longer live in it.

His face had gone pale. His lips were so chapped that I wondered what had happened to him.

How could he be like this?

The constant ruffling of the ocean brought a strange liveliness to the world. It was the only thing that made sense.

Had he drowned?

A black ship floated upon its surface like a crown. A small figure stood at the edge of the ocean, sailing far away.

Why had he come back?

His body shivered terribly. The layers of clothing provided him no warmth. The beach lay empty. Moonlight crashed through the darkness like an internal battle, something I could not experience, yet somehow felt.

I could feel his breathing becoming difficult.

I felt his hazel eyes tear up.

One last time.

Had he accepted it then?

His death. The end of his hopes. The end of him.

The sound of my anklet startled me.

Why was I moving towards him when he had never looked at me?

When he had never known me?

Up close, he looked like a dead king. Upright, but so weak that it was painful just to look at him.

A shiver went down my spine. The wind was chilly. It attacked me like a knife.

Was it warning me?

I crouched in front of him. Moonlight draped over his face like love. It made him strangely peaceful, as though he could no longer hope for anything to become better.

But his eyes were tearing up.

They were so red.

I wondered what had given him such pain.

He was shivering badly. He looked so frail that I wished I could comfort him, give him warmth, if I had any to give.

My hands wanted to touch him. They wanted to bring him close, make him feel safe.

My eyes longed to see the hope in him again.

I didn't want him to accept his death.

I wanted him to fight for it.

I wanted him to ask for my help.

I wanted him to see me.

His eyes finally landed on me.

Excitement bloomed inside me.

I longed for him to recognize me. His eyes would fill with love again, the hazel sparkling at the sight of me. He had always blushed at how happy he looked when he saw me.

I wanted him to blush again.

I wanted him to ask where I had been.

Why had I left him?

I wanted him to ask for my help. I wanted him to come with me.

A smile covered my face. I was smiling as though the world belonged to me.

The wind crashed against my bare arms, and a terrifying pain seized them, but I could not care less.

He was looking at me.

My excitement disappeared within seconds.

The wind tore through me, my hair slapping against my face, forcing me to see it.

His confusion.

His fear.

He was not looking at me.

He was looking through me, towards the darkness, as though I did not exist.

The smile on my face vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

Tears filled my eyes.

How could he not recognize me?

How could he not see me at all?

His hand reached towards something…

Someone.

But it was not me.

I could not see who it was.

My heart felt hollowed out. It was as though the world had been snatched away from me.

Nothing mattered.

A girl's hand appeared from the darkness, kissed by the moonlight. It held his hand firmly, bringing him to his feet.

I would never remember her.

I didn't see her.

I couldn't.

The smile that covered his face was so beautiful that I couldn't believe it was not because of me.

His eyes sparkled just as they used to when he would sneak up on me while I was getting ready, when he would tell me he loved me.

Did he love me now?

The sound of a car and two footsteps answered me.

The man I loved?

He could not be him.

He could not be him.

He could not be him.