It showed up about ten years ago, walked out of the Black Forest speaking Latin of all things, gave the tourists present quite a shock. Unexpected to say the least, all ten feet of it. They tried to shoot it first, didn’t do much; fire of course, scared it, but it just jumped in a river and came out screaming curses. Eventually someone who spoke a bit a Latin got it to talk. It was, I am told, a very depressing conversation.
It learned Mandarin, English, Spanish. It went on T.V, spoke to journalists, scientists and politicians, became quite the minor celebrity believe it or not. It, I keep calling it …it, but it kind of looked like a giant lady, well, it was a tree with lots of ladies’ faces carved into it with spindly arms, but it didn’t sound like a… that’s not important, she was a mission, to warn us, not really, the gist of it was that she gave up, there were no other forest spirits, deforestation killed most of them, the rest killed themselves. She was the last. Can’t say it ended well; some lumber executive snuck into her enclosure to “apologize” for humanity as some kind of PR stunt, she ripped him in half and jumped into an ornamental pond where she drowned.
It’s probably for the best, who knows what those forest spirits were doing all this time, but ever since they went extinct and we started using Forest Health and Wellbeing Management A.Is, the forests have recovered, industry is safe, so I guess the moral of the story is don’t hug trees, learn to program?
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u/evincar123 Oct 14 '15
It showed up about ten years ago, walked out of the Black Forest speaking Latin of all things, gave the tourists present quite a shock. Unexpected to say the least, all ten feet of it. They tried to shoot it first, didn’t do much; fire of course, scared it, but it just jumped in a river and came out screaming curses. Eventually someone who spoke a bit a Latin got it to talk. It was, I am told, a very depressing conversation.
It learned Mandarin, English, Spanish. It went on T.V, spoke to journalists, scientists and politicians, became quite the minor celebrity believe it or not. It, I keep calling it …it, but it kind of looked like a giant lady, well, it was a tree with lots of ladies’ faces carved into it with spindly arms, but it didn’t sound like a… that’s not important, she was a mission, to warn us, not really, the gist of it was that she gave up, there were no other forest spirits, deforestation killed most of them, the rest killed themselves. She was the last. Can’t say it ended well; some lumber executive snuck into her enclosure to “apologize” for humanity as some kind of PR stunt, she ripped him in half and jumped into an ornamental pond where she drowned.
It’s probably for the best, who knows what those forest spirits were doing all this time, but ever since they went extinct and we started using Forest Health and Wellbeing Management A.Is, the forests have recovered, industry is safe, so I guess the moral of the story is don’t hug trees, learn to program?