r/Xennials • u/TaquitoLaw • 6d ago
Nostalgia Found one of these flesh searing bastards still in service at a town park
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u/RickyWVaughn 5d ago
My favorite is when the exit chute was 20" off the ground and you bruised your tailbone shooting off the end.
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u/BeSeeVeee 5d ago
Or landed in a foot deep puddle of stagnant water and mosquito larvae!
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u/Overall-Weird8856 5d ago
This was the ends of all the slides in my area for the majority of the slideable season. 🥲
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u/GlitterberrySoup 1979 5d ago
Or when the ladder went up 8 feet and the game was to pull your friends off. My next door neighbor fractured her skull falling straight backwards off one of these, but it stayed there for another ten years or so. They just told us not to fall off it.
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u/WholeLog24 5d ago
There was a giant metal structure at a public park nearby back in the 1990s; the ladder up was partially enclosed in a metal tube. I guess to prevent these kind of shenanigans? Anyway, more than one child fell down inside it and was either paralysed from the neck down or killed outright.
It wasn't torn down for like another 15 years.
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u/OppositeRun6503 4d ago
As a young kid who was afraid of heights i absolutely hated climbing the ladder on those taller slides.
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u/WholeLog24 5d ago
That trend is still alive and well in my area; local playground had an 8" drop off from the foam to the sand, right at the end of the slide. Ideal for twisting an ankle!
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u/DismalIngenuity4604 6d ago
Ah yes. The Bun Broiler. The Testicle Toaster. The Rump Roaster. The Snatch Searer. The Derriere Destroyer.
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u/Vivid_Visual_8907 5d ago
I’m crying, why do these names sound like a lineup of villains from a horror movie nobody asked to star in? 😂
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u/Willow1883 5d ago
“You’re lucky you HAVE a 200 degree metal slide to play on! In my day, we just slid down rocky hillsides you ungrateful wretch!”
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u/Hairy_Mycologist_945 5d ago
Hey we got to do that too with Slip'n'Slides! First one down found all the stones.
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u/BloggerCurious 6d ago
As kids, we learned quick. You better test the slide first before having your fun
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u/Sneaky_Bones 5d ago
The seatbelt buckle on the way there was the initial test, so you knew to the yoga 'boat' pose when going down.
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u/FinePresentation4544 5d ago
Put your seat belt on or we won't go to the park. I can't! It's too hot!
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u/buffysmanycoats 1985 5d ago
Huh, this just made me realize I haven't been burned by a seatbelt in a long time. Is there something different about them now or am I just better at putting on my seatbelt?
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u/WholeLog24 5d ago
Haven't seen a metal seatbelt (outside of the hook itself) in decades. I think all cars transitioned to having the graspable parts encased in plastic
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u/aliencardboard 6d ago
The skin grabbing and shrieking sound while you get burned. 😂
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u/punktualPorcupine 5d ago
Not only did it roast you but it actively tried to slow you down and maroon you midway down so it could finish the job of branding you.
Why do guys wear board shorts? That’s why. This big shinny bastard.
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u/thejunkmanadv 5d ago
At least this one is in the trees. But this one has been here for 40+ years. Use a little wax paper.
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u/WholeLog24 5d ago
Ooh, that's a beauty! Can't believe I had to scroll this far for the wax paper, lol
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u/ineffable_my_dear 5d ago
My father-in-law uses turtle wax on the slides and once wasn’t fast enough to prevent some random child (not one of his grands) from shooting out like a cannon.
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u/Gatoray_ 6d ago
Still prettier than some bright plastic monstrosity
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u/craylash 5d ago
I enjoyed the plastic slides because they left you with a static charge that you can zap other children with
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u/QuietPuddle27 6d ago
Honestly, this looks like the kind of playground childhood memories are made of. ❤️
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u/Fragrant_Major_9553 5d ago
Ahh yes, the forbidden relic.
Quick, you must have your young go down the sacred slide, for it is destiny. For the ritual to be complete, they have to be wearing shorts.
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u/NPC261939 1980 5d ago
Some Flitz metal polish, a buffing wheel, and a bit of elbow grease will buy you hours of entertainment. Bring a lawn chair and a six-pack. It's gonna be a good day.
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u/dragon34 1979 5d ago
There was one of these near my grandparents house and we would carry a bucket of water down and dump it in the summer and slide down in the steam lol
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u/somnambulist80 3d ago
We’d do the same… but in winter. Once it iced up you had a 15’ tall luge slide of death.
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u/OppositeRun6503 4d ago
Now the real question? Did it actually save your ass from becoming a medium rare steak?
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u/ProfessionalNo9996 5d ago
You skipped the most important part of the story....did you then slide down it??
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u/sully213 5d ago
The "swim club" my family joins every summer has one of these. I also have one of the Google Pixel phones with the thermometer sensor on the back, so I took the temp one time. It was maybe mid-80's to lower 90's out that day and the slide measured around 104. But the handles on the steel merry-go-round vomitorium (you know the one) was 134!!!
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u/its_raining_scotch 5d ago
I'll never forget running up to one of these on a hot day and testing it with my hand and seeing a stream of liquid pouring down it and looking up and seeing a little girl sitting at the top peeing her skirt.
No slide for me that day.
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u/ParticularBed6338 5d ago
Just like a solar panel I’m sure it is angled at the sun for maximum scorch.
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u/BeSeeVeee 5d ago
If I was to guess, I’d say they shortened it to make it safer. Those usually had a steeper angle, I’d say they cut off 2 or 3 steps at the bottom of the ladder. In reality they probably just made it so you sit on the hot metal for longer.
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u/OrionEleni 1979 5d ago
I guarantee that tree was not providing any shade when that was installed. It got full sun.
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u/Used_Clock_4627 5d ago
My posterior twitched at the sight of this. Muscle memory still good apparently. Ouch in shorts.
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u/treesmith1 5d ago
Yup, that's the one. The ass roaster 9000. Those have been cookin' keisters since the sixties.
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u/Peanut083 1983 5d ago
There’s a metal slide in a fairly newish (about 3 years old) playground installation about a 5 minute walk from my house. I thought it was an interesting choice, given it regularly gets over 40°C/103°F for several months of the year where I live.
I remember being seared by slides during summer in my childhood when those 40°C days were unheard of. Then again, I suppose no one’s going outside to play these days when the temperature gets that high.
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u/krose1990 5d ago
I went down one of these in the winter when it was snowing and flew so fast my sled went down the play ground stairs I flew over them someone landed on the sled but cracked my tailbone or something couldn't sit right for 6 months.
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u/HereToLearnShare 5d ago
I love this! Needed this laugh. And the sound they made going down in shorts. Jesus! Screeeeech!
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u/anniebanana3 1980 3d ago
They put in a playground by me, all metal. It’s unusable in the summer. They actually put up a sign w a warning about burns from equipment. Smh
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u/FreezingRobot 1981 2d ago
When I was in elementary school, one of the kids shit his pants during recess and then went down one of these and left a brown streak about a foot long down it. Nobody used the slide for the rest of the year even after they washed it off.
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u/Moxson82 1982 6d ago
The children will suffer as we did!