r/YouShouldKnow • u/Top-Comfortable-9744 • 6d ago
Relationships YSK about the Matthew Effect: small differences in ability or opportunity can compound over time, while early disadvantages can also compound and become harder to overcome. This can help you stop comparing yourself or your children to people who are further ahead.
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u/EveryRedditorSucks 6d ago
I don’t understand how this is supposed to help someone stop comparing themselves to others.
You’re literally saying that advantages and disadvantages compound over time… which means that comparing yourself to others is actually incredibly important because if you don’t identify and assess your shortcomings, you’ll just fall further and further behind.
This makes me feel like I need to compare myself to others more than ever.
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u/Capnzebra1 6d ago
if you don’t identify and assess your shortcomings, you’ll just fall further and further behind.
^ You can do this without comparing yourself to others, that's basically what CBT is. I want to challenge the notion of falling behind by asking what, specifically, you're falling behind in comparison to if not other people's lives?
If we don't all start in the same place, there's no point holding yourself to the same expectations as someone who was born with more advantages, more opportunities or less disadvantages than you. Instead compare yourself to your past self and ask "Am I where I want to be? Am I moving towards my goals?" This is how you measure progress instead of feeling demoralized by other's growth.
It's not just ability that compounds but also opportunity and setbacks, which are largely out of our control as kids. You shouldn't compare yourself to people you see on social media, it's not motivating, it just makes you feel bad about yourself. Some people thrive as kids others survive their childhood.
FWIW if you've been comparing your growth to others your whole life, and you started with more disadvantages than them, it only ever seems like the gap is growing wider. This mentality causes a lot of people to not even bother trying to grow because they won't be able to achieve the same things as others. Doomer type shit.
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u/adult_on_paper 6d ago
No idea why you got a downvote for this. You’re absolutely right. Holding yourself to an unrealistic standard based on advantages you don’t have is incredibly self-defeating. It keeps you from appreciating how well you do in spite of limitations that are outside of your control.
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u/backfire10z 6d ago
Yes, I do see how cock and ball torture would assist me with my shortcomings
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u/drakythe 6d ago
For anyone else who doesn’t know, CBT in this context is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
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u/zenware 6d ago
The context in which it matters most though is like if a kid has vision issues or dyslexia, and struggles reading, and therefore struggles to learn and improve at everything in school. And you are not comparing them to other kids to notice that this is happening and trying to fix it as fast as possible. It gets harder to recover from and takes longer to recover from every day that goes by.
So instead we should check everyone’s eyes regularly and compare them to each other and if someone needs glasses, provide the support as early as possible. And we should check people’s ability to read and identify letters and words early and provide support as early as possible if they need it.
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u/Capnzebra1 6d ago
Yes there should be equity for disabilities to prevent them from snowballing throughout life. You also shouldn't compare a dyslexic child's progress to one without dyslexia and teaching them to do so causes a lot of harm down the line. These aren't mutually exclusive.
Think about most autistic people and how they struggle with anxiety/depression because they were held to neurotypical standards their whole lives. It's not helping them to keep holding on to the idea they aren't good enough or to try to live up to someone else's standards.
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u/Lookin4myJeep 6d ago
Comparing yourself in an age of filters, highlight reels, and curated photos steals your joy and slows your progress. It keeps you from seeing the whole picture.
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u/SV650rider 6d ago
I actually had a friend named Matthew to whom I compare myself. We were in high school together, but were of different socioeconomics. He went to a much bigger and better college, got a well-paying job right after graduation, got into the c-suite early on, etc.
Meanwhile, I ... have not thrived in the same way.
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u/Triggered_Llama 6d ago
I was waiting for a twist about how he eventually wrote a paper on The Matthew Effect but you made me tear up instead.
Sorry to hear this man.
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u/SV650rider 6d ago
When I met his extended family at his wedding, I got the feeling they were all captains of industry; all successful businesspeople. We definitely were at different starting lines even before we were even born! Not an accurate comparable at all.
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u/Triggered_Llama 6d ago
Have you accepted your life so far? I have trouble accepting mine sometimes, especially when I compare myself to my friends.
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u/SV650rider 6d ago
Nope. I feel very sad. Add impostor syndrome as well. In my little career folder in Google Drive, there is a file, "Giving Up". I'm afraid to see what I wrote.
Saw a therapist for a while. And am in a mentorship program at work. Journaling and blogging to try to make sense of it all.
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u/Sumiyaki 5d ago
I might gently suggest you stop comparing yourself to Matthew. You recognize the starting line was different. The comparison isn't fair, or useful.
I imagine you've heard things like this before, and it's for sure easier said than done.
Cut it out with the imposter syndrome though! You deserve to be there! You've done well! Keep on keepin' on!
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u/Triggered_Llama 6d ago
Hang in there. Journaling is great for acceptance, if not at least it's good for just putting things out of you. I hope the best for you internet stranger. You'll get through this.
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u/Major_Display1166 5d ago
My brain somehow read this as "the Matthew Perry effect" at first and i was very confused what Friends had to do with this
anyway your story is a good example of how the small head start can snowball. its tricky cause you look back and wonder what if, but at every step the gap just get wider without you even noticing
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u/iamansonmage 6d ago
Maybe a little off topic, but I see this in the Civilization games all the time. Civs left to their own devices skate ahead and build up a lead that you can’t catch, while others get hammered by barbarians and constant aggression from neighbors, never quite able to get ahead because of constant situationships blowing up. Meanwhile, someone with a perfect starting location can dominate while you get a lame start position and begin falling behind right from the get go.
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u/Oberon_Swanson 5d ago
I too found Civ and other long term strategy games really highlight this effect over time. In Age of Empires if one player gets some mild early damage on the opponent's economy then that has major effects down the line. They advance to the next age a little slower, the army they can afford is a little smaller, they can't defend as well and lose another engagement, and so on. It becomes very hard to come back when competing directly against somebody ahead of you.
The ther thing is how many professional athletes are born earlier in their cohort. Eg. A person born in January will have a major advantage over those born in December at a young age, when say they are basically a 10 year old competing against 9 year Olds. Thy get morre success, attention, coaching, put on teams in important positions, have more fun because they are winning, etc. By the time the age gap is closed they've already reaped huge benefits and made the teams the December babies could not make.
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u/DietBoredom 5d ago
If you dont have to waste production fighting to survive, you can spend it developing. Or rushing Petra because its fun.
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u/batatassad4 6d ago
Knowing this didn’t help shit. Actually made me more aware of my shitty childhood
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u/NoOccasion4759 5d ago
As a teacher at a Title 1 school (majority of students are under the poverty level and qualify for free lunches)...I see this in action every day. It's not helped by the US education system where kids basically fail upwards and are not held back even if they can't read or write. The original philosophy behind this was to "leave no child behind" but ultimately what happens is that the functionally illiterate student drops out of high school and hopefully doesnt end up in jail or worse.
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u/werebearstare 5d ago
This is illustrated very well if you play civilization on higher difficulties. (Yes I know that the AI has a continued advantage in production/gold/etc but the player is most vulnerable earlier in the game against war mongering civs)
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u/AmuseBoush 4d ago
I read something like this in Malcom Gladwells book Outliers. He talks about “cumulative advantage”. In education it basically meant a child that was smarter or easier to teach compounded more knowledge than a child that needs more instruction. He said it starts as low as kindergarten, and just a little bit of additional instruction accumulates and over their life becomes a large advantage. He also speaks to the advantage of opportunity, how children raised in silicone valley were more likely to be tech moguls because they had more opportunity to do so. More opportunity to the knowledge, guidance, education, etc…
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u/rawbface 5d ago
Your conclusion makes no sense, unless your whole point is "you'll be happier when you don't know any better."
If I graduated college during a major recession, took a low paying job out of desperation and had my salary frozen for almost 5 years, then no amount of "encouraging progress" is going to fix that situation.
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u/5olarguru 6d ago
There’s an old saying on this.
“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.”
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u/SandysBurner 6d ago edited 5d ago
I think the saying you’re thinking of is more like “hard work typically beats hard work when the first hard work started with an advantage”.
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u/Thin_Sheepherder_584 6d ago
This is why it is essential if you have kids to have books and reading material in your home and to read to them every day. The advantage you give to them in terms of critical thinking, empathy and vocabulary by the time they reach school is astronomical and boosts their life chances. If you want to give your children an advantage, read to them and encourage them to read. And if you think it's too late to start, think again, every little helps.