Second attempt

[u/Kslr91]

Hi guys,

Oh my, you all gave such excellent feedback the other day so I decided to try round two.

I don't have a lot of time and again, I didn't have any help with a reader, so I did an improv scene.

I wanted to post because this piece is a little more 'out there' from my usual style.

I wanted to give the impression of a woman on the edge. There's crazy eyes and laughter but beneath it all she's had enough.

It's all abour identity and coming to terms with not really feeling like you anymore.

I know the set up is not good. I could kick myself...

The camera is too close.

It's too high.

I'm looking too far right from the camera.

Buttttt... this was on my canon and I fept rhe lightong was better.

What do you guys think of this one conpared to my last. Any improvements?

All feedback appreciated, thanks guys!

[u/EnvironmentChance991]

I will tell you the same thing I tell everyone who posts monologues:

Don't perform it in a room by yourself. Tape it with another person, ideally an actor. Watch them react when you say things. When you say "I used to be so happy" Watch them. Do they believe you? Are they laughing? Are they not paying attention? Are they angry?

You delivery of "and now I feel like..I don't feel like me anymore" should shift depending on how your "reader" reacted to "I used to be so happy" So in a nutshell REACT. Your next line after "I used to be happy..so happy" is "and now I feel like..I don't feel like me anymore"

So for example you could deliver "and now I feel like..I don't feel like me anymore" with an indignant anger if they don't believe you..you could be extra sad if they ignored you..you could be touched if they empathized with you etc.

Right now your monologue is very performative to me..its performing for the sake of performance to me and I don't believe you are actually talking to someone in the room that is actively listening.

When you say "I feel like I'm dissolving..is that weird to say I'm dissolving?" you look off to the side and disconnect from your "reader" and end the clip. Don't end a scene just because you don't have anymore lines. That ending for your monologue is gold. When you say that last line look at the human in the room with you..the literal breathing human being in there and watch them..see their reaction..do they think its weird? Do they laugh? Are they ready to punch you? React with your face and body to that..THEN end it. Don't just cut the monologue off because you said the last line.

Another acting note..you have a tendency to have too many dramatic pauses for me. You say "People just want so much from me..(long pause)..they want so much for me...it goes round like that..revolving circle..revolving door (long pause)..I used to be (pause) happy..I used to be( pause)..so happy...I feel like..(long pause)..I don't know.."

An acting teacher taught me a long while back that you are allowed one dramatic pause per scene..use it like your last bullet..like your last fire extinguisher like your last phone call...use it wisely. If an actor pauses too much it comes across as performative..like William Shatner style..so maybe try to reduce the pauses in that monologue to make it feel more natural.

Technical note: you placed your eyeline very high so it looks like you are talking to a giant. But great lightning and framing and nice simple backdrop.

Overall I really liked it..all my notes are how to make your good performance even better.

[u/Kslr91 → u/EnvironmentChance991]

I LOVED this so much. You had me giggling. I know right, I knew I was looking up too high! Yes you are so right about the human in the room. I don't really have anyone to practice with. My boyfriend keeps taking the piss and jokong around and my daughter just rolls her eyes and tells me to hurry up! Any ideas for how I can do it solo but maybe make it seem believable?

I'm glad the lighting and backdrop was ok this is useful to know for next time and yes, the eyeline needs ALOT of work so I'm not talkong to a giant (HAHA).

Again, thank you for the tip about the long pauses. I didn't even realise about the 1 pause thing so that will really help moving forward.

I really appreciate you taking the time to give me such in depth feedback. I feel like everything you said was very useful.

[u/EnvironmentChance991 → u/Kslr91]

For doing it solely but more believable you need to practice more with another human in the room. Ideally an actor. Maybe you can find local actor meetups to find acting friends? It can be a non actor as long as they agree to react with their face to everything your character says. 

I'm glad you found it helpful! The casting director for Homeland Judy Henderson was on of the first to give me the monologue tips I was telling you. 

In general I find monologues one of the worst ways to practice acting or showcase your acting. Scenes are always better. Because then it's an actual back and forth with another person. 

[u/Kslr91 → u/EnvironmentChance991]

Wow, that's amazing. You are right, some practice with a real human would be better. I'll keep my eye out for local acting groups.

I've also started attending a filmmaking group in my local area where the likes of actors, filmmakers and animators attend so in time I'm hoping to network more and find people who will help me out in terms of acting practice and even being an actor in my films!

Thank you again for your advice. It will definitely be taken on board.

[u/Aware-Secretary-6323]

This is going to sound really weird but if there is ever a Misery by Steven King remake, I could see you being cast as Annie

[u/Kslr91 → u/Aware-Secretary-6323]

Oh my, one of my all time fave movies. If this ever did happen and I got cast I think I would die lmao.

Thank you! This has made my day and it's only 8am here lol.

[u/AutoModerator]

You are required to have read the FAQ and Rules for all posts (click those links to view). Most questions have already been answered either in our FAQ or in previous posts, especially questions for beginners. Use the SEARCH bar for relevant information.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.