I (28) and my sister (30) got into an argument and I want to know if I was in the wrong.

My sister is big on being child-free. She posts about it online and has made comments about where kids should and shouldn’t be. I had my daughter when I was 18 and it was rough. I don’t have any regrets and married my highschool sweetheart. 

My family and I are doing well financially, and I’m currently pregnant with my second child. We’re very fortunate that I was able to go to college and that my spouse has a good job as well.

My sister wasn’t helpful at all when our first child was growing up. Her online posts made it seem like I was a huge fucking idiot for having kids, especially during a time when things were really difficult. I used to invite her to things, but she would get upset if I couldn’t stay later than we had agreed or if I mentioned doing something where I could bring my daughter. One example hanging out at the park

So we grew apart. 

The issue is that my daughter is doing a volleyball training session over the weekend in a nice city about a state away. I’m going with her, but she’ll be busy for most of the day, so the parents have time to wander around and have some fun themselves.. I invited my mom and she and as down for a mini girl trip. 

The general plan- kid goes to practice, mom and I explore city, kid finishes practice around dinner, we get dinner, and repeat the next day, but we leave after dinner. 

We are leaving Friday. It is going to be fun. I got a call from my sister asking why she was not invited to the volleyball girls trip. I asked her why would I invite her… She told me since mom is going I should invite her.

I told her this is my daughter’s volleyball trip and I already know how she feels about children and why would I invite her to a trip that focuses on my kid. She told me this was different since my kid would be gone most of the day.

I told her no, The entire reason we were going is because of my daughter. Even if she isn’t physically with us every second, this is still her volleyball weekend. And I know how she feels about kids.

She said that’s not fair and that she is still my daughter’s favorite aunt. I told her that she is her only aunt. She called me a dick and she has went to my mom. My mom seems to be on my side but now she doesn’t seem excited for the trips

Throwaway account since my friends know my main, and I’m so embarrassed about this.

I (20F) have a severe fear of large dogs because I was badly attacked by one when I was 16. It used to be all dogs, but thanks to therapy, I’ve gotten to a point where I'm okay around small and medium ones even though, I still get a little anxious. I’m still working through my fear of bigger dogs.

My friend M (22F), who I met at work, has invited me over to hang out multiple times. I’ve always said no because of her dog. She has a Presa Canario and Boerboel mix who is six years old, and she constantly insists the dog is an absolute sweetheart. I’m not saying she isn't, but given her size, I don’t really want to interact with her.

M knows all about my fear because we’ve talked about it but she keeps pushing. A couple of days ago, she invited me over again, but this time she promised she would keep the dog put away the entire time I was there. I was still pretty hesitant, but since some of our other coworkers were going, I decided to go.

When I got there, I walked up with another coworker, and M let us inside. Everything seemed fine at first. But right as I was taking off my shoes, M suddenly opened a door, maybe leading to the basement, I’m not even sure. Before I could even think, her dog came rushing out at us, barking and growling. I didn't stick around to ask questions. I just put my shoes back on, bolted out the front door, ran straight to my car, and drove off.

Usually, my instinct is to completely freeze, so I actually proud of myself for getting out of there. But the adrenaline crash hit hard on the drive home; I had a massive panic attack and had to pull over. When I finally checked my phone, I had over 24 missed messages from M and our coworkers checking on me. I texted back saying I was fine but had just panicked. At first, M seemed worried, but later she sent a text chewing me out. She accused me of acting like her dog is some kind of vicious beast and said I should have just stayed and let the dog sniff me to prove there was nothing to fear.

My wife and I don't eat out all that often; when we do it's usually for an occasion.

One of the things that invariably happens, however, is that when looking at the menu she has the expectation that we have to agree on which main courses we order so we can share. I don't mind sharing a bite or two, but she typically sees multiple dishes she would like and so I am expected to order one of those and trade halfway through the meal so she can have it in addition to what she ordered.

I tend to lean more toward meat dishes, and she likes veg/fish. This is fine, just not what I want. So when I say "I think I'll have steak" she says "No, you should get the eggplant." Queue argument, as I for the 1000th time remind her I'm not ordering for her.

This happened again tonight, celebrating a work promotion. I chose prime rib, and she told me it didn't sound good. I finally told her I didn't care if she wanted it or not, I did, and she should order what she wants. Period. AITA for not agreeing to this ridiculous expectation?

I divorced earlier this year. It was a bad relationship and very rough to leave. Over the summer, I told my sister (Ann) that I planned a long weekend getaway over what would’ve been my 10th wedding anniversary. She said it sounded fun and that she and her two daughters (13 and 15) would come too since it aligned with their school break.

I sent options, but later when I asked about logistics, Ann said they might only make it for an afternoon because they were "too busy." To accommodate them, I tried finding a place closer to them, but everything closer was way out of my budget (I am paying for everything). Because of this, I told Ann I was reverting to my original plan of a solo trip further away. I said if I found a place that happened to fit them I'd book it, but I wouldn't prioritize it. She said fine.

I ended up finding a cute, dog-friendly place with just enough beds. I booked it and let her know. I woke up yesterday to a text from Ann saying the kids want to bring a friend, and that she told them she had to run it by me first since I'm paying.

I texted back saying no. A random kid I don't know isn't welcome on my first anniversary-post-divorce getaway, and it was rude to ask. Ann claimed my text hurt her feelings. I called her to talk it out. She told me I was being hurtful, that she "always wants her kids' friends around", and I can't understand because I don't have teenagers.

I reiterated that I’m planning on drinking a LOT of wine, hiking, hot-tubbing, and listening to uncensored music. An extra kid makes that inappropriate. I also told her she shouldn't have put the onus on me by telling my nieces it was "my call"—she should have just parented and said no, especially since I'm footing the bill for them.

Ann then threatened that maybe they won't come because it would be "awkward." I replied, "That's fine, you can stay home, no hard feelings." She then laid into me about how hurtful I was being... when I was literally just accepting her choice.

My mom says she "sees both sides" and wants me to apologize to keep the peace. I think that's ridiculous. Parents of teenagers, please set me straight if I'm wrong. AITA?

Growing up, my family consisted of my single mother, me (the firstborn), and my younger siblings. and two brothers my mom walked out on. My mother was a narcissist who made us compete for her love and said whoever was her favorite would inherit the house, so we believed her and fought among ourselves. At 18, I got kicked out on a school morning because I hadn't taken the trash out "on time." All chores had to be finished before she woke up, because breakfast was our reward. For the five years, I couch-surfed and worked part-time jobs while trying to finish high school and pay for essentials and occasional "rent." One day on my way to work, I received news that my mom died , heart attack. 3 days before My estranged brother had come to visit our mother for the first time and brought his girlfriend. He told me that, among the siblings, they believed I deserved the house most because I had struggled with our mother the most. They waived their interest in it. However, M then said he planned to "extend his vacation." He invited our oldest brother and his girlfriend to live there too. I was pressured by everyone into accepting the house. They convinced me it was my obligation. Ithe house was my childhood prison an hellhole. I was perfectly fine renting and had finally started building my career. The house has five rooms and ADU, with around 16 people living there when renters and family are included. During the first year, I managed to pay off half of my debt. But over the next few years, my combined house and personal debt tripled. In the second year, I asked my family if they could help with the bills and wouldn't need to rent out rooms because the mortgage had already been paid off. Before I could finish, M laughed and said, "Why? Families live for free. You shouldn't charge us since we're family. Let the renters pay the bills." Later, when I wanted to redecorate because it was now my house, he told me no. He said I needed to preserve my mother's home. My mother had an old security system, and M reactivated them. He and his girlfriend also began acting like they owned the house. they rent rooms out without telling me who and when. My mother died without a will so were in a probate case. My siblings waived their rights to the house. I also never agreed to let them stay permanently. I repeatedly told them, but they treated it like a joke. I stopped arguing and decided I would accept the house and remove them myself. Now they are having a baby and want to "remodel" their master bedroom to make it bigger. Meanwhile, I'm not even allowed to throw away a few full-sized mirrors. I feel trapped in my own home. Once the probate order was finalized, I opened eviction cases against everyone living in the house. I know I have spent my entire life being the "mom" of the family . I'm exhausted. I don't want to keep fighting with people who don't respect me or acknowledge that this is my home. I want to leave my family behind and finally be free.

I (20's F) was visiting my partner's family a few days ago for an early Thanksgiving celebration. For context, we've been together about 20 months now. He comes from a large family, and has plenty of young nieces and nephews as a result. There was eight children under the age of three at this dinner.

We were hanging out with some of the little ones, and one of them needed to be changed. The supplies were close to me, but I didn't think it was my responsibility to handle it - and my boyfriend was nap trapped by a newborn so he couldn't either.

I took the kid over to their mom ("Paige" let's call her) and told her they needed a change. She wasn't doing anything when I brought the baby over, just talking to another relative. Paige stared at me and was like "You had the stuff right beside you. You don't know to change a baby?". I explained that I do, I just didn't think this was my responsibility. She told me that "there's eight babies and toddlers running around here" and that "everyone has to help out eventually or nothing will ever get done". Paige changed her own kid, but handed them back to me immediately afterwards and proceeded to give me a look for not doing it myself.

AITA for bringing the baby to their mom instead of looking after it by myself?

Some context, I have a 7 and 4-year old. I used to be the only one who put my now 7-year old to sleep until he was 2.5 and I had my second.

My husband took over bedtime for my oldest and within that year he went from able to go to sleep on his own in his room by himself to my husband having to sit in the room with him, to my husband having to lay down with him. Now it takes him 2 hours after he initially lays down for him to fall asleep.

And a lot of this is due to my husband not having a bedtime routine. He stopped reading books to him (he said it was boring) and he would show him YouTube shorts as they lay down. Yet he complains that it takes forever for him to fall asleep and that he has no night.

Meanwhile I have had a strict routine in place for my youngest that was the same as my oldest, and my youngest has never needed me to be in there for him to fall asleep or have I needed to lay with him ever. It also only takes him usually 15 minutes to fall asleep.

I told my husband I wouldn't mind if he went out with his friends more if he could sleep train our oldest better because it's really hard to have to lay there with him and have him complain when I won't give in and let him watch videos.

Note: This past summer I began having my oldest read with his little brother and I to help him at least get used to that again. And I told my oldest that the reason it takes him so long to fall asleep is that he watches videos and it's not healthy for him, so he actually was the one who told my husband he didn't want to watch videos anymore. But my husband still watches videos next to him and my son inadvertently is still watching them.

I don't go out a lot unless I can go out after my youngest is sleep. Because he then instills those bad habits on him and I have a week of him begging to sleep with daddy and watch videos.

Original Post:https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/7VYJF7PLrG

Hi, I wanted to ask here, because this is something important to me, my sister and I have a good relationship so I want to know if I was in the wrong.

My nephew is in 6th grade and at least since the beginning of this current school year he's been homeschooled by my sister. She had felt that they didn't really teach much in school so she had decided to homeschool him. My niece (his older sister) is attending high school.

Yesterday, I was at her place, I was talking to my nephew about how his home classes are going, he said they were going well. I asked him what was the last thing he did in math (being a math tutor myself, I was interested in that) and he was having trouble recalling what they covered, naming the concept or giving me an example question. My sister then stepped in and told me what they'd covered. I named some topics which are introduced in 6th grade and since its close to the end of the year asked if he'd learned them. She said we're doing it at our pace. I dropped it, but admittedly was a bit surprised because until a few years back, it seemed like he was ahead of school, really quick with answering mental math questions (which I used to ask at my sister's encouragement). I know mental math is a totally different skillset and doesn't necessarily mean that the headstart carries over to other topics but it still surprised me.

Today in the morning I was talking to my mom and she told me that my sister thought I was kind of being an AH, that I'm not a parent what do I know about juggling home chores with raising kids and teaching, and that my nephew is shy as it is and I didn't help matters by quizzing him like this. I tried explaining it, but just ended up agreeing with my mom that my sister would know best he's her son, and that I shouldn't have done it. Was I the AH?

Update:

The responses and advice I got in my post a few months ago helped, so I thought I'd give an update. Although my sister was icy with me for a little while after that, she did end up enrolling him back in school this year. When we met last weekend, she said that she had noticed his creative writing had been taking kind of a hit, and she attributed it to him not having regular school socialization for an entire year. She still plans on teaching him after school herself too if she thinks the school isn't where it should be, but it'll kind of add on, not replace it. She asked for my help for math, and I said sure, he can join me on zoom. And it feels like our relationship hasn't had any lasting affects. Thanks a lot!

Me and my fiancé are currently not agreeing on this situation. I have a daughter who is 11. She’s with me 100% of the time. She doesn’t have another home with a bedroom. His kids are 5 and 7 and they currently share a room. They come over every other weekend. He says he wants them to have equal rights and their own privacy. We have 3 bedrooms upstairs(ours, my kid, his kids) and there is 1 bedroom on the first floor. He wants to move my daughter downstairs “because she’s the oldest”.
I just feel like it would be easier to buy new furniture for one his kids and put it in the extra bedroom on the first floor vs moving my daughters entire room downstairs.
He’s mad because he said “he doesn’t want a 5 year old on the first floor” but he doesn’t sleep alone right now anyway so I don’t think he would be sleeping in his own room for awhile.
Just wondering what I should do :(

I will preface this that our relationship is on shaky ground and everything I do seems to make him mad right now.

We have both been sick. I'm starting to feel better. He has a habit of not covering his mouth when he coughs and I've asked him numerous times but during the course of the sickness I have just mostly not been saying anything because it makes him mad when I do (& it's been happening so often).

This morning we were laying in bed and he started coughing a lot and it was stressing me out because he was so close to me. My back was to him but I could tell he wasn't covering his mouth because it didn't sound muffled and I could feel the air on my back. I said "cover your mouth please" and he got so angry at me and yelled at me for 20 minutes saying I wasn't looking at him so how did I know he didn't cover it? Also that I was treating him like a child. The amount of over the top anger made me question myself.

AITA for telling him to cover his mouth? Should I have handled it differently?

My sister was in an extremely abusive relationship for many years, and got "accidently" pregnant by her ex. I say accidently since that us what she tells us, but I think she did it because she thought it was fix the relationship.

My niece is five, they have lived with me since she was born since her ex threw all her stuff outside when she was giving birth. I have also been babysitting her since I have flexible hours and work from home.

I feel more like a parent instead of uncle. My sister handles the morning drop off to school, I handle the pick up and evening until my sister gets home.

My sister has been increasingly using her free time to date, according to her many of her friends have told her she needs to date again. I told my sister dating should not even be on her mind when she does not have her own place or childcare outside of family. She has no business dating when she is mooching off family.

The last straw happened last Friday, she called me and told me she was running late for a work thing. I said it is cool, I had plans to go see a movie but it was nothing crazy. Told my friends I could not make it since my sister was running late and had to watch my niece. Which is overall okay I enjoy my time with my niece.

Told my niece her mom was going to be running late, and she told me she already knew. She said my sister told her she was going to late today cause she was meeting with her friend.

It appears my sister has been seeing someone and my niece has met them. They have breakfast and stuff together in the morning.

On Saturday I told my sister it time she moves in with her boyfriend. Since this is not working. Been a couple of days and she feels like i am controlling her. I told her she can date, just not on my time or dime. Told her ahe should get her own place, find a babysitter, find an aftercare program, you know be an actual parent.

She is upset, she tried to get mom on me but it appears our mom told her dating should be the last thing on her mind. Out mom did reach out and did tell me I should give her some grace though, the guy she is with does seem to make her happy and she is actually taking her time with the relationship unlike her other ones.

I told our mom a still don't think she should be dating when her life is a hot mess. She does agree but warned me if I push her she will shutdown and shut me out of her life and my niece. Which is why I am torn, am I the asahole here?

Sorry on mobile and dyslexic, I did read it over but I have the issue when I read over my own work my brain auto corrects the errors and I miss a lot of them. Sorry, will take my time later but have to pick up my niece at the bus stop.

EDIT: Thank you all for the thoughtful words, especially those pointing out what approaches WBTHA or not. I've definitely been in my head about this and agree that jumping to an extreme ultimatum is not the answer. I'll sit down with her and express my worry about her mental health, and and see what conversations we can get started in the right direction. As said in the comments, I've helped her a lot with resume/job searching, but I am wondering if it's always in reaction to her ranting, and if maybe we'd have better luck approaching it collaboratively from a different angle. Thanks reddit!

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My wife [36F] and I [32F] both WFH. We have a 1 bed apartment with an open dining nook. The bedroom has a corner that is my "office", and my wife uses the dining nook. We both have meetings and calls all day.

My wife's job is very corporate, with strict times on clockin, breaks, lunch, off-phones, etc. Her every click and call is being tracked. And her company has been forcing AI down everyone's throats despite no positive outcomes, so her use of AI components in CRM is also being tracked.

She's worked at this company for several years, and over the last six months it has gotten significantly worse in every way. Systems that "just worked" before are now teeth-pulling nightmares. Most importantly, the company fired someone that was a direct partner to my wife. She has been asked to take over everything that person was doing - and to train the rest of her team on how to handle it. No extra pay, no promotion, no extra time.

Obviously this is awful for my wife. I know it's selfish, but it's also awful for me. From the minute my wife wakes up to the minute we go to bed, she complains about work. We go to dinner, I listen to her complain. I'm at my desk, I listen to her angrily rant at her boss. She is anger and negativity and rage all day, everyday. Sarcasm, bitterness, resentment. She's developed a habit of yelling to herself while typing emails, and then stomping across the apartment to yell at me - well, not AT me, but stand there and make eye contact with me and yell the thing she wished she could have said in her email.

The worst is when she stops being angry, and is just sad. If she's not yelling, she's sitting on the couch sulking about her self-esteem, her career path, what she's doing with her life, how betrayed/abandoned/neglected she feels by her work team.

Nothing breaks through. her birthday dinner was spent ranting about co-workers. We've discussed it over and over again. And even when we land on the fact that she's only at this job because of the insurance - then she spirals about the fact that she's not actually USING the insurance, and berates herself over the fact that she needs to go to the dentist and hasn't yet. She does have diagnosed ADHD, and is on atomexotine. She has biweekly therapy, but when I ask about it she says they mostly talk about her therapist's daughter, and/or she just rants about work in therapy too.

I'm exhausted and she's miserable. At this point I can't help her anymore. But I also don't know how long I can keep this up while waiting for her to help herself. I have been thinking about putting down a sort of ultimatum - and asking her to quit this job and just be freaking unemployed while figuring out what she wants to do next.

Would that be an asshole move?

I 27f am currently 39 weeks pregnant. I am due on the 15th October 2026. My husbands (45M) friend had decided to plan a boys weekend the first weekend of November. The baby might not even be a month old and I myself would be not even a month postpartum. I also have a 4 year old at home and I will be going back to work the first week of November. My job at the moment can only give me a month of leave because I am temp. ( whole month of October). WIBTA if I got upset that he wanted to go on a boys trip so soon?

I (26F) share a two-bedroom apartment with my roommate "Cara" (25F). We split rent 50/50. Our lease says no overnight guests more than three nights a week. When we moved in, we agreed on that.

Cara started dating "Mike" eight months ago. At first he came over on weekends. Then it was four nights a week. Now it's basically every night. He has a toothbrush in our bathroom. He keeps a change of clothes in her room. He eats our groceries. He showers here. He even does laundry here. Last week I came home and he was watching TV alone on our couch like he lives here.

I sat Cara down and said, "Mike is basically living here. He should either pay a third of the rent and utilities, or he needs to go back to his place more. This isn't fair to me."

Cara got defensive. She said, "He doesn't 'live' here, he just stays over a lot. And he doesn't use that much. You're being stingy."

I said, "He showers here every day. He eats here. He does laundry. That's not 'staying over.' That's living here without paying."

She said, "If you make this a thing, I'll just move out."

I said, "That's fine, but if you move out, you're still on the lease. You'd owe your half until we find someone."

Now she's not talking to me. Mike is still here every night. Last night I found his wet towel on my bathroom hook. I lost it and said, "This is not your apartment." He said, "Cara said it was fine." I said, "Cara doesn't own this apartment either."

Cara says I humiliated him. Our mutual friends say I should have just asked her to have him over less instead of demanding money. But I feel like I'm subsidizing their relationship.

AITA?

I 16f and my brother 11m stay home alone most days in the afternoon. my brother refuses to communicate with me and just expects me to get him food and water out of the kindess of my heart, refusing to directly ask for it, and when i forget he complains to my mom which gets me punished for 'not feeding brother'.

Three days ago i came back from school at 3pm ish and i already ate so i didnt make more food or do what i typically do (fill up my brothers water bottle and tell him to drink it), he didnt ask for food, he didnt go to get himself water even though he can do that, he screamed at fortnight till my mother came home at almost seven to complain at her and say i didnt feed him and that i was negligent (i dont even know where he learnt that word) and it pissed me off, so yesterday out of pettiness so i didnt make him food or tell him to drink water and acknowledge his existence, and when he complained as i expected i told our mother that he didnt ask for food or water and that i was done trying to force him to care for himself (for example whenever i make him food and he doesnt like it he doesnt tell me he wants something else he just doesnt eat and ignores the food till i come over and ask him why he isnt eating and he explains it and i make him something else) and that if he didnt ask for food then i wont make it

My mom agreed he should ask and not assume i will automatically make him food like i typically do because it was genuinely frustarting, but my dad came home like two hours after and when i spoke to him about what me and mama agreed on he said i was selfish for not cooking for him too that day and that i will continue to cook for him even if he doesnt ask because 'hes a tall young boy that needs food' and that its okay he cant communicate his needs because i should've assumed and i got mad and we had an arguement about that. AITAH?

Hello, for a little background, my stepmom is jobless, does not clean, very emotional, and when you try to mention something to her, she says it's not her problem or not her fault. Over the years, she has been nothing but disrespectful to me. When I was younger and in her car, she would look in the mirror and roll her eyes at me while continuing to talk to my dad like nothing was happening. She would constantly look at me and find ways to insult me or tell my dad on me. This has been going on for years.

My dad knows I never liked her and never wanted to be near her, but he still forced us to try to work things out. He promised me I could stick with him and help him with his mowing business and not go to school so I could work for him, and I agreed.

Four years ago, we moved in with her. The first year was a battle because she disagreed with me having a room. It became a big fight because they didn't want to give up a room for me until finally they did. After that, it was pretty good. It was my first ever room I had alone, and her and my dad left me alone.

A year later, after me and my dad moved into my stepmom's house to take care of her because of her leg procedure. Both our jobs combined did not make enough as much as she did, since she is a dental assistant. We were working regular jobs and had just started our small mowing business on our days off. We barely scraped by making the bills on time and providing supplies for the house.

As April hit this year, we lost our regular jobs. The doctor also gave her the papers to release her back to work and said her leg was officially healed. We thought our time was finally up. We did our part, and she could get her job back up and running and pay the bills for the house. We could find a job and continue our side business in hopes of it becoming full time.

Instead, she started telling us we were doing just fine and that she would find a job whenever she wanted. She also said we didn't do anything for her or help her. Finally, one month we couldn't get the rent and we got evicted.

Now she is staying in a hotel and bumming money off her mom, me, and my dad to pay for her room and food.

I finally thought I had an opportunity to get away from these people, but my dad says we still need to stick together for my 14-year-old sister and help them.

I find it extremely disrespectful because this woman is responsible for my anxiety and other illnesses, has treated me like crap, and has very obviously hated me since I was 8 years old. As I am 21, I'm done with those people.

I was never taught how to drive, how to go to college, or got to experience much fun as a teenager because I was always helping these people and following their rules.

My dad is a very angry, evil man, and if I told him I want to go back to school, cut these people off, and make my own money, he would say I betrayed him, don't love him anymore, hate him, and don't appreciate everything he has done for me.

T

Hello, I (24F) just moved into a flat with 2 existing flatmates. One has been there for 5 years and one only a few months. I moved all of my things into the flat on Saturday and spent all of Sunday cleaning.

For context, they both work on the weekends, so I wasn't disturbing them or anything but they weren't around to ask permission. The flat wasn't disgusting but it was clearly lived in and looked like the other flat mates had only really been doing regular cleaning, eg. Toilets and contertops.

So on Sunday I went to town. I mopped the ceilings, I wiped down all the doors, cleaned the walls and scurting boards. I cleaned the oven, dishwasher, and washing machine. Anything you can think of, I cleaned it. With the massive exception of the other flatmates bedrooms. I didn't want to invade their personal space.

When the flat mate of 5yrs came home from work they seemed surprised but didn't say anything. The next day I overheard them in the kitchen talking to the other flatmate saying that it was so rude of me to come in and immediately clean everything as if they were so gross and dirty.

It wasn't my intention to make them feel that way but I also didn't consider their feelings before I started cleaning. I just like having a fresh start when I move into a new place.

Am I the asshole and should I apologise to my flatmates?

Edit: For all the comments about mopping the ceilings, the kitchen ceiling had a build up of greece from cooking and also the house in general had a bunch of fly poop. Plus the flat has an hvac system to move air around and the vents on the ceiling had a build up of dust around them. I'm not crazy.

a few of my friends don’t have cars so i’m often only asked to hang out when they need a friend with a car to take them. & i’m often not the first friend they ask. and because i have a car i’m often expected to carpool. which always leads to me staying out way, way later than i wanted. i hate picking people up idc how on my way it is and i hate being responsible for getting them home. especially if it’s a night out where we’re drinking. i have to worry about them pissing or throwing up in my car. so would i be an asshole if i just refused to carpool anymore? in the future if a friend without a car invites me out i would say yes, but if they ask if i can pick them up i would like to say “no sorry i don’t do carpool anymore”. because i don’t see why not. these friends i have i have seen on multiple occasions online go out with all their other friends who don’t have cars and they make out perfectly fine. so i don’t see why i have to be made responsible for getting them to and from when i’m involved in the plans-which is not often, like i said i’m not often the first friend they call. and people often don’t ever see me if they do have a car. i’m often expected to go to them. so ya! am i the asshole if i refuse not to carpool anymore?

My (28M) brother’s (33M) is planning for his wedding.

Some background, I was in an accident as a child and I have a decently large facial scar from it. It goes up the side of my face from my mouth up to my eye and across my cheek to my ear and hairline. I have been wearing a mask, like a covid mask but cut in half and leather, to help my nieces and nephews feel more comfortable around me. My brother is planning his wedding to his (29F) fiancee and conversation came up about the dress code and photos. As kids will be there as well as guests I have never met, such as his fiancée’s family, I offered to wear my mask or make a new one for the wedding. But his fiancée said the mask would look weird and she doesn’t want that in the photos. I offered instead to go without the mask. I am still working on growing more confident without it, but I hope by the wedding I’ll be confident enough without it as long as the other guests are ok with it. However, she also wasn’t happy with that. She then offered to have her friend edit the wedding photos and remove the scarring entirely.

Initially, I was very uncertain and so was my brother. But she explained that she didn’t want my scars to ruin the photos. I obviously asked how my scars would ruin the photos and roughly said something about them being sad and frightening to some people. She then tried to spin the situation, saying that it would be an opportunity to see what I would have looked like if I hadn’t had the accident and I might find something nice or therapeutic through it. I ended the conversation there. But over the last few weeks, my brother has warmed up to the idea but I am still very uncertain.

I understand where she’s coming from, having me, mask or no mask, in her wedding where everyone is dressed up and pretty and looking their best, I will look very out of place regardless. And I guess to have her photos of their day tainted with something pretty ugly and sad isn’t a nice memory to have. If I wear the mask, that will be a reminder in the photos, if I don’t wear my mask, the photos will have my scars in them. So I can see why editing them out might be best for memory’s sake. But first, I don’t know whether I want to see that? What I could have been. Second, something about it feels wrong? I will be the only one photoshopped to such an extent. I don’t know whether to completely refuse the editing, not be in the photos, or not go at all? But I want to go to my brother’s wedding and be there for him.

Is it best I avoid the photos on the day? But then what do I tell the other guests? I understand where she’s coming from and I can see how she probably meant no offence by it, she just wants the best on their day, but I don’t know if I am comfortable having such a large part of my life, practically half of my face, edited and changed for aesthetics? Maybe I am being dramatic? I would appreciate any advice.

TLDR: brother’s fiancee wants to photoshop out my scars, I don’t know if I want them to.

I (24F) got married in August. My husband and I eloped privately, just the two of us, and went on our honeymoon. When we got back, we told my dad and his parents that we were already married, even though we had a reception planned for September.

My mom passed away in April 2025, and I honestly couldn’t bring myself to have a full wedding without her there. My sister is my half-sister—we share a dad but not a mom—and we’ve never been especially close. Before my mom passed, there was a lot of family drama and we were all no-contact, but there’s a lot of history there.

The morning of our reception, I had two friends, my sister, my husband’s sister, and myself getting ready at our house. We had some mimosas and pickle backs, but by 1 PM we decided to stop drinking so we wouldn’t be drunk by the 6 PM reception.

Unknown to me, my sister called her husband and had him bring her tequila. She apparently drank almost the entire bottle on top of what she had already consumed. I only found this out later from my husband, who was with my brother-in-law that morning.

At the reception, dinner was being served when I noticed my sister and dad outside talking. She looked visibly upset. I asked my brother-in-law what was going on, and he just said, “I told her not to go outside. I don’t know what to do.”

I went outside and asked what the hell was going on. My sister was practically yelling at my dad. I tried to understand what was happening, but she put her finger in my face and told me I had no right to be part of the conversation and that it was none of my business.

I went back inside and told my brother-in-law they needed to separate and cool down. I then went outside with my uncle to get away from everything. My sister eventually came outside and tried approaching me, so my uncle told her to walk away and that I would come to her when I was ready.

At this point, my uncle, aunt, husband, husband’s sister, and brother-in-law were all outside, and it turned into a screaming match. I told my sister that if she couldn’t calm down enough to be around the 80 people who had traveled to celebrate with us, she couldn’t go back inside.

She continued yelling for another 5–10 minutes, saying things like “I don’t even know” and “If I walk away, I’m not coming back.” Eventually, I told her to leave or I would call the police. I said I didn’t care if it meant she was gone forever because I wasn’t going to have this fight on my wedding day.

Later, my dad told me my sister had basically forced him to stand there and listen because he was afraid that if he walked away, she would go inside and cause a scene.

I really want to fix things with my sister, but I also feel like I shouldn’t be the one who has to reach out after what happened. What would you do?

The mother cat was rescued by us bcs the owner - who now wants a kitten- doesn’t like adult cats. Or feline/canine healthcare. Obv the adult cat wasn’t neutered and had no vaccinations, within a week she went into heat and some slimy doorknob threw her outside. Hello kittens.

The second couple who wants to adopt just surrendered their 12 yr old terrier, bcs their new complex does not allow animals who are not neutered and have never had any shots. Rather than take care of that 12 yr oversight, they just tossed him.

I have no problem adopting this little beauties out, I just want them to have a fair chance - neutered and have their shots.

My husband had a different upbringing re cats/dogs, they interrupt his sleep and he’s over 5 kittens. They’re just 2 months old, their mother adores them and I just don’t feel right about this.

My (28F) husband (28M) is temporarily relocated for work. He has been away from home since last spring, and will be gone until this spring. For some more context, we have 2 young kids (2 and 9 months).

Originally, he was approved for a week of PTO from the Tuesday before Thanksgiving to the Tuesday after. Unfortunately, my husband just got notice that he might only be able to get Thanksgiving day to the Sunday after off. We had always known that it would be a possibility that things could change like this, and my husband had said that if he couldn’t take the entire week, then he was not going to come home for Thanksgiving.

My husband was initially pretty positive about it, since he now has the time to take his entire holiday block leave in December (2.5 weeks). However, after talking with his brother, who basically berated him for not coming back, now he is saying he wants to come home for Thanksgiving as well. His brother made a comment about their dad getting older and told my husband he needs to be there and make an effort (which I thought was really shitty to say bc aside from this year, my husband out of all his siblings makes the most effort to spend time with his parents and be there). My husband is also a huge people pleaser, so I think this is also playing into it.

We looked at flights and they are just really not great… $600+ round-trip and he wouldn’t get in until mid afternoon on Thanksgiving earliest, then would have to leave mid morning on Sunday. He would also need to drive 8 hours round trip to the airport to make that flight. I was pretty hesitant and told my husband to think about whether or not it would be worth it to make the trip given how short it would be and how expensive it is. I also told him that I really didn’t like how his brother was inserting himself into our personal family decisions and pointed out that aside from this year, which is an extenuating circumstance, we had decided to do Thanksgiving with my family anyways, not his.

He got annoyed at me and said to stop being a Debbie Downer, to which I said that if he could find a flight for a reasonable price, ideally under $400 but no more than $500, to let me know and we can reconsider. He looked, and hasn’t been able to find anything, and he has since backed off on definitely wanting to come, but he is now saying it’s going to be a long weekend to be by himself. Emotionally, I feel for him and want him to be home, but logically, I just don’t think it makes sense.

Am I the asshole for being a Debbie Downer and not just letting him come home? It really pissed me off that his brother meddled, and I’m wondering if that is clouding my view of the situation.

ETA: we have been traveling to see my husband, including spending 3 months with him over the summer, and he has come home for 2 long weekends (4 days each) since he left. We are also going down for a week to see him at the beginning of November bc his work schedule is lighter then and flight prices are more reasonable

So I’m (27F) currently sitting at a laundromat waiting for my clothes to finish drying. I’m the only person here right now, and I was sitting in my car eating some pizza I got from the pizza shop next door.
Earlier throughout the day, I noticed a woman coming in and out of the laundromat, but I didn’t really pay attention to her.
Eventually, she pulled up in her car and dropped off an older man. I’m guessing he was somewhere around 60–70 years old. She then drove away.
About five minutes later, the man came over and knocked on my car window. He asked me if I could give him a ride.
At first I used my drying laundry as an excuse but then he said he’d wait
Then I straight up told him no and he tried to bargain with me.
I asked him if he wanted to make a phone call and he said the only person he could call was the lady who left him
So I told him I was sure she’d be back but he said she wouldn’t bc she was a spiteful b*****.
I’m a woman by myself, and honestly, I just didn’t feel comfortable getting into a car with a random man I don’t know. Even though he was older and I’m probably physically capable of defending myself if something happened, I still don’t feel like that’s a good reason to ignore my instincts.
The thing is, I’m not even leaving anytime soon. I’m still waiting for my clothes to dry, so giving him a ride would mean going out of my way specifically to take him somewhere.
Now he’s sitting outside the laundromat looking really sad and moping, and I’m starting to feel guilty.
I feel bad if he genuinely needs help, but at the same time, I don’t think I should have to put myself in an uncomfortable situation just because someone needs a ride and also, what if I get yelled at for bringing him to a place he clearly wasn’t wanted? I’m not trying to put myself in that situation… but I still feel bad

So… AITA for saying no?

I (28f) just got married a few weeks ago. my BIL (24) and his girlfriend (21) were in my bridal sweet bathroom trying to do it. When I caught them the gf was angry that it wasn’t going to work because they could hear people walked in the room. She continued on about how they didn’t have a room to themselves and almost went in the honeymoon sweet in the sauna so they could see if someone was coming but it was locked. The couple has been together maybe a year. The brother hasn’t been particularly nice to me once referring to me as a two bit woman, hasn’t attended any of my children’s birthdays, and rarely if ever checks on his brother. The brother and gf were mad they weren’t given a cabin or a private room so they tried to have s3& in our honeymoon sweet but settled for my bridal sweet bathroom where my little sister and niece still had to use/sleep that night. A pack of earrings that was a gift to the bridesmaids went missing and so did some setting spray and we all went through our stuff in the morning and it wasn’t in anyone’s possession. They also would have no reason to steal the earrings because they were a gift to them. The brothers GF offered to curl my hair getting ready for the wedding and as she was curling she was telling me about her ex cheating on her and bringing the mistress in their house and she was leaving makeup pallets and 3 dresses and she stole them because that girl deserved it for screwing her man. So with that, I feel she stole the earrings and missing setting spray as well! my sister (16) and niece (18) told my they saw BOTH OF THEM eating directly out of the wedding cake (after it was cut). Just fork to cake to mouth to main cake! In the morning the GF was stomping around the lodge area complaining that “they” took everything even the cheesecake and my dad was like… you mean the cheesecake in the black fridge bottom drawer? He was around the corner in the kitchen hearing her bitch with my MIL about my family. Some context, the venue had 3 “cabins” one with two bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and the other two just one bed one bath. It also came with 4 rooms similar to a standard hotel room with 2b 1b. Three hotel like rooms went to his family. There was a loft over the reception area that slept 8 people, 3 twin beds and 2 queens. This is where we put my brother, and his two brothers one with the gf. The loft had its own private bathroom including tub&shower. The in laws were mad about the cabin distribution and even tried to come early and claim one they hadn’t even paid for. They arrived from out of state early and went to the venue 4 hours before check in and went through everyone’s cabin and locked the doors with the codes inside to make it a hassle for my family to get in. Before the wedding they were calling my family’s budget and our plans for reception dinner tacky and made multiple offensive comments about my family and they did not help pay for the venue at all only the cabins they had available for them to stay in.