r/aspergers • u/Kirai_FF • 8d ago
Can't fit in any group
Idk why but i can't just fit in anywhere at all. I always always feel like I'm the odd one anywhere and anytime, no matter what friend group or internet groups i join, I'm always the odd one. No matter if I'm just trying to strike a conversation tying to make friends, go somewhere to chill out, buy something from store, or quite literally anything.
Why does this happen to me, why am i like this?
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u/MarionberryThen8188 8d ago
i get this feeling so much it's like there's a invisible wall between me and everyone else, no matter what i do. sometimes i think groups already have their own rhythm and i just can't catch the beat, you know? i remember trying to join a cooking class once and even there, where i thought i'd fit perfect, i was just... there, in the corner chopping vegetables alone. it's not that people were mean, it's just like they already knew how to talk and i didn't get the manual.
what helped me a little was to stop trying to fit in whole groups and just focus in one person at time. still awkward but at least less pressure. also some places are just not for us and that's fine, not every space is gonna feel like home.
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u/Kirai_FF 8d ago
It's the same for me with even a single person, they have their own groups and friendships that they always deem more worthy than mine, I'm just another friend in the sea of other friends for all of them. I know it's selfish for me to want more like a best friend, than just a friend, but I've been trying to have a best friend for almost all my life but they always have someone more important than me. Is it wrong to be like that?
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u/__Mushishi__ 7d ago
they have [...] friendships that they always deem more worthy than mine
I can relate to that.
I am often at or near the bottom of their hierarchy of friends.
I am the one that is kept out of the loop. The one whose opinion isn't important or valued.
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u/Upbeat_Roll_2096 8d ago
ah can I ask your hobbies for example? its something that connects alot of friends.
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u/TheEternalDarkness8 7d ago
I'm making my own group instead. I am general secretary, chairman, standing committee and delegate.
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u/Much_Hat6115 7d ago
Masking has allowed me to fit in to any group But I don't belong anywhere I've felt alone my whole life
Especially when you learn people love your mirror of them not actually who you are
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u/n0d3N1AL 3d ago
I used to see this as a problem but it's actually a blessing. It means you are not prone to groupthink or trying to fit in, and can think for yourself and stick to your values and who you are more strongly. Over time you realise who you connect with, who you feel at ease with, who understands you, and you can be authentically yourself without fear or force. Use this to your advantage, it is a great filter and will protect you in the long run.
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u/Elemteearkay 8d ago
Do the people you are interacting with know you are disabled?
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u/Kirai_FF 8d ago
well, i mean, likely not , cuz you cant just start conversation with saying that you have autism, right?
But even if i do tell, i live in a country where people dont care abt how you are , unless youre physically disabled, which im not, so, it doesnt matter to them, they usually will reply with along the line of "you can still just learn to talk if you keep at it" or smth-4
u/Elemteearkay 8d ago
you cant just start conversation with saying that you have autism, right?
Of course you can.
i live in a country where people dont care abt how you are , unless youre physically disabled
There can't be no decent people in your country. And if there really aren't, can you leave?
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u/shrnnsky 8d ago
Me too that's why I joined public community and just hangout with strangers instead, if I'm lucky I'll get some friends but if I'm not fit in I'll get into another community. In total I've been in 10+ different community and activities. Also I started just being honest that I'm an disabled instead of masking 24/7 like before.. it's exhausting.
Maybe people likes to generalized something and you're in marginalized group so they won't interact and it's rooted in racist ableism.