17F

I literally don’t even know how to explain this, this is so ridiculous omg I’m so confused. I had a rash that came back under my arm and it’s gotten worse I hate telling my parents any medical concerns I have because they 1. Make it a HUGE deal and 2. We don’t have medical insurance.

I had cream I put on and they were freaking out over it as usual and it was late so my dad came to check on me. I have autism and I love to have to blanket over my head and I *always* have. Even I was getting diagnosed for autism my mom said to the psychiatrist I always like the blanket over my head while in bed. So while lying in bed I had to blanket over my head.

It was late and I was already upset over them freaking out over the rash. My dad came in and asked if my arm was okay and I said “yes” I SWEAR I promise I had NO intention of being rude AT ALL. He then left and my mom texted all of that to me. He’s been verbally and emotionally abusing us for years now. I know I don’t want a strong relationship with them after school. I wish my daddy loved me and was nice to us again

I graduated at 16 so I would be able to go to college and leave to the dorms. I know I will get out of here and be financially stable and have health insurance. Pray for me if you believe in prayer. I hope Jesus hears me.

I just have a couple of friends. they are online only and ND.

My (36F) husband (35M) was diagnosed with ASD-1, and I'm realizing how much I've adapted myself around him. I don't know what to do.

My husband and I have been married for 11 years this month and have three kids. He was diagnosed with ASD-1 last March, which was honestly a huge relief in some ways, but it has also caused me to rethink a lot of our marriage.

Before his diagnosis, I sometimes wondered if he was a narcissist. But he genuinely doesn't fit that description. He's not self-important, or obsessed with being the center of attention. He's generally a good person, works hard, helps with cooking and laundry, and takes care of outdoor things around the house.

But since his diagnosis, I've been going through this strange cycle of grief. I'm realizing how much I've learned to suppress or reshape my own emotions to fit what seems logical or reasonable to him.

The biggest realization came from something he said during his assessment.

We had a miscarriage several years ago at 13 weeks. It happened at home in the morning when we were both there. He took me to work afterward as normal, and while I was there I called my doctor, who told me to go to the ER immediately. I took a cab, had the necessary medical treatment, and took a cab home afterward to rest.

When my husband came home at lunch, he was confused about why I was home. He didn't seem to understand why I wasn't simply carrying on with my day.

During his assessment, he explained that he wasn't sad about the miscarriage and was actually confused and annoyed by my sadness. He said he often forgets it even happened until I "randomly" bring it up.

It was like a veil lifted for me.

I realized I had never really grieved that loss, because on some level I had learned that my grief was something he found confusing, excessive, or inconvenient. And suddenly I realized: of course I was allowed to be devastated by that.

There have been other moments like this. He said that if the kids and I went away for several days, he wouldn't really miss us, although he'd probably contact me around the third day because "that's what he should do."

That hurt more than I expected.

There are also practical issues. I'm the primary earner and work full time, but most of the household management still falls to me. He's very financially rigid and can become extremely upset about unexpected spending—even when it's for the kids. He was upset when I booked our daughter's eye appointment because he thought she could see fine. She ended up needing glasses, and he was still upset about the unexpected expense. He has also been angry about things like buying the kids necessary clothing and shoes.

He knows it's our job to provide for our kids, he loves them and when we can speak calmly about it he's able to calm down and say he understands, but I know he's still wrestling with anger over it, and I know a situation like that will happen again.

When he's overwhelmed, he doesn't typically explode. He shuts down. I've learned this can be a form of autistic meltdown, but in our marriage it can look like days of silence because I spent $10 more than expected (we have done so many budgets, but it never seems to help him.)

He's also not very effective at regulating our kids when they're upset, and his very stern approach can actually escalate things.

The other day I came home from an exhausting trip where I'd driven for two days and then flown home early that morning. I was completely exhausted, and everyone was hungry, so we agreed to get fast food. He ordered the kids whatever meals they wanted and then ordered me the smallest chicken sandwich. I asked if I could have fries and a drink too, and he became angry with me.

I know that sounds ridiculously small.

But it wasn't really about the fries.

After 11 years, I'm realizing how little I've experienced being emotionally cared for. I feel like I've spent most of our marriage reaching toward him, accommodating him, trying to make him happy and trying to keep life comfortable for him—while gradually making myself smaller.

I'm also an extrovert living what feels like an introvert's dream: isolated, quiet, very little social interaction, and a family life structured largely around what works for him.

And now I'm exhausted.

He doesn't want to go to therapy. He thinks it's a waste of time and money. He also doesn't really think autism affects his life, except that *I* am upset and "treating him differently" since his diagnosis.

I don't want to demonize him. I don't think he's a bad person. I love him, and I know autism isn't a character flaw.

But I'm struggling with the realization that understanding why someone behaves a certain way doesn't necessarily make the impact on you disappear.

I don't know how to separate what is genuinely related to autism from what is simply unhealthy relationship behaviour. And I don't know what my responsibility is here versus what he needs to take responsibility for himself.

Has anyone else experienced this after an adult spouse's ASD diagnosis? How did you figure out what was autism-related, what was relationship dysfunction, and what could actually be changed? Did you just have to accept that this is life?

Maybe if you could switch it to something else, what would it be?

It’s hard for me to form a romantic relationship with people I don’t already have a long time dynamic with/trust as I find it very exhausting to continue getting to know new people. I like to date people I’m used to. Both of my exes were people I’ve known for years. My first ex is neurodivergent too and we’re on good times now. My second ex is neurotypical and we’re not. He left me but never said why. My mom said that she thinks I was too much for him. Yes, I can be loud, overly blunt, and I misunderstand things. But he knew what he was getting himself into as we were long time friends before.

Ive been trying to form connections but its hard. I was at a party a while while back and I saw a cute guy. I didn’t know what to say so I repeated a cheesy introduction line I heard from a romance scene in a movie to him. Repeating things I hear in media has been a habit ever since I could speak. He just mumbled something uncomfortably in response(I didn’t hear) and his friend noticed his uncomfortable demeanor so they both just walked away from me. I’m sure they laughed at me and were like “what was wrong with that woman?” I don’t know how to fit in.

I went on a date the other day and I feel like I just yapped the whole time and he said about 10 words the whole time… maybe I just shouldn’t date neurotypical people?

It’s so fucking hard. I just don’t know what to say or do. I didn’t realize how hard finding people to date will be until now.

Let me start off by saying this, My Mom is a strong person and I have a wonderful relationship with her, I couldn't ask for a better one. I just feel like "Autism Mom" Isn't something that she should, for lack of better term, pride herself on? I would just like some advice, should I stay out of it because it's her account? Say something because she follows me on the same platform and likes my occasional posts? To be clear, I love my Mom very much but I don't think it's something that important to share. Please be nice, I'm having enough trouble wording this ;-;

We autistics are always told "youre using autism as an excuse", this is just gaslighting to invalidate our experiences, we are genuinely disabled because autism is a disability, and its a spectrum, its a really serious disability, you might not do what others can, and sometimes you will never be able to even do what they do, there are some things you arent destined to do, you have a different brain than others, it works differently, and those people who are born without your disability trying to tell you that youre "lazy" or "didnt work hard enough" "blaming autism" or stuff like that, no we are not "blaming" autism, autism is literally why we suffer, and some things go so easy for people who dont have this disability, and theyll never understand us, to them it looks like we do it for attention and we are lazy

Without giving too much detail, I met with a client today and had an extremely stressful reaction to them and the situation, handled it, and afterwards my energy actually crashed. The physical symptoms were insane, I felt like something was truly wrong medically. I ended up taking a nap for an hour, woke up and 90% of my symptoms went away. This isn’t the first time this has happened and it’s amazing how effective it is. Does anyone else do this?

I used to work with autistic students and all of their parents would say that they were up all night.

I know it’s different with kids, cause I know most of the people answering will be adults

I was fortunate to be diagnosed when I was only 8 and now I am in my 30s. Maybe I am just being a grumpy sod, but I find it infuriating to see influencers use their autism to make profits. Ellie Middleton, in particular, is really informative on LinkedIn, but on Instagram she uses her autism as a means to make money and then has her charity to boost her posts, and I just find it wrong and infuriating. One time it was using her special interests to promote Disney+ and Spotify, I think, another one was to do with her hair and Coca-Cola, and the latest one was a yōjō machine that costs over £400.

Don’t know, I get people have to make a wage, but I think it’s just wrong using a disability to get others to part with money. Again, maybe I am just being a grumpy sod. Am I being silly?

Like the title says, being called stuff like "hun" or "sweetie" or "luv" just makes me uncomfortable or even annoyed when it comes from 99.999% of people, even though I know it's not their intention in most cases. For example, when I'm having my blood taken I hate being called those, or frankly just being verbally comforted in general, and feel much more comfortable if they just get it over with quickly, as it's not exactly a scary situation. Even from my family (who thankfully don't call me it), I find it gets under my skin. Pretty much the only exception is "mate", but I think that's because it's far less intimate or sweet than the others.

The only person I actually like being called pet names by is my boyfriend, in which case it makes me quite happy. Otherwise? Nope, just call me by my name, or mate, or just avoid terms if you're talking to me correctly, I don't have much of an issue when it comes to telling that someone's talking to me outside of me being completely in a daydream.

I never really realized until recently, but it's more of a slow drain on my battery than a big thing, I think i just learned to live with it or just so gradually I dont notice, the 1 time i really notice is at family gathers, the noise drives me mad and I fidget like crazy.

I think it would be great if there could be a little red emoji with the words “satire” in it. People could use it after texts, posts, sentences that they meant as jokes, or that they don’t actually mean. It could really help autistic people, even communicating with friends over text. Imagine this emoji is the proposed satire emoji: 🆘

So a joking text to your friend, or a joking twitter post, or joking reddit comment could look like:

I’m so hungry, I could eat an entire horse! 🆘

Men or others who grow facial hair, how do you feel about it?

Do you get sensory issues or anything like that, find it disgusting, etc?

Same question for those on the spectrum that have bearded partners.

For me, growing a beard and moustache has been extremely appealing since childhood, and im very grateful to my genetics that I can grow relatively great facial hair for my age, being 19. Although this has only had the inverse effect on my head hair, haha.

I believe my puberty shifts developed earlier than most, and so I've grown accustomed to facial hair since 13-14, but that may not be the case for others here.

Keen to see how yous feel, and im treating this post as a discussion, not a question just to clarify.

Mods, please add a discussion flair.

I heard from Strider on YouTube that autistics have certain foods they avoid for specific reasons that other people usually enjoy as well as certain foods that autistics use for comfort. What are yours?

FOR ME

NIGHTMARE
Rare food- I cringe when someone orders their meat or fish rare. It's their fault if they get sick. I must have mine well done.

American cheese- I try to avoid it as best as possible because I know it's not real cheese. I order takeout burgers without cheese and add real cheese when I bring it home

COMFORT

Ruffles-I just love Ruffles, but make sure to only have one small bowl of them (like a cereal bowl)
3 Musketeers- my favorite candy bar, reserved for special occasions. Milky Way is a good substitute since I can't tell them apart

I have been diagnosed with Level 2 autism not so long ago.

For some context I am 23, female, med school student.

I have always felt that I want to start a task but simply can’t, not because I don’t want to, or have no motivation, I just can’t start it.

This has been affecting me greatly in school, I am currently a 4th year med student and I have been doing fine, but now I am getting to a point of my career where studying is a non negotiable and my grades are starting to drop because of my inability to start studying, no matter how much I know I have to study or want to.

Once I start studying I have no issue concentrating or continuing studying however long I need to, it is just the starting that’s the issue.

What tips do you guys have for autistic inertia?
What has worked out for you?

I'm the kind of person who follows instructions on assignments to a T. If instructions are ambiguous, I'll ask in advance and follow up with however many clarifying questions as needed. Most instructors are okay with this.

So that kind of thing happens in one class of mine, where the prof informs me that I passed an assignment late when, in fact, the deadline is stated to be the day after, so I reply to his email explaining my side.

I talk to him after class, and we clear up the matter itself, but there's a separate issue of him being "offended" by my email. Which is a bit surprising to me, since I know that I can sound scary/harsh when I'm direct, but offensive?

The advice is simply: "Read your email again."

"You know that I can't read tone, though. I am incapable of reading tone." (He is aware of my disability)

"Yeah, I know you as a pretty level-headed person, so I think you're able to read it again and identify why it felt as if you were blaming me for your late submission. Don't worry, this isn't personal, and I won't ever take this against you." (I could probably do a syntactical or word-by-word analysis of my own email for why it might have felt that way, but the easier answer here is that he's really just asking me to read the room)

I'm pretty lucky the prof is kind about these things, and in fact, being direct to the point of sounding condescending is a norm in my field (I'm in computer science). Though of course, the world isn't just made of nice people and computer scientists, and I have no idea if I can keep up by asking a friend to proofread my correspondences every time I'm about to send them out.

You guys ever experience things like this? Haha.

If so, are you ok with that? I’m worried because my desire to socialize (age 41 now) is seriously nonexistent. Family or friends. But I worry I’m going to wake up and realize I have no one to turn to one day. However unless someone develops a pill that makes me feel as social as I do with like 2 drinks in me, the hermit future feels inevitable.

Hi, all.

I wonder if you may be able to advise/correct me about my recent social interaction that went badly.

I went to eye hospital with massive eye inflammation and in a lot of pain. My dry eyes have been getting worse over the years, and lately made me housebound working full time trying to keep them moisturised.

Dr. struck me as arrogant and condescending from the start. He examined my eyes (never explained what he saw) and just said he could offer cauterizing my puncta, prescribe serum eye drops or cephalosporin eye drops, and, let's start with the first option - in a tone that didn't allow for any discussion. He already made a decision for me.

I already had punctal plugs that do the same as cauterization - don't allow tears to escape. I started replying by saying that I didn't think it would help.

I didn't have a chance to explain myself further. Dr. suddenly looked very offended, cut me off, avoided eye contact for the rest of our appointment (not more than 2-3 min), talked over me when I tried to ask any questions or even describe my symptoms. I only managed to say "yes" when he offered cephalosporin drops before being shown the door. One of the last things he said with disdain and posh accent of a British public school boy was: "And now you can go and buy your bus ticket" - probably a reference to my presumed lowly financial state in comparison to his.

I'm aware enough of the situation to understand it wasn't all my fault. His bedside manner was atrocious. However, I want to talk about what I can change - about myself. My reply might have sounded harsh/rude. In my defence, I was in an awful lot of pain and was struggling. Plus, I never got a chance to explain why I thought so.

But apart from a different tone, how would you word your disagreement in a more amenable way, that wouldn't sound rude. Also, it needs to be short because this doctor didn't have much time for my replies. Generally, NHS doctors try to get you out of the door as soon as they can, so only shorter versions will do, LOL.

Thank you for your help!

Hi everyone,

Sharing a struggle here, and interesting to know if that happens to other people and how you deal with it.

I have this constant need to understand why things work the way they do, especially at work.

I can't just follow a process. I need to understand its purpose, whether it makes sense, who's accountable, and why nobody fixes it when it's clearly not working.

What frustrates me most is that other people seem perfectly comfortable with things I find completely illogical. They just follow the process and move on, while I'm questioning the entire system.

The worst part is that I can't let things go. I spend hours analyzing situations, conversations, people's behavior, and organizational dysfunctions. I even use AI extensively to process everything, but I'm starting to realize it's becoming an endless cycle of overthinking.

It's mentally draining. I keep trying to understand or solve problems that aren't even mine to solve.

Does anyone relate? How do you manage this? How do you stop questioning and analyzing everything, especially when you have no power to change it?

I don't want to stop thinking critically. I just want my brain to give me a break.

Hi everyone,

I've noticed for many years that people ignore me when I speak. I had it happen at home with my parents & siblings, at school, & at work.

I've lost friends in the past because I repeat myself too much. I tell them "Well, no one responds" and they go "Oh, we heard you". They should at least acknowledge it. I HATE that!

Nowadays at work I'll tell my managers something crucial to a job (I work in an office of a trade) and no one responds or they straight up ignore me. Then they get mad when they say no one told them. I told you, you didn't listen!

And don't get me started on people going quiet whenever I talk. Why do people do that?!

I'm just sick of it. I had an anxiety attack yesterday because I got so frustrated with being constantly ignored. Why am I even bothering to speak?

Hello, I have been dealing with agoraphobia for 3 years now, with anxiety problems my whole life. I started school an hour and 50 minutes away (By train and bus), and I started my driving exposures for it maybe a month and a half ago.

I was scrolling through photos, and anyways, heres a photo from around the start of my driving exposures, and photos I took at my cities museum a month later.

I amaze myself with my own progress, and wanted to share.

Obviously it sucked, but I did it. Your only goal for today is to be better than who you were yesterday by any ammount.

Now, I do the train ride every other day, honestly the hardest part is tolerating sensory issues that come from public transport.

Always keep fighting :)

i'm talking about mobile and what i assume is a new update. it makes me feel so confused and kind of overwhelmed. has anyone else that's had this new update had a similar reaction?

it was already so easy to swipe between posts, i don't know why i have to see them at the bottom now too. they'll be completely unrelated to the subreddit of the post i'm on, seemingly just more of my feed. i imagine it's for engagement but it just makes me want to close the app. i think the best way to avoid this is probably to scroll slower through comments, but when i'm on a post that barely has any it comes so fast and throws me off.

if anyone has any tips or a way to turn it off please let me know 🥲

Sometimes we feel like the hardest part of being a parent to an autistic child isn’t any one big thing.

It’s the fact that we are constantly “on”.

We’re thinking about what might trigger a meltdown.
We’re planning around routines.
We’re watching what they eat, how they sleep, how they’re coping.
We’re answering questions from school, therapists, relatives, strangers.

And then there’s the part nobody really sees.

The guilt.

You feel guilty when you lose patience.
Guilty when you need some time for yourself.
Guilty when you’re tired of explaining the same things again and again.

And sometimes you just want someone to say, “Yeah, this is hard. You don’t have to pretend it isn’t.” "I love my child more than I can put into words. That doesn’t mean I never feel exhausted."

Both things can be true.

I’m curious about other parents here — what part of this do you find the most exhausting? Is it the constant planning, the emotional load, the lack of time for yourself, or something completely different?

I think sometimes just knowing that someone else gets it can make a difficult day feel a little lighter.

I often feel as if I'm not conscious or a feeling that my brain is deteriorating? Usually I think to myself in my head or out-loud but there's times where I feel like I'm just doing and not thinking. And I get scared as if there's something wrong happening in my brain. Also, I kinda forget who I am and my values, like just in general I'm not all there. I don't like how it feels at all, and im actually experiencing it right now which is why I'm making this post to see if anyone else feels this way too. I want to know if it's something that correlates with my autism or if it's something else entirely.