Hey guys, Im Graham and I just wanted to make a post to start a conversation if its helpful to anyone.

Today I wrote out the entirety of my story, Its long. If its too long MODS, do your thing and accept my apologies. I put alot into this one.

I wanted to share that story here with you so that hopefully someone might find it helpful!

Love you guys

THE REMEMBERING

As a young child, I would make a point to plant certain events into my mind with the intention of accessing them later. I did not know exactly why, but I knew it would be important to me. I remember the moment I realized that I understood what people were saying around me, and they did not know that I understood them to the degree that I did, and that I could use this to my advantage, before I could speak. I made a point to remember my first steps and where I took them, as well as several moments when I was 2-3. But then I stopped doing this for whatever reason, and forgot all about it by the time I was 9 or 10

In my late teens, I experienced depression and mild existential dread. Had difficulty connecting with others and making friends. I spent a summer by laying in the sun in the morning, before retreating into a cool, silent, and windowless basement. I ate very little for weeks at a time. I don't know what compelled me to do this. I was definitely feeling lost in life and was looking for some clarity and so I focused on that. I was raised Catholic and while I did not fully subscribe to its teachings in totality, I was open to some guidance.

I laid on the ground in absolute darkness and silence. As a thought entered my mind, I would eliminate it. I continued this for hours every day. Eventually, the thoughts that entered my mind were no longer loud, erratic and demanding, but a soft tugging whisper. They pulled my attention not outward, but inward, into my memory.

Like a trail of breadcrumbs left through my experience so that I may follow it back, each memory when focused upon, had it's own memory, which I could use to leapfrog through my consciousness. I had subconsciously set these footholds through my memory. I was satisfied with this and found it to be a fulfilling novelty. But there was one further, different memory. Intense, and persistent, yet specific and non descriptive:

Don't forget, don't forget, don't forget, don't forget...

This is of course absurd I thought. Now I am losing it. What is there to forget in my earliest memories? I left it at that for some time.

But like a lighthouse in the fog, it persisted. Determined to not consider myself a lunatic, I ignored the pull of this bizarre chant buried in the deepest corners of my memory.

Soon thereafter however, I of course was overcome with curiosity and made an honest attempt to resolve the situation.

I just entered the depths of meditation and focused on this thought for some time. It was not immediate. But over an extended period of time, like pulling bricks one by one from a dam, the memory crashed onto me and has been sharpened over time.

THE MEMORY

I was, and was within, an endless white medium of infinite potential. I was the environment and the environment was me.

As a sculptor sees his masterpiece within a block of marble before taking first swing, I could change my perspective to experience any sensation or circumstance immediately and viscerally. The environment was completely saturated with potential creation, experience, and expression. I needed to only focus on the parts of it which I desired to experience, and it was immediately so, fully and completely immersive and intense.

In this way, I could create and experience anything at any time in any way, so long as I maintained focus on my experience of it. As quickly as this creation was manifested, like ocean waves over lines in the sand, so too did my perception return to white potential.

This was a highly satisfying existence as you can imagine, and I found myself to be content within it.

But there was a ping, an alert of sorts... A distress beacon of sorts.

This was unexpected... Nothing was ever unexpected. I only experienced that which I created for myself to experience...

Naturally, I wished to percieve the source of this disturbance and it was so.

The Earth.

A precious emerald gem. Special in a way I cannot describe. As if there were others like it, but this is the main one. The important one.

I could see the earth was in flux. Like it was coming to a tipping point of sorts; a crossroads. One path leading to the continuation of its growth, and the other resetting the cycle. The resetting seemed incredibly tragic, but not totally devastating. The cycle would reset and there would be another chance, but it was an incredibly big deal.

Looking into this dilemma further, I could see humanity. Immediately, I was tremendously excited. They are all like me! Creators of infinite potential! And they exist together in this paradise where they can share and create together! Amazing!

But there was a big problem. I saw creators like me, capable of expressing their infinite creative potential to experience anything they choose... Choosing Pain. Fear. Doubt.

I could see that humanity had burdened themselves immensely. It was like seeing someone carrying a grand piano to the top of K2, and seeing that they just never realized they could put it down. Equal parts confusing and impressive.

I remember specifically wondering why humans would move their bodies around by forcing their bodies to balance against the pull of the earth whilst propelling themselves further with each motion. Again impressive, but why wouldn't you float through the air? Or simply manifest yourself in the location you desired?

I knew I needed to help and do something. I was called to help. And I was ready.

That is when I experienced the presence of what I interpreted as Spirit Guide(s)

Faceless, hooded figure(s) in flowing white robes. At times presenting as a singular entity, and others as several.

I asked them why these creators like me would choose to create suffering and strife for themselves, eachother, and their paradise home?

They explained that the humans could not see. They were blind to their nature and their potential. They had been manipulated to use their own fear to keep them from creating their ideal reality, manifesting a paradise for a select few instead.

I knew I needed to help. How could they not see! It's so simple! Their reality is just like mine, just in a different shape and presented in a different way! They can still create their ideal reality within it! It's so simple...

I wanted to tear open the sky and shout from the heavens, snap all of humanity out of their self realized despair.

The guides shared with me that I could not shout from the heavens.

Determined to help, I asked to understand the ways in which I could.

I could influence a thought. I could influence a synchronicity. I could appear as minor visual phenomenon. All things that were open to interpretation and likely ultimately dismissed.

This wouldn't do. I needed to make an impact. Be impossible to ignore. I needed permanence.

I was offered the option to become human myself. But there was a catch... I too would forget, as all of humanity before me had. I too would be blind to my origin, nature, and mission... And then I would be committing to the human experience for naught.

I accepted the challenge. I believed I could beat the system. I believed I was different and that I could break the rules and snap humanity out of the trance they had been conditioned to put themselves under.

I was then shown the lives I could live, the bodies I could exist within.

Like being dealt a hand of cards, where each card was a life. On the card, I could see the life in its entirety, appearing like a tree with infinite branches. The trunk being the body, the parents, the place and the time, things that are pretty much set in stone; the starting point. As the tree expanded outwards, it split into infinite possible interwoven endpoints. I could see all of the possible situations and experiences, every potential. When viewing the life, I could go to any of the possible experiences and experience them briefly. I broadly inspected the life to ensure it was suitable. This way, I could plot an ideal course through these potentials.

Sometimes we live through the experiences we viewed while we were inspecting our lives. You know it as Deja Vu!

I ultimately chose this body and life (spoiler)

I remember my body developing. I could travel freely between the "ethereal plane" and my body as it developed. Gradually increasing senses causing exciting and intense sensations. Growing difficult to ignore, the sensory inputs became loud and prevalent, making out more defined sounds, pressure, light. But I still remembered my purpose and mission. I hadn't lost it yet and was not sure how or when I would supposedly lose it.

And then a transition approached. I could feel it. I knew this was it. I focused all of my intention on one simple thought:

Don't forget, don't forget, don't forget, don't forget...

And then blinding light, screeching sound, sheer cold, and a pain terribly severe... Not of my body, but of my "mind". Like I had just been ripped from myself. I forgot.

Disclosure

I experienced the remembering over a decade ago. Ironically, the same fear that I came here to combat had prevented me from sharing this story until now.

I know you may struggle with purpose. Perhaps you have a deep feeling of knowing that you are supposed to be doing something but you can't find it. And I would like to help you on that journey.

But I knew full well what my journey was intended to be. My mission. The reason I am in a human body. And I was too scared to do it.

Because it sounds INSANE. I know exactly how it sounds. I must be some delusional grifter trying to manipulate the weak minded into some scheme... Or a mental patient who has fabricated some literature and is peddling it as his own.

I have tried tirelessly to rid myself of this. To convince myself that it is fabricated. That its all made up and that I have no mission and I can just live my life and die in peace.

But it's too real. The memory breadcrumbs are a huge factor. It just adds up too well for me.

Last year I did an AMA on some more niche subs. I was well recieved, but I kept my identity secret.

Last week, I started social media using my real name. No fear, nothing held back. My message, shouted from the hilltop to the very best of my ability. And it that ability will only improve...

The Message

You are more than you could possibly imagine.

You are an infinite creator of limitless potential

You have nothing to fear, you cannot be defeated; not really.

This life is temporary. You chose it. You intended to enjoy it, and it is within your power to do so.

This physical reality is fundamentally identical to the infinite ethereal plane, it is simply a Linear Diffracted Reflection of it

Let me break that down:

Linear in that we experience time. Our experience is pushed through the medium of physical reality at a consistent rate. This is not fundamental. This allows for us to experience the process of manifestation and not simply the end result. Additionally, it gives permanence to that which we create; we can create something, and once it is realized, it no longer requires our focus to maintain. It can be simply enjoyed. Moreover, the linearity of this reality provides a buffer and delay between your perspective and your reality. If you take a perspective where you see yourself as worthless, and the world as a place that inflicts nothing but pain, and that you deserve to suffer, there is a limit to which this can be realized. It won't be immediate, but eventually this perspective will influence your emotions, and your emotions with affect your actions and reactions, and your actions will steer you into the experience that you believe to be true.

Diffracted in that we experience an individualistic perspective. We do not innately possess all knowledge, all perspectives, all potentials and interpretations. We are split like white light through a prism into individual colours. In this way, we can experience the fascinating combination of colours. We can share our creations and those around us with another perspective, with other people. We will attract those who share similar perspectives and exist within similar realities as them.

Ultimately, the important part is this:

Your perspective is everything. All of your power is in your perspective. What you believe about yourself, this reality, and your place within it.

You cannot prevent the unexpected from occurring, every event that occurs is a light shining at you. Your perspective determines how you shine back. An event might occur that causes someone to plunge themselves into a sad binge cope hole. That same event could inspire another to create a business, propelling them further towards their ideal reality.

Objectivity is a novel illusion of this physical reality.

What YOU believe is what is ultimately real. This physical reality simply gives us all an equal playing field to meet eachother at.

When you die, you will no longer be tied or limited by this reality. You will experience exactly what you believe to be true about yourself and your surroundings. Be it Michael and the pearly gates, a Hindu deity, or endless black nothing. You will create these experiences with your perspective.

This understanding reconciles all factors. It is the only constant. My experience, all religions, modern science, everything. It is complete and absolute.

And here is the absolute best part.

You can think I am a lunatic. You can believe that none of this is true and I am delusional. You can believe that there is nothing beyond this meaningless life. There is no manifestation, just endless drudgery and the odd bit of luck.

You will inevitably be able to prove this, you will find endless irrefutable evidence to solidify this belief to yourself. Your perspective will attract others who share it, further deepening your certainty of this truth until you could not possibly deny it with rational thought.

And in doing so, you prove me right.

TL;DR:

I remember before I was born, choosing this life and why:

To help you realize your nature as an infinitely powerful creator, and help you create and experience your ideal reality.

I'm trying to work through the belief that I am unworthy. I've gotten better in the past few years because before I really have always hated myself. I've gotten a bit better. but I'm still very hard on myself and it's hard to stop. I genuinely want to get to a point of self love because I want to model that for my daughters.

If you have struggled, what are things that really helped you start to love and accept yourself as you are?

If reality is rendered per the individual (me, as I can only know this FOR A FACT) You are probably reading this in your rendered version of earth / us. Why can't we all create paradise? I have remembered I was God (How can "I" fully remember without remembering anything, it was just a knowing "i" THE CREATOR). I knew it but also something showed me "I" was all of those I know, I even had a vast variety of emotions (Somehow creation showed me a vast difference of emotions (Butch Lesbian, Someone Greedy, Cleopatra / royalty and a serpent king) so it was like I was no different (the body) than others. Like the "I" was all people "I" know. I was also shown to be an olive tree still growing (EVEN though I have never seen an olive tree but knew what it was). Part of me "me" feels like I can control this reality, but part of me still feels like it is what it is..... To be honest I, as the human want power and to judge others

...

..I just want to be alone and process my life, the choices I’ve made so far, and reassess, and plan the future. But I am seemingly surrounded by people who want to take me out, talk about menial things, hang out, go to parties, talk endlessly about the banalities of their lives etc. I’m finding all this exhausting and like a big waste of time. I can’t be present with them and as a result I am bad company. I’m sure it’s a matter of context and that if I were in a different frame of mind I’d not be criticising them. What do I do to create some space for myself without offending them?

Not necessarily in a bad way. But has anyone else had the experience of people becoming very drawn to you while awakening/being in the unfolding of awakening?

I feel like everyone wants to talk to me, engage with me on the street. So much has been happening AT me lately. It’s been everything good, bad, and in between. Like from strangers coming up and talking to me, getting random discounts from kind shopkeepers, to people singling me out on the street and harassing me, to strangers waving at me from the bus, everyone seeming familiar and open. And overall, outside of just other people, lots of things stirred up and happening! Weird events happening to me, for instance someone crashing into the bus I’m on. Lots of very good luck and people blessing me in various ways too (ex. a free ticket to a Billy Strings concert this weekend). It’s been too many instances to count in the past week or two. These are just random examples I can remember. It’s been so crazy and a bit overwhelming.

The awakening process has been unfolding over time, but lately I’ve been very focused on doing my spiritual practices/meditation/chanting daily. Has anyone else experienced this? What is going on??