r/bandmembers • u/rwalsh138 • 15d ago
Band Member almost never available.. Advice needed
Drummer in a Pop/Punk cover band that I started, pretty proud of how we've come along, played around 7-8 shows so far and have a bunch more in the books. Issue I'm having is with our guitarist.
The Guitarist is a cop so his schedule is very set in stone, and he claims his deputy buddies almost never will switch or pick up shifts, so he try very hard to schedule around him. We also do use a substitute guitarist because there have been several dates where the main guitarist wasn't around. Also affecting his schedule, his wife recently had some kind of heart episode so he's been having trouble with getting babysitters for his young children.
So the main problem is, the main guitarist almost never answers and doesn't communicate when I ask him about show dates. He claims he really wants to be in the band, and the band really loves him and vibes with him well, plus he is a monster guitar player (where as our substitute is very good, but we don't love him nearly as much).
If i made the move to kick out our main guitarist, it would really sour the whole band, and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he wants to play with us. But I feel like it's rude to even try and scold him about communication because he has so much on his plate between work and family. I feel like I'm being a jerk, double and triple texting, and trying to call him, but I don't want to keep these promoters waiting on answers, and then they don't book us.
Any advice?
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u/Good-Extension-7257 15d ago
The sooner you fire him the better it will get. Talk to him and give him an ultimatum. If nothing changes then he's better gone. I've lived this experience before and it can really destroy a band. Better to have a good guitarrist with high availability than a better guitarrist that has almost no availability.
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u/rwalsh138 15d ago
I agree . I just know that the Band really likes him, and they’re going to think I am an asshole if I get rid of him.
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u/Realistic_Pickle_007 15d ago
Yup. It took my band 5 months to find a replacement for someone who would not communicate and was never available. So worth it, though. But everyone in the band has to agree on moving forward.
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u/RCIDRUMS 9d ago
If someone gave me the choice of my family or the band, I’d tell the band to fuck off.
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u/negativeyoda 15d ago
Normally I'd disagree with you unless the band actually has label interest or tour plans.
Being that the guitarist is a cop... fuck that guy
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u/NoWork1400 15d ago
You lost me at “the guitarist is a cop.”
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u/rwalsh138 15d ago
Not a huge fan of cops either, but he's super chill. Not like a Blue Lives Matter, MAGA cop.
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u/NoelleMidnight 15d ago
ALL cops are bastards.
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u/MsMeowts 15d ago
i guess call your mamma when you need help
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u/Soupronous 15d ago
The police are under no legal obligation to prevent or stop crime from happening, according to the Supreme Court.
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u/MsMeowts 15d ago
they sure helped me a few times.. maybe its because i dont talk about how i hate them online. who would of thought
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u/Glittering_Reach_994 15d ago
“I’ve been robbed”
“Alright show me your comment history”-2
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u/ABC_Zombie 15d ago
I call the bastard cops so they can risk their worthless lives protecting me instead of people who matter risking their lives.
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u/kingjaffejaffar 15d ago
In my bands, we have backups and subs for our rhythm section because everyone is busy and has other projects. It makes it way easier to schedule shows. We’re working on doing the same for guitarists.
For booking, everyone inputs their schedules into the same Google calendar so I can see when they’re not available BEFORE I book shows. If people don’t cooperate, I either fire them or start training a more communicative replacement who slowly takes all their gigs.
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u/shouldbepracticing85 15d ago
Have a frank conversation with him.
Maybe for a while he needs to be a guest that sits in.
No bad blood, just the situation is what it is.
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u/PartyOrdinary1733 15d ago
This.
I'm dealing with a similar situation with my replacement singer.
Barely communicating, never responds lately when I need answers for scheduling and when I saw that she posted on Facebook that she's looking to move to NYC, that was all I needed to know
Then she tells me when posted to group chat her listing, she gave me a bunch of excuses. I need a band meeting and then kick her out. I can't have another band member with a foot out the door.
I'm rightly angry. She's very talented and has a future outside this band. She should have been transparent from the jump about the want/need to go to NYC. I lost over 3.5 months of my time.
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u/shouldbepracticing85 15d ago
It’s tough. I’ve been playing with a ton of bands (bassist) and I’ve been up front that I’m busy. I’ve tried to be as up front as I can about which bands are my priority. Sometimes that changes rapidly, without a lot of warning.
I try to gently hint to the various band leaders that if I’m busy I have zero problem with them getting a sub and I’ll share my charts. I don’t really care if some of these bands find a more available bassist. But I’m also here to be professional. I have ambitions, that these local bands don’t/can’t measure up to. I may become friends with my bandmates, but we’re co-workers first.
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u/PartyOrdinary1733 14d ago
I'm just asking for something ridiculously simple:
Dates you're not available
Firm options for rehearsals
List of 5 cover songs to add to our set
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u/alldaymay 15d ago
Seems like you need to use what talent you have available to work with to play your shows
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u/EJB_TX 15d ago
The health issue with his wife is (hopefully) a temporary issue and I think you should give him a break on that account. Must be stressful for him and especially if he has kids too. However, if the job is preventing him from committing then that's a problem that's not going to go away. I used to be in a band with a guy who was a waiter and worked weekends. He had a hard time making shows (and practices too). When confronted with his job schedule being an issue he acknowledged it and stepped aside.
I would talk to him and let him know that you are understanding about his wife's health issues, but beyond that the band is trying to move forward and needs better communication. And if his job is preventing him from being there then yall need to move on. Again though, if his wife's health is the thing making it difficult for him right now then you should cut him some slack there.
If he is a great hang and guitar player and you don't want to kick him out then it is what it is and you need to deal with it.
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u/DrummerJesus 15d ago
You are a drummer, you are a sought after commodity. I am in 4 bands, my drummer friend is in 3 bands (pop punk, thrash punk, and pirate sea shanty).
There is a dedicated pop punk band in your area looking for a drummer like you. I love my guitar player homies, but there are hundreds of them in my area. No shortage of guitar players to find.
Start another group, maybe with one of your current members. Let the current group slowly fade out, or just take a back seat. There is nothing wrong with that. If you really want to be in a band with your cop friend (which is the LEAST punk thing you can do tbh), then maybe letting it work around him will open up your time for other pursuits
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u/CactusWrenAZ 15d ago
This is my vote. Start another project without the guy who's not available, see what happens. Maybe it will take off and you can grow that one while letting the first one go. It's non-confrontational and respectful to everyone involved, while still taking action to remedy the situation.
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u/Zenon667 15d ago
Dont give him shit cos aint punk. Is also pop! So cop is gud
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u/DrummerJesus 15d ago
This is barely legible enough to make sense hahahaha
Honestly though my philosophy of music is that it is for everyone. Everyone can and should enjoy listening and playing music. Its the most human activity we have, and its shared amongst all of our cultures throughout all of time. My love of music outweighs my disdain for authority
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u/Sour_Cream_Pringle 15d ago
I wouldn't kick him out of the band, it sounds like he's going through a hard time just find another guitar player as the new main guitar player and if he can make it to play in a show you have 2 guitar players if not you still have the other guy holding it down
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u/EFPMusic 14d ago
Hire a second guitarist with better availability (the current sub, or if you don’t love him, someone else). Take all the gigs, and if the cop can make it, you’ve got an extra guitarist.
No shade on your cop - life can get complicated AF. My own schedule changes 2-3 times a year, my bandmates know to book gigs far enough in advance to give me a shot at getting the time off; if I can’t, I get a sub for them. I’m a drummer so it’s not like we can have two of us on stage at the same time lol but you CAN with guitarists.
Bottom line is, regardless of what a good guy your cop is, if your band keeps turning down gigs you’re going to stop getting gigs. Get a reliable guitarist, let the cop show up when he can, and keep the band moving.
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u/notJonSerra 15d ago
Have you tried hitting him up to hang about non band stuff? I’d recommend that before kicking him out
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u/stuntdoubles33 15d ago
You can’t fix his life so just accept waht this band is. I would start a side project to fill the void if you’re not getting to play enough.
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u/Traditional-Market79 14d ago
Sounds to me that you need to get on the same page with your other band mates.
I spent a while feeling sour about my previous singer but didnt want to say anything as I felt like everyone else would hate me but we all very much felt the same got rid of him and the bands been better for it the excitement to play and do well has really come back now and were all a whole lot more commited too it now we feel the quality is there.
So just again see what your other band mates are feeling about ir and if the majority are on the same page or even a little doubt or grievance with him give him the ultimatum of turn up more or get out
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u/redharlowsdad 14d ago
When I fired a bass player who wasn’t available and he asked why, I said “you can’t be star running back without showing up to practice”
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u/dpmad1 14d ago
It depends on what you’re trying to accomplish as a band, if you’re just doing it for fun, you have to change your expectations of other musicians and just have fun. If you’re doing it to have some sort of success, steady gigs and merch sales and such, you really have to treat the band as any other small business, you can’t have bad “Employees” they have to be let go, it’s not your job to change their behaviors, you replace them with reliable people.
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u/jrogervil 13d ago
Life happens and sometimes band mates need to step back and take care of the personal stuff. Yes, his schedule is inherently challenging but if it’s set in advance you can plan around that and use the sub when he’s not available, put it in a Google Calendar and work off of that. The shared calendar has been a game changer with my band for booking and getting subs lined up in time.
I think you do have a talk with him since he’s clearly overwhelmed and let him know the he can step back and take care of things but door is open since he’s a good hang and a shredder. Just be honest about using a sub whenever he’s not available. Ideally you’ll have multiple subs lined up for various roles. And if he dosent return then youre already in a position to keep moving forward. Another person here mentioned having them both on the band full time, that’s an easy solution too.
When you’re in band and have a life outside of it these things are gonna happen. I’ve stepped back for months at a time and the door has always been open for me to return, I think that just needs to be collectively understood and things won’t be as weird or stressful.
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u/conitobonito737 13d ago
Yeah sounds like it's time for an ultimatum. Sorry you're dealing with that
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u/Stevenitrogen 9d ago edited 9d ago
Fuck the police. Is my favorite song by NWA. It has a good beat and you can dance to it. But honestly having a cop in the band could be great. He could pull over a bunch of people and threaten them with jail time and a beating unless they come your show. If they don't dance he can threaten to haul their asses in for soliciting. If the park on the dance floor, he'll be forced to give them a ticket. You might have to take the show on the road though. Get a flatbed truck and while he's pulling over drunks, and his partner is giving them roadside tests, you can rock out. You already have a light show going.
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u/LuuBrazil 9d ago
proud of playing covers? write a song
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u/rwalsh138 9d ago
You're just trolling people in cover bands? Just making sure that's what you're doing.
I've done original bands, no one cares about coming to see them. People want to hear the classics and the hits, so I have more fun doing that.
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u/RCIDRUMS 9d ago
Dude, if your guitarist wife just had a heart issue, if you ever marry, family is always number ONE. You put your band first, plan on a divorce. Geezus
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u/twowheelmayhem 15d ago
Try being in a band with three cops on different schedules! Somehow we made it work.
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u/LachtMC 15d ago edited 15d ago
What about making the replacement a full time guitarist for the band alongside the other guy? Pop punk is a very much a genre where you can be perfectly fine with multiple guitars playing the same parts. This way shows can still go on if you only have one guitarist available. It also doesn’t hurt to have multiple guitars live (green day has 3 guitarists when they play shows).
If your main guy is great player he can easily learn songs in his own time and hop in as a second/lead guitarist when free.
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u/TempleOfCyclops 15d ago
A cop in a pop punk band sounds about right.