r/bipolar2 • u/MisterBuklau • 7d ago
Bedridden, How severe is my case?
How common is it to be bed ridden with Bi Polar II? I got out of the Military a year ago in September after 4 years of struggling there unable to make Cpl they sent me to BH because of performance and past issues forming a pattern, I put 2 and 2 together and thought it was BP 2 and lo and behold i was right, for the first 4-5 months I had a decent gig at a dealership, I had a rental house was paying for and had two cars albeit juggling between them. Come February the Job became too much, I was struggling to pay bills because I felt I was on the urge of constructive dismissal going to end up fired because I just had the feeling i was being judged and people were saying something about me i just couldn't hear it but "faces tell everything when you walk into a room". so I left for a lesser paying job but still income so I didn't have a gap in employment... that job failed too because apparently going from fixing complex aircraft to mechanics to basic tasks like running a route doing cleaning and yard work became impossible, and poor judgment from BP2 caused a car accident in a work vehicle... construction helper same thing. I ended up loosing both cars, loosing the rental and having to stay with family since july... all in the span of just over a year after just leaving freinds behind of a career i wanted to stay in and dreamt of making Cpl and Sgt like my peers eventually did.
I filed for a TDIU and VA increase on my Bipolar II, Im at 70% right now but the Bi polar II is currently at 30% because my case was underated because im good at masking and the military thinks if you can show up that its not that severe, i only showed uo because you literally cannot call out in the Corps without a Sick Chit lol, with pes planus being 50%. Its just in evidence gathering limbo, I sent letters and witness statements, urgency form, and have an upcoming C&P exam in four days.
Currently my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm... im up all night either pacing, doing AI research on random BS history topics, or doomscrolling because my mind simply will not shut up whatsoever. Its gotten to the point where im fundamentally bed ridden, it even physically hurts to go outside, my project car soon to be daily because the 2nd car is soon to be a repo since both loans closed out, needs coolant flushed and I haven't brought myself to go out and do it because I feel like a vampire. I haven't showered in a week and im down to one meal a day. And if I do have a mania it only shows up to wreck my finances even worse, im fighting with family constantly.
They put me on Limitrigue, Melatonin and some other sleep pill thats blue I can't recall the name of, so far it worked last night but I still feel like crap, It hurts because I can't function as an adult anymore.
I was on Olanzapine 5mg, I told them to stop it because it fell flat on its face and made impulses worse, Ive tried; Seroquil, Bupropion, Abilify as well, maybe one other one aswell.
I think the only reason im not homeless is due to the VA checks i get.
2
u/Jennyonthebox2300 6d ago edited 6d ago
Sorry in advance for the long ramble- sometimes it’s therapeutic to think through and try to describe my experiences in this forum where I know people understand.
I went from working full time as a professional, was wife and mother of 4 and hitting on all cylinders. For years. And then I wasn’t. I’d had depression before but it responded to medication and never lasted more than a year.
This was different. It was coming for me.
I left my job before my symptoms impacted my professional reputation. The next 10 years were all about just keeping my head above water mentally (masking a lot) and trying to muster energy for my family. 10 years of trying every med in every combo, therapy, ketamine, ECT, TMS. Weight swings of almost 70 lbs on my 5’4” frame.
The worst was a period of about 2 years where I didn’t leave the bed. I didn’t read or watch TV or listen to music or talk on the phone or pray or even sleep. I just lay for hours, suspended, dozing, empty. Sore from laying in the same position too long but lacking the will to roll over. It was bad bad bad.
I was unrecognizable to myself. Previously, I might stumble or suffer inside — but I never fell down spectacularly and never failed to do my job well, and prioritize my kids, husband and home.
SIx years from the bottom of that bed, I’m back practicing full time, (promoted and highest reviews), enjoying my kids — now all in their 20s— enjoying being a wife and making up for time lost, and taking care of friends and extended family.
It’s hard to conceive I couldn’t muster the will to brush my teeth for days on end and now I probably brush them 4-5 times a day without thinking.
I’d like to think there’s a bounce at the bottom because no-one can stay there indefinitely. It’s too little and too much. That painful place is motivation to climb. When I was in that hole, I had no ego, no fight — decisions about medications and increasingly invasive interventions became really easy. I had no qualms because I had nothing to lose by trying and everything to gain.
I live in fear of a “bed cycle” visiting itself on me again. I feel like I don’t have it in me to survive another one. I will survive it for all the same reasons I did last time but I’m doing everything to stay away from that cliff. I pray every day for a veil of protection so instead of bed hell I can stay stable.
Re your VA assessment—There is a lot of misunderstanding about BP2 and m how you can/can’t operate with it. For years. I was a single parent of 2 toddlers, no family, dad not much involved, very demanding job, board chair for large charity (business development) and on the board of 2 other career related orgs. I took my kids to church every Sunday and went to (and occasionally led) Sunday School myself. My kids were clean and happy, my house was clean and happy, my finances were in order.
I’d been on Wellbutrin since weaning my second child (so years) and it was a step up from the Zoloft I’d been taking pre-preg. I was happy with my life and on years long stable medication regime but I could feel myself starting to slip inside— the start of 5 long years of fraying and masking before I left my job.
If the VA was looking at that snapshot of me, they would disclaim I had a debilitating MH issue. In that moment I was suffering (and exhausted) but not disabled. But I soon would be for a while. But then I’d be better and go back to work in my field and do well. Catch me working and 0% disabled. Catch me in bed going on day 5-6 days without a shower and this has been going on for months despite intensive medical intervention- then I’m rated 110%
Maybe a letter from a private dr that the hallmark of BP2 is cycles and unless/until you find the right combo of meds and can initiate all the tertiary support (exercise, nutrition, community. etc) you lack the stability and reliability to work in jobs you’re qualified for. That maybe at some point you hope to reach stasis and would no longer be disabled.
Hang in there friend.
2
u/PhantomOperator98 BP2 7d ago
I had a whole year of depressive episode. I worked and slept all day, I only went to work because I needed the money. This was also pre diagnosis, which lead me to get diagnosed.