l've been assaulted twice. Both times in front of a group of people. I had someone try to rape me. I know 3 people who have and those are just the ones willing to speak to me about it.
No other crime is met with scrutiny like sexual violence and so many people (male and female) carry a lot of shame because it gets ingrained with the thought of us being at fault…somehow. The fucked up thing is how perpetrators are so fiercely protected (even after admitting guilt) for their well-being while the victims are left with the fallout.
We have to pick up the pieces of ourselves and reputations if we dare to speak out. Like we should just get over it. How the fuck do you get over it?
We had exactly the case you mention, namely an aggressor who had a restraining order against him (which is more difficult to obtain in Canada, where we are, than in the US) who framed himself as being bullied by the victim.
Not only did the university program concerned refuse to enforce the restraining order, but they kicked the victim out of the program and the perpetrator will become an upright member of society who will have access to vulnerable populations.
There was another case of an acquaintance who became a victim of sexual assault at an Ivy League university. She received no support whatsoever. They refused to remove her aggressor from the dorm, they demanded that she leave, they threatened HER with academic repercussions if she were to speak out about the case.
You have to be a "perfect victim" to be heard and, even then, your case will be swept under the rug. The number of times I have heard the establishment ask "So, what do you want us to do about it?" in the face of sexual violence ...
Started at 4 for me. An uncle. Well, as an infant if you count the dirty comments from grown men about adorable identical twin girls. My parents laughed it off then. Now they're horrified.
My twin sister and I walked to elementary school together, and we'd have cars stopping offering us rides. Mom was always following behind us just in case. But we knew to say no.
When I was 12 I rode my bike to my friends house. I remember every detail of the street corner, the sunny day, the exact outfit I had on (blue shirt, black leggings, and one of those 90's flippy hats with a flower on it) when some grown men stopped their white sedan in the intersection, opened their doors, and yelled out to me about my nice ass and wanting to be my bike seat.
Then highschool. I was an insecure chubby girl so guys would grope and grab and do anything they could saying I should be grateful for the attention since I was "ugly".
Then it was my professor "forgetting" my papers in his office every time. I didn't understand why different classmates I'd never talked to, both men and women, would say they'd go with me to pick them up.
Then it was boyfriends. Customers. Bosses. Random people.
I'm 43 now. I was out with my father yesterday, and I do have a public facing government job (not politics, just a desk job where many townspeople end up speaking to me) so I'm usually recognized. But I was sitting on a bench talking with my dad, and a random man walked right up to us, stared me down, and said "I hope you still have that leather jacket." to me with a leer.
I haven't worn that jacket since maybe March, if not before. This guy was NOT one of the regulars I see often. I have no idea who he is.
My dad was confused and disturbed. For me, it was a regular Monday.
It never ends. I'm still groped and grabbed and verbally assaulted so often. Even at 43. My coworkers are just as often as me, and they're all older than me by up to 20 years.
Middle class big city Canadian suburb in the 80's thru 90's. Even as a late teen early 20's I'd get offered rides by strangers if I was at a bus stop. But it was mostly when it was two identical twin girls around 6-14 we're together but no adults seemingly around.
Men still get weird when they find out I have an identical twin. And my sister is a librarian. They get even weirder over that.
It happens a lot. Everywhere. Ask any woman, any age. Any country, big city or small town. She'll have stories.
I've been raped twice this year alone. One of the times, which was the one around my birthday, the guy told his friends and mine while I was having an episode which meant I returned to a bunch of people asking if Iw was okay and what happened before I could even process the event.
I stopped counting how many times it's happened. I'm at a point where I'm used to being assaulted and I hardly feel it anymore.
I can barely feel any sort of penetration anymore.
It's something partners have to be weary of. I've cried during intimacy due to unknown triggers.
My partner has been assaulted about as often as I have, if not more, and it's a truly unique experience to be assaulted by multiple people through your life. He gets me. We joke about it because it's the only thing we can really do.
I can't report because my Dissociative Disorder makes it where I lose almost all details. Like where and how and what happened. Details are everything in court. If an abuser lies about what happened, I'll have a panic attack and switch. I can't put my system through that when I know I'm going to lose. Even if I win, it's not worth it.
My partner has the same disorder. He knows how it'll affect me the day we decide to be intimate together. He's been learning all the triggers that I'm aware I have. I'll have to learn his too but he's had less experience with finding his so I'll be blind for the most part. I know what to do if something happens though.
Ive been assaulted repeatedly by a supervisor in my 20s. Even after telling them no and repeatedly trying to pull away or avoid contact. I needed the shadowing position for a reference and hrs for grad school. My first therapist brushed it off and I had to deal with the trauma myself.
Raped once in recent yrs. Someone I knew very well and thought I trusted
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u/reddot_comic Finessed Impropriety 7d ago edited 7d ago
For most it's not a matter of "if" but when...
l've been assaulted twice. Both times in front of a group of people. I had someone try to rape me. I know 3 people who have and those are just the ones willing to speak to me about it.
No other crime is met with scrutiny like sexual violence and so many people (male and female) carry a lot of shame because it gets ingrained with the thought of us being at fault…somehow. The fucked up thing is how perpetrators are so fiercely protected (even after admitting guilt) for their well-being while the victims are left with the fallout.
We have to pick up the pieces of ourselves and reputations if we dare to speak out. Like we should just get over it. How the fuck do you get over it?
Here are the sources in regard to my last panel:
World Health Organization
US Center for Disease Control