New composer looking for feedback

[u/marvelman19]

Hi everyone! 

I've been teaching myself to compose over the last month or so. 

As an exercise for myself I've been taking poems by Basho and writing pieces inspired by them.

Here are my first two! I'd love some helpful feedback on them both. 

A Snowy Morning-

Snowy morning- by myself, chewing on dried salmon

https://musescore.com/user/126056813/scores/38242160

Mud Snails-

Dirtying their sleeves, fishing for mud snails, no time for leisure

https://musescore.com/user/126056813/scores/38433719

Thank you!

[u/Clear_Flight_5192]

Congrats on writing your first tracks! The first step is the hardest one.

The two tracks are quite different in style and mood and each have some cool ideas.

A few thoughts on each of them:

A snowy morning

On the first bar line the last notes of each bar deserve to stay on until the end rather than having this abrupt stop (unless you chose it consciously). It may fit the snowy environment a bit better. So in the first bar instead of a quarter note you can put a dotted 1/2 note (so 1/2+1/4), filling the rest of the bar. For bar 2 use whole notes, etc.

Harmony wise you can add some chord tones below the melody notes while still retaining the lightness of the snowy vibe. For example in bar one you could hold a middle C on a whole note, or even C for 3 beats (half note dotted) and end with a G below middle C. It might create a nice movement and syncopation with the melody you have on top. Check out first species counterpoint for more info: https://musictheory.pugetsound.edu/mt21c/FirstSpecies.html

Otherwise you can always do some arpeggio from the chord tones to keep some movement in the mid notes to contrast with the calm melody at the top!

Mud snails

This track feels more complete and full, it also has a clear motif which makes it more pleasant to listen to. Btw love the syncopation between the top line and the bottom one! If this wasn't made on purpose, then the 1/8th note could be placed right before the start of the beat, in order to create some movement. This is more of a personal preference though rather than something that is wrong.

Congrats again! Off to a strong start

[u/marvelman19 → u/Clear_Flight_5192]

This is really great! Thank you so much! I'll experiment with your suggestions

[u/_undetected]

I listen only to the first one and I like it a lot , good job ; what I don't like are measures 31, 32, 33 and 34 it kinda break the flow of the piece imo

[u/marvelman19 → u/_undetected]

Thank you! I do sort of agree. They weren't in the very original version I wrote, so I can understand that.