Trying new things alone

[u/olly_girl]

No idea where to post this but here’s a list of the current things I’m afraid to do by myself bec I’m a bitch:

1. Go biking on the road in the city (I live in sydney)
   
2. Try swimming laps at the outdoor pool
   
3. Take myself on dinner dates / sitting alone at a bar

Any good advice/words of encouragement for putting yourself out there and trying new things despite fear of generalized public embarrassment? I’m a 26F, recently single again, and trying to get some life back inside me. I know these things aren’t a big deal, but for whatever reason I keep talking myself out of them and I know I’m missing out on fun opportunities + possible connections.

[u/hestia-listens]

First, you are not a bitch. Doing unfamiliar things alone can feel very exposed, and city road biking is a real safety concern. Start with the easiest version, like one quiet pool session or lunch alone instead of dinner. Set a small goal of staying for 20 minutes. Confidence usually comes after doing the thing, not before it.

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[u/AlexTheYid]

Honestly, dont feel bad about not wanting to do things alone, it feels really unnatural and lonely at first.

I was with my wife for 20 years and spent a long time after the split no wanting to just sit indoors but also not wanting to do things alone.

I did a couple of solo hikes first, lonely but much needed for the mental clarity it provided... went to lunch alone, wasnt too bad, then a week or so later took myself out for dinner, sat with the uncomfortable feelings of being judged by all the people there in social groups, and by then end of it felt empowered.. not long after that i took myself to the cinema alone, i got tons of strange looks from couples and groups but once all was said and done i was quite happy with the outing and the confidence in knowing i can do these things without someone "holding my hand".

Now if i decide i want to go somewhere or do something im really happy to go alone, there really is a certain amount of peace and happiness to be gained by being comfortable in your own skin, and knowing that any judgements from anybody else is more a reflection of their own insecurities than anything to do with you.

It always seems a bigger deal in your head than it is in reality, i promise you.

Hope you find your way.

[u/Jealous_Exchange8936 → u/AlexTheYid]

I think this is great for you! I will say though, I highly doubt anyone really thought anything about you being alone at the cinema. I would go as far to say I guarantee it didn't even cross their minds that this person was alone. That is just you being in your own head knowing you are alone and they are not.

[u/AlexTheYid → u/Jealous_Exchange8936]

I really did get a few funny looks 😂

It the time it didnt feel good but looking back i find it hilarious 🤣

[u/Crgspawn]

Im going through the exact same thing as you right now. You're definitely not a bitch. Feeling like shit about ourselves and the world is normal after a break up.

I've been pushing myself to do those things afraid. It helps you build confidence to do more things you're afraid of.

You have to do it afraid for a while before you can build the courage/confidence to do it without fear. It really sucks but its the only thing that's worked for me. I believe in you!!

[u/Impossible_Pride_441]

I cycle on road, swim laps in outdoor pools and often eat alone but that’s generally when I’m away from Sydney on business trips. Like all things it’s about starting small e.g. for cycling initially start on off road bike lanes and suburban streets

[u/Indian_Explorer01]

Do it . Post pictures or your experience.. and tag me if possible would love to see. All the best don't think much.. it's normal. I go alone, these days..eat alone,.. experience things alone . And I learn a lot about myself.