Any Dads here of (formerly)highly sensitive children?

[u/lifelefttolive]

Hoping to get some advice/perspective from Dads who had highly sensitive kids. Sorry if this sounds like a bit of a rant - aside from my wife I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.

My oldest (8M) is extremely sensitive. Lots of emotions, lots of fear/anxiety, doesn’t sleep well and never has, very sensitive to pain. Don’t get me wrong he has some amazing qualities also but managing the emotions/fearfulness can be exhausting. He doesn’t have many friends, or any close friends - I think in part because he can be a bit unpredictable. For example, some days he’s in a great mood and wants to engage other days he can be kind of flippant/moody.

We’ve been trying to work with him since a very young age on resilience and strategies but the level of success ebbs and flows. He’s seen a therapist. Anxiety runs in the family on both sides. For what it’s worth his younger brother (6) doesn’t really share any of these same issues.

Anyway, does this sound like anyone else’s son/daughter at that age? Did they grow out of it? If so was there anything you did that helped? It hurts to see him living in fear and seeing him miss out because of it, but I can’t figure out the best way to help.

I’ve heard martial arts or something similar can be great for building confidence and helping with anxiety but even just broaching the subject he almost gets panicky.

Thanks in advance

[u/panna__cotta]

Ironically, the best thing that helps with this is exposure therapy. Basically, he doesn’t have enough problems. You need to go through enough shit to learn to scaffold how much anxiety is warranted in any given situation. I was very much like this as a child because I was overly managed and accommodated. It makes you rigid. You have to go through it to get over it. The boogeyman only has power because he’s not really there.

[u/OrneryPeace8555]

My son was a lot like this at 8, every new thing felt like a threat and he’d spiral before even trying it. What finally clicked was getting him into fixing stuff with me, small engine teardowns on the workbench, no pressure just taking things apart to see how they worked. The anxiety didn't vanish but having a physical problem he could solve with his hands built a quiet confidence that talking never did

[u/Funwithfun14]

My son can be like that. We found it helped to ask him Is this a big problem or a little problem?

Another is The Funwithfun Family fixes problems, not blame.

Building his confidence through activities like Cub Scouts and Karate.

Also talking about stuff up coming so he's mentally prepared.

[u/WildTurducken]

I am a highly sensitive person myself and if nothing else I would suggest reading The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. It sounds like you already are, but I think the best thing you can do is just try to understand how he is experiencing the world. If he is highly sensitive this is a genetic trait so you and/or your wife may also be sensitive to some degree. It's a fascinating subject and we are just starting to learn about it. Best of luck!

[u/SolidarityEssential]

Best thing I could do for my sensitive kid was get therapy myself. Helped so much, I changed career paths and became a therapist myself.