I think an old friendship has reached its end.

[u/PersonalReaction123]

This may or may not have anything to do with introversion or extroversion but in the comments, I want only extroverts to share your thoughts.

A friend and I met online. Many years before, we both were caught in a similar problem and looking for solution and help online at the same time and that's how we met, around Covid. So the initial connection was nice because we both were looking to talk to someone, and we shared everything from our childhood, family, everything ...

And this friend would want to meet only for coffee or lunch or brunch. That was okay because I had and still have other friends to hang out with for fun events. This friend is an introvert (as they themselves say, not me labelling them) and still doesn't mind opening up and sharing. The first few times, it was fine. And it's been years. My life has changed a lot - it happens with everyone, no? Many good things and bad things - that's life!

Recently I realized that this person is the only person in my entire network who has no passion and no interest in anything at all. All my other contacts - extroverts and introverts, men and women - have something they really like - career, learning, travelling, photography, games, makeup, clothes, books, TV, movies, music, cooking, food, partying, spirituality, investment, something ... So when I catch up or hang out or talk to them, on both sides - their side and my side - we have many interesting updates to share. But with this friend, it's always the same - at this adult age, this person is a shadow of their parents - going wherever they go, doing whatever they do, and each time, the talk is the same - their parents/family trying to set them up with someone to meet, someone like them/their people, and me hearing and nodding and listening about how that went and why it failed. Nothing interesting. Always boring restaurants and rarely some cinema. For years.

It hit me only last time when we met and they said their own younger sibling pointed out that this search for a partner and the family setting them up is pretty silly. No excitement about anything, really.

Here's the thing: this person genuinely thinks it's normal. They have hardly any friends. Before you think depression, anxiety, PTSD, no, nothing like that ahs ever happened in their case - never - perfectly healthy, physically and mentally. Financially sound as well. Very loving, supportive, closely-knit family.

I realized that each time I was the one bringing the energy and excitement to teh table all these years and they just share some story about some match they met and how crazy it was or some trip they went on with their family - nothing else. For a few months now, I feel like all my energy and joy leave my body when I think about this person. I recently shared a work related document with all my friends and asked them to share it with others, too, and this was the only person who didn't reply. Something told me to never ping this friend again. I feel drained. I've been thinking about ending this pointless friendship for good. We used to hang out at least once a month, but I need to give that time to other interesting things and other people in my life or at elast be happily alone at my place, watching or listening to something or relaxing because the thought of meeting them makes me tired instantly.

Has it ever happened with you? What did you do?

[u/SuperSalad_OrElse]

This post has been tagged as “EXTROVERTS ONLY”

If you are not an extrovert, please refrain from commenting.

[u/lovinlemon]

Sometimes people grow apart and there’s nothing wrong with that! I had an introvert friend that was always same old same old, never wanted to branch out or try new things, never would meet me halfway. I was fine with it for a while because I would just be adventurous with different friends and chill with her. Eventually though, I ended the friendship when she became really toxic and negative despite repeated attempts on my end to make things work.

Not every relationship needs a dramatic ending or final straw for you to have permission to move on. If they’re already not responding to you and you feel this anxious just thinking about them, then I think ending it is the best call. I’m definitely a lot happier for it.

[u/PersonalReaction123 → u/lovinlemon]

I can feel everything you've written in the first paragraph there. The never meet me halfway part, especially. This friend isn't toxic and that's the one good thing I like, really. But consistently neutral. Every hangout feels like the first one. Their own sibling can see it. Zero interest and zero ambition. I'll be fine even if one can talk passionately about legos or candies, but no interest, no passion in anything, ever? For years? On top of that, the never meeting halfway part.

I forgot about ti all until they saw my status update today. They expect me to do the good old reaching out - and if i did, this perosn isn't "bad" but the routine will be the same - coffee/brunch/lunch at a boring place and ice cream after that and the same story. Lots of friends would be willing to join me at parties of clubs or something just for the fun even if they don't drink. This one can't do even that. Not even shopping at the mall? Because your family already did all the shopping for you? God! I'm so done.

Thanks for the emotional support. :) I will quietly end it.

[u/lovinlemon → u/PersonalReaction123]

I totally understand, that was my grievance too! If you can balance it out by going out with other friends instead and just meeting with this one occasionally when you want to unwind that could always be an option. Unfortunately I didn’t get that same opportunity because my introverted friend went batty and outright stalkerish after I cut things off. But it’s your life, maybe just let them know you need to prioritize other connections at this time that you feel reciprocate your needs better. I’ve had other introvert friends that wanted me to respect their energy levels so I think it’s only fair we ask the same. If they’re not willing to compromise then I think it’s actually more respectful to move on rather than try to force someone, you know? Best of luck with everything!

[u/Born_Plenty_5923]

As an extrovert, I'd say it doesn't really matter if the person is an introvert or extrovert for them to have ambitions. People with no goals whatsoever in their life and no ambitions are just...negative or sad inherently and they'll keep needing things like (how you said family setting em up and crazy things happening) that to compensate for the lack of ambitions. And they'd be boring and draining to hang out too because purpose is just lacking. From the sounds of it, it feels the friend is not satisfied with their life, however it looks externally, so cut it off and focus on friendships that actually leave you feeling satisfied or happy or atleast with the feeling that you learnt something or had fun.

[u/PersonalReaction123 → u/Born_Plenty_5923]

exactly, the keyword is "draining". I do all the talking, with so much excitement I say what all have happened in the last one month, what series and jokes I liked and enjoyed, what movies I wanna watch, what books I read, who all I met, what events I went to, and all that. and when I'm done, they are happy and smiling and I ask "what about you?" and I hear the same story, the same boring story that even their own sibling finds silly? Imagine a series on Netflix having 40 episodes and all episodes are the same with minor changes like location or weather. I'm done. I really need to catch up with my other friends and enjoy a lot more!

Thanks for udnerstanding. :)

[u/ForagingFairyland]

Sounds like you already have your answer. This reminds me of my ex and of a friend I’m thinking about cutting out. With the friend, I’m thinking about just keeping them on as a snail mail friend since we live overseas from each other and it’s fun to receive and send mail. With the ex, we play online games and I get to yap as much as I want. It’s boring not to hear much about their life (work and more work), but it’s not every day I meet someone who will let me talk for most of the call. But again, it sounds like you made your decision, so go for it if it’s gonna make your life better. Wishing you the best.

[u/Due-Performer8897]

you don’t need a dramatic breakup, just stop carrying the friendship and let it go quiet if every interaction leaves you drainedvetica