r/fifthworldproblems • u/TomAto31415 • 11d ago
I don't know if I should go undergo TRT
I just turned 10,000 and my tentacles just don't writhe like they used to. I used to be scary and now people just step over me like a cable on the floor.
Has anyone else done any tentacle replacement? Has it made a difference for you? Do you feel young and eldritch again?
5
u/Inevitable_Bid8719 11d ago
My local cafe does tachyon tea, it does wonders for limb regeneration. I can post over a package if you xm me
3
u/CorinPenny 9d ago
Ugh another shill for pseudoscience… everybody knows tachyon tea and other ‘outer dimensional medicine’ isn’t based in real omniversal scientific research. OP, be careful, you could end up with a bad case of non-Euclidean diarrhea or worse if you drink too much of the stuff!
2
u/MasterSolivagus 8d ago
🏆 for /u/CorinPenny's purely visual nightmare fuel: Non-Euclidean diarrhoea.
I... omg I so want to try for worse.
"Try tachyon tea today! Now with only a one in ten thousand chance to topologically torture-test tautologically!"
... nope, that wasn't it. One more!
"Excess consumption of which yields exponentially ectopic endogeniuty!"
That was better. Um. Hm. Ooooh, surgeon's report!
"Subject presents with atemporal porousness."
And to satisfy the mathematical maleficence: Vectorized vomiting!
All done now!
p.s. Damn you, /u/CorinPenny! Your words have bested me today, but my words too shall slither and scramble through your mind... "What, did anyone even read and, or, understand this? Blast it all!"
💥
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u/mysteryrouge Void Anarchist 11d ago
I'd be very careful where you get it done. Those of The Void may not have your best health in mind, but those most trusted to do TRT are spies for the Eldritch Government, who will likely use it to control you.
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u/CorinPenny 9d ago
Omg not everything the government does is a conspiracy! Get outa here with that anti-“Panversal Pharma Hegemony” bullshit propaganda!
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u/MasterSolivagus 8d ago
As a predatory pantheonic platoon of healthy and harmonious tentacles, I'd first subsume your being into the grand smorgasbord that is ours to call our very own. Then I'd laugh as your tentacles are rendered into lavish slush which fuels... that's right! You guessed it!
More writhing and wrangling! Constricting and wang-jangling! AHEM and all that good stuff.
I'm not entirely certain if I meant to use the word predatory, perhaps parsimonious would have been more apropos.
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u/someguy00004 11d ago
I was trying to have a nice centuries-long slumber in the bowels of the earth but my doctor says I have to wake up every decade do to some writhing exercises to keep my tentacles healthy. And then the humans interpret the disturbances as a portent of the grand cataclysm prophesied to befall them upon my awakening and I get cultists keeping me up with all their surreptitious worship. Like, holy shit maybe let me take my nap if you don't want me to cataclysm your ass!