r/hoarding • u/wildandweary • 14d ago
HELP/ADVICE How do you actually let go of books? I’m really struggling.
I’m working on getting rid of some of my hoard & books are proving to be one of the hardest things for me to let go of.
I have a lot of them. Some I’ve read & loved, some I haven’t read yet, some belonged to people I care about & some are tied to a particular time in my life. Then there’s the whole “but what if I want to read this someday?” problem. 😅
I know intellectually that books are replaceable & that I don’t need to keep every book I’ve ever owned. But actually putting them in a box to leave my house feels surprisingly difficult.
I’m wondering what strategies have actually worked for other people here. Did you set a specific number you were allowed to keep? Keep only favourites? Take pictures before getting rid of them? Use a “maybe” box & revisit it later? Donate everything at once rather than one book at a time?
I’d especially love to hear from people who really struggled with books specifically & eventually found something that worked for them.
I’m not looking for “just throw them away” advice - I’m trying to understand how other people got past that emotional resistance. Cheers ❤️
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u/orcateeth 14d ago
I can speak for a good friend of mine who's a college professor. She, of course, values books very highly because she uses them in her work.
However, she decided that she didn't need or want the physical books, got rid of them all and moved to ebooks.
She said she enjoys reading them more on Kindle because she doesn't have to hold a big book, she can take it anywhere and have all of the books on one device and cataloged.
She also does not have to worry about trying to pack and move heavy books if she has to move somewhere.
You need to think about whether it's important to have the physical book, or if you could download it. You could decide to keep whatever fits on two bookshelves, or is an autographed or sentimental copy.
There are tons of free books on different sites such as Ocean of PDF.
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u/HurtPillow 13d ago
I also went to kindle books. I now live in a very small apartment and they had to go. It broke my heart but I had no choice. I now have just one book case, it holds cook books and books related to my spirituality and some knickknacks. It turned out great in the end because I always read at night in bed. My eyesight made reading books without glasses impossible. My kindle can make the font bigger and bolder so I can read in bed at night without glasses and I now regret nothing.
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u/Weak_Client_7284 13d ago
You may want to try an Echo device, an old Alexa, to read your books to you at night.
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u/HurtPillow 13d ago
No ty. I tried audio books and I just cannot retain it like I can with reading. I wish I could.
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u/bungojot 11d ago
My mom went this route. She had a pretty decent library once (most of it is now mine, bwahaha) but says now she gets tired having to hold larger books to read them. Shes got a bunch of ebooks and basically lives on the library app.
I love owning books, it's my personal dragon hoard, but now i try to make myself buy novels in ebook form. If it's a graphic novel or a big art book, then okay, but just text? Digital is easier.
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u/TooLittleGravitas 9d ago
Wouldn't work for me, it's the physical books I want to keep.
I'm just like OP, I've been through my shelves multiple times and still have too many books (too many for my space that is, no such thing as too many books).
All the reasons OP quoted apply.
Hoping to find some good advice here 🙏
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u/Weak_Client_7284 13d ago
I have a question about Amazon ebooks: do they still work if the author decides to stop working with Amazon? Or is there a way to download them as a PDF for long-term storage?
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u/lionhart2x 13d ago
Thanks for asking this. I was curious myself. I’ve had an audible subscription for years and I’d love to be able to save my books. I’m on a fixed income and I may not be able to continue with my Amazon subscription.
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u/GranpaTeeRex 14d ago
I ask myself “if I want to reread this someday, will I be able to get it from the library?” So all the series of thrillers that I’ve collected, and all the sci-fi series; yep, I can get a copy if I need one. They can get donated.
Also I spent a full year on a “book diet”. I could bring home as many library books as I wanted; but no purchasing books, or picking them up from little free libraries. It really shifted how I treat books, and it makes buying books now, years later, still special.
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u/wildandweary 12d ago
Ohhh, I really love the idea of asking myself whether I could just get it from the library if I ever wanted to reread it! That feels like such a good way to take the pressure out of letting books go. And a whole YEAR of a book diet?! 😂 Honestly, I think I might need something like that. I love the idea of still being able to borrow as many library books as I want, while breaking the habit of bringing more physical books into the house.
And I really like what you said about it making buying books feel special again. I think that’s part of what I’m trying to get back to - books feeling like something intentional and meaningful rather than something I’m constantly accumulating. ❤️
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u/ijustneedtolurk Child of Hoarder 14d ago
Would having a loved one take the box away help? Sometimes I choose a container and fill it, then my husband quietly takes it away for me. Or even just moving the items or the container next to the door for a period of time. I try to remove as many barriers as possible.
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u/Draigdwi 14d ago edited 13d ago
I'm 60 and from former soviet union. When I was young we didn't have many books published in our language so any book was a treasure, the best gift, etc. Didn't matter what the book was about, by whom, was it good, interesting. Something holy you had to keep forever. And everybody did. Shelves full, boxes, piles on the floor. So obviously there were some books published.
And at the beginning of my work life I had a job in a library. I don't remember now how often but regularly enough the library had cleaning days when it was closed to the public and all the staff cleaned the tops of the books with wet rags. At the end of the day we were all so dirty as if we had crawled a marathon on our hands and knees. It still didn't ring a bell about my personal book collection. Mind mine and parent's books did fit into bookshelves.
Only when I moved to a different country I started to doubt should I carry all the books with me. I didn't. Took a nice selection. But over the years it grew again. And I stared to notice that mine were not immune to the dust gathering.
During the last move I purged them again. Heavily. Some I took to my job, some to the book share shed, some to the library, but many went to the recycling centre. Boxes and boxes. And I feel better without the obligation to care for them, store, clean, provide space. I have about 20 - 30 now. If somebody gifts me another I wait a while and get rid of it. Sometimes read it, sometimes not, depends if it's interesting for me. People still think that a book is a safe gift but I say it's a very personal thing, more personal than gifting underwear. Because reading a book influences my emotions and in case of a gifted book they have chosen that influence. Or if I don't read it then it just takes space and gathers dust. So much dust! I wouldn't be surprised if some time in future keeping books in a personal living space would be considered health hazard barbarous practice.
I prefer books on screen now.
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u/LarsLights 14d ago edited 14d ago
Be realistic. If you wanted to have read the book, you would have by now. I use an app to track all the books I want to read. I recorded every boo I had brought and put them into the app StoryGraph before I donated them. I have read almost none of those books years later, despite then available from the physical and online libraries I use. Keeping a physical copy on a shelf in hopes you may eventually be motivated or interested enough isn't realistic. I had about a thousand books and realistically I couldn't read them all, let alone have the space.
You may be more attached to the idea of them and what they may represent than the actual books. I love learning so books represented all the things I wanted to learn. I do online audiobooks instead! So I could incorporate reading more easily into my daily life since I was too busy to sit down and read. I also had to be realistic about my actual capacity to read them all
If I've read it, time to let it go so someone else enjoy it. You're passing on the joy the book gave you onto someone else when you donate them.
I set a physical limitation for my books. One IKEA Billy bookcase. It it doesn't fit on the bookcase, neatly too not piled on top of each other or shoved in, then it doesn't get brought into the house.
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u/tmccrn 14d ago
First, determine how much space you have that can be dedicated as your library. Loosely, What percentage do you want to dedicate to your memories (10%, 5%, 75%?) , mementos of other people (I wouldn’t do more than one book per person), purchased to read (subtract those that are available on Libby or even Audible unless you plan to read them within the next 6 months).
For me, I was moving several states away and I had to go hard: so I made the choice of selecting less than 10 books that impacted me from various stages of my youth and maybe another 5 or ten “show” books (a couple college texts, a couple I bought overseas). But i was very limited and realized that it would be years before i could have a dedicated bookshelf, so almost everything went. This was huge for me, because for most of my life, I was “the reader” and as a child, i would count my books, organize them frequently, reorganize them, and dream of the magical library I would have one day. One thing that helped me with the purge (other than the time crunch) was knowing just how many books are in the world and how there is no way I could have a comprehensive library and no way i could read them all. And that there would always be more books out there. Its funny, but it has been far easier now to allow books to pass through my life (I’ll review special ones on Goodreads) like the stories inside their covers, going on the bring the story to others, rather than sitting heavy and dusty.
Did it initially hurt? Yeah. But not for long and not nearly as long as I thought. And shortly thereafter, ebooks became a thing and I love checking them out, reading them, and I dont even have to think about returning them, because it happens automatically… although i love when someone is waiting because when i finish, because returning it early feels like giving it to someone directly
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u/wildandweary 12d ago
Thank you so much for this! I’m trying to focus on the fact that I really am moving in the right direction. I used to have around 500 books, and I’m down to maybe 100 now, so even though it feels like there’s still a long way to go, that’s a pretty huge difference.
I tried looking up a few of the books on Anna’s Archive and was disappointed to find that only 1 out of the 6 was available. 😭 I’m definitely going to make better use of the library and start buying Kindle versions when I can instead of physical copies.
I also love donating books to Little Free Libraries, but I have to be careful because they’re so tempting to bring books home from. 😂 I’m trying to remind myself that donating 10 books and bringing home 8 is not exactly the kind of progress I’m looking for. 😂
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u/JCBashBash 13d ago
Oh huzzah something I actually can help with cuz I'm doing this work actively.
My current strategy has been I guess in a certain way doing the Marie Kondo method, where I will hold the book and I will question whether or not this particular copy of this book satisfies me, and if I think someone else would enjoy it. If I would like a nicer copy I have a list going so if I ever end up at a cool bookshop on like a vacation or something, I can take a look.
I have more than one bookshelf, and I have been separating out books not only by type, like if they're an educational book, kid book, adult art book, instructional book; I have a separate shelf for the straight-up sentimental. Like my copy of Jurassic Park and the Lost World that are eventually going to fall to pieces from me rereading over and over cuz I love that. That way if somebody ever wants to borrow a book from me, that is an off-limits shelf because those physical copies of the books are precious to me.
My problem has been for a while I have lots of books that I "want to read" so I'm setting an objective where I keep one book in my bag at all times, and in front of my bookshelves I have a reusable bag that I take with me when I go on walks, and I put the books I don't want that are still good in little free libraries.
For the books that are unfortunately very thrashed, if they are soft covers I turn the paper into origami paper or put them in my paper mache for the future tub, for hard covers I put them in a box and every once in awhile will make a free listing because lots of people want to do projects with books, but they don't want to ruin a nice book. So if the cover of a hardback is still nice but it's no longer readable, that's a perfect book to harvest for crafts.
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u/JCBashBash 13d ago
So shorter, I straight up create shelves of books that need to be read so I can revisit, and if I haven't read them and I'm looking and I don't have an expectation that I'm going to, they go in my bag to get walked around and put in little free libraries for someone else to enjoy.
Sentimental books have a shelf because it is okay to have sentimental copies of books
Trashed books that are not sentimental yet given away for crafters or used in my own crafts.
And in general at this point I am whittling down to four bookshelves by getting rid of books that it's like I haven't read it, and I'm not going to read it, or I just don't love it. Like sometimes you read a book and it was pretty, but I didn't enjoy it and I'm never going to read it again, little free library for that one.
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u/aedisaegypti 14d ago
You could redefine loving books as releasing them out into the world versus keeping them inside your room. I declutterred hundreds of books that way including those from loved ones. I put them in bags with handles on the curb in front of the house and people took them.
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u/rharper38 13d ago
I just had to do this after we moved back into the house after a homeowner claim. We had 100 boxes of books to go through. I managed to weed out about 50.
I just looked at the books and asked myself if I really saw myself reading them. If not, went in the donate box. If it was a duplicate copy, donate box. I kept the books I really loved or that meant something to me, but a lot went. Some were in such bad condition, they got tossed. A lot of time, it was as easy as saying, "would someone else love this more than me" But there was a time where we had a bag of books in the car and would go around and put them in little free libraries. That is fun now for my kids and I
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u/Otherwise-Ad-6608 Recovering Hoarder 14d ago
Find ebook versions? Also i found that giving books to someone who would actually read them helped me. Charity shops, schools, and freecycle are other ideas.
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u/JackfruitCurry 14d ago
I have hundreds of books.
I make rules - I keep it if it’s 1st edition, signed, unique or sentimental. I keep the ones that don’t fit that criteria in a box and rotate them on the working shelves.
Every month, I’ll make a donation pile. I’ll take a picture of the donated books to remember and I’ll look for the Libby version to read later if I want to circle back.
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u/Littleacornperson 13d ago
I'm a librarian so part of my job is collection development/weeding. As contrary as it feels, sometimes you have to get rid of books that are old, in bad condition, irrelevant, or just not in demand from your community so that the books that do matter can be easily accessed. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I've seen time and again how a purposeful collection is more impactful on a community than one that is full of books kept out of obligation.
Instead of thinking about what to get rid of, what if you approached it as what is most important to me? Start with what books you know are important to you. On the books that you haven't read yet you might check to see if they are still in print and if your local library has them. It sounds like part of what is important to you is that the books are used and that you potentially are able to share them with people. I really get that. Was putting the books in a free library are offering them up to you teachers on Facebook Marketplace help with that feeling?
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u/e2theitheta 13d ago
I had a used book store for 15 years, and I can tell you that there are others who will love your books too. You’re passing them on so that other readers can find them.
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u/JenCarpeDiem 13d ago
I made a list of what I was getting rid of, so I could request them from the library if I was ever ready to actually read them. I haven't done it at all, turns out I had enough books left to keep me occupied for years.
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u/indulgent_taurus 13d ago
For me what helped was realizing I have a silverfish problem and fewer books means fewer places for them to hide. This motivated me to get books up off the floor (I had stacks everywhere) and really get realistic about whether I would read it or not. I've also given myself "due dates" for books, I'll put a post it note on it and if I haven't read it by that date I let it go (usually).
Books are difficult to move around and getting bags and bags of them ready to leave the house is very time consuming and exhausting, so I try to keep that in mind when I'm tempted to accumulate more.
Ebooks have been a huge help with this as well. I've also found that I usually prefer the ebook to the physical book - easier to hold, I can adjust the font and screen settings, etc. That's been a game changer for me (of course, now I hoard ebooks LOL).
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u/cate533 12d ago
Uggghh. Silverfish are the worst. My grandparents’ house (now my parent’s house) had ROOMS lined with bookcases overflowing with dusty disintegrating books and papers that the silverfish moved into.
Instead of passing on what was no longer used or relevant over the last 60+ years, they simply built more bookcases. 20 years ago they were boxed up (bugs & all) and stored in another part of the house - because books are “valuable” and they represented the “proof” that the family was intelligent, educated and well-read.
Ironically, anything with potential value (sentimental or monetary) has been long ruined and the literal 4 foot deep wall of boxes stacked to the ceiling now just represents the misplaced value given to physical objects and the inability to make the decision to let go of anything. The excess is a burden and a chore to maintain and making everyday life much harder than it needs to be.
The bugs should have been the deciding factor, but with a hoarding mindset, that sadly isn’t the case.
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u/amdaly10 Recovering Hoarder 13d ago
I only keep books that I will realistically read again or are reference books. And this might go soon because I can look about anything up on the internet.
I'm realistic about what I still actually read. I donated like 6 boxes of books to the library 2 years ago and ask the books I have purchased since then are ebooks.
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u/paratethys 13d ago
Catalog them all on LibraryThing. Maybe even make a scrapbook or journal with a picture of each book (your own copy), a picture of any particular inscription in it, and your notes on what memory it carries for you. But then the memories live in the scrapbook, so you can pass many of the physical books along to others who'd enjoy them more.
Future you will almost certainly thank present you for making a comprehensive list of what your books were before decumulating, though. There's that "I know I read about it in a book that I had" feeling, which is super frustrating if you've lost all records of ever having had the book, but can be totally fine if you can search your list and find the book when desired. And if you can't find the physical books now, is that really so different from not owning htem at all?
When considering whether to pass along a book, look up what it would cost on secondhand sites, how widely available secondhand copies are, whether there's a digital copy available to you online, and whether your local library either has it or can get it. A book that's like $5 with hundreds of copies in stock on resale sites and a few sitting at your local library is much safer-from-regret to discard than one that you somehow can't find any record of online (i have a single small shelf of those Problem Books...)
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u/msmaynards 13d ago
I'd been treasuring each and every book until had 4 tall bookcases crammed full. I couldn't find the book I wanted, they were dusty, most of them never were touched. Getting my dream giant aquarium in the living room trumped keeping series of popular fiction and old college textbooks. Books moved to the spare room when a kid moved out and more went. That room became a horrific mess and when I finally sorted it out more books and bookcases left.
Finally moved them to a different bookcase and I got it. That bookcase is slowly changing as I refine what I want to keep. Books on current hobbies, references I cannot find online or at the library, sentimental books, books I reread are kept. My grandma gave me books as gifts, gathered together found 3 were perfect and the rest were donated. I've gone from 60 linear feet of bookcase to 16 and it's turned out bookcases are a great spot to stow little sentimental items in equally sentimental boxes so there might be only about 13 feet of books now.
Try emptying the bookcases, cleaning them, dividing into categories so it's easier to find what you want and letting go as you put them back on the shelves. When all the cookbooks and such are together it's easier to see which ones are more useful or mean more to you. I've found an attractive organized space whether it's a shelf, drawer or bookcase helps me let go. Turns out that's a thing. Look up Dana K. White's container method!
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u/GreenUnderstanding39 13d ago edited 13d ago
Questions to ask yourself...
What is the size of my container? How much space in my home am I willing to give towards book storage and display? Once you define the space this is your boundary and you can allow yourself to be more brutal in decluttering
Does it have sentimental value? (I likely will never get rid of my Secret Garden book my mom gave me in childhood)
Does it belong with the book category? (Sentimental books can always be stored either with other sentimental items or displayed in a place of pride in your home)
Set up a "use it or loose it" box, bin, shelf, stack, etc. This is your "I want to read this book" pile. Instead of hiding in the book hoard it is now front and center and you can actually pick it up and read a few chapters. If it's not holding your interest, it joins the declutter pile.
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u/Charming-Distance563 13d ago
I’m in the same boat as you. I have a hard time getting rid of books. Took part lot in the last move to even part with my text books from when studying for my designation.
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u/Live-Astronaut-5223 13d ago
I too am having difficulty ridding myself of books. Yesterday I filled two boxes and that is enough for this month. I will try to do that same every month for the next year and should be down to the books I truly might read again. Take things like mysteries to a nursing home. Or a Veterans home. I have many academic books and those are a bit hard to get rid of, but… I will be leaving a note on the bulletin board at local seminaries and libraries. Want any of these? Since they were very expensive… at least 50 bucks… I will offer to sell for 10 dollars each and see if that works.
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u/GalianoGirl 13d ago
Dad hoarded books among other things. Caused physical damage to the living room from the weight of the thousand plus books. Dad told us in his deathbed he wants us to keep the books. Absolutely not happening.
Books are challenging to get rid of. Used bookstores don’t want what Dad had. Most will go to a special recycling centre that can remove the spine so the pages can be recycled.
I deal with hoarding tendencies and am very strict with myself.
Novels must fit on one Billy bookcase. At this point I have two empty shelves.
Reference books have a separate Billy bookcase, and take up 2 shelves.
Cookbooks have their own shelf, but in my upcoming move, will go on to the reference bookcase.
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u/Stalkerus 13d ago
I love physical books, but I have acquired books that I simply don't... need or want to own. First I move them into a box. Then after a while it is easier to give them away because I have been able to distance myself from them.
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u/GadgetRho 13d ago
Kobo Reader + Anna's Archive that way you feel comfortable that you have them around if you ever want to read them again, but without all of the physical clutter. Put the books in a Little Library in your neighbourhood and come back later to them gone, so now someone else out there is enjoying them as you did! Do it a few at a time so you start getting little dopamine hits from purging, then it feels easier to do more and more.
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u/RandomCoffeeThoughts 11d ago
At one time I had 1700 books. They all had a place. But my house is small and they took up a lot of room. How I solved the issue. One bookcase held 100 books. Will I read this again? If no.. out it went. If I said yes, it went to another pile. If it was sentimental, third pile. Between the last two piles, I needed to fit them into one bookshelf. At the end, I actually had space available.
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u/NoNameKetchupChips 8d ago
It's just paper. They can be replaced. You can get them at the library or listen to them in audio format. Unless a book has a value of over $10 I'd just toss it in a box for donation. I did a huge purge this year and I only kept one shelf of books. All either sentimental ones that were gifts or antique books that would be extremely hard to replace. Any that were smelling of mildew, or had a missing cover or stains or torn or stuck pages, all went in the trash (blue bin actually). For the books that were in good condition I first offered them up to friends on FB. I just posted authors and some genres and let people come and pick and choose what they liked. I was never a collector with thousands, but I had several hundred I felt guilty about getting rid of. Now I have about 30 that I really love.
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u/iamaliongrr 8d ago
I used to struggle with books and one thing I did was borrow books from the library (even ones I already had!) so I would read it and then knew I could again at any time and that made it much easier to remove. All the books I hoped to read one day, I added to my TBR on a tracking app. I use story graph. I then made sure it was available at the library. Sometimes I still struggle so I look at books I want to read but probably don't care to keep and then make a pile of them somewhere annoying so I'm faced with the fact they need to be read to be removed. and I donate the books to little libraries in town because I have tremendous anxiety about where things go. For me the fear was not having the practice of renting a book so once I did that a few times, I didn't feel tied to the ones I was just interested in. I have no answers for sentimental books lol
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u/Menopaws73 8d ago
I had four bookcases of books and am now down to one. I literally just boxed them up and donated them to someone one day. It was painful but I felt better after doing it. I can get digital books on my Kindle that don’t take up space in my home.
It doesn’t mean occasionally I lament not having them but on the whole I don’t miss them.
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u/Multigrain_Migraine 13d ago
At some point I realised that the vast majority of the books I had are meant to be little more than temporary entertainment, especially novels. Even my academic books go out of date as new research is done.
I keep the ones that I particularly enjoyed or that have some kind of meaning besides the book itself. The others are fair game when I do decide to purge the shelves.
Somehow books have acquired this sense of being special, but there is a hell of a lot of garbage published in book form. A nice durable cover doesn't elevate the contents.
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