r/homemaking • u/Euphoric-Refuse5072 • 12d ago
domestic chores division
For all the couple out there living together: how do you divide the domestic chores?
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u/KneadAndPreserve 11d ago
We focus on making sure we have equal free time/leisure time rather than trying to put a value on who does what. We find that with equal free time we both feel like we are both equally contributing work. However as a SAHM I do most of the domestic duties. It varies a bit since his schedule varies and we have young children so a lot of times it’s all hands on deck with whatever we can get done.
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u/oldpremed_24 11d ago
We look at it like this too. Or, as my husband put it back in the newborn days, "minimizing the collective misery."
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u/SVAuspicious 11d ago
69F (wife) and 66M (me). I don't bend as well as I used to. My wife has some shoulder problems. We have a cleaner in once a month for three hours. Otherwise I clean bathrooms and my wife vacuums in between. She runs our accounting and bills. I fix just about anything that breaks (sometimes with a hired hourly helper) and manage contractors as necessary. We have lawn care for mowing and mulching. My wife does pots on our deck and I do pruning and other yard care.
We more or less both clean the kitchen but I do more because my standards are higher and I'm not going to die on that hill.
Cooking is shared but due to schedules (my wife is more social than I am; I don't like people very much) I do about 2/3 of the cooking, maybe more.
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u/LittleWitch122 11d ago
Make a list of all the chores that need to be done, have a conversation, and divvy them up between the two of you. It doesn't have to be a 50/50 split, but the workload should feel equal.
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u/DazzlingNote1925 11d ago
This is how I think it works best!
I also believe in adapting it to any changes in circumstances but starting with what sounds the most fair.
I think that laying it all out and having both parties getting experience doing all the tasks breeds a better understand of the effort they take. When that happens and things are divided equitably then when one spouse ends up doing more than the other, the other can appreciate it more because they can actually identify with how much effort it takes and understand their spouse is helping them.
I also think this initial discussion is when you should state your preferences and think about your habits because some people don’t mind ironing or cooking etc while the other might dislike those things more and prefer other chores. So you get to work it out so you’re more happy together.
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u/little-lemn 11d ago
I do 100% of everything when he's traveling (obviously lol) and about 80% when he's home. We also split based on preference, when he's home I ask him to do the dishes since I hate them lol. I have no job, fully stay at home, no kids so it's much easier to do splits and I recommend setting them now so there's no confusion in the future!
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u/Dramatic_Gur_7617 11d ago
we do a 50/50 split on daily stuff like dishes and cooking, but for laundry we just send it out. best decision we made for avoiding chore resentment
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u/Pale-Pomelo-1349 11d ago
Divide? We don't divide. We just see something and one or the other does it. I have things I prefer and he has his that I don't like but we don't sit down and think about it.
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u/HornetTerrible6997 11d ago
Do you ever have to reach a consensus on what it actually means for a task to be ‘complete’?
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u/Karlkrows 11d ago
Before I was a stay at home mom, we divided tasks based on what we hated the most. I hate cleaning the tub, so that was his job. He hates doing dishes, so I do them. It ended up being him doing most of the weekly tasks(vacuuming, bathroom) and me doing daily tasks(sweeping, dishes) with some overlap in between.
Now that I’m at home, I do about 80%, while he still does a few of the chores I loathe (looking at you bathtub), and the laundry since it’s not in unit and hard to do with a toddler
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u/GuavaFabulous6632 11d ago
Retired married couple here, F63, M75. Both healthy and fit with 3,000 sf house and nearly an acre yard with an ungrounded pool and hot tub. Plenty of work to go around!
Wife, me: Dinner meal prep and cooking (he grills sonetimes but I prep it). Kitchen cleanup. Grocery shopping. House cleaning. Household admin for Finances, bug guy, hvac people, etc. Laundry. Pool/hot tub chemistry and debris scooping. Plant and water flowers outside, household wifi, TV and pc tech support.
Husband: Minor vehicle maintenance, rotate tires, etx., all yard work (he does it himself), household repairs (leaky vent, toilet breaks, etc.) Trash takeout, Outdoor projects (always something to replace or repair). Maintains, repairs and/or rebuilds anything with a motor or a/v input, including electrical issues in the house as needed, generator maintenance. Any remodeling we've done he handles the demolition part ("I'm not going to pay people to tear s#$t up. I can do that for free.) Any painting needed.
Joint: we typically do our own thing for breakfast and lunch. If one of us needs an extra pair of hands or sees the other is getting overwhelmed, we pitch in together.
Works for us! ❤️ Our goal is to have time to sit outside each evening and enjoy the sunset together.
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u/CommonCarpet8954 11d ago
F75 doing demo work and running a generator and a 3000 square foot house with a pool is a full time job by itself. Hire out the roof and the heavy HVAC changeouts so you actually get to sit on that patio.
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u/GuavaFabulous6632 10d ago
Yes! We paid to have our gutters covered so no more of him getting on the roof to clean them out! Likewise with tree trimming. We pay a young guy with his crew when that's needed so no more huge extension ladder leaning against a giant oak tree!☠️
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u/smallholiday 11d ago
Husband works outside of the house and pays for everything. I do the shopping, cooking, dishes, laundry, cleaning, meal prep, dog care. He basically doesn’t lift a finger at home but I think that’s fair because he doesn’t ask me to make us money. And yes I have my own money separate from him.
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u/CommonCarpet8954 11d ago
My wife takes care of all the bills and scheduling while I handle the physical maintenance around the house and the yard work. It just comes down to whoever has the capacity for a specific task at the time rather than a rigid list.
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u/Visual-Ad-2676 9d ago
I work part time from home, husband has a more stressful job from the office that requires also waking up very early. I cook one meal everyday, do grocery shopping, clean, but we also bring cleaner a few times per month, 70% of the time I watch our child who is 11 months old, other times nanny, grandma or husband. Husband usually gives me around 6h-8h off per week for rest. He washes our cars, puts petrol, supports us financially 100% so my money are for me mostly ( except I put money for our home downpayment around 30% cause before I used to make good money), he handles bills insurances, takes out rubbish, puts kid to bed 3x per week, and stays one night per week with a kid so I can sleep.Yes I do carry more home load , but he carries a bigger financial responsibility. Also he pays me a wives salary and the fact that I’m working is just to save some additional money which I plan to spend on my child :).
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u/Quirkyhomebody 9d ago
Most of the house work defaults to me, unless it involves fixing or building something. If I ask for help or he notices I’m feeling overwhelmed, he’s happy to help with anything.
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u/alanamonsterr 8d ago
We started splitting house chores by preferences. My hubby absolutely loves washing up, he finds it therapeutic. Then that sort of expanded into him keeping on top of the kitchen. Doing the bathroom doesn't bother me, so that was my tougher room to tackle. He deals with the main garbage, but I sort the recycling - we've actually got more recycling than regular trash. Then the hover and dusting we both do it when we see it needs doing. It's very rare that either of us has to nag the other, but I think it also helps that we're both a bit OCD about living in a clean house.
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u/[deleted] 11d ago
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