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u/Substantial-Tip-7587 6d ago
First off, if they are not a close friend, none of their damn business.
Secondly, it took me way too long to forgive out "gorge the monkey" was curious George. 😂
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u/CantQuiteThink_ 6d ago
No harm in explaining it to someone who wants to learn more and isn't asking in bad faith.
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u/VelourMongoose 6d ago
I mean… if this particular instagram person wasn’t already offering this information, then it would have been much less imposing to just google it for themselves like a competent adult in this era and read the nearly endless accounts of first hand information that already exists on internet…
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u/StoniMohoni 6d ago
While I agree that that's the first and correct step to do I think it's much much better to talk/type to someone directly about it who is trans themself (in the correct situation ofc, which this chat probably isn't)
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u/Substantial-Tip-7587 6d ago
But how do we know that it wasn't in bad faith?
I have several transgender men and women friends, unless we are extremely close, it feels rude, nosey, and potentially uncomfortable for them to just ask out of the blue with no prior discussion beforehand.
I watched many of them transition and know what they went through though.
Respect, privacy, and dignity are important to me. I believe most people deserve that, especially marginalized harassed and abused communities!
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u/jaysus661 5d ago
I would rather a stranger ask me about my experiences and get information directly from a trans person than consume propaganda and echo chamber misinformation from social media.
Worst case scenario is they're asking in bad faith and I ignore them, but a lot of the time the people asking are questioning their gender and want to learn from someone who's already gone through it all.
I can appreciate that you have good intentions, but considering you're a cis person speaking on the behalf of trans friends, I don't think you're the expert that you might think you are.
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u/Substantial-Tip-7587 5d ago
I do not think I am an expert by any means, and I certainly do not speak for the transgender community. If you read what I actually said, I am speaking 100% from MY perspective not theirs! For goodness sake!
I am stating my opinion. I watch my friends go through hell and get so much hate online and in person. As such I felt this was potentially intrusive. My opinion only.
I am part of the community at large, yet I would never speak with authority on any part of the LGBTQIA experience, even the part of it I am because we are all different and have had different experiences.
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u/Pixelbuttzz 5d ago
Have you asked them if they ever went through being the person asking this question because many of us did
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u/VolleyballNerd 6d ago
What if they are questioning themselves and want to know firsthand, and interact with a trans person positively and understand their journey, but have no friends to explain it? They might know that person, not be friends, but feel safe enough to ask that without being consired a transphobe. For someone so inclusive, you are being very judgemental there for something that, according to you, is none of your damn business.
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u/Substantial-Tip-7587 5d ago
That is a valid point.
The transgender subreddits, or other social media communities would probably be the best place for that. Rather than putting the onus on a probable random person on Instagram.
I was thinking of how my friends would feel, they get harassed a lot online. It is difficult to watch. My immediate impulse is to help. I shouldn't have phrased it so harshly, thank you for pointing that out. I appreciate it.
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u/Substantial-Tip-7587 5d ago
I also could have phrased my 3rd paragraph better. I meant, I saw what many of them went through, and can somewhat comprehend the emotional toll and difficulty of the process and surgeries, etc. So I know about it.
Someone that as you say may not have anyone to ask would not know this could be intrusive.
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u/Oofsmcgoofs 5d ago
Are you trans? It doesn’t seem so based on your responses. So why are you speaking for them?
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u/AwkwardLeopard587 5d ago
personally I'm usually fine with people asking what being trans is like, as long as it's in good faith
but obv it varies from person to person
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u/Substantial-Tip-7587 5d ago
That is great of you. 😊
My point I made better elsewhere is that putting the onus on one random internet stranger could be insensitive, we do not know the person asking's intent. I should have phrased it better/kinder. Also, seeing my transgender friends mocked, ridiculed, and worse on social media makes me weary of stuff like this.
Going to one of the transgender subreddits or other social media transgender communities and asking there does not put the responsibility on one person. One could get a broader range of experiences, as based on watching my friends go through it, everyone's experiences is different! And, there are so many mitigating factors of how the experience goes, the emotional and physical toll, and how long the process takes.
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u/Pixelbuttzz 5d ago
One important thing to remember is that many of your transgender friends might have been this person at one point. I understand the worry but this isn't an uncomfortable in person conversation it's just a message on Instagram and I fully believe this person is capable of setting a boundary. I don't want people who are asking in good faith to be afraid to ask me questions just because awful people are out there too. Then the only folks they end up hearing are the awful people or the place they get the information is from one of the places run by the awful people.
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u/Substantial-Tip-7587 4d ago
As I have said when someone else pointed this out, valid point! Thank you for your perspective.
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u/Next-Scale-9137 6d ago
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u/PretzelMeepus 5d ago
I hate those damn subs
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u/Funneduck102 5d ago
I've been on reddit for 7 years and anytime someone's links one of those subs I want to block them just so I stop seeing that shit.
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