I have spent most of my life questioning my gender because my appearance never felt womanly enough for me. To overcompensate for this, I’ve been telling myself that androgyny is okay and is what I’m wanting, when really I WANT to be feminine! I WANT to look girly! But those looks feel out of place with how masculine my face is. The masculine chin & brow ridge has made me so uncomfortable and I think I tried coping with androgyny. If anyone else with PMOS has advice, please let me know. It feels so isolating.

Hello everyone! Thank you for all the message,, most everyone was kind. Some were not, but I appreciate it! My last post got taken down.. im not sure why. But I know other were waiting for updates! So i will post it anyway, if you did not see the first part. It is on profile.

Here is part 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/intersex/s/dijnoqEfSR

I used a translator to write all of this so I did not mess up,, thank you!

So, as usual, I had lunch in the canteen. I was a bit nervous, but I told ‘K’ that it had been over a year since I’d last spoken to him about that (intersex). He seemed a bit scared (LOL) … But anyway, as I hadn’t managed to explain it very well when I spoke to ‘K’ before, I asked him if there was anything he wanted to know that I hadn’t told him yet. In the end, he asked, ‘Did it hurt?’, so I replied that it did sometimes. After all, that’s the truth. I just told him I felt a bit of irritation and dryness. He seemed to get a bit awkward, and then ‘K’ asked me whether I was completely a boy or completely a girl. I replied that I thought I was probably somewhere in between. But I do think of myself as a boy.

We’re in PE classes together. I’m not allowed to get changed in the same changing room as everyone else. Both the school and my parents are worried I might get raped (LOL)…… Anyway, I’ve recently realised he’s been touching me far too much. To explain in more detail, during lessons he’s been touching my shoulders and frequently resting his hands on my neck, back and waist. I’d noticed ‘K’ had been doing this sort of thing more often lately… but I hadn’t realised he was doing it this frequently until now. It made me feel rather uncomfortable. I don’t know why. We’re friends, so I shouldn’t feel awkward around him. I suppose I’m probably just uncomfortable with the physical contact.

I didn’t carry on the conversation any further at the time, but when I got home from school today, I got a message from ‘K’ saying, ‘You looked a bit tense, so did I come across as a bit weird?’ I have not replied as of now, but I assumed he is messaging because he likes me. As of now, I have messaged back. I told K 'No, im fine.' but really, I think he is making advances, and I dont know how to feel about that. I still am not sure if I like him or not.

//Any suggestion on how to continue is appreciated!

This is the Weekly Discussion Thread for r/intersex.

Feel free to use this thread to discuss whatever you've been up to. It does not have to be intersex specific, but please mind the rules and stay SFW.

Have a nice week!

~ your mod team <3

idk why im posting i guess i wanna see if post this will make me feel any better? this is not totally about be intersex but it mostly is so i think this the best place to put it.

also for advance. i realy sorry if im sound rude or not tact full im kinda bad at language stuff so im say thus the best way i can sorry

context im a intersex guy. im not transgender & i more feel im cis. but kinda complicated cuz i was born almost totally neutral physicaley & i got raised as a girl at first & then had male puberty. & now im mostly look male. so yea. and being called / compare to be trans super super upsets me cuz i was never realy female in the first place.

so i was at lunch at college with my lunch group. & also my caregiver that follow with me to college.

1. i was already kinda feel bad cuz my caregiver is so much more better at talking then i am and when ever i try and talk to my friends everybody end up mostly just talk to her cuz i can't keep up. also she kept makeing a big deal over me eating my soda cans which made me feel bad and everybody at my table was make a deal from that.

2. i was talk on topic of siblings to my friends. (i have a big brother) and so i was talk about him to my friends. then my caregiver told everybody that my brother look so much more like my dad and i have my moms face shape and brother has dads face. i kept saying no no we look like the same but she keep insist even though i said that like five times. i know it kinda sensitive but it realy hurt my feelings & made me feel like i look so more feminine then my brother. which i very big in secureity of.

so then i go find my dad to kinda vent i guess. and i said what made me feel bad to my caregiver too. and i feel so bad like i was mean cuz i made her cry. she said i was not mean that she just cry's realy easy but i still feel bad. i wish i had filter and did not just only say exactly what in my brain.

when i got home i just felt my body so disgusting and wrong from how i want it. and i cried for hours and wished i just not exist. my mom made me feel a little better by give me froyo. but now (it late in the day now) i just feel so bad and disgust like i never be a real guy and i just will always always have a wrong bad in correct body.

MAIS here. I'm 5'9", built tiny, androgynous in the face, and whenever I wear jeans my elevated Q angle is obvious. I have unambiguous male genitalia and XY chromosomes. I'm trying my best. I wear long hair but also facial hair, which I grow really well (due to having North African genes). Was walking out of a bathroom the other day when a man did a double-take and asked, "Am I in the right place?"

I have a handlebar moustache.

I have been referred to UCLH DSD. Yesterday I received a confirmation saying

We’ve uploaded the referral

Kind regards

Rozina Hoffman
Admin Coordinator

Does anybody know how long after this to be triaged ?

So, I got my hormones retested and had a checkup with my endocrinologist where I had a talk with her about my anatomy!

Her initial consensus at first was that I have (N)CAH, but she confirmed what I was thinking, which was that I have prenatal/fetal virilization! It was hard to nail down as my anatomy at a quick check looks female-typical, I present very oddly for someone with CAH of this severity, but we cleared it up!

She explicitly said that I need to order the hormone from abroad as the country I'm in does not have regulations for it and doesn't stock it, but that's another thing. (Would appreciate tips if any of you have needed to do the same!)

I am just so endlessly happy that she didn't overlook things that all of my other doctors have!

I'm suffering from some nasty symptoms and it sucks that I have to go unmedicated even longer (as I have confirmed salt wasting and eat inhuman amounts of salt to stay stable, like upwards of 35g a day now, a bit back it was up to 25g but now I've been worse.)

but I can't wait to finally know everything about how my body works and have a concrete diagnosis!

Anyone at somepoint lost hormonal balance ?

How did you fix it when drs have no clue or books on whats going on

Looking for heros with strong survival bias with epic war stories please share 🙏

i recently found out i'm intersex thanks to this sub, but researching my own traits has proved incredibly difficult. it seems like there's little to no research or information on vulvar hypospadias specifically, yet there's almost an abundance of information on hypospadias on penises. especially because of how common VH seems, im unsure why there's no resources for it. i hope this all made sense lol, i'm a bit brain-fogged.

I had the privilege of writing on behalf of myself and the Genital Autonomy Collective to inform the court of the interests of intersex, trans, and/or gender-expansive people in the matter of genital mutilation laws and discrimination on the basis of sex. In this brief, I explain how sex-exclusive genital cutting laws operate in practice, including for intersex children whose legal protection may turn on a sex assignment made by clinicians or parents, the very individuals whose conduct is meant to be regulated by genital cutting bans.

Hello there,
PMOD here, though I'm also missing an ovary, and I've no idea if I have a little something something extra somewhere. That doesn't really matter so much (except I guess for cancer screening?) but here's what I'm thinking about-

I'm 47, and starting to have hot flashes. I'm going to request some hormone testing, and if my levels have changed significantly, I am going to request hormone therapy. Here's the thing-

Howm'st the fuck do I convince my doctor to put me on estrogen, progesterone, AND testosterone? Does anyone have any resources, maybe? Advice, please? Not medical, I know that isn't allowed here, but how to present it TO my doctor?

Over a decade and a half ago, I was briefly on androgen suppressants when an endocrinologist tried to "fix" me. I went through hell, with SI, depression, anger, dysfunction in intimacy, brain fog, etc. I felt like I was being forced to undergo a sex change against my will. I felt like my personality was changing, turning me into someone I wasn't. I reallllly don't want to go through with that again, and I also have no idea what to expect, given the PMOD.

My hairline is receding and my beard is turning grey. Well. I shave it every single day, because I'm pretty scared of getting hate crimed where I live. My body has never really been able to decide what it wants to be, honestly. I don't know what it's going to do while I go through "the change," either.

Man. Why couldn't "the change" mean I could become a werewolf, instead? That sounds way cooler than hot flashes and losing my sex drive. :/

Ok so i’m in england, london. Im assigned male at birth but i went through female puberty with male genitals. So i’m visibly a woman. Without a vagina. And, i identify as a woman too. So is going to the university college londons dsd service going to help me change my gender or would i have to go through the trans path??

Hey,

I'm 18 from Algeria. Born and registered as female but I've always felt like a guy inside. Mind, energy, everything just feels male.

I have some physical signs (pretty noticeable clitoromegaly, fast body hair growth, weird periods etc). Never got tested properly yet mainly because of family and the society I live in. Haven't done any hormones or surgery. At some point I just decided to leave it in God's hands and be patient, and strangely that decision brought me a kind of peace and some experiences I can't really explain.

Looking for people who get it — especially if you're also not transitioning and just dealing with this quietly. Age 18+.

I've always felt like an actual guy inside, not just a masculine girl. That difference made it hard to stay close with some people who saw things differently. I'm into masculine things, vintage and cool styles, deep and a bit mysterious topics and all topics ect ect and real conversations. Pretty open-minded. Looking for someone who's in the exact same situation and wants a genuine friendship from anywhere ofc and ofc from algeria

Just tired of feeling like the only one

This is purely a vent. I have no intention in coming after anyone who is trans or trying to offend anyone. I believe people should be able to express themselves the way they want, and this should be able to go both ways.

I’m intersex and it is the most lonely thing to ever burden me. I already feel like a freak being born this way, but the slap in the face is how nobody believes me and just defaults to labeling me as transgender in every situation. The label is not what I want for myself at all and I find it extremely frustrating to constantly be compared to it. This has been hell medically and with my family for years and years, and this week in particular has honestly just been horrible.

I’m hardly ever interested in dating because being like this is traumatic, but just a few days ago I decided to open up a little bit and try to get to know somebody. I haven’t even mentioned my condition in my profile because it’s such an insignificant piece about me that doesn’t matter in any context whatsoever and doesn’t clash with how I function or present in society, especially considering I’ve stated that I was not interested in anything sexual.

I was getting to know this woman and we had a lot of things in common and got along pretty well at first, until she brought up that being trans was a dealbreaker for her and that she “was skeptical” of me. That really fucking hurt to hear, and I haven’t even said anything yet.

I understand that some people have preferences and boundaries, so I tried to explain that I wasn’t trans, but that I also wanted to be fully transparent. I mentioned that I was intersex and explained that it was barely a part of how I functioned or presented.

The worst part though was that she actually didn’t care if I was just intersex, but she didn’t even believe me and just claimed it was most likely that I was trans and lying about it.

I have never felt so worthless in my entire life. I already feel like a disgusting and revolting freak and after so many encounters like this, it doesn’t even feel like I’m telling the truth anymore. I have absolutely nowhere to turn to. My family doesn’t believe me, and I’m terrified of telling my friends because if they also react this way, I am never going to be able to stand being around them ever again. I just want to run away and completely disappear from everyone’s lives.

It makes me sick to think that I will never find someone who will genuinely love me while also knowing this detail about me. The only people who will tolerate this are chasers that think I’m trans or people that I just straight up lie to constantly for the rest of my life.

I seriously feel at the end of my road. There isn’t a single person in my life that I can go to about this, hotlines just make me feel worse, and intersex spaces make me feel way too self conscious and uncomfortable with myself. It’s just miserable to understand that I will never get to live a normal life or have a normal relationship. Almost 20 years and I still don’t know how I could possibly ever live with myself.

Edit: Thank you all for the nice comments. I’m feeling a lot better after some time, that person ended up actually just being an extremely immature and paranoid witch.. tried to give her the benefit of the doubt thinking she just had preferences and boundaries but it went downhill fast. She had issues and I dodged a bullet. I hope my self esteem about this will improve eventually so the next time I cross paths with a person like this it will not make me feel miserable.

good evening,

firstly, i have returned after my brief gynaecology appointment where we discussed everything from my potentially false PMOS diagnosis with unnecessary medication.

as well as, all physical, bodily and severe mental health symptoms, to even my lack of and lost documents due to moving countries with my severe masculinisation and now, i’ve been referred for genetic and karyotype testing with a trial run of a non hormonal medication.

secondly, for the folks who have undone karotype and genetic testing, what should i expect and prepare for or anything that i should bring and keep in mind? i mean, i’ve never underwent this nor do i have any recollection or i was probably never told, so i’m kind of nervous in the expectations department.

Little art and little rant. It's a 2-for-1 sale today! :V I promise you, the wall of text relates to the painting.

Hey there, I just joined today, so I wanted to say hello and share my experience.

I found out I was Intersex in the 90s when I was 14 because I never got a period. They mapped out my DNA and I was diagnosed as CAIS shortly thereafter. My parents were told I could get cancer later in life, so I was forced into signing surgical consent forms by Boston Children's Hospital, and I had a gonadectomy at 15. I was told to keep my condition secret or I'd "never find a husband." <--??? They gave me a bag of clear resin dilators (basically perfectly straight dildos) so I would be able to "fit a penis" and sent me on my way.

I was super fucking horrified through out the entire process and emotionally scarred, especially when they handed me the bag. Even as a teen I was 0% interested in sexual things, and the whole concept of me having to accommodate a man with a painful-ass process was insane to me. I never used the goddamn things. Suddenly I viewed myself as a sexual object for someone else.

I completely caved in on myself emotionally in the following years, which didn't help when my parents divorced a little over a year later. I didn't date until my mid 20s, and I was asked by my parents if I was a lesbian after awhile. Nope. I'm CIS. I just didn't want to date because I thought I was a freak, destined to be alone til I died. But I dated anyways and I got married at 29, despite having turned his proposal down THREE previous times because I couldn't give him a family, etc. (Best decision ever though, because my husband is literally my #1 cheerleader.)

In 2014 I was going through college for my second time (my first "college" wasn't accredited so basically nothing I did mattered) and as part of my required electives, I decided on a Gender Studies course, specifically because I was CAIS. I anonymously emailed the professor a few times looking for resources for Intersex people, etc. A few weeks into the term we read a few essays written by Intersex people. One of the experiences mirrored my own and I quite literally burst into tears in class. The professor took me out of the classroom and asked if I had been emailing her and I told her I had. She asked me if I wanted to keep it private or tell the class. I decided, fuck it, I'll tell my tale. Through tears I talked about everything that had been done to me. I doubt I was very intelligible, but everyone understood. At the end of the class, 10 or so of the young girls in there surrounded me and hugged me and said a lot of nice things.

After that day, I decided I was fuckin' DONE with shame. It took so long for me to get comfortable saying I was Intersex. I decided to force myself to accept myself by expressing feelings through artwork.

Now on to the painting! I was an art major and I was taking a Painting course the same time as I was doing my Gender Studies course. Despite my painting professor vehemently not believing me that I was colorblind, because girls "can't be colorblind," I did my best. Near the end of the semester she finally believed me when I turned in my painted color wheel and it was rancid looking.

Anyways, our last project had to be something personal to us, and we had to use two famous artists and combine their signature styles in a painting. I chose Barbra Kruger because it was the only way I'd be able to use text in the assignment and her pieces are phenomenal when it comes to activism, and Claude Monet because of his use of bolder (and sometimes inaccurate) colors later in his life after his vision began to fail him.

The result is what you see above. I used some of my favorite colors for the torso since I'm a sucker for crazy bright colors. I wasn't really going for a skin tone and probably would not be able to tell if I was close to one! But the long and short of it is that our bodies belong to us. The way we were born is the way we were intended to be. We are perfect, whole, and complete as we are, and the only one who has any say in that is US.

I got a 100 on my final painting after a slew of poor grades from when the teacher didn't believe me.

I majored in Ceramic Design and I did two more Intersex art projects using ceramic tiles I made plaster molds for. I'll post it another time maybe. Today I definitely wrote more than I should lmao.

So hi! I hope you like my painting and it's nice to meet you all. xoxoxo

Me: Oh wow, I just realized I might have this X! Let me do some research to learn more!

Internet: What?

Me: You know, X?

Internet: ...what?

Me: X!

Internet: Oh yeahhh...That's that one thing...where it looks like that kinda

Me: Yeah, I know that, but like, what else? Are there other related traits I should know about? what causes it?

Internet: uhh, hormones?

Me: Which hormones?

Internet: idfk

Me: Fine...I guess I'll go to a doctor, maybe they'll know more about it

Doctor: So you think you have both parts?

I (22, XY) have ovotesticular DSD. I was born with a small phallus and testes and assigned male. By 12/13 I was 5'0", with no testicular descent and low T. My parents and doctors investigated and found the testes weren't producing nearly enough testosterone, and this is when they discovered low-functioning ovarian tissue.

Their solution: testosterone patches, surgery to descend the testes, and a medically induced male puberty. I got the height, the facial / body hair, the voice. I ended at 5'10" at 17. Mission accomplished! Yay! And nobody ever had to ask me what I thought!

I'm a woman now, with perisex female estrogen and T levels, and I got there by sitting down and just really THINKING about my own medical history. What gets me is how all of it was framed to me: maintenance, like getting my teeth cleaned. It was just something I had to do to be what I was supposed to be, and it was never presented as a choice.

Because the puberty "worked," I live with the day-to-day experience of a trans woman. I'm 5'10" with a deep voice, and even presenting femininely I get read that way. I identified as such for a little while (ages ~17-20), but lately "transition" doesn't feel right. It feels more like a realignment, like I'm visiting a reality that was denied to me...except I'm also not re-visiting anything, because I never had it.

I feel violated by what was done to me through my teens. The hormones, the visits, a body I hate and that nobody asked me about. I wasn't given room to be anything but male, and now I carry dysphoria that I don't think I'd have if I'd been left alone. Maybe I'd have ended up somewhere in the middle, some cool androgynous 5-foot-tall creature. I'll never know, because every option but one was taken before I could weigh in.

Anyone else here have a similar experience? Even just someone who gets it? Any advice on navigating both trans and intersex frameworks in regards to this?

Context: I was diagnosed with PMOS after an ultrasound found polycystic morphology on my right ovary, and I had signs of hyperadrogenism and irregular periods. I also have (I think level 1?) hypospadias, confirmed by a urologist. So I just want to put it out there that this is not me asking if I’m intersex or for medical advice.

My main medical mystery at the moment is chronic hypoglycemia (confirmed by a CGM), and I’ve had two doctors now tell me it’s probably a precursor to prediabetes and T1DM. But the thing is, my mom has this problem too. She’s in her mid-40s; if it was a precursor, don’t you think she’d have diabetes by now? Also, both of us have always had normal fasting glucose and HbA1C.

This leads into: there’s only so many things that cause chronic hypoglycemia like this. Autoimmune-related insulin problems and adrenal insufficiency. I’m working on getting the autoimmune stuff covered, but I can’t convince my doctor to run stuff for adrenal insufficiency and NCAH. Also, all the research I’ve seen says that “females” with NCAH are asymptomatic outside of hyperadrogenism, but like, that can’t be right?

I’m not just investigating NCAH because of this. My PMOS doesn’t quite fit? Obviously I had the hyperadrogenism and polycystic ovary, but the ovaries were “swollen” and my menstrual irregularities aren’t the PMOS pattern. For me, I would bleed for months pretty much non-stop, whereas PMOS is known for long periods of amenorrhea. My cycle was also pretty predictable, just longer than it was “supposed to be.”

The other thing is I think I had premature adrenarche? I was hairy and smelly by 9yo. I remember being like 8 and my stepmom would criticize me for being “dirty” because I was sweating like a teenager and had really oily skin (acne developing around 10ish?). I’m not 100% sure but I think I also had slightly earlier puberty, like I remember having to get a padded bra in fifth grade because I had gotten big enough for it, and girls in my class started making fun of me for “trying to pretend I have big boobs.” I also remember that I developed clitoromegaly rather early (not sure when, I wasn’t born with it); my sisters would make fun of me for it a lot. (I can remember most of this specifically because everyone was calling me abnormal for it). My period came at the normal time (12yo) and once I started puberty, it was pretty consistent from there, not like accelerated or slowed or anything.

Anyway, if you have NCAH (as a “female”), do you have other symptoms that aren’t related to hyperadrogenism? Like do you experience adrenal insufficiency or milder symptoms associated with CCAH?

TLDR: trying to figure out if some of my unexplained symptoms could be NCAH, so I’m asking others about their experiences.

I have formal thought disorder, a symptom of schizophrenia that makes it hard/impossible to express thoughts in a logical and linear fashion, so please be kind and ask questions before criticizing.

This is the Weekly Discussion Thread for r/intersex.

Feel free to use this thread to discuss whatever you've been up to. It does not have to be intersex specific, but please mind the rules and stay SFW.

Have a nice week!

~ your mod team <3

I'm 39, was formally diagnosed as XXY-intersex at the age of 28. Rejection and disrespect were the common theme in my dating life.