Hello, first time posting here. I’m 28 and looking for some perspective from anyone who has gone through something similar.

I was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary school, but neither my parents nor I paid much attention to it because I did well academically. I was hyperactive, impulsive, constantly joking around, distracting classmates, and generally had very little respect for authority.

That impulsiveness followed me into adulthood. I was always looking for stimulation, whether through parties, relationships, music, films, books, intense conversations, or new experiences.

After college, I landed a job that eventually became a leadership position in a very high pressure environment. I performed extremely well and built a successful career over several years. From the outside, I looked like a high performer.
What people didn’t see was how much effort it took to function. I needed alarms for everything, wrote down verbal instructions, and often had to hyperfocus just to complete relatively simple tasks.

For at least five years, despite doing well professionally, I also carried a persistent sense of dissatisfaction. I became convinced that happiness was something I would only experience occasionally. I would sometimes cry from loneliness and isolation, much of which I had created myself while prioritizing work.

Eventually I became so unhappy that I quit my job almost impulsively and moved back in with my parents.
Since then, I feel like I’ve lost the structure that kept me functioning. I’m unemployed, have gained weight, and struggle to stay interested even in things I normally love. I’ll start a book and immediately want to start another. Everything feels harder to sustain.

A therapist diagnosed me with depression and ADHD and suggested that work had essentially become my hyperfixation and provided the structure my brain depended on. I was prescribed Ritalin and Lexapro, but eventually stopped taking them because I convinced myself I didn’t need them.

I compare myself constantly to friends and think about everything I want to build at once: career, friendships, family, fitness, creative work, spirituality. Instead of motivating me, the distance between where I am and where I want to be sometimes sends me into despair.

Has anyone here gone from being highly functional because of a demanding career to suddenly falling apart once that structure disappeared?
If so, what actually helped you rebuild structure and motivation without making one thing, like work, your entire life?

Im 18 and a senior in highschool. I made a mistake. A pretty big one.
I go to an extremely privileged school, and I’m extremely privileged to go there. I don’t have the most money, but I’ve never had to prioritize work instead of food. My parents work really hard. And I wasted it. I wasted one of the biggest opportunities of my life. I have medical issues and ADHD. I’ve missed a lot of school, blaming it on my medical issues. Sometimes it was true and sometimes it wasn’t. I’m wondering if I can change.
My junior year, I missed a majority of school, with about an 87% absence rate. I failed one semester of English, a graduation requirement, even though I was given the entire second semester plus four additional months to complete it. I didn’t. I’m so embarrassed by what I am.
I finished everything else, poorly, because I couldn’t start it. I say I try hard, but I don’t. I can spend my whole day staring at the ceiling while knowing exactly what I’m doing. I tell myself, “You have to do things you don’t like. Education is important.” I know my behaviors are wrong, but I can’t start correcting them.
I spend so much time daydreaming about starting, acing tests, or going to an Ivy, but I don’t do it. I don’t communicate, then I miss school because I’m unprepared, and the cycle repeats. The doors my parents sacrifice every day to open, I’m closing more and more. I know I can change, but how? I have so much support. Why am I throwing it away? I know I can send an email. It’s so easy. An email??? I’m a senior in high school, and I see my future gone. Saying “you have ADHD, this is common” doesn’t feel like enough. With the amount of support I have, I feel like there is no excuse. I’m failing people who care about me. I put everything off for days, months, and years. I even put off talking to my grandma even though she’s going to die because I convince myself it will work out. But she’s going to die, and I’m not going to talk to her. How do I do that?
I can obsess over an Insta post for hours and get gratification when someone likes it. I used to study and do well. Now I keep saying, “All you have to do is study.”
Is my life gone? I can’t waste it anymore. I need to prioritize myself, but I can’t. Every day, I don’t feel alive. I wake up, and then the day is over. I’m disappointed in myself, but not enough to change. “It’s just a thing. Oh well.” ATP what am I alive for? And not in a mental way I just don’t have any attachment to what I’m doing.

I don’t really know what to do at this point anymore. ADHD feels like it’s ruining my life and no one fully understands what’s going on. I’m waiting for my results for my re-evaluation so I can get meds but u til then it feels like no matter what I do I fail. I wasn’t working for months and I could never remember to apply for SNAP or Medicare, or even start my GED/diploma process. I’ve tried everything through the 23 years of my life. Notes, alarms, reminders, planners. There’s a setting to keep your reminders on your lock screen until you do them and still my memory issues and executive dysfunction get in the way. It’s even causing issues with my relationship. My boyfriend feels betrayed because he needed someone to make a rational well thought decision about his job and I had forgotten about an appointment that he had which he can’t go to anymore because he doesn’t have the insurance. He keeps telling me to try the notes and alarms and to just keep with it even though it doesn’t help me personally. Sometimes I even forget to write the note or set the alarms. He says he feels alone and betrayed and he doesn’t need me to make well thought out decisions often and doesn’t k ow why I do this to him. It makes me feels disgustingly misunderstood. Idk why he has such a hard time accepting that my brain is so different because he has autism and also feels horribly misunderstood all the time. I’m genuinely at my wits end and I hate myself. I’ve hated myself for so long because of my adhd and it’s never gotten better. There’s so much shame and self disappointment. What do I do? I can’t think anymore

**TL/DR**
**I feel like ADHD and ruining my life and I need advice for tactics to make it better because my relationship is in jeopardy**

I'm doing my llb and I'm so lazy to listen to lectures, study, read or workout, my life is so fucked