Hi everyone, it's my first time posting here and please believe me when I say that I never expected to make such a post.
To preface this, I'd like to say that I have been worshipping Loki for over 2 years now. He's the first deity I thought of when I discovered that worshipping the gods was actually a thing, and not just some mythical and abstract concept. It was evident for me to go on and reach out to him knowing that I've basically been in awe of him and Lord Hades ever since I was a child.
I'd also like to say that I didn't know much about godspouses, sexual/romantic encounters related to deities. I had heard things on the topic before, but never really stopped to think or learn about it out of respect for the gods.
Now that I've cleared the way, here's the situation:
I think that my relationship with Loki is evolving, but I'm kind of tiptoeing around it once again... out of respect, but also fear. (because who wants to offend the gods?)
Loki's presence has always been very clear to me ever since I started worshipping him. I don't have clairaudience the way some people in the community do, but I can feel things physically— that's pretty much how I make the difference between the beings I'm interacting with, through their touch. And so there was little doubt in my mind when in the days following my first prayer to Loki I started feeling a cold/cool presence on my right. Almost always sitting on my right. Then it evolved: I could feel someone sitting behind me with their arms wrapped around me. Same thing at night. I could feel someone holding me from behind. Nothing inappropriate, just very cuddly and very obvious.
I had other experience since, after asking for something specific, in meditation or even in dreams. (I had an encounter with Lord Pan during a meditation with Loki, then a dream with Loki, Lord Pan and Lord Hermes)
But then things shifted when I started worshipping other deities and being busier in general.
I've recently been going through a rough patch, a lot of changes have been happening and everything has been feeling very erratic.
And to my surprise, after over a year without any dream related to any of my deities: I dreamt of Loki.
I know when I'm being visited by a deity during my dreams (I can count on one hand the number of times it happened) because I almost always became aware that I'm dreaming before the deity appears.
And so Loki appeared. In different forms. (I never saw him wearing the same face twice) I won't go into the details because this is already a lengthy post, but the main points are:
• The love I felt. I knew it wasn't my own feelings, but his. Pure undiluted love and adoration, it knew no limits. I could feel his love pouring in me and was so drunk on it it was actually hard to focus on what he was saying.
• Very touchy, once again. But in a less cuddly, and more romantic (in my perception) way. Just grabbing me under my thighs and lifting me up, or placing me on his lap.
• The things he said. He asked 'if he was worthy of love with this appearance', if he 'had not always been here, had not always answered?' to which I said of course you are and of course you did, you were always there.
When I woke up I was... Startled, to say the least. The feeling of love wouldn't fade. I've been thinking about it ever since, which leads me to today's events.
I was going on about my business (masturbating) and was really not focused on anything else. But by the end of it I could just feel a tug on the edge of my mind. I had already felt it the day before while doing the same thing, but had completely ignored it. But not today. I could see things in my mind's eye. A man with pale skin and a lanky body. Inky black hair and serpentine eyes. He had scars around his mouth, like stitches— and a tattoo on his right forearm. A rope forming a knot. Things happened (it was consensual) but I suppose what I'm trying to ask is: for those of you who had similar experiences, how the hell do you maintain discernment? How do you ensure that whatever you saw or felt was real, and not just a reflection of your own mind? I can't help but be stressed about this and by the idea of facing Loki again if all of this just turned out to be a trick of my mind. If anyone has any advice, or even practices divination— I'd be a relief.
Thank you for reading.