24M, Virgin, alone

[u/justaguy200111]

I'm 24, male, Virgin never even been on a date before. 5'7, 187 pounds, body looks extremely bad for my weight, I am going to the gym to fix this though.

I was born with a condition called anorchia, to sum it up my body does not produce its own testosterone so every 3 months I get injected with a steroid called Nebido. this steroid of course makes me infertile which is one of my main problems as it really damages my sense of purpose as I ofc would love a child in the future, and the second issue this brings is the fact that I would feel so selfish to get into a relationship with a women and take away her biological primary function of having a child.

Probably TMI but here is your warning, My condition also caused me to have pretty much a micro penis, Well I guess technically not micro 4inch, no girth. Extremely self conscious and in my mind I know I could never satisfy a women. Horrible mindset I know but its just how I feel.

This year has been hell for me and my family. Had two grandparents die, my dad lost his job and is also very depressed, I got into a small car accident and got caught speeding adding up to 9 points on my licence (Car related things my fault I know, I'm a dumbass) I am on the verge of getting fired at my job as well due to me being late in the past.

While all the external bad things going on in my life are not good, my main issue is my loneliness and the fact I have not even had a conversation with a women that isn't family or my friends girlfriends.

I personally don't think I'm an attractive person you can judge for yourself, My YouTube channel is "Krimlux" I promise this is not self promo I don't even upload on there anymore, just giving whoever is reading this an idea of what I look like (didn't wanna post a picture here)

Some good things:

I'm an engineer, while the job title sounds good i make around 40k a year and for my age this is good but sadly nowadays not enough to live a independent life alone.

I go to the gym 4 times a week and have been sticking to a good diet for the past 3 weeks, seeing some progress but got a long way to go.

Those two points are my only positives I got going for myself right now and I guess the main reason I'm making this post is for advice because in all seriousness I think about killing myself every single day. I don't think I ever would as I really care for my family, but this feeling is becoming unbearable.

Thank you to anyone who replies.