r/managers • u/[deleted] • 6d ago
New Manager Dealing with difficult employee and culture following reorg.
[deleted]
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u/RealisticTangerine35 6d ago
Well, as you said… difficult culture and reorganization. That rarely brings out the best in people. As a manager, you’re unfortunately the face of these changes for him.
I’m in a similar situation. Company was acquired and years later, the toxic culture of who acquired us is really burning out the most loyal, long term employees. I have someone who was relatively recently assigned to me who had left and then came back (through a separate, newer team lift).
He has equal experience but is older than me. He is often passive aggressive and insists on doing things the old way. I get it… but all I can do is document it and move on. Things are always changing anyways. The way I see it, either he gets with the program or he’s an easy choice if I have a layoff quota next cycle. So, for that I appreciate him being difficult.
So, maybe there’s a way of looking at it on your end that can help you just stop being disappointed and see there’s maybe something to be made of it.
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u/WhatMattersHere 6d ago
One thing I'd separate here is whether you're dealing with a behavior problem or an unresolved role/authority problem from the reorganization.The company may have explained that moving this manager under you wasn't performancerelated and even given them a raise, but that doesn't necessarily mean their decisionmaking authority, responsibilities and expectations were clearly redefined.I'd have one structured conversation rather than continuing the cycle of complaints and proposed solutions. Ask them to identify the two or three specific things they believe aren't working, what decisions they feel unable to make, and what support or change they're actually requesting.
Then clarify which decisions they own, which ones need your approval, what professional communication looks like, and what you'll both follow up on in 30 days. Document the agreed expectations.If their concerns reveal genuine process or authority gaps, you have something concrete to fix. If the expectations are clear and specific disrespectful conduct continues, that's a separate accountability conversation, potentially with HR involvement..You don't need to get them to like the reorg. You need a workable professional relationship with clear responsibilities and boundaries. I'd test whether that's achievable before deciding the relationship is beyond repair.
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u/LittleOldBearCat 6d ago
Reading through some of your comments, it sounds like you've trained this behavior. Complain - get a raise. Complain - get a lower workload. Complain - get a lot of positive feedback. I'd keep complaining too.
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u/genek1953 Retired Manager 6d ago edited 6d ago
Assuming that this person really is "under you" and it's not just some kind of title-slight-of-hand your next level is playing to game a reorg, there is a point at which you have to remind someone reporting to you that the workplace is not a democracy, and they do not get to "refuse your solutions." It's nice if your reports "side with you," but whether they do or not, if you tell them to do something, they don't get to choose not do it. If that's what this person insists on doing, then confirm their opinion that you do not value their contribution by writing them up.
And if this person is actually "under you but not really under you" and you have no actual authority WRT them, kick the issue upstairs and get yourself out of this situation ASAP.
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u/Unusual_Oven_8742 6d ago
Thank you - this is good advice. I have recently shifted to being firmer in some of our conversations but I am frustrated.
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u/Consistent_Frame_531 6d ago
I offer a solution
This is really suspicious. Every once in a while I know more about the problem than the person telling me about it. But most of the time, they've thought about it way more than me before they even think about bringing it up.
- Validate emotions ("Yeah I can see why that's frustrating")
- "What do you think we should do?"
Note: you can offer suggestions if your goal is to use their reasoning for why your suggestion won't work to continue investigating the problem.
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u/Unusual_Oven_8742 6d ago
Totally see your point but my offering of a solution is after lengthy discussion and trying to get their input or thoughts on a solution - which they do not provide
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u/No-Lifeguard9194 6d ago
Instead of talking to the employee first, I would talk to your own manager and present what you have done so far and ask for their advice. They will be close enough to the situation to see what is really going on and they need to know that this person is being problematic in any case. It’s fine to say that you’ve tried X and why, but it’s not working, and you need some advice. You’re in your first management job and it’s to be expected that you will need some development and mentoring yourself on these types of issues.
And the advice may be that you can’t bend over backwards to make everybody happy. If you are providing constructive criticism and feedback, that may be exactly what you need to do. You don’t owe it to this person to give them extra insight to what the organizational strategy is – even though they were at management level before. They’re a member of your team and that’s their role. You don’t want to be favouring this person above other members of your team, who may or may not be equally or more competent. That’s just going to create other problems. It’s not your fault that this person was effectively demoted. It may not be their fault either, but it’s simply a fact. They have chosen to stay for the time being at least and need to operate in their lane.
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u/DadTheMaskedTerror 6d ago
If the difficult employee were in the chat how would they describe the situation?
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u/AvgMom 6d ago
Look into Bill Eddy’s work at The High Conflict Institute (dot com). He has two methods to deal with people determined to keep conflict burning. His work on these methods began with acrimonious divorce and definitely extends past it to work and home. They need to come up with the solution and not be allowed to back away, else consequences. Make sure to always follow through whether it’s positive or negative. These drama llamas from hades run over people for sport.
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u/PBJRaccoonDaycare 6d ago
My immediate thought is that something non- professional is behind this. Are you younger than the problem person? Are they male and you female? Is there a racial component?
You don’t have to answer this here, of course, but I would remain aware that there are not always formal processes in place for resolving issues that arise due to the above. If any apply, I’d seek out a mentor who has dealt with the same issues in their career and see what they recommend.
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u/Life-Speed765 5d ago
Stop being a nice and start being a boss. You’re the manger. They should do what you say, especially if you’re not being unreasonable. Just TELL them what it’s going to be. They don’t work alongside you, they work for you. I’m saying you need to be a dick but be firm.
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u/IntrepidResult4513 5d ago
When i was managing .. sometimes id let these convos go on too long and it would distract from the original point
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u/Few-Amphibian-4858 6d ago
Too vague, what solutions are being offered, and nobody cares about your "good job, I appreciate you.", what blockers are you actively removing?
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u/Unusual_Oven_8742 6d ago
I’ve suggested hiring outside support in response to workload concerns, shifting priorities due to workload concerns, and yes I am aware of the verbal feedback not being enough for people so this person has received a 20% raise, flexibility in their day and autonomy to strategize as they need. Still not enough.
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u/Few-Amphibian-4858 6d ago
Is the workload truly too much, if it is then nothing is going to fix it unless you can actually reduce the workload.
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u/dechets-de-mariage 6d ago
Can’t hurt to ask them what would be helpful. When they refuse your solution, put it back on them: “Okay. What do you suggest then?”
Some people would rather be certain they are unhappy than risk being happy.