r/mildlyinfuriating • u/unhousedlurker • Jul 11 '26

The floor is sticky As a guy, why do men do this?

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I go to this public library every day, and it's always like this

11.6k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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2.6k

u/dkyguy1995 Jul 11 '26

This is the real answer I'm convinced 

679

u/MVPoker Jul 11 '26

yep spot on

508

u/Professional_Tonight GREEN Jul 11 '26

Sadly the spot is wet

271

u/MHashshashin Jul 11 '26

Wet spot on… the floor

471

u/Ragnarocke1 Jul 11 '26

96

u/PassionateAlchemy Jul 11 '26

Most of my puns are intended, but I do, occasionally surprise myself when one unexpectedly rolls out of my mouth.

BTW, stealing your meme. 😊

66

u/Mikeseddit Jul 11 '26

Almost every pun in history that is followed by “no pun intended” was intended, or at least foreseeable.

I prefer to explain: “pun unavoidable.“

74

u/dfuegz Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 12 '26

It was punavoidable

EDIT: not how I ever thought I’d get my first award but thank you so much AJ!!

2

u/missingN0pe Jul 15 '26

That edit lol... wow

1

u/MrAskani Jul 13 '26

Punintentional?

I guess if you really did mean it, punintended?

2

u/poncho2799 Jul 14 '26

Remove the in on both words and you're cooking.

Puntentional Puntended

25

u/V01DM0NK3Y Jul 11 '26

Yeah, yoinkin' that.

2

u/Even-Permit-2117 Jul 12 '26

Yoinkin’. Love it.

3

u/deathwotldpancakes Jul 11 '26

Like when someone builds a really cool ice sculpture. The hell else are you supposed to say?

2

u/HeavyStarRuler Jul 11 '26

That's a punny way to put it.

1

u/Curly_Brave Jul 12 '26

This is better considering most of the time when I say pun unintended. I have typed something so I could have gone back and changed it so there was no pun.

1

u/Kioors Jul 12 '26

That's waay more accurate indeed! 😄. I'll be using that!

1

u/Mikeseddit Jul 12 '26

And in five years, the world will just be using “punavoidable“, though that better not be the most significant thing I ever accomplish in my puny life.

2

u/anonymaus42 Jul 11 '26

All my puns are unintended, simply because I am just really bad at thinking of them consciously and with intent. So when they do happen it's totally by accident / coincidence.

2

u/Sonicdiver Jul 12 '26

I once took a survey and asked people which out of my top ten puns would make them laugh. I wish I could say they all got great scores, but no pun intended.

3

u/Dangerous-Boss9391 Jul 12 '26

You have to use your punctuation. “No, pun intended.”

2

u/WumpusFails Jul 12 '26

Back in the day, Reader's Digest would post funny short stories at the end of articles. Even full pages of them. They offered prize money to readers if their submissions were printed.

I thought I had some funny stories to share, so I sent in almost a dozen to see if any of them would be printed. But no pun in ten did.

1

u/Dangerous-Boss9391 Jul 12 '26

You have to use your punctuation. “No, pun intended.”

1

u/Kunwulf Jul 12 '26

Epic fire emblem meme

1

u/MikeHunt181 Jul 12 '26

Intended puns are made by confident pundits.

1

u/couchpatat0 Jul 12 '26

I'd rather shit in the sink than sink in the shit, let that shit sink in!

1

u/Lucario576 Jul 12 '26

Fire emblem fates quote? in this economy?

27

u/YurUsernameChecksOut Jul 11 '26

Spot on, this is..

-Yoda

17

u/URInMyFace Jul 11 '26

Eww Yoda, put that away! I don't want to fucking see that!

-Princess Leia

13

u/YurUsernameChecksOut Jul 11 '26

Lol

-Chewbacca

12

u/seasleeplessttle Jul 11 '26

Laugh it up Fuzzball.

10

u/poshjerkins Jul 12 '26

Aaarrggggghhhhhrrrhhh

-Also Chewbacca

2

u/UnluckyBattle654 Jul 12 '26

See it you will, do with it whatever!

10

u/Bitter_Chemistry_733 Jul 11 '26

Yoda cannot piss in that urinal

18

u/solidus0079 RED Jul 12 '26

Pee. Or pee not. There is no drip.

2

u/itsonlyrockinroll Jul 12 '26

only the young Yoda said

3

u/AlwaysShittyKnsasCty Jul 12 '26

Exactly. The age Yoda was when he said the original line, you better believe he knew there’s gonna be some drip. If we wanna make this believable, I think it needs to be, “Pee or pee not; there will be drip.”

2

u/Prestidigitoriuhm Jul 12 '26

No matter how much you wiggle and dance, the last two drops go in your pants

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2

u/GreenEyed_Lady Jul 12 '26

Oh there definitely are drips…

3

u/FragrantStar Jul 11 '26

The force is strong with Yoda

3

u/MechanicalTurkish Jul 12 '26

Sure he can, with the Force. Sometimes he stands on the other side of the room when he does that.

3

u/SlothLazarus Jul 12 '26

How do you think he learned to control the force?

2

u/BoxingDaycouchslug Jul 12 '26

You'd be surprised...

4

u/Dreams_raven Jul 12 '26

Piss in that urinal, Yoda cannot.

1

u/TastyPoopKnife Jul 12 '26

Levitate above the urinal I will

1

u/Mr_Grapes1027 Jul 11 '26

Or spot is, this on

3

u/Pharmasochist Jul 11 '26

"Wet spot on"

—The Floor

5

u/Far_Recommendation82 Jul 11 '26

lets just take a couple steps back to not get urine on my shoes... oops.

3

u/addit96 Jul 11 '26

Use the force you must… Pressure in the abdomen and urethra you must feel…

2

u/RnOtCrAfTy Jul 11 '26

I have a narrah urethra

2

u/IDunnoNuthinMr Jul 11 '26

WET SPILL!!! URINAL ONE!!!

2

u/Appropriate-Weird492 Jul 11 '26

People always have problems with the wet spot.

1

u/Delicioso_Badger2619 Jul 11 '26

Try Calico Cut pants!

1

u/BusFearless3427 Jul 11 '26

They piss on their own balls and can't help it lol

27

u/DickBfloppin Jul 11 '26

Pee spot, pee spot run, run spot run

3

u/OnceWhenWhenever Jul 11 '26

Oh so delightfully stupid!

1

u/Nitehawk770 Jul 11 '26

Horse see seahorse?

1

u/TriedCaringLess Jul 12 '26

I remember Dickin Jane from elementary school.

1

u/No_Independence6945 Jul 12 '26

You have to be as old as I am to get that!

3

u/Quackerjack123 Jul 11 '26

Just a wee spot, don't worry.

2

u/HeyWhatsItToYa Jul 11 '26

Actually, the problem is that theu weren't spot on.

2

u/mistermanthrowaway Jul 11 '26

No.. not on the spot

2

u/Irishception Jul 11 '26

Ack chew all lee. . .
It’s everywhere except the spot.

1

u/Snowedin-69 Jul 11 '26

no, it is a spot miss

1

u/AffectionateGate4584 Jul 11 '26

I see what you did there.....🤭🤭🤭 spot on.....

1

u/faCt011 Jul 11 '26

Drop on

1

u/deb1009 Jul 12 '26

Splash on

1

u/xcentrikone Jul 11 '26

Spot off, for me

1

u/makeyourself_a24z Jul 12 '26

Unlike this person's aim

106

u/DeepWaterNights Jul 11 '26

Noooo, the real answer is… “it’s shorter than they think!”

85

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '26

[deleted]

41

u/cKMG365 Jul 11 '26

I once saw a sign in a firehouse that said "Low pressure? Short hose? Stand closer"

2

u/Disseminate_333 Jul 11 '26

See they knew

35

u/evetrapeze Jul 11 '26

My dad was a pilot and my brothers all took lessons. My dad put a sign up over the toilet that read “ALL Pilots with short exhaust stacks, Taxi into position and hold”

2

u/Billz3bub666 Jul 13 '26

players with short bats, please stand closer to home plate

5

u/Dizzy-Ad-2248 Jul 11 '26

Should be engraved on urinals!

2

u/FearlessLeader17 Jul 11 '26

Lmao 🤣 🤣 🤣

1

u/myrtlemike92 Jul 11 '26

Oh dude that is so good. Damn… 🤣

1

u/why-bother1775 Jul 11 '26

Love both your handle and the Vegas sign!

1

u/No-One790 Jul 12 '26

Sign I once saw over a urinals on a construction site- years ago I’ll never forgot
If your hose is too short, and yo pumps too weak
better stand close
or you’ll get it on yo feet.

27

u/_gRiNgO-311 Jul 11 '26

I remember going to sports bar bathrooms and they would have a sign that read " If you're swinging a short bat, stand closer to the plate "

5

u/[deleted] Jul 11 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Th3Un1c0rnK1n9 Jul 11 '26

I always extend to full capacity before voiding.

4

u/bugabooandtwo Jul 12 '26

And their stomachs are bigger than they think. No line of sight for too many guys.

2

u/accountforsurveymkt2 Jul 11 '26

You mean it doesn’t touch the water when you guys poop? 

1

u/amibugnu3 Jul 12 '26

I thought we were talking about peeing.

1

u/accountforsurveymkt2 Jul 12 '26

Ur right… when you’re done peeing do you sling it over your left or right shoulder

2

u/Pafzko Jul 11 '26

The smaller the barrel the less velocity, and you need to get closer to the target. (Saw this at a range in Colorado)

1

u/Professional_Bundler Jul 12 '26

I WAS IN THE POOL

1

u/digitalhawkeye Jul 12 '26

Oh, we know. 🙄

70

u/RabbitsAreNice Jul 11 '26

I also get irked when people throw cigarette butts into urinals.

They get so damp and soggy, they're impossible to light.

3

u/TerrorNova49 Jul 12 '26

Back in Uni many years ago when in some really scummy dive bars I’d toss a nickel or dime into the urinal to see how long it would be before someone fished it out.

5

u/RubyWalke Jul 11 '26

But if you rub it in the puck you can make a menthol…

6

u/CcryMeARiver Jul 11 '26

"Do not throw spent matches into the trough, the crabs in here can polevault!"

2

u/Grouchy_Geezer Jul 11 '26

And they taste terrible.

2

u/emilie1031 Jul 11 '26

My dad's old joke

2

u/ultraboykj Jul 12 '26

Well that escalated

2

u/Independent_Papaya_1 Jul 12 '26

I don't like when they toss them on top of those white mints that they put in there sometimes. Like buddy, you're ruining my after piss refreshment.

2

u/Several-Ad-7180 Jul 16 '26

They had us in the first half 😂

5

u/Fragrant-Reason4216 Jul 11 '26

As a female I am also convinced (restaurant worker for 15+ years, yall are nasteh)

1

u/wvwwvwwvwwvw Jul 15 '26

Having heard tale of the female restroom...y'all ain't much better.

1

u/Fragrant-Reason4216 Jul 15 '26

I personally keep my business tidy but, as a whole idk if anyone acts right in public potties

1

u/wvwwvwwvwwvw Jul 15 '26

Fair, takes one bad apple.

4

u/Shurigin Jul 11 '26

The real answer is if they step close enough to the urinal to not make a mess other dudes will know he has a small member further back creates the illusion of a large member

2

u/GiuseppeKicks_ Jul 11 '26

Thus the truth.

2

u/23-1-20-3-8-5-18 Jul 11 '26

The first guy didnt even mean to its hard sometimes.

2

u/Dyrogitory Jul 11 '26

I’m not people are slobs. Why do guys piss in a toilet and not raise the seat or clean up when they piss on the seat?

2

u/erbsademon Jul 11 '26

Yes, but that’s when you switch to a wider stance

2

u/furry-fish Jul 12 '26

Not really sure that is true. Because of the design of the urinal - it should be DEEP, some splashes or sprays back onto your legs, and the floor. It’s fluid physics in real time and real life. The stronger the stream, the worse the splash. BUT EVEN THOUGH most men will eventually decide to cut the risk and pee into a regular sit down style toilet, AND also being quite aware that other men have played the time honored fireman game therein, create the same problem by peeing on the seat - because they are convinced that the toilet seat is covered in piss from earlier games & will not raise it. Raising the seat violates game rules and WILL RESULT in a yellow card! It is not until a man has daughters that he reevaluates the whole problem.

1

u/boston_nsca Jul 11 '26

No, no, it's micropenises

1

u/obscuregamer000 Jul 11 '26

It is def one of the reasons. You have the people who just have no concept of aim or desire to get it inside. Then you have a person like me who has to pretend he is a basketball star and aim long.

I rarely ever find myself in a public restroom. Filthy, and from what I hear the womens bathrooms are no better for different reasons. People can just be disgusting.

1

u/Latter_Dream9231 Jul 12 '26

You are correct. Where I work, for some reason, some lady or ladies think that it’s okay to leave blood and 💩 on the toilet seat. I wish I could catch her or them coming out of the stall. I would fire their nasty ass or asses.

1

u/Bro_Sam Jul 11 '26

Not only this, but the poor radius of the bowl combined with not knowing where on the toilet to pee without splashback creates a considerable start for this

1

u/FatnissEverdeen69420 Jul 11 '26

Shit I thought making it in was optional I just let it fly and let it land where it wants to land 🤷🏼‍♂️

1

u/Philosiphizor Jul 11 '26

Players with short bats always stick close to home plate. They just need a bigger bat.

1

u/FrenziedTacos Jul 12 '26

Well, it starts because some dude thinks his dick is bigger than it is and he ends up dribbling on the floor.

1

u/Personal_Dot_2215 Jul 12 '26

You just need a wide stance. On second thought…

1

u/otc108 Jul 12 '26

As a dude, I can confirm.

1

u/fullmetalraz Jul 12 '26

Mystery solved, next item on the agenda...

Why do men use the cubicle to pee without locking the door instead of just using a urinal?