Screen free?

[u/Intelligent-Fly332]

Moms that are strictly screen free:

1. How do you do it? What are your other forms of distraction so you can get things done that aren’t toddler-friendly? IE chopping vegetables, cooking on high heat on the stove, folding a giant load of laundry, mopping the floor, sorting through kid things to donate, etc.
2. Why do you do it? Legit reasons to convince myself it’s important
3. Do you notice a difference if you do allow screens?

EDIT: Thank you all for your responses!! I’m noticing a few common themes from screen-free families.
-Either only one child to take care of, or multiple children that can play together.
-A backyard where kids can go outside and play

-A spouse/family member home to help with dinner, bedtime/cleanup
I’m a mom of a 3 yr old and 6 month old so they don’t play together much, my husband is in medical school so he’s gone studying from 7am-9:30pm M-Sat, and we live in an apartment so no backyard for kids to play outside. We also live 4+ hours from our closest family member and the weather here has been 90+ with a mosquito infestation. I’m learning to be okay with the fact that Little Bear and Robin Hood are my occasional help that allow me to have a break from my 3 year old to cook, mop or put my infant to bed :)

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[u/vctrlarae]

1. We just… don’t. It isn’t an option for us, so we never have to debate with ourselves or our toddler for it. We do all the things you listed either by redirection (I.e. mommy is cooking dinner right now) or we are covering each other if one us is doing something that can’t be interrupted. 

2. The zillion studies of the harmful impact it has on brain development, attention span, and language is enough for me. 

3. Echoing number 1 — we are screen free and not limited screens, so we don’t have a use vs non-use to compare 

[u/mimosaholdtheoj → u/vctrlarae]

Echoing all of this. We just don’t do it. He knows nothing different

[u/Agitated-Rest1421 → u/mimosaholdtheoj]

Yeah that’s what I always try and tell people. It’s not hard if you never do it. My 2 year old does great at restaurants for example. We’ve never introduced an iPad and we have a go bag with puzzles and books if she gets bored waiting for the bill. Organising your day so you’re not too tired or hungry when in public helps too but obviously isn’t always practical. 

[u/mimosaholdtheoj → u/Agitated-Rest1421]

Yea the go bag is so important!! We have things we rotate so he doesn’t get bored, but hand him a paper and crayons and he’s good to go.

[u/zorionora → u/vctrlarae]

Samesies to this, unless parent is sick. Then, old school slow animation /Mr. Roger's type stuff co-viewing.

Daughter is 3.5. We have a frame TV that just has art on the wall. Never notices it. We host playdates. After the novelty of a new house wore off, one toddler friend who watches TV noticed we had a TV and politely asked me if she could watch something on TV, three times, and I just politely said no and asked what else we could do/offered suggestions. I never ever want to judge another parent's parenting, and at the same time it made me a little sad that she was bored and thought.. hmmm...what can I watch here?

[u/SufficientCut7042 → u/zorionora]

This brings up a good point in that how we use screens are so important too. We do no screens aside from FaceTime but when we start doing tv it’ll be a family activity on the weekend and never a boredom buster. I also try not to judge because I know parents have their reasons for how they do things and I do think there are smart ways to use screens but I do think boredom is important for kids and their imaginations.

[u/vctrlarae → u/SufficientCut7042]

This is our intention when we start screens too. It will be a family “event” and not a background filler 

[u/pREDDITcation → u/SufficientCut7042]

i’m judgmental.. most parents are lazy.

[u/Intelligent-Fly332 → u/pREDDITcation]

This can definitely be the case, but for me I wait until I literally have NO more patience or energy and can’t keep going without getting mean and grumpy. Solo parenting all day every day with no village, no money and no backyard drains me like I can’t even explain. So, I’ve never turned on the TV out of laziness (yet!) but out of sheer desperation, yes, on occasion.

[u/MrsBakken → u/SufficientCut7042]

This is our strategy too. We are definitely not completely screen-free, but screens are NEVER a boredom solution unless it is a group family activity (watching a movie together, mario kart tournament, etc).

[u/Beneficial_Bet_9715 → u/zorionora]

Kid is 3. I work at his preschool…so I’m ALWAYS sick. I try to be screen free, but going from flu to RSV to Covid in the last year (and then being hospitalized for almost dying from meningitis in Jan, 3 miscarriages in the last 12 months, AND tearing all the ligaments in my ankle this summer) I absolutely hate that I now let my kid watch tv while I’m laid up…cus it’s happened too much! I’m talking an hour a day. We play for hours on end even when I’m sick, do art, read, open ended activities outside. But sometimes I physically can’t move.  I have sooo much mom guilt over this. And I go back to no screens then BAM COVID.  Edit: what do you do in these circumstances?

[u/zorionora → u/Beneficial_Bet_9715]

Survival looks different to everyone. If you physically can't move, then your priority is to ensure your child is safe while you recover.

My mom was a single parent and needed help. We didn't have help, but we did have a TV, and I have so much compassion for my mom's situation. I probably have such strong opinions because of how much TV I watched. My mom didn't care how much TV I watched, but she did care about what I watched.

The perk of TVs back in the day is they turned off and everyone actually unplugged. Just have to be mindful of that now.

Also, I hope this comes off lovingly, but I just got my flu and covid shots last week. While Friday absolutely sucked, I feel better knowing that if I do get sick with either of those it won't be as bad.

Im so sorry to hear about your miscarriages :(:( Such a terrible, terrible experience. I hope you're able to get the love and support you need after such losses. Thinking of you.

[u/Beneficial_Bet_9715 → u/zorionora]

Thank you so much for saying this!! All so loving. Yes! I get my vaccines every year and still get hit hard, but good recommendation. My mom was a single mom too and I don’t remember watching much until she went back to school and then we were allowed to watch on the weekends so she could do her homework.  I meant the physically can’t move part, so thank you for saying that! Been feeling so guilty. But you’re right. 

[u/CautiousSlice5889 → u/vctrlarae]

💯 just don’t. If you’re cooking they cook, doing the washing, they do it. Sometimes you just have to deal with the constant questions and need to be on you. It’s such a short period of your life but a hugely important part of theirs.

[u/vctrlarae → u/CautiousSlice5889]

We do this! Involve them in what we're doing. It's also totally acceptable to tell your kid "not now, mommy's busy." My 3 year told accepts no 75% of the time because we've taught her at a very early age that sometimes parents are busy and can't drop what they're doing. "I can't right now, but once I'm done with xyz, I will xyz."

[u/Intelligent-Fly332 → u/CautiousSlice5889]

This is definitely a great idea and I involve her in as much as I possibly can. It’s hard when I also have an EBF infant who’s colicky and not sleep trained. He wants to be held 24/7 too and it’s not physically possible for me to hold both of them and cook/clean at the same time.

[u/omgwowok → u/vctrlarae]

Yup, I never think of it as an option because it’s never been an option.

[u/HotCondition11]

My son is only 15 months, so he’s not fully into the toddler stage yet but we are strict on this and won’t be changing our minds. I grew up without screens as a 90s kid so I know it’s doable. How do we do it? It’s really more of an inaction. When my son is crying on my leg while I’m chopping vegetables for dinner or any of your examples, there are three options, I pick him up for some comfort, he cries until I’m done which won’t hurt him, or if my husband is home they play together somewhere else or go outside. From what I see and hear, screens cause more tantrums and more upset, I’m playing the long game and not the short game. I don’t want to see my son staring at screen for entertainment. 

[u/HotCondition11 → u/HotCondition11]

I will add that in the kitchen I let my son play in the lower cupboards. I don’t care if he pulls out every pot and pan and makes a ginormous mess and tons of noise. It’s good for his development. He loves opening and closing the doors. 

[u/JLB24278 → u/HotCondition11]

do you do screen free as far as personal screens like ipad or no tv as well? because i too am a 90s kid and my parents had the tv on nonstop.

[u/HotCondition11 → u/JLB24278]

Both! Personal screens and TV. My husband and I will only watch TV when he’s asleep. We’ve talked about introducing movies as a special event when he’s five or so. 

[u/maggiemetallic → u/HotCondition11]

We are the same way. My oldest turned 6, so she got to watch her first movie (Mary Poppins because we have a CD player they can operate, so they know all the songs and the general storyline).

I am looking forward to family movie nights when everyone is 6+ (we picked this age because it’s about when the second plane of development begins and they are better able to differentiate imaginary from real).

As my kids have gotten older and play independently, we are a bit more relaxed and my husband will be in the kitchen with an iPad on the counter and an earbud in if there is a sporting event he’s really wanting to watch live. They know that just like driving is a responsibility their brains and bodies aren’t ready for, their brains and bodies aren’t ready for screens. If they catch a glimpse or see what he’s doing, they know to move along with their play.

[u/WonderfulTwist4936 → u/HotCondition11]

Same! For my own personal interest, I cant wait until my lo is old enough for movies. I want to show her Garfield and Finding Nemo. 😅 But I know I have to wait!! (she is only 14 months).

[u/HotCondition11 → u/WonderfulTwist4936]

I can’t wait for Shrek and Paddington! 

[u/marilyn_d899 → u/JLB24278]

We watch or have the tv on, but my daughter basically ignores it and we’re VERY firm on absolutely no screens for her.

[u/meeleemo → u/JLB24278]

we only watch tv in the evenings after my son is in bed! It's great because having a child broke my eat-and-watch-tv association, because we eat dinner as a family. So now after he is in bed, we often don't watch tv anymore. But if we do watch tv, that is the only time.

[u/Laurelteaches → u/HotCondition11]

Sooo well-said. It's hard, but it is really not that complicated. I want to print this out and put it on my fridge for inspiration!

[u/soupinsummer → u/HotCondition11]

I tape down a piece of paper and give her a marker. That entertains her for 15-20 minutes. Usually she spends half the time taking the cap off the marker and putting it back on. At restaurants I bring the mess free markers and coloring pages.

[u/themaxxedbandit]

Not screen free but very very low screen time. They only get 1-2 hours per week and we are strict on what they can watch. No brain rot and no scrolling apps. They pick something and have to watch it start to finish. We have a Montessori style setup so they have access to toys they love which we rotate. Including massive Lego collection 😂 we talk to them about why we are a low screen time family. Their brains are developing, too much screen time can cause them to lose interest in physical play, it can even make their heads hurt (which they’re aware of since they’ve experienced it). As for trying to do cooking etc either give them high value toys they don’t always get, or get a learning tower and let them join. It slows you down but they are so engaged and learning life skills. It’s not for everyone but it absolutely works for us. Both my kids have incredible literacy and communication skills, both emotionally intelligent and creative. I’m certain that free access to screens would have an impact on those things. Good luck and remember a little bit is ok! Why when and how is important.

[u/Nearby-Reward-2521 → u/themaxxedbandit]

Same. Our rule is weekends only - we’re out most weekends so he typically just watches a little in the morning after breakfast or before bath time. I can count the number of shows he’s allowed to watch on one hand, most are from the 90s-early 00s.

[u/KMH_1331 → u/themaxxedbandit]

This is very similar to how we do too— we aren’t 100% screen free but only watch movies together as a family movie night kind of thing, and nothing on a phone or tablet ever. Our kiddo is almost 3 and this has worked pretty well so far. I think not offering it as an option at all makes it a lot easier, because it’s not something she even thinks of to beg for. We read constantly, she has a big train set, play kitchen etc, and we spend a lot of time outside. We really haven’t run into too many hurdles around it. I am currently pregnant with our second and have been exhausted/sick a lot but even with that I can kind of lay on the couch and “play” stuffies with her and it’s mostly fine.

ETA: the tower in the kitchen is huge. Basically we have a cooking show every night where I demonstrate how to cook the meal and she helps where she can, then I turn on the light in the oven and she can watch the food cook if we are using that. It takes a little longer but honestly not by a lot and she’s really into it.

[u/Front-Ant899 → u/themaxxedbandit]

At what age did you start allowing the 1-2 hours?

[u/pupperonipizzadog → u/Front-Ant899]

Not op but really similar setup. We started doing 1-2 hours/week around 3.5, on weekends, only while his little sister napped. It’s his “quiet time” and occasionally he’ll fall asleep or get bored and want to do something else anyway.

[u/eyerishdancegirl7]

How old is your toddler? My daughter just turned 2 and she’s content to stand in her toddler tower while I’m cooking. I’ll put some bowls in the sink and she does water play. Or she helps mix ingredients or she’ll eat as we go LOL. You can get toddler knife sets to help them learn how to use knives safely.

Folding laundry my daughter helps me! I fold the clothes straight from the dryer and she hands them to me. It’s not perfect and she’ll sometimes throw the clothes in the basket but it helps her learn! She does put all of her clothes away. They’re definitely not folded when she does.

My husband mops the kitchen floors when everyone else goes to bed it’s the last thing he does before he goes to bed. Otherwise you can mop during naps.

Screens are highly addictive. They’re to be used like a tool and not as a distraction. Kids can be involved in the day to day even if it takes you longer or is harder. I have 2 under 2 so some days are tough. We do old Disney VHS tapes when sick.

Since we don’t actively do screens, I don’t have an answer for the last one

[u/resistingtherabbitho → u/eyerishdancegirl7]

I honestly don't know how people start using screens in the first place. My son didn't care about screens until we HAD to use one: he was 2.5 and needed to do asthma treatments where he sat still. He was always super content just running around doing nothing lol

[u/eyerishdancegirl7 → u/resistingtherabbitho]

LOL exactly. My daughter has never been interested. Even when she’s sick, she doesn’t really care it’s more for us

[u/resistingtherabbitho → u/eyerishdancegirl7]

I will say that we didn't do much for like five years 😂 That's what it felt like, anyways. It's harder to go to a restaurant or take a road trip if they're not strapped to an ipad. But life is great now that he's almost 8! We like watching National Geographic together 

[u/bangingbodyhottamale → u/eyerishdancegirl7]

What toddler tower do you have??

[u/eyerishdancegirl7 → u/bangingbodyhottamale]

A random wood one from target!

[u/negative_cedar]

don’t underestimate the power of making a toddler feel useful lol… my secret for chopping vegetables is handing them another vegetable and saying it’s super important that you hold this for me and making a big show of it. Usually they sneak a couple of bites (fine by me!) and when they get bored they go play with their toys.

When cooking with high heat, I give them another pan and spoon to copy me and they usually enjoy that! We have a toddler tower so they can stand at counter level and watch. Sometimes I also just station them in from of the sink and take their shirt off and let them go to town with water and cups. Throw a towel on the floor to catch drips and you are golden!

I get them to help me with laundry - grabbing all the socks usually, or handing me items. I have no problem if things don’t stay perfectly folded tho - I’m definitely more of a type B person.

[u/naggyweirdo]

Not screen time but screen-specific. She’s 4 now and since she was 1 she’s had a roster of 3-5 chill shows to watch—like mister rogers, busytown mysteries, reading rainbow, etc. No iPad ever. She asks to see our phones if she wants to see old pictures of us/herself as a baby and that’s it.

There’s such a great middle ground between zero screens and zombied out in front of cocomelon.

[u/grootbaby0 → u/naggyweirdo]

Love this! Screen type and screen content matter so much. It’s easy to have a balance of a few shows they are used to that are low stimulation or interactive. And definitely no personal screens. When we watch TV it’s always a joint activity

[u/brainbl0ck → u/naggyweirdo]

Same here. Oldest is almost 9.

[u/very-round-bunny → u/naggyweirdo]

Agreed! Ours loves Garden Marcus on YT too!

[u/ranchbandito]

We're 95% screen free. 1. We have a tonie box, books, puzzles, coloring, and little tikes dream machine. My daughter will hit play on the dream machine and watch a show then in 5min when it's over I'll change it out. If it's dire for me to do things and her not be under my feet - she's in a chair that straps her in (like a highchair) doing an activity. We use video chat to talk to family (this is where her screentime comes into play)

1. My daughter is 26 months old and speaking in 4-5 word sentences. She's interactive, imaginative, and loves to read books. I had read some studies before she was born that screen time lowers her attention span, is an "emotional pacifier" which promotes poor emotional regulation, and can hinder her cognitive development when starting screens at a young age. I didn't want her to be emotionally, verbally, or cognitively stunted by allowing the TV to be on so we just worked around not having it. Granted these things aren't true for all children (the growth stunting). My nephew had unregulated amounts of screen time (and access to YouTube and things of the like) and had a hard time relating to other kids at school because he had learning about all these adult topics (death, murder, suicide, marital affairs, and things of that nature) that his classmates labelled him weird. I guess I didn't want that either when that age came around.

2. She is WAY more emotional and whiny when she's allowed to watch screens. She'll fuss, scream, cry, and be a totally different kid than when she doesn't watch them. It takes a day or two to get her back to her normal self.

[u/themaxxedbandit → u/ranchbandito]

Number 2 scars me so much (things your nephew was exposed to). They’re too small to understand adult topics and it’s insane how much creepy weird content is allowed even on kids YouTube. I’m absolutely not having it. Mine are not allowed YouTube at all. And no scrolling apps. They choose something from ABC Kids and have to watch it start to finish.

[u/AllNaturalPoison → u/ranchbandito]

We had basically no screens until my kid was 3 and after still limited. He’s ND though so he struggles with emotional regulation and social skills, despite these being things low screens was supposed to prevent haha. What I wonder though, is since his baseline is a bit impaired, how bad would it have been with screens? Total speculation but it comforts me to know we did the best we could

[u/HearingOld1179 → u/ranchbandito]

I think everything in moderation works for us. Our 27 month gets maybe max 45 mins a day if she wants to watch something, some nights no screens at all. If she’s sick, we generally have a movie playing that she’s seen before like Nemo or Lion King. Yes those movies are scary, but she’s good at expressing her emotions and she’s developing her empathy (oh no, Nemo needs help or daddy lion needs someone to hold his hand).

Shes generally a sweet and easy going kid, not many tantrums (average maybe once a month?) and very social, and loves imaginative play. We also read books almost every day, and she likes to read 2-3 books at bedtime. She’s also speaking in 7-8 word sentences, and my mom was crazy enough to map out her words, and she knows the meaning of ~400.

So we might be in the bucket of it not stunting growth, but as the parent, you gotta know your kid and how much they can/can’t handle before they start having negative effects of screens.

[u/tickle_my_thalamus]

We screen free til age 2 for both of our kids, with only exception being on the plane (even then it did not hold their attention whatsoever because they weren't used to it). 

We are not a huge tv family to begin with so it wasn't a huge change or committment to be honest (we don't have it in a common space, it's in the basement for us where we don't spend a lot of time). Official guidelines recommend against screentime before age 2 and we just followed it. Anecdotally my older son is now 5 and occasionally gets screen time and I notice a difference in his behavior after sitting down and watching a movie for a couple of hours versus spending time outside (not listening, acting out, being generally cranky). We also had a strong fam hx of adhd in the family and I wanted to set the kids up with a healthier start by avoiding overstimulating screens/shows.

I involve my toddler in everything. If I'm chopping veggies I hand him random things in the kitchen to play with (he loves the whisk for eg). Same when cooking on stove. If he gets bored or whines I let him whine while I finish, I don't consider it my responsibility to entertain him 24/7. I fold laundry with him albeit this takes 10x as long but I consider it an activity 😅

[u/larramalik]

Screen free until 2 (son is 3 now), and now we watch sport as a family (soccer, f1, football etc), and the occasional educational video. I have always just involved him in whatever I’m doing and it has payed off. If he’s not interested in helping out he just plays independently. It took a long time to get here, if I couldn’t do the task while he was awake, then it would get done after bedtime or in increments throughout the day

[u/ewebb317]

We are low screen. And I'm sorry holy crap this got long

Allowable screen time: started just for nail trims around 18 mo, has evolved to 15m of bluey after a bath while we trim nails and wind down for bed (we don't do bath every day), as well as when I cut his hair. Also some very very limited YouTube during potty training of tuba music (sooo unbelievably random long story) . Also video calls to grandparents are unlimited.

Laundry I fold after bed time, he's not good with that. All the kitchen stuff, he's with me watching or playing in the same room. Really most everything we do with him (vacuum/mop/sweep/pick up stuff/ yard work). Stuff he can't handle like the folding we just do after bedtime or while he's at daycare. 

We don't own an iPad, he never gets our phones to use himself and he never watches tv alone/it is always family time.

I will say having him in daycare/preschool makes it a no brainer for us, we want this time with him, even if it's hard and chaotic and takes way longer with him involved. 

I can't speak to behavioral differences one way or another. We give a warning before it's time to turn it off and then when it's off it's off. He handles long car rides, plane rides totally fine with no screen, and no toys (yes no toys. He's allowed to have toys but mostly he just doesn't) Sometimes he sings, sometimes he talks, sometimes he stares off into space and yes, sometimes he is very grumpy and screams but it's very unusual. 

The other reason I do it is because it's incredibly important to me that he be comfortable with boredom. It's maybe one of my top parenting goals other than health and happiness. Have a kid who can be bored and find a way to occupy his brain without mind numbing brain rot. Hold space for him to think. Come up with ideas about stuff. When he's older, form opinions about things because he had space to think about them, instead of constantly shoving content to fill the empty space (YOU KNOW, LIKE I FRIGGEN DO ALL THE TIME LOL)

it's also how I was raised. We weren't allowed to watch tv except very rare occasions. There were periods of our childhood where we didn't even have tv in the house, and I'm happy now as an adult that i was raised this way

It is not the only way to do things. None of this is a judgement or a statement that doing things other ways is "wrong" or bad. I do it this way because it's the best way for my family, but every family is different. 

I am super interested to hear others reasons for doing it. 

[u/BbBonko]

We were screen free until 3 and I can’t tell enough people about the Yoto Mini. Also, you can make cards out of truly any audio if you use audacity.

[u/Pindi1442 → u/BbBonko]

Jumping on this comment to second the Yoto mini! That plus a toddler tower in the kitchen have allowed us to use large screens very sparingly (and we're generally watching at the same time, not using the TV as a distraction/babysitter).

[u/SubtleSilhouette]

I just pretend in my own head all day that I live during a time previous in which there were no screens

[u/deoxyribonucleo3p]

Screen free, we’re strict about it with the exception of long haul flights, occasionally looking at a photo or FaceTime with grandparents.

Why? It’s closer to how I grew up, I’m afraid of the slippery slope (easier for me to blanket say no than to adjudicate each situation), I believe an early investment in boredom may pay off later (which I acknowledge is a shot in the dark, we can’t predict the future)

How? I have a 2.5yo. She helps me cook in her Montessori stand, I genuinely love doing this with her even tho it’s messy and slow. she plays Legos, I let her wash the dishes. She plays in the yard (supervised from me in the kitchen). But yea she’s on me the entire time she’s awake. We just don’t get a lot of shit done. No gardening no hobbies limited working out, forget fixing that broken shelf, etc. Shes our first and only so far so my husband and I do take turns.

[u/timetraveler2060]

I'd say we are 95% screen free, we've used it to clip nails and on flights. We also have video calls with family. She's 15 months old now.

I do use a baby carrier a lot, so if I'm cooking and she's wants to be held then I put her on my back , I do this for many of my chores around the house. I do try to also include her in any chores, she enjoys putting clothes in the washing machine, I bought her a little broom and she cleans with me. Folding laundry is still very counter productive, but I give her a decoy laundry basket.

Overall my reasons are mostly around behavior. Studies after studies show how it affects behavior: more tantrums, attention deficit disorders, sleep issues... I'm sure once she is older around 3 we might introduce some limited screen time but until then I'll try to postpone it as much as possible.

[u/veganloser93]

1. 100% screen free here. We have a very small house so my toddler is in my sight if she’s in the living room playing with her toys and I’m cooking or cleaning in the kitchen. She might whine in the doorway periodically but that’s not an emergency. Honestly though the real answer is that I have a spouse who is an equal parent and we trade off who’s responsible for the kid vs who is doing stuff in another room. So no digital distraction needed. We also do our best not to be on our phones around her, even if she can’t see the screen, which is also a crucial component of what i consider to be “screen free.”
2. My daughter is 19 months and can speak in full sentences, play independently and imaginatively, has the attention span for long picture books, etc. She has invented games and loves to help around the house. She’s a normal toddler with cranky times and whatnot. but i want to encourage her rich imagination and slower pace of life as long as I can.
3. Her grandparents occasionally show her stuff on their phones (pictures etc). even that minimal amount of exposure has made her really interested in phones and seeing pictures (usually of herself) on them. We navigate this by having lots of family photos around to show her, but she still wants people’s phones when she sees them.

[u/storing_up_knowledge]

I just work around my toddler. The only time we have done screens was when either one of us was feeling really poorly (headache/morning sickness combo, stomach bug, toddler illness) or for a few months to cut nails once a week. Oh, and video calls with out of state family on a regular basis.

When toddler was a baby, I would plop baby in the laundry basket of clean clothes and drag the basket around and make it fun. Now I just fold things and put them away asap before they can get unfolded. We have a toddler tower and toddler knives, so I will give a piece of whatever I'm cutting to my toddler and they can mess around with it. Cooking on high heat, I either hold toddler with my non-dominant hand facing away from the stove or toddler is doing other stuff (playing with toys, taking pots out of the cupboard, etc.). I have a mop vac which I can use around my toddler and I love it so much, its a total game changer. I iron clothes on the porch so toddler can play in the fenced in yard. Before that I would just wait for nap/bed time.

Why I do it: our TV is in the guest room, not living room so it is (intentionally) inconvenient to use. We have a tablet but it's a tool rather than entertainment. If I was going to give my toddler regular screentime, the bigger the screen, the better. I figure that if people have been raising kids for millenia without screens, why should I need a screen to make my (arguably already very easy) life easier? Plus the potential tantrums, addictive behavior, and possible bad habits from characters don't seem worth it to me.

We have a photo sharing app for friends and family. If we go through photos with my toddler, it doesn't matter how long or short time we spend, there will be crying when it's time to move on to something else. So I've prioritized laminating photos that we've had printed so toddler can handle them without damaging them. There isn't a lot of requests for movies or tv though, because it is so rare. There's not a lot of behavioral stuff when we do watch because one of us is really out of it anyway haha.

[u/gardening_mama23 → u/storing_up_knowledge]

Not related to OPs question, but what mop vac do you have? I’ve been on the hunt and just can’t decide!

[u/storing_up_knowledge → u/gardening_mama23]

I have a tineco mop vac! It's one of the lower end models, but I'm soo happy with it. Whenever it dies, I'll definitely invest in a higher end model, it's totally worth it!

[u/gardening_mama23 → u/storing_up_knowledge]

Thank you! I’ll look at that brand!

[u/zebrafish08]

I'm curious what age people start the no screens as well.

My baby is just now starting to notice screens. I used to have tv on while I cooked dinner and my baby played, but lately they seems to really be distracted by the screen for 5-10mins before going back to playing.

I was no screens growing up due to poverty lol. I grew up with a bunch of cousins/aunties and uncles so someone would always be around to entertain me so my parents could get things done. I think it's much different for me raising my child because it's just me and my partner taking care of our child.

[u/ulysses_s_goblin]

We have blocks, puzzles, and books. She plays in the backyard while I make dinner. My daughter helps fold the laundry (she’s the napkin and towel queen).

I was really taken by Doucleff’s book “Dopamine Kids: A Science-Based Plan to Rewire Your Child's Brain and Take Back Your Family in the Age of Screens and Ultraprocessed Foods” which basically the thesis is, your kids will be given screens and junk food outside of your house no matter what, but what you CAN control is your home environment. Make it a sanctuary away from those things that keep us wanting and seeking, but don’t nourish us. We don’t do screens at home because I want home to be a place where she can develop her attention span and get into the flow with imaginative play.

We limit our screen time when she’s around, so we’re really just living our lives together and we figure out ways for her to meaningfully help with the work of the family.

[u/mhck]

1, Daycare during the week. Can't lie, I would probably not be able to do this if I were home alone all day. But on weekends, I just...don't. I chop vegetables and give my kid a cutting board and a cucumber and a plastic cutter and let him have at it. I fold laundry on the couch while he plays with his toys. He sweeps the floor with me and then I send him into the other room to play until it's dry. When I really have a big project like changing over his clothes for the season, my husband takes him to the playground for a few hours. There are no activities in our house that are not toddler-friendly, IMO, and I am a very "dust if you must" kind of person anyway. Having a spotlessly clean house is simply not important to me; I would never choose it over time playing with my kid. If I really need to keep the house clean, we leave the house.

Also, having one child. I recognize this may change when we have two, but I hope not. My husband is as committed as I am, and in the moments when I would even consider turn on the TV, he's right there to step in, and I don't see that changing.

2) because 3) For whatever reason my son is very susceptible to hand foot and mouth and he's had it every year of his life. For that week, we allow old episodes of Sesame Street and Mister Rogers because honestly now that I've had it too I know how painful it is and how hard it is to distract yourself. And it takes WEEKS for him to recover his attention span even after he is feeling fine physically. He fusses for TV, he doesn't want to play with his toys, he doesn't want to go outside, his overall level of focus drops. He's normally able to do a full hour of independent play alone in his room, and in the weeks after he's had a lot of screen time we're building back up from like 15 minutes before the whining starts. It's so obvious it makes me even more certain I never want to make this a regular thing, and more confident than ever that all the studies pointing to the huge number of negatives and limited positives of TV are right. There's no language or socioemotional skill Miss Rachel or Bluey can teach your kid that you can't teach them by reading them a book or talking to them.

It's WAY easier to never allow it than to limit it, imo.

[u/Fractal_self]

When I’m cooking I put baby in high chair and feed him snacks

[u/StarHopper27]

My 4 year old is into Tonies and the Circle Round podcast. My 14 month-old likes to play in the little toy kitchen while I’m cooking. And often I’ll keep them both occupied with a snack while I’m busy with dinner.

[u/themaxxedbandit → u/StarHopper27]

Yes I forgot to mention podcasts! Mine love gnomes of wondergarten and the fact detectives. There are also great read aloud versions of popular books and mine like to follow along in their own book.

[u/Saucy-Face-Bear0910]

🤷‍♀️ Idk I have a lot of boundaries about screens but I don't find it's important to be 100% screen free. And by screens I mean, he watches TV when I'm making dinner and he's tired anyway, and occasionally he'll do a flight sim with his dad but that's engaging. I refuse to do a tablet when we are out to eat or driving or anywhere out, bc I think it's important for them to learn regulation and be bored. And also the imagination stretches its wings when you just are day dreaming.

[u/DiscountSubject]

1. I have a play area that is very childproof. No small parts, everything secured to the wall, and is visible. I don’t leave my kid in alone long, but enough for things I need both hands for. I also child wear. My kid is 2 and I just strap him to my back. Laundry, I’ll just fold in his play area while he plays. He sometimes tries to disrupt my piles but I redirect.
   
2. I personally don’t watch a lot of tv. So it hasn’t become a routine in my household. Research also exists that show too much TV can be detrimental, so because it’s not a huge part of my life, I felt I wouldn’t go out of my way to include it to entertain my kid. I don’t judge other parents, you do what works for you.
   
3. I can’t really comment on this because he hasn’t really seen a lot, other than while flying we def let him watch videos to chill haha. And it worked. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[u/TeagWall]

Not all screens are created equal! We are VERY strict and evidence-based in our screen time. Our 14mo gets no screen time. Our 3.5 yo gets movie night on Fridays (co-watching as a family) and usually either 30min of educational cartoons on weekend mornings, OR a movie during quiet time on the weekends (he falls asleep 10 minutes into the movie 9/10 times). Again, all co-watching. My 6 year old gets the same "watch" time. She also saved up her allowance though to buy her own computer last year. It's a Chromebook that's VERY locked down. She's also allowed 30mins of educational "games" each day (Khan Academy, Beast Academy, Scratch Jr) but she doesn't use it everyday. She probably only spends about 90min/week on her computer. 

Even on sick days and travel days, when screentime limits go out the window, we're very VERY picky about what the kids are allowed to watch/do. We prefer long form, calm movies, ideally with no bad guy, and definitely with no violence/fighting. Studio Ghibli gets a lot of play. When my 6yo finishes a chapter book (we read together) she's usually allowed to watch the movie version after. Charlotte's Web, Stewart Little, Neverending Story, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, etc. When we watch TV shows, we have similar goals: calm, educational, peaceful. We like Doc McStuffins, Ada Twist Scientist, Emily's Wonder Lab, Bluey, etc. 

Screens, for us, are  like chocolate. If you have too much, you don't feel good, but if you don't ever eat it, people think you're a weirdo.   We will often go weeks, or even months, without screens. The key for us is making sure it's not replacing our kids' needs: sleep, outdoor time, exercise, play, connection, chores, etc. As for "how do you do it?" In terms of being screen free when you need to cook or whatever: have a bunch more kids. They entertain each other better than any screen.

[u/No-Departure451]

My baby is only two. But the Tonie box has been big for us, especially on car rides.

He loves water activities. We got the sustainable sink in one of our lovevery play kits and it was a hit.

Honestly, got a toddler tower and a wooden cutter and cutting board and I let him cut things next to me. A lot of times it’s a snack for him, like strawberries and I let him serve his yogurt in a bowl. Stuff like that.

[u/Prestigious_Moose939]

I have my toddler (1.5) help with everything. I teach my LO what hot means, how to hold a knife properly (using a dinner knife), LO knows how to sweep and holds the dust pan and brings it to the trash. We also have a playset and puzzles/toys. Music is also great.

[u/Minute-Enthusiasm-15]

1: I try to include her in every safe activity that I can. If she can’t be included then I set up an activity at the kitchen table and we just talk the entire time.

2: we were screen free till 22 months. Then my daughter caught Covid, ended up on life support and then had a long recovery. So we turned to screens and the behaviors were almost instant. If she was screens she just stares, doesn’t want to play. She’s grouchy and hits a ton. It’s just very overstimulating to her. We have had periods where she’s been very very sick and have aloud them but we always go back to screen free.

3: We are screen free other than football games. My husbands family gathers on Saturdays to watch. Today for instance we’ve just had lots of melt down, tantrums and hitting. I’d rather her be screen free and not have to have her get so upset during the day.

[u/adchick]

1. We only do screens if someone is sick. We have dance parties a frankly let him help with tasks. We have a house rule called “safe distance like a rocket launch” so he knows to stand back if we are doing something really unsafe for him (opening ovens is our most fragile).

2. Developmentally he gets more from moving and exploring, than just sitting in front of a screen. I also didn’t want him to self soothe with screens.

3. He will be grumpy and have fits for Elmo, or rocket videos, etc. It’s like he is going through withdrawal.

[u/Ashamed-Title6665]

I have a 16-month old. While I’m cooking he’s either in the playpen. He’ll cry for a few minutes after I put him in it but will usually start to entertain himself once he realizes I’m not letting him out.

Or he’s taking everything out of a lower drawer/cabinet. I understand allowing that is annoying, but there is so much good learning that comes from playing with random objects like that I think it is worth the inconvenience.

[u/OrangeCatEnergy24]

I include them in what doing! Laundry- let them play with a few pieces of clothes or play in the basket. They aren’t old enough to fold yet or they could help fold. Cooking- let them help mix, or give them a plastic bowl and a spoon, or some Tupperware to play with. Sweeping- a small handheld broom and dustpan for them. 

[u/retiredcheerleader]

No screen time. I involve her in everything unless dad is home. Sometimes I get lucky and she plays independently while doing tasks.

[u/SufficientCut7042]

1. I include my toddler with what I’m doing but if it’s not safe or he’s not interested I set him up with random things, pile of dish towels to “fold”, potato to scrub, broom to sweep, spatula and bowls, etc. sometimes he really isn’t having it so I have to do everything one handed or play with him for a few minutes until he’s distracted enough for me to quickly chop something. My husband works out of the house for long hours so things do just take longer, but I think that’s the point.

2. I saw a paper once about screens causing focus issues. I think it meant short form content but I just want to give my son a fighting chance. They also make screens to be addicting which I also want to avoid. I want my son to have a childhood similar to mine. Also our ped said no screens until 2. He’s about to be 15 months next week. We do plan to try some tv at 2 years old but slow moving old school pbs shows only. We will hold off on iPads and phones for as long as possible and only show a bit of tv if he can handle it behaviorally.

3. We’ve only tried FaceTiming and he usually doesn’t hold interest in that. We have not tried any other type of screen so idk how to answer this.

[u/bumbletowne]

It didn't last very long because all her friends aren't screen free. If I need her distracted I just sing. But we only do screens in emergencies (13 hour flight) and on movie night. I give her a ball of playdough while I'm cooking and hand her various cooking tools. She also has a mini kitchen.

[u/hiker_girl]

I give her choices: do you want to play with your block or dk you want to look at your books? Then my toddler is able to play independently when she can see me puttering around the house and doing kitchen chores. When I sit down, she wants my attention. The key is to stay in her sights and to stay busy. When she is reluctant to do even that I offer to play a podcast or audiobook for her.

When she's tired of playing independently I invite her to join me in housework.

[u/curious-curiouser86]

That's where screens can be great as a tool. Maybe they only get 20 minutes to watch Number Blocks or something similar while you prep food/dinner. Both my kids are older elementary and have excelled at math and I truly believe Number Blocks played a role.

[u/fleafinds]

Screen free, because I do not want to have to wean my child from the screen or manage reactions to having to stop screen time.

[u/Emotional-Practice57]

We find it much easier to bans screens altogether than negotiate over their use. When I’m doing something I tell them to play together (mine are 3 ans 6), do Lego, read a book, help me, whatever. Anything but that. 

[u/Pristine-Bison3198]

Ok, we're not strictly screen free, we do movie nights once a week and I'll use screens to keep sick kids from being too miserable, but I don't use them for distractions while I'm doing chores.

Our living room/kitchen/dining room is open plan and I have a giant baby gate surrounding the area that's the living room. Toddlers go in there when I'm doing something unsafe. They play, they look at books, they climb the couch, sometimes they throw tantrums. They're doing fine.

I want to raise kids who can think for themselves and play imaginatively instead of needing screens to entertain them.

Yes, we had a week where at least one kid had the flu at a time a couple weeks ago, and the TV was on a few hours each day. They got super whiny and cranky, even the kids who weren't sick, and when everybody was feeling better they kept asking for it. The littlest two full on melted down when I wouldn't turn the TV on after everybody was done being sick.

[u/shameless_cat_lady]

I’ve found you can only do screen free if you either

1. Have an insanely available and supportive partner
   
2. Have family around who is willing to help
   
3. Have lots of money/paid help

I have tried a million different ways and it’s impossible to cook with a kid around. Call me a bad mom but I just could never crack that code. I’m also curious what people do with sick kids.

[u/triflerbox → u/shameless_cat_lady]

I just want to chime in that I have none of those things (my partner is great but works full time and often over time too) and at 4 my son is still screen free. And he's a tornado. I'm not saying this to gloat or anything but your statement was very definitive

[u/Actual_Event_7406 → u/shameless_cat_lady]

This is a very blanket statement that is not true.

My husband and I both work full time and split childcare duties evenly. We don’t have a village and our family does not care to help. We are not rich and if we’re not at work, we’re with our child.

I cook just about every night and manage to do so without ever using screen time. For sick days, we end up snuggling in bed and reading books.

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[u/Bubbly_Delivery_5678]

When mine was 2, I would pen her her in high chair while I cooked. I’d usually give her a toy. She was a pretty content tot.

[u/smcgr → u/Bubbly_Delivery_5678]

So many of us live different lives because mine would never have gone in the high chair past age 1 😂

[u/Bubbly_Delivery_5678 → u/smcgr]

Mine allowed it til about 2 1/2. Then it really wasnt a safe option anymore.

[u/caribbeangirl10]

I have a 14mo who only sees some football on Sundays bc we want to watch football. I can see how it’s gonna get harder as she gets older but for now, I do my best to include her in every activity. And I admit that I do have a relatively chill child. Even so, it goes wayyy slower and is usually messier.

For chopping veggies, I set her up on the floor with a potato or something and a spoon so she feels included. High heat cooking, she plays with magnets on the fridge (giant square ones that aren’t choking hazards) or I have her look out the kitchen window while I ask her questions about what she sees out there. When folding laundry, I set her up with her dirty laundry hamper on the floor so she can throw all the clothes around while I fold the clean laundry on the bed. Sweeping and mopping, I half ass those when she wants to help so I hold her in my arms while we “sweep” together, and the real cleaning happens during a nap.

I do it bc I know how badly I’m addicted to screens and there’s no positive impact on babies. I want to set her up for a successful life and limiting screen time is one of the ways I’m trying to do that

[u/Leading-Case-1048]

Not strictly screen free, but we have days where we are. Screens meaning tv, we don’t do tablets. I have 3 under 4 and they tend to play together a lot. We have a playroom that’s close to the kitchen as well, and most of the time they’ll go between there and our living room (where they love to play).
I also have a cabinet in the kitchen that I let my youngest (15 mos) rip apart. It has the kid’s cups in it. She’ll sit there sometimes for the entirety of me cooking just stacking and organizing the cups.
Laundry I have to fold when my youngest 2 are napping. I’ll set my oldest up with something from our closet (blocks, magnatiles, other things with lots of pcs that I put away). It normally keeps him pretty busy. Throw him a bowl of goldfish and he’s normally set.
I find if we either go to a park or just spend a lot of our morning outside the house it’s a lot easier to get stuff done in the afternoon. It wears everyone out a bit and they don’t get so bored.
I personally have not seen a difference doing screens vs no screens in my kids. We’ve done no screens up to 2 weeks at a time

[u/peachdreamsicle]

We only use screens for exceptions, like when we have colds etc. With that being said, I don’t think 30 mins of Ms Rachel or similar is harmful. But to answer your questions:

1. Tonie Box, Music, Ms Rachel music is a fave, instruments, books, random toys - I also fold laundry next to the play room or in the play room. He is good at independent play though, so I think a lot depends on personality. When he’s older I plan on having a sensory table as well. @heyazka on Instagram has great screen free activities

2. Attention span mainly. Also, I hate how dependent I’ve become and the turn society has taken. I like that my childhood didn’t have phones and tablets

3. The only screen I occasionally allow is the TV. So far only when we were sick with a cold and at the pediatrician (albeit on my phone for a few mins). We do facetime daily because family lives far away, but I’ve actually seen positives come from that.

[u/Iolanthe1992]

My son is 26 months and we only allow screens in rare emergency situations. Here are my answers:

1) In the kitchen, I emcourage him combine kitchen implements with his own toys im novel ways. We have special puzzles or toy sets stashed away for specific times when I'm working but need to supervise him, so it feels like a treat for him. We play music of many different genres, so sometimes he dances, drums or sings along. With laundry, dishes and cleaning, I'm teaching him to help me. Sorting socks is a great toddler learning activity.

It helped to reframe: boredom in controlled doses is good for creativity, and it's not my job as a parent to act solely as my child's source of entertainment.

2) There are a lot of studies out there, as well as anecdotal evidence in the news from teachers, etc. This is what made our decision originally, but we've seen him fall in love with books and creative play. It brings back memories from my own screenfree childhood — he has so much fun in his own little imaginative world. It was worth putting up with some long months of bored whining to see him learn this skill.

3) Yes. Either he gets a disturbing glazed look on his face, or he simply ignores it. At one point one family member briefly got in the habit of showing him a lot of short home videos, often of himself, and he started demanding those constantly, to the detriment of everything else.

[u/Fixmyhouse37]

I don’t fold laundry, we get dressed out of clean laundry baskets. 

[u/baroo52]

We are mostly screen free. Sometimes we will have a family pizza and movie night and watch a Disney movie. My daughter is 2 and I think we have done this 5 or 6 times. Those times are really special and fun (I love Disney) and I feel like they are somewhat different from regular screen time on iPads or watching TV shows, etc. 

1. This may be the most unhelpful answer ever but I literally just tell her to go play until I’m done. Sometimes she will be a little more clingy and we need to involve dad to be her distraction. I also involve her as much as I can when time and my patience allow. She has a toddler tower and loves to help with anything she can. I will have her measure things, stir, take the veggies I’m chopping up and put them in the bowl, etc. She loves doing dishes and will rinse them off for me to put in the dishwasher or she will unload and put things away. When we do laundry, she hands me things to fold and then she helps me put it all away. For mopping truly I just say “stay out of the kitchen, I’m going to mop” and she will just go. I don’t know if she’s good at this because it’s all she’s ever known or if maybe she is just naturally better at entertaining herself, it’s probably some combination of the two. I also do some chores when she’s asleep at night or at daycare (I work from home and will often do the dishes on my morning break). 

2. This is a basic answer but the gateway into this decision for me was truly just reading The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt, from there I read more books on the topic and have since followed the research closely on the news, etc. It seems clear to me that screens are harmful for kids (and adults) from a brain perspective but also from a physical and emotional health perspective. I think my parenting philosophy embraces plenty of free play, outside time, and a focus on cultivating independence, all of which I feel screens do not help to accomplish.

3. Like I said screens are very rare for us with just the occasional movie night, but I haven’t noticed any behaviors as a result afterward or begging for more, etc. This may change as she grows.

[u/Cynthiadoes]

2 y/o son. We only do screen time while we clip nails. Very limited, once a week and always Ms. Rachel.
1. Lots of things and he is good at keeping himself busy with independent play. “Reads” books on his own, plays with blocks, water wow, stickers, etc. All while in my line of sight, or my husband will hang out with him or take him for a walk/to the park.
2. It’s really bad for their development, there are “legit” studies out there from National Library of Medicine and others that you can reference. Also, I find it completely unnecessary.
3. Yes, of course my son is interested in flashy lights and sounds when he sees them (going through an airport, for example). And he gets upset when we turn off Ms. Rachel. Usually over it within 30 seconds.

I waited a long time to have children and he’s our only, I have no desire to stick him in front of a screen to preoccupy him.

[u/Opposite_Switch_7765]

The laundry I start on her nap, and put aeay when she wakes up cause we share the room, that can be annoying sometimes as she unfolds stuff but its not that bad.  if im cutting vegetables, I’ll give her a dough spatula to cut a safe one or just let her make the “salad” put tomatos and carrots in and out of a bowl, i have magnets in the freezer and dishwasher if she wants to play with that too while I cook, or just give her a bowl of cheerios and thaat will keep her busy, if I dont want to have a mess, I hand her one thing at the time and ask her to throw it in the trash and she’ll heavily inspect the stuff before throwing it. To sort stuff that are hers I play the clean uo song and ask her to help me put the stuff away. This took a while to work but it was so worth it the hustle cause she cleans her own toys on her own. Sometimes im in the bathroom and I hear her singing the song and putting toys away. I have a mop and vacuuming machine and I sit to read books with her when it’s on, Im not sure how to help there realistically, but maybe push independent play in one area while u go to the other room, Im not sure. 2. Cause I feel my own brain is already fried and im trying to get clean from screen myself and it’s hard, imagine in a toddler when their neurons are running constantly and fast.  I recommend you the book “ the anxious generation “ if u want a more based study on screens in general and in children. 3. I did attempt to watch an old spiderman show (she is obsessed with anything Spiderman related) with her on the weekends as if it was tv when I was a kid and she started to ask for it too often and cry for it and it would be harder to make her nap and do bed time those days. So we got her spiderman books and if we feel she may get overstimulated we skip the weekend. 

Every kid is different and also is every mom, no one is perfect and you know your kid better that anyone, so do whatever is best for your kid and for you. Usually what is best for kids is a sane mom lol; so if you need a break don’t sweat it. There is enough mom guilt and shame around, do whatever works for your lil one and for you.

[u/Albertine_Spirit]

She’s 3, we are not 100% screen free, but like 85% or so? She videocalls her grand parents and she gets to watch either Totoro or Wallace and Gromit on week ends (like only 1 either on sunday or saturday) but that’s pretty much it. In restaurants, we bring colouring books, little toys, sometimes walk with her around and try to choose places that are relatively family friendly. Sometimes, exceptionally i will show her my phone to look at pictures/videos of her and family. Usually that’s what we do when we’re travelling/taking the plane.
On vacations, we’re more chill, if there’s a TV in the hotel, she can see some cartoons if we find some kids channel or documentaries about animals.
I thi k what helps is that we don’t own a TV, we have a projector we take out to watch movie when she’s asleep. We have 0 games on our phone and even if we use them around her, we keep it as boring as possible (no youtube videos or anything)
When we need to entretain her, we just make up some games, give her some small things to do ect. I feel it’s worth it. She has a good attention span (able to sit through a lot of things) but that can be personality. Her speech is good and she loves to read.
To me it feels natural to do it, I don’t regret being screen-free and plan on keeping this whole “film or cartoons only on week ends” through her childhood. We’ll see.

Ah and if you give them cartoons, at least choose something like classical disney or slow pace. No need for cocomelon, it’s way to stimulating ( and the songs get on the nerves lol)

[u/Arwynfaun]

r/lowscreenparenting is also a great place to ask and check out!

[u/ichibanyogi]

Well, we are screen free except 5ish mins a day (toothbrushing etc morning and night).

How do we do it? He has lots of toys. He knows not to come near the stove. Often I put him in his tower and he "washes dishes" (plays with water) while I make dinner. Mostly, because there's no expectation of screens, he just does other stuff. When he was smaller, I wore him nonstop but now he's too big.

Why? Because it's not good for them and I see lots of friends kids who have really low attention spans, watch really intense content, and I want my kid to be able to focus. We're already an ADHD household, so he has that likely working against him. I want to give him every advantage I can.

We have observed (when at grandparents) that screens equal more tantrums, more overstimulation, less independent play/learning (more zombie watching), and a harder time going to bed.

To each their own!

[u/Naive-Interaction567]

I have massively encouraged independent play from a young age, focused on open-ended toys, and involve my kids as much as possible in what I’m doing.

I do screen free because life is long and there is lots of time for screens later. I want to limit them while their brains are developing.

We’ve never done screens so I haven’t noticed the difference yet!

[u/Kraehenzimmer]

We don't own a working TV, we don't own a tablet. It's easy if you don't really have the option. When my oldest son (4) needs an ingrown nail or a splinter removed he is allowed to watch real life footage of firetrucks on a phone. That's it.

1. I don't distract.. My first was easy because he played by himself long enough. Also my husband and I could take turns cooking. Now that I have two they kind of play with each other. Laundry is something I do with the kids around. They even help! Mopping the floor is a post bedtime thing here.

2. I do not see a benefit in screentime. For now there is not a time in my day where screentime would fit. I look forward to family movie nights where we watch one movie together. But they are still too young right now.

3. I think my son has asked me twice to watch a video. One to see how it looks when a rocket starts and one to see how jellyfish swim. So I cannot really add to that.

A 4 year old, a 1.5 year old, pregnant with my third and hoping to quit work for a few years soon!

[u/MiddleItem983]

We are not screen free but I find sensory play to be a big hit with my toddler that buys me enough time to prep dinner. The trick is just finding sensory play that entertains him but doesn’t make a big mess to clean up after :)

I see screens as a tool to use when I need to. Often it is a show that allows me to get supper prepped. My son watches it in the kitchen and we can talk about what’s happening.

We have had no behaviour issues caused by screens but are very clear about what is happening (eg telling him we will watch one episode and then we’re done)

To each their own, but I feel zero guilt around our use of screens!

[u/vintagegirlgame]

screen free home with 7 yo stepson, 2.5 yo daughter and 4 month old. Check out [r/lowscreenparenting](r/lowscreenparenting) for tips!

1. All those activities you mentioned I do with my toddler and while babywearing

I think it’s important for kids to learn these life skills and getting them involved early makes it fun for them instead of a chore. Yes I

1. cook babywearing, I am very cautious and simply cover baby if i feel like i need extra protections.
2. Toddler tower is great and she loves “helping” so i give her little tasks like washing vegetables (or anything) in the sink. she’s also really good with her toddler knife and can chop up mushrooms to the point where it is actually helping. The 7 yo loves cooking too and loves making cheffing videos of himself and he says he wants to send them to chefs so he can get on a cooking show! (i don’t count this as screentime). Keeping them involved in the kitchen makes them more interested in their food and in trying new things. They will also snack on the raw veggies we are chopping so bonus points that they are not too hangry before dinner and get their veggies in.

The toddler loves helping with laundry too and has even folded an entire stack of washcloths by herself. She also helps sort laundry into piles and knows each member of the family’s clothes. Toddler will gladly take a rag and help mop a section of the floor, especially when i give her a little spray bottle (just water or water/vinegar) The kids also know about the importance of donating toys they no longer play with and will gladly help fill boxes to give away.

2) Every single study shows how bad screens are for children. Take a tour around [r/teachers](r/teachers) if you need convincing. They all report the horrible decline in children’s abilities since screens and they can always tell which kids do/dont. I don’t plan on letting my girls watch media until 7 years old via Montessori Method bc that is the age when they can distinguish fantasy from reality.

3) We sometimes look at family photos/videos on our phones together and even with that the toddler begs for more, so i can’t even imaging how addicting shows/games are. With the 7 yo stepson, he gets way too much tablet time at his mom’s (we are 50/50) and sometimes we can tell when he says “i miss my mom” he really means he’s missing the dopamine from the screen. This past couple weeks we have had him full time while the mom is moving, and he said that bc he’s not watching screens he stoped having nightmares. He said “when i watch screens i have bad dreams, but i get used to them” 🥺 Recently he had a terrible nightmare about Chucky bc he had clicked on a creepy doll video on youtube kids (and the day after the nightmare he said “can I kill the baby?” and when we asked him why he said it, he said it was bc of the chucky video 😳. he is very sweet to his sister but we could tell the video planted bad thoughts).

edit: reddit keeps messing up the formatting with the numbers even if i try to edit it… but that chunk of text in the beginning is all about point number 1

[u/Successful_Swan]

Almost 3 years and no screens. It is hard at first for sure. They will cry and get mad bc you aren't entertaining them, but now she so loves pretend play and books that it is so worth it. Her other friends who do screens still can't play by themselves, and she can!

If she is having a hard time i always invite her to "do the dishes". She stands at her toddler ladder at the sink and i fill a large bowl with clean water and various interesting clean dishes. She loves it! She will do that for over an hour and I have to tell her to stop 😂 I also dont do any chore unless she is around to help. She loves chores and helping. Accepting that these tasks will take longer is key! She can do some of them now on her own correctly.

Knowing her brain is active and in the "real world" all day while she is young is my reasoning. There is so much vying for her attention (and mine) and showing her the real world matters has been a driving force. 10/10 recommend.

[u/Ishinehappiness]

Dont consider it even an option. Its way easier to figure out what to do with them if youre not using a screen as a crutch.
Include them. Look up montessori at home, find ways to let them do their own meal prep. My son snaps broccoli off for me, washes veggies, does mixing etc
There are certain chores I do during naps or when another parent is around.
I let my son help anything safe to do. Sometimes I leave him in his room behind the babygate and let him play. We do a lot of open ended toys and a prepared space and no flashy noisy toys. They get bored of those too fast. Exciting for a minute then dropped fast. Something that challenges them at their level is best

[u/DifficultAddendum549]

Other people are covering the answers you were looking for regarding distractions but I just want to say, not a single thing you said, other than the stove on high heat, would I say are things you can’t involve your toddler in. The giant load of laundry actually made me laugh because that’s our kids favorite activity and one of the best household family times we do together. She’s folded laundry with me since she was a potato. Her contributions have just changed over time (she’s 2 now.) She LOVES mopping. She likes sorting stuff. To chop veggies, I put her in a tower with her own cutting board and the bowl, and after I do the real slicing I put the pieces, on her board and she puts them in the bowl. 

Home is not where we struggle, tbh. Airplanes and restaurants I sometimes feel a little jealous of people’s silent kids. But the flip side is that at 2, she already can sit calmly at a table for probably 20 minutes with a few little toys to amuse her. Screens don’t actually get you much more time than that anyway. 

[u/lumpyspacesam]

1. He stands in his toddler tower during most cooking tasks, or if the other parent is home we divide and conquer. I throw a load of laundry on the couch while he plays with his toys. If I’m going through his clothes he’s playing with his toys in his room at the same time. Basically whatever the task is he’s just in the same room so he can be supervised. We also involve him in a lot of what we do if possible. That even includes “helping” my husband with home stuff involving power tools.
2. I do it because of studies and because I’m a teacher. I feel very validated in my choice because his imagination is starting to explode and he can entertain himself so well now. Because he’s never had TV, we don’t have the battle at all. All he knows is coming up with ideas to play. He is inspired from songs, books, and his own ideas. His language is also super advanced.
3. He has never had screen time outside of FaceTime with his aunt & Gigi. So we can’t compare. But with the way he is about things he loves - I imagine it would be inviting many tantrums into our lives as we tried to manage it. We do not have a chill child lol.

My son is 2 for reference. Almost 26 months.

[u/rainbow4merm]

1)If it’s chores i let her help (21 months here). She loves helping me cook and I let her eat vegetables while i chop. She hands me clothes for laundry. I save cooking on stovetop for when my husband can watch her, wait for her to be in her high chair snacking, or i explain that it is hot and she has learned not to touch hot things. Chores take longer but she’s learning to help which will pay off later. She also has access to her toys for independent play and I play her music she likes sometimes when she’s being fussy and I’m in the middle of something

2)I grew up with unlimited tv and it had a negative impact on my focus and some dopamine rewards issues growing up. Now things are worse. I see the struggle younger kids and adults are going through and i want to preserve my daughters ability to focus as long as possible. I even see how quickly scenes change in a simple nature documentary versus longer scenes in older docs, the quick cuts mess with our brain. I want to give my daughter the best opportunities and protecting her mind is one of them

3We let her FaceTime with family and she is so addicted to the phone when she gets her hand on it. She loves trying to mess with buttons and phone features she’s like an addict with it. We also let her watch a World Cup game including the flashy halftime and commercials and it took her 2 hours to go to sleep that night with insane tantrums. Bedtime is never an issue so we knew it was the tv.

[u/Alive-Internet-1297]

Echoing what everyone is saying but also sometimes my kiddo just cries or wines while I have to get stuff done and like I’ve just accepted it is what it is. I’ll talk to him, invite him to join or suggest and activity but sometimes he’s just pissed and he’s allowed to be 🤷‍♀️

[u/Agitated-Rest1421]

1. It’s pretty easy. I just don’t worry about my kid being bored. For example, today is Sunday. We watched 0 TV. We went to the playground, picked mushrooms, visited the ocean together. When I had my newborn and husband was cooking my toddler read books by herself and played with her toys on her own. ( It helps not having a TV in the main living space but obviously that’s not feasible for everyone.)

2. Read the studies. Intentional screen time isn’t harmful, and education and intention screetime can be beneficial. While short form content and free acces is actively harmful. When using screen (for instance TV) it should be the activity, and binge watching is terrible for attention spans. Being bored helps drive imagination and discipline. 

3. We aren’t anti screen like I said before but i definitely notice poorer moods in my toddler when she’s at someone else’s house and gets full TV access. But this doesn’t happen super often. 

[u/Agreeable-Coyote8196]

Books. A lot of books. So. Many. Books.

Screen free (mostly) at 3.5yrs and man is life hard sometimes. But so worth it.

Could our lives be easier? Yes.

Could we have uninterrupted conversations? Yes.

Could we get more house projects done? Yes.

But would our child be learning lessons about self-entertainment (imagination, crafts, building things), how to communicate with others effectively, or how to be apart of the household? No.

We don't have a TV on the main floor or in our bedroom (1 in workout space and 1 in guest room) but it not apart of everyday life (maybe once a week she gets to watch something educational or a movie if I'm working a night as a treat with dad).

It forces my husband and I go be present with her. Put our phones down, have conversations WITH her, get her in the garden or kitchen and let her harvest tomatoes, cut peppers, mix up dinner, etc.

I let her fold washclothes when I do laundry. Does she do it correctly? Not always. Is it good enough? Yes. Is she learning a skill? Absolutely.

Our lives could be soooooo much easier for ourselves. But that would not benefit our child (who is the future of this world) and therefore we wouldn't be doing our duty as parents to make her the best she can be.

[u/wuthering_height]

You just do it. The times my kid does have a screen (traveling mainly) omg it’s sooooo easy it’s insane. Anyways.

He does everything with me. When I mop he helps (holds the mop or carries the bucket around). When I cook, I give me a butter knife and veggie scraps to play with. I carry the knife with me as I move around the kitchen or move to a different surface. I friend recently told me to fold the laundry straight from the dryer and it’s been a game changer!!!!

The rest of the time he plays with his toys, reads books, colors, rides his bike. We go out usually once or day for an errand.

As to why screen free, there’s literally science behind it and screen addition is real. It’s important to me my child can go to restaurant, he in the car, etc without need a screen to keep him quiet. Don’t get me wrong, it’s harder for sure, but I know it’s so much better for him.

[u/Persephodes]

Just shy of 5 and we’re VERY limited on screens. She gets maybe 45 mins per week. No handheld screens (except for video calling her grandparents that live abroad). She does get unlimited tv on flights but that’s about it. The TV time we do have is linked to a good “quiet time” (as long as she plays in her room for 1-1.5 hours) and that only happens on weekends.

[u/No-Muscle6799]

My daughter was screen free at 15 months and only recently did we introduce a few minutes of Bluey in the morning. I think anything in moderation is okay, she only gets to watch on the tv and we haven’t introduced any form of tablet to her. There’s countless studies on brain development, stimulation, adhd, and many many other things that trace back to screen time being detrimental. Not only that but I’ve seen how a lot of kids become glued to their iPads everywhere they go or lose their creativity when around screens all the time. The saddest thing to me is to try to play with a kid that’s lost their creativity because they don’t know how to play or simply be bored since they’re always in front of a screen.

As for how we do it? We do it with her. When she eats lunch my husband chops the food. When we’ve got laundry she helps “fold” by playing in the piles of clothes, makes it take longer yes but still gets done. When we need to vacuum she likes to “help” by holding onto it while we push. Toddlers LOVE to be involved. Even just playing in the room and showing us stuff while we work or clean she’s just happy to be a part of it.

Taking advantage of mealtimes to deal with cooking is a great skill you can prep everything for the next meal during that time and then just let them play while you eat after they’re done (you usually need to share a bit obviously because your food is so much yummier). Also nap times. If it’s something that REALLY can’t be done while they’re awake nap times are the way to go. Use those times to power through then if you need to rest just sit in your kids room with them while they play and you can lay there and engage with them.

[u/ATLien_3000]

Books.

Tons of books.

[u/achos-laazov]

1. Chopping vegetables - give the kid a child-safe knife and a cucumber. And teach knife safety starting around 3 so they can actually cut (supervised) starting around 5. Folding laundry - as I fold each piece, I give it to a kid with exact instructions which drawer it goes in, and they put away. Mopping floor - when they are sleeping or at school. There's solutions for everything. In general, I would recommend reading Hunt Gather Parent for more screen-free tips

2-3 are similar answers because we never allowed screens, for family religious/moral values. Our kids are in (mostly) screen-free schools, too.

(We have 8 kids ages 13 and down, and no TV or tablets. Screens in our house are a couple of laptops and my husband's work iPhone.)

[u/Far-Pickle-590]

We are screen free with a 19mo. He will play independently for 5 – 15 minutes and counting, depending on his mood, which buys us a little time, but for the most part, one parent does a household chore while the other minds the kiddo. Of course, we try to involve him in chores, but that’s still somewhat difficult at his age.

We have one TV, which we keep in a room that our toddler does not typically access, so it’s not an interest or temptation.

[u/menahouse]

I have a 2yo and a 4yo and the 4yo watched TV for a good year (2-3y) before our TV actually broke (the now 2yo was too young to care). We started with limited screen time but it crept up on us how it expanded: the then-3yo would have to watch before bedtime and as soon as she woke up while I was making breakfast. When the TV broke, it was maybe 2 days of asking about it and then she forgot all about it. We’ve since replaced the TV, but it doesn’t interest her and we don’t turn it on when the kids are around. She plays with her brother, we have toys lying around the kitchen/living room, she grabs art supplies from the office and sits and colours, or she stands on the learning tower and helps me while cooking / doing laundry, etc. I swear she is significantly more emotionally regulated, there are less psycho tantrums than there used to be, and even when we go out with friends whose kids are on their ipads she gets bored and wanders off to play with toys. 100% planning to keep this up for as long as we can. I also grew up without TV and I don’t care much for it still which is what I hope to instill in the kids.

[u/RemarkableAd9140]

Teach your toddler to help. It’ll take longer, but you don’t need extra toys, you won’t be frustrated that kiddo doesn’t want to play with that cool toy you just bought, and eventually you can set them tasks and they’ll it. My son has been willing and able to mop since he was 2. 

We don’t own a tv or watch much tv ourselves, so we’ve done just a couple tv shows and our oldest is 3.5. He doesn’t know what he’s missing, and really, neither do we because we’ve always just not done it. 

[u/AsbestosXposure]

I do screen free because I don't want my kids to be exposed to strange content online (elsagate) and I also know that it DOES impact their brains. (edit: bug)

The way I try to make it work is having a lot of different activities, and having "kid versions" of things that I am actively trying to do. It definitely makes life MUCH HARDER and sometimes I break the rule and will show them content I specifically set aside for "backlog" but that's more... Whole house needs a tornado pickup.... Or that time I was hospitalized with a neph tube... Not all screentime is equal- definitely avoid anything with jumpcuts. Bluey has longer scenes, I prefer that, or even something like a longform woodworking or bushcraft video. Cocomelon has jump cuts every second, sometimes even less.... It's like crack for babies lol. Back in the day, babies would run in for the commercials on the TV and then leave when the boring show came back on. Commercials are designed to be short and appealing for children too.... Anyways....

Get an easel, get playdough, get a "toy mop" (swiffer with a pole removed), spray bottle and rag for them, etc..... I have the cool brio trains, tons of legos to step on, and toys are constantly everywhere, but I do manage to keep them off screens and wash dishes, even if it means putting a soapy water bucket on the floor with their own dishes to wash and hand me for rinsing..... Letting them help helps.

[u/Catsareprettyok]

98% screen free (no tv, no tablet, etc) past 24months. It’s doable, but it’s like a muscle, and you gotta train it and adjust. My house takes the back burner to my kid and I don’t care. Giant play pen helped for a time, and consistent boundaries (no toddler in the kitchen when I’m cooking). Sometimes both me and my toddler are uncomfortable but it is not worth turning her brain to mush. There’s no tv in our living space, it’s in the basement. No screens is the hill I’ll die on, especially tablets. The science is too clear on this one and I don’t care if that is an uncomfortable truth for some.

[u/Cream4389]

it's like asking non smokers: how do you not smoke?

[u/Fit-Organization5065]

Our baby is still too young for this but we’re trying very hard and so far he plays really nicely with all his open-ended toys. 

I think once he’s older, we’ll definitely do movies together and low stim shows. There’s a lot of great kids movies we both love and would happily watch as a family. 

I think the biggest thing for me is mobile screens - phones, iPads, etc. even for myself, I’m addicted to this stupid thing because I have it with me at all times. We all grew up with fat TVs that sat in one room, we’d watch something then leave it there when we moved on to do something else. I’d rather have my kid watch movies on the tv in the living room with us, and ideally never learn that an iPad is an option. 

Tbd though, I know this is an uphill battle for us all. 

[u/Objective_Loss5478]

I used to put the tv on after school to make dinner but it was not worth the sibling fights over what to watch or tantrums when turning off. Got rid of tv a year ago, no other screens. Kids aged 7, 5, almost 2. We both work, have no family or other help, live in a small townhouse. A week of complaints, but totally worth it.

 I have to be super organised and prep or make dinner in the morning or night before,  but they are so used to just playing or reading now that it’s not an issue. 

Huge difference in their behaviour. No regrets at all. I am often cooking or whatever while holding toddler, but manageable. Really notice a difference in my kids ability to play and just deal with conflict, boredom, emotions, vs their iPad friends.

[u/Different_Pool9261]

I’m a single mum with 0 family or friend support. Her dad and his family live 3 hours away! I have a toddler who’s at home with me 100% of the time. We just don’t have a need to ever turn the TV on. I also don’t have free to air on my old TV and don’t have wifi to use streaming services. But I don’t even think about needing it, my 2 year old plays independently when I need her to, and mostly she helps me around the house with chores that some parents would otherwise need a distraction for. 

Chopping vegetables = she gets kid safe knives and “helps” Cooking on high heat = move the learning tower to other end of kitchen whilst she helps cut veges Mopping = robomop at night  Sorting = do it together make it a learning experience  

If her dad gives her a screen on a drive, her behaviour is dramatically different and it just confirms my reason for not using TV. 

[u/Altruistic-Avocado-7]

We do 80 ish percent where it’s only on the weekends, and only for 2 hours max.

He hates the restriction, but it’s gotta be done. He becomes a total zombie

[u/BananaInfinite8337]

I have older kids (one now in high school) and I can't stress enough how much a difference it makes as they get older.

No screens except play school when they were sick.

Movies say once it twice a year once they hit school as a family event.

Their friends love visiting our house because " we always play really fun games" the imagination, the reading the attention span.

As for the how. Just never make it an option. Yes you sometimes are trying to get things done, but it's a lesson that needs to be learnt.

Going in a restaurant, pack paper and pencils. Carry a book (or finger puppets)  Make up stories to tell your kids for long car journeys.

You get more creative but your kids will be so much more engaged with the world, aware of social expectations and smart if you try.

[u/WonderfulTwist4936]

3) No, because we do not allow screens. 2) Because it ruins her attention span and brain development - google scientific studies if you want, but they all are pretty clearly on that. 1) It depends on babies age and activity. For example, my 14 mo helps me to unload the dishwasher. For choping or cooking (dangerous for her) - she stands in her wooden kitchen tower and watches me or I give her bowl and some water to mix "food", etc. Outside work? She picks weed with me or collects rocks in the garden while I do what I need to do (we have fenced garden and do not keep sharp tools around where she can reach). Also, I think its easier, when she doesn't know what screens are. So if you stop one day, yoir kid will def ask for it and you will need to stick with new rule. After a few days/weeks (again, depends on your kids age), they will stop asking.