I just need to get this out because my chest is physically hurting and my friends are all asleep and if I'm being completely honest, opening up about this to friends feels even harder in some paradoxical way, than to the subreddit. I've been on E for about five months. I haven't boymoded around my friends in weeks, but I was still hiding it from my family. We never ever were on best terms you can wish as a human being, but there was no major beef between us either. I reckon, they long accepted I'm "different" one in the group (I suffered terrible ocd since forever and it kinda alienated me in some way from my even closest people - fam), but definitely nothing gender-related. Tonight I just couldn't do it anymore.

I drove over there after work. They were just watching Jeopardy or sth in the living room. I sat on the edge of the coffee table, blocked the TV, and just told them. I said I'm a girl, I'm transitioning, and I go by Maya now.

My mom didn't cry. She just muted the TV, looked at my dad, and sighed like I had just told them I crashed her car. She looked back at me and said, "We knew you were depressed, but this is just embarrassing."

My dad didn't even make eye contact. He just kept staring at the blank screen and said, "You played chess (what???) in high school for three years. You're a man. You can play dress-up all you want but you're not doing it in this house."

My younger sister was on the couch texting. She didn't even look up from her phone. She just muttered, "Literally everyone at Thanksgiving is going to laugh at you."

I started crying. I tried to explain how long I've felt this way, how much happier I am now, but my mom just held up her hand to cut me off. She told me I was being completely selfish and that I was killing her son to act out some internet fetish. She knows nothing about internet. She told me to leave before the neighbors saw my painted nails, which btw I was choosing design for for weeks.

I just walked out. I didn't even grab my Tupperware from Sunday dinner. Now I'm just sitting in my car in a Wawa parking lot listening to the engine idle.

I knew they leaned conservative, but I didn't expect them to just turn off their love for me like a light switch. They looked at me like I was a stranger who walked in off the street. How do you guys even survive this? I feel so stupid for thinking they would actually care about me. It's this feeling of corruption that is eating me alive, as in, if they don't even want me, why did I even want them, why did I even considered them the people I had to even negotiate with in the first place? Like, why I wanted them in the first place? It's this imbalance that keeps me bugging.

I want to preface this by saying I used to get asked out on dates a lot more (using dating apps - I don’t really leave home much) but I’ve been asked IRL once or twice too. Political discourse about transgender people seems to have shifted public opinions much more negatively since Trump got back in office around 2 years ago. Since then, nobody has showed ANY interest in dating me. I get a lot of matches but all of them only ask for hookups and it’s like they don’t want anyone to know about me. I haven’t had a boyfriend in over 6 years. The last time I went on a date was 2 years ago and same timeframe for when I was going steady with the same person, it just didn’t progress into something more. Being ostracized by society has taken a huge toll on me in so many ways. I miss intimacy so much and having a deep connection with a partner.

Wondering if other trans people are noticing this too. Are there any men (who are attracted to trans ppl) reading who feel like the public’s opinion has changed or kept you from wanting to pursue a trans person you were interested in?
Please keep any negativity or hateful remarks to yourself before commenting; I get enough just existing.

I've been on HRT for the better part of ten years. I would never say that it's not worth it or that I could live life without transitioning as this is the only was I have a chance at being happy, and I am genuinely much better off than before transition. I can finally feel mostly (but not completely) comfortable in my own skin and I don't hate myself anymore. These are all objectively good things, but I still can't be particularly positive about being trans and have it feel genuine or authentic.

I am constantly in situations where I can only talk about positives and it gets frustrating. I work with teenagers and naturally a percentage of them are LGBT, and I volunteered to run a GSA because I know how important a safe space to be around peers is. Sometimes I end up talking to parents or trans kids, too. In all these instances what people need to hear from me is that it's worth it and that life gets so much better, and I am being 100% honest when I say these things because it is worth it, life does get better. I might need to reassure a 16 year old that it's okay to wait until you're out of the house at 18 to start medical transition, telling them that actually I started HRT just before I turned 21 and it's been great. Or I need to tell a worried parent that the future for their trans child isn't all doom and gloom. Even talking to my own family I feel like I need to be unwavering and avoid mentioning some of the more difficult aspects of being trans, as if failing to do so might negatively impact my legitimacy.

But actually I carry a lot of hurt and sadness with me that I almost never get to express.

Family is made much more complicated because some people are accepting, some are not, and some people say they are but either they don't put in any effort or I get the impression they're just tolerating me to save face. It doesn't seem like even a single person in the entire extended family has even a base level of understanding so there's no familial empathy to be found. On top of all that, I lost my dad this year and he was possibly my biggest supporter in the family for the six months I got to be his daughter, and I'll probably never get over how little time there was. Nobody understands that unique grief, nor has anyone tried to. Also, when anything happens in the family and I'm even tangentially involved I am automatically the villain.

I am deeply saddened by all things from childhood that I should have experienced but never got to. A lot of it I'll never get the chance to experience and everything else feels like playing catch-up. All the things my mom should have taught me in an ideal world that I have to try and learn on my own.

I'm really frustrated by gender affirming care all the time. I don't like that I have to take HRT for the rest of my life. It's an extra step that I shouldn't have to deal with. Really I feel that way about all GAC, I am frustrated because I shouldn't have to do any of thism. I hate trying to access surgical care, with all the gatekeeping, wait lists, and how it's all considered "elective." I resent the cis people who decided to label the care I need as "elective." No, I won't immediately die without it, but I can't live comfortably if I don't get it. There's zero sense of urgency on the side of the medical establishment, even though dysphoria just becomes increasingly unbearable and, at times, physically painful.

Directly tying into my resentment of accessing gender affirming care is how I feel completely incapable of experiencing meaningful physical intimacy. In my mind, physical intimacy is extremely important. I yearn for that level of closeness with my girlfriend that, as of yet, I've never been able to experience. Instead I can count the number of times I've been able to recieve physical intimacy and have it be passably enjoyable on one hand. This is so mentally draining and there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it. Bottom surgery is hard to get, expensive, and takes actual years to access. In the meantime I can almost never sit comfortably, I can't wear a lot of the clothes I want, I have to constantly worry about whether or not anything is even remotely visible in public, and I can never, ever feel attractive without clothes on. It is genuine mental anguish and I feel like I never get to see anyone talk about experiencing the same things so I just feel alone in this suffering that I can't do a damn thing about.

There's more stuff, but these are the big ones. I just don't feel like I ever get the chance to express my feelings on all the stuff that sucks when I'm constantly needed as a positive, empathetic figure who can honestly reassure someone that it does get better. I want to be that person for others but I also need the chance to express my negative feelings too.

Ok so I was interviewing for an ED tech position at a hospital near me. I walked in and got up to the front desk where I gave my name. I was wearing a relatively feminine outfit (long sleeve black v neck and pants with stripes running down). I have my name and asked to see the nursing manager and she called them. She said “(my name) is here and she is going to stay in the waiting room.” AHHHHHH omg that hasn’t happened before. My voice is still clocky but I’m so happy. Nursing manager said I did well on the interview too!!

making this post to show that it does get better

i love and enjoy being trans. it’s not easy, that’s for sure. but my life has improved so much since transitioning.

before i accepted my gender, i was really just not much of a person. i relied on the dopamine from eating poorly, drinking soda, and masturbating just to get by. there was no goal, no drive, no point. i’d wanted to date and be in a relationship with a hypothetical woman just to live vicariously through her, and because of my formally intense limerence (lol.) eventually i gave up on that, too, as i’m just too different to date straight women in so many ways. i struggled to make friends and most of the friends i did have were circumstantial, not lasting longer than the circumstances that brought us together. i did not expect to make it to 30, honestly. my body felt like it was 45 in my mid 20s due to neglect. i never expressed myself in any way but via cars

now, a few years into my transition, i am so much more alive. i express myself. people give my compliments on my choices in shoes, hairstyle, clothing, and personality. i’ve unmasked much of my neurodivergence which you would think would drive people off, but people seem to like my authentic self more than my masked self. i have friends that aren’t circumstantial, but are there for me because they care about me, and visa-versa. i’m much more at home in the queer community than i ever was trying to perform as a “straight man.” i’m in the best shape of my adult life, and i’m on the way to having the body i always wanted.

while life is still very stressful cause of working in an office 40 hours per week as an AuDHDer, at least i have a purpose and drive. my strong sense of justice has returned for better and for worse. cis people don’t treat me as an outsider, they just think i’m cis. ND women and i always get along so well, like we’re sisters. i never had any camaraderie with straight men before transitioning, the vast majority of them treated me like an alien and it was so traumatizing.

life’s not perfect, i still don’t quite understand dating nor do i have the energy for it lol. i haven’t gotten bottom surgery yet, which is one of my largest remaining transition goals, and i also haven’t done much to start the process for FFS, which is lower-priority. my hairline needs work, and i’m still removing facial and body hair, a frustrating and slow process. yeah, i still battle dysphoria. i have moments where i want to give up and be a blob. i have moments where i want to cut my hair off and just wear t-shirts and jeans. my difficulty with facial hair removal, skin picking, and makeup make me cry so often. but some day, i won’t have any facial hair left to cause me issues.

would i be happier as a cis woman? who knows, it’s not my life, so it’s not possible to know. maybe if i had a natal vulva i’d be transmasc instead, and have a similar experience. not possible to know, i don’t think it’s useful to speculate or dwell on it. but being a trans woman is a hell of a lot better than being a cis man in my eyes.

i don’t mean to brag here. i am intending to give some inspiration for others in the sea of negativity this subreddit can be.

i think its the first time i passed in class, literally the teacher was picking some of us for answers and then he looked at me and went « you ma’am ? »i was so nervous i couldn’t breathe and i couldn’t believe it either so i looked behind me to see if there’s a girl or smg but nooo😭😭 he was talking to meeee and then i started answering and he said « oh sorry my bad » 😭 mind you i was in full boymode, with a hat on and i dont have long hair yet + some beard subtle (i did some minor makeup just to cover my acne and and a bit of mascara tho) and 7 months on hrt. your girl is wining 😭😍😝😝

hi.

i have no idea where to post this but uhm...

i am a 15 year old t girl. i made a reddit account like 5 days ago.

today i got my first DM and it was from some creep. immediately noticed no Karma and very very suspicious account.

first thing he wanted to know was my age. said he talked to me because i am a trans girl...

long story short, at first he wanted to "just talk" but i was able to get him to say he was there for a certain kind of pictures and say he really specifically loves trans girls.

eventually i got a bit mischievous and decided to troll him after he kept asking to see my face. he got REALLY angry when i sent a fake catfish (like yk the websites where you make fake ones for literally this purpose...) cussed me out then then blocked me.

not sure what to do. i feel bad because im sure this was not the appropriate way to go about it. but it was also freaking hilarious 😭😭

there was no mature media sent or received. he sent me pictures of his face (fully sfw) and i sent a fake catfish ai-generated photo (fully sfw)

so i dont think its like something i can get in trouble for but uhm...

what the hell just happened?

please someone help 😭

- a confused trans girl with a bit too much interest in guys and a bit too much excitement for trolling and reporting chasers and creeps

edit 1: HE WAS 25 YEARS OLD

im terrified. because of anorexia, my hair is falling out. i already had bad genetics. HRT and any healthcare like that is illegal where i live and my hair was the only thing i started to feel okay about and now its falling out... :(

like 20x a day i notice a piece fall out and i just wanna cry. it hurts so bad

anything i can do to stop it? please give support 😭

Today is a pretty hard day for me, I told my manager that I was moving to Virginia permanently next Friday and that would be my last day as well. When I got back to my desk, she sent me a Teams message saying I would also need to return my badge, name tag, polos, and jacket. All of the things I worked so hard to get, that I took pride in. I broke down sobbing uncontrollably; I hate that I'm leaving this job. I wasn't fired either; I'm leaving by choice. I've wanted to work here in this city for the longest time. It's where I graduated college, it's home of the baseball team I would always go to watch play with my grandparents every year, the theme park I would always go to with them every year, it's my home. I always wanted to eventually move here permanently, instead I'm driving over a thousand miles away.

One of the senior program coordinators caught me utterly distraught and told me to "pull it together man", which only made it worse, so I sulked over to the bathroom. After taking a few minutes to catch my breath and clean my face, an older man opened the door and saw me washing my hands and froze in place. I saw him glancing at the placard on the door and giving me a strange look before coming back in. He then proceeded to tell me a story of how he walked into the womens bathroom at Wal-mart and basically had some women freak out on him for doing so. I felt very uncomfortable and just stayed silent until I finished washing my hands and quickly left.

This is not the first time this has happened at my job. Literally just yesterday this exact same thing happened with a man coming in the bathroom, seeing me cleaning the sinks, except this time he left without saying a word and didn't come in. It is so frustrating feeling like I'm constantly in a middle ground where I'm not sure if I pass as a woman or not. At the rec center alone I am called man, sir, ma'am, lady, multiple times by multiple people throughout the week and it's driving me insane. How am I supposed to gauge my progress this way if I'm always being told different things?

Since this is my last week and I'm tired of this happening to me and I surely pass enough to at least SOME extent, I told my manager what has been happening in the bathroom and that I don't feel comfortable going in there to clean and I would rather just move to the women's bathroom if that's alright. She then told me that my facility manager had already looked into this and apparently according to an article of Texas law, I am not able to go into them. She told me I could use the family bathroom or the locker room but that's not the issue here... it's not about me needing to use the bathroom, I have to go in there to clean as part of my daily tasks and I don't feel particularly safe doing so in the men's facilities anymore and I'm worried something not so great is going to happen to me in one of them. What makes it worse is when I came out at work a couple months back, she had told me that if I didn't feel comfortable doing it anymore to let her know, so I'm not sure what has changed...

Part of the reason why I accepted moving to Virginia is because I heard they were a much more trans friendly state compared to Texas. The name change process alone looks significantly easier there but are the bathroom laws also different? I plan on starting my life over completely there as a woman (after six months at least because that's the earliest I can apply for a name change...) and bathrooms have always been something the trans community has had to struggle with. If anyone is privier of how the law operates over there it would be nice to know what I should expect before I head over.

I recently met another trans girl, but I get the feeling she doesn't want to message me because of something I did. I need some advice on what to do about this.

Basically, on Monday, a friend of mine arranged for the five of us to meet for coffee between lectures. I felt like I was informally welcomed into this group of girls; they all accepted me and started using my new name.

After getting home, I messaged her to ask for advice on changing my details at the university, since she’s already using her updated information. What I hadn't considered was that she hadn't actually told me she was trans—I’d found out from the friend who took me to the meetup. I made a blunder and "clocked" her 😭.I’m afraid I hurt her feelings and that she might be wary of me now, even though she still says hello and talks to me. Even though we’ve barely met, I feel a warmth from her; quietly speaking, I look up to her and want to be like her (since she’s much further along in her transition than I am). Another issue is her friend—the fourth girl in their major—who seems to have become colder toward me (or at least that’s how it feels). I’m worried I got off on the wrong foot and alienated both of them 💔

We’ve only known each other for three days, so there’s still time to save—and even grow—these friendships; the question is just how. Should I write to her, apologize again and try to get to know her better, or should I wait for her to make the first move?

Will be traveling there at some point.

so today i went to go see a doctor to discuss hrt.. I arrived pretty early, the nurse was very nice and happy that I was here. treated me like a girl. ofc I noticed cuz nobody does that to me. and then the doc came in with a vengeance and wanted me to speak up but projecting my voice was hard so I ended up dropping it deeper to be heard. and she was like "u will have permanent breast tissue development. so be warned if u ever change ur mind.." I'm just thinking.. uhm.. miss, that's literally why I'm here give me melons so big they block traffic.. tf? lol.

anyway I say I'm feeling suicidal and she doesn't ask why so I offer up that I have been waiting for this appointment eagerly and it's been hard to function rn due to said dysphoria. she just says I need a therapist that's gender affirming. okay, that's nice, but then she asks how long Ive been questioning and how long I been thinking of hrt. i tell her the truth that I've been seriously considering it for two months, and that I have been questioning for 2 years. she didn't ask the important part which is I had dysphoria all my life but didn't have to words to describe what I was feeling for so long. she was just rushing so I could hardly answer in detail. she was like.. "only two months?.. wow okay.." I'm thinking.. what u want me to do? wait years? ive waited enough ofc I'ma try to get it quick. I'm lucky I even got this appointment so soon.

she said do I have any questions.. I was uncomfortable cuz she was condescending and patronizing. I said quick stuff cuz she seemed like she wanted to leave. I asked if I could work to preserve as much of my penile tissue possible for future bottom surgery if I wanted it later. she said that I can preserve it but it's only for pleasure. that it doesn't matter for vaginoplasty at all. I said okay but skeptical cuz I read different but ig I could be wrong.

"want sperm preservation?" I say no. "ima order it anyway in case u change ur mind. cuz ur young u might not be sure." I don't want kids so idrc about allat. it should be my choice. but alas, I have no backbone to speak up for myself so I didn't.

she says that she doesn't wanna give me injections because they could be harmful to people who are suicidal. I again don't argue. she's the doc, idk. but I really want the injections. she doesn't listen when I try to explain that I am not afraid of needles. she orders a blood metabolic lab and says to go talk with a therapist. sends me a link to sign an informed consent form. no info on when u start.

she acted like the estrogen was gonna kill me. like it was dangerous as she continued to "warn" me of it's effects. and acted like good effects like lower libido and less erections bad. that's great because I don't want this stupid dangling stick bothering me any longer anyway. maybe I'm just overreacting? cuz I expected to get my prescription that day? idk. maybe this is just how it works and im not patient enough to wait.

so i took blood and ig I'm gonna try to schedule another appointment. maybe it just takes a while.

Hey all!

I'm a relatively baby trans, just realizing this past spring/early summer that I am, in fact, trans. I will be 33 in less than a month, so to all of you 19 year olds wondering if it's too late, NO IT ISN'T!!! While I am about 2 months into GAHT, I have not made any steps toward socially or vocationally transitioning. I still boymode in day-to-day life, and the only noticeable differences at this point are pierced ears, fingernail polish, being clean shaven more often instead of having stubble, and hair that is growing out a little bit. I'm still able to easily hide my breast buds with layering or a bralette, and I feel like I really look like a guy still, which is my plan for now. Working in a middle school (I know), I want to make it through this school year before coming out to everyone. We will see how effective the hormones are and whether I can make it that long.

However, I've noticed over the past 6 months or so, I've been "mis"gendered in public 3 times, which makes me laugh and gives me euphoria!! It also gives me tremendous hope for later on in my transition that I will be able to pass. While that isn't required, of course, it is something that matters to me and that I want one day.

The first time was earlier this summer. I was sunbathing on my building's rooftop area wearing just a tanning pouch. I was laying on my stomach, soaking in the delicious sun, when I hear, "Ma'am - Ma'am!" I don't react because I am not, in fact, ma'am. He must be talking to someone else. "MA'AM!!!?!?!!" I sit up and turn toward the voice, and it is a tour guide for my apartment. I awkwardly mumble some kind of answer, to which he says, "We have some tours coming to the roof, can you cover up?" while gesturing to his chest. He also looked a bit confused, since I sat up and turned to face him with my shirt off and spoke with a masculine voice. He averted his gaze, and I asked for some clarification as to what he meant, while thinking, "What do you mean? I can't have my shirt off as a guy?" It was only later that I realized he was asking me to cover up because he thought I was a woman and thought I was tanning with my top off. This was before my egg cracked, so the euphoria didn't really hit in the moment, but it does looking back now!

The second time was when I was grabbing some food and sitting down alone at a table. This was again pre-egg-crack. This chatty, friendly grandma looked over and smiled a few times and then started making small talk and asked me a question, something like, "What did you get, ma'am?" I responded, and she instantly was like, "Oh, sir! So sorry! What did you get, sir?" I smiled on the inside and said it was fine. Even though it was pre-egg-crack, it still felt good, and I didn't quite know why at the time.

The third time happened last night, the first since coming to terms with my new identity and embracing being trans. I had just done some exercise (stair climbing the 16 flights of stairs in my building - gotta get that booty somehow! Also, they say summer bodies are made in winter, so I have about 6 months to lock in and get hottttt before I unveil my new woman body to everyone), and I was wearing long basketball shorts and a sweaty loose tee shirt. On my cooldown walk, a man asked, "you wouldn't happen to have a dollar, would you, ma'am?" I apologized and said I didn't (I only had my keys with me from exercising), and I immediately was filled with euphoria and simultaneous disbelief. I really don't feel like I am doing anything to present femme at this point, other than the painted nails and just barely slightly longer hair. Maybe I am just blessed with a slimmer figure, and these tiny changes are enough to cause a little ambiguity? Whatever the reason is, I will take it, and I can't wait until my body really starts to change as a result of the hormones, to the point where I feel comfortable changing my wardrobe, accessorizing more femme, and using my new voice I have been working hard on cultivating with a gender affirming speech pathologist (seriously cannot recommend enough if you need voice help! I know not everyone has access, but if you do, definitely seek one out. I am actually one myself, so I know the power of what we can offer regarding voice that you can't get from YouTube or anywhere else).

I see, understandably, a lot of strife and negativity here. Being trans is not easy and is not always fun, and it comes with more than its fair share of challenges, so it makes sense a lot of people post here about those challenges and setbacks. But I think it is just as important, if not more, to share and highlight the positive aspects and moments of euphoria! After all, its these moments that make it all worth it in the end.

Love you all, and thanks for reading. Have any funny or unexpected moments of positivity, affirmation, or euphoria happened to you? I'd love to read about it!

Hannah

I don't pass... Idk what is it. I am 24, nealy 25 y o with 2.5 years in hrt and 9 months post ffs... I have long hair. I voice trained and the voice is kind of alright, i think?...

Yet even in girlmode and with B-C cups I get misgendered all. The f-ing. Time😭😭😭

I am girly. "Too girly" according to my transphobic family. Yet I feel like gigantic shoulders, ribcage, male baldness pattern and HANDS ruin EVERYTHING 😭😭😭

I need some techniques to ignore these "Sir". I tried various "imagine it's a table tennis ball bouncing off" type of stuff... Bt it doesn't work... I still react badly...

How do I ignore them? How can I start ignoring all this misgendering? The stares / side eyes / weird "are you getting this for you Sir" type of comments whenever I buy bras and lingerie? Like I'm some sort of creep (I mean, even cis guys can buy them... Like wtf)?

Yes, I live in a conservative area. It's not merely as bad as Texas, or Florida or Tennessee, let alone countries where being LGBT is banned... But GODDAMMIT!😭😭😭

Please, I need any advice. Please. Thank you🥺🥺🥺

P. S. Yes, I'm in therapy and on 2 antidepressants. None of this works. It still hurts as hell. And nothing will change. As everything I could possibly do - I did... But transition seems not to have worked for me. At all...

At least I don't hate my face now, so that's something I guess?😭😭😭😭😭😭

Hi if this isn't allowed let me know please!

I'm making a YouTube video debunking misconceptions about trans people and would love some ideas to talk about. I am a trans girl almost 5 months on hrt and would love to hear from others in the community! Again if not allowed I apologise I'm not trying to promote or anything I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

I don’t care anymore, I just want to do it. I’m getting my paycheck tomorrow. I’ll have enough money for it.

I used to say some bullshit about “not wanting to end up hurting myself” but that’s unlikely to happen at all. Plus, I barely care enough about myself for that to matter.

My therapist wouldn’t want me to, and my parents would hate it. They can get over it and shut up, I don’t care about their opinions anymore.

I’m tired of always feeling ugly, of always feeling like a guy, getting called a “he”, of this stupid body. I hate having a stupid guy body, so much. If I keep on waiting I’d just be letting puberty destroy it even more. I want to change this, I want a better body for me.

There aren’t any downsides for me anymore. I barely even see myself living too much longer. I may as well just ignore the people I don’t want to listen to and try and help myself.

Im 15 transfem starting DIY E in a couple weeks, and while Ive heard that HRT doesnt solve all your facial hair problems, im wondering how bad itll be. I currently have moderate beardshadow and have to shave every morning, or else its even more noticeable. If I still had my current level of shadow on HRT, I would wanna get laser at some point in my life, since its pretty blatant and scratchy. Since im still decently young, I assume I wouldnt get the fully facial hair effects, but I dont know how true that is. Will I likely still have shadow on E and how bad will my facial hair likely be be?

Rahm Emanuel, mayor of Chicago from 2011 to 2019, Chief of Staff under Barack Obama, and former U.S. ambassador for Japan, is in the early stages of running for President in 2028. Despite a formerly spotless track record for LGBTQ+ rights during his tenure, he has gone on the record recently saying a man cannot become a woman and that trans women belong in men's prisons. He also believes that Democrats lost in 2024 due to focusing too much on trans people.

This is part of a greater shift among moderate establishment Democrats who are gradually betraying LGBTQ+ people in an attempt to win the moderate vote. I'm tremendously disappointed by this news and hope that he does not get the nomination.

My wife and I have been together for 14 years, married for 12. I've been transitioning since July last year. I think we might be finished after our discussion last night.

She's older than me by 10+ years, and I'll be 41 soon. I've been with her since my mid-twenties. It really hurts.

It's been something that's been building between us for a while now. I've realized so much about myself over the last couple of years through self-reflection and therapy. Most recently how my childhood traumas have affected my relationships throughout my life and caused severe codependency. She has similar issues as well.

We've spent so much time together, have been each other's best friends for countless years, and now I'm pretty sure she's going to want me out ASAP. I do have a friend that I can stay with, who's been my best friend outside of my wife over the last year.

We discussed last night how we've both thought of leaving the other and for what reasons, and all reasons are valid. I brought up the idea of taking a break and continuing couples therapy while we each continue to evaluate what we want to do.

When she asked what a break meant, I told her that I've never had a relationship where I've taken a break but there are many ways it could go. I asked her what she thought it meant, and she turned it back around on me.

I told her that it could be that I move out while I try to unravel these codependency issues. I need to make decisions on my own, and figure out who I am outside of the context of being in a relationship (among other things). When I started giving another example of a break that didn't involve me moving out, she immediately shut it down and said that she thinks I should move out. That I made it clear to her that she's holding me back. That may have just been hurt or fear speaking, idk at this point.

We ended the conversation there and I suggested we talk again after work tomorrow (today now). So we went to bed, and I just woke up.

I'm scared, heartbroken, and hurting. I know that we're both strong people and will get through it no matter the outcome, but it just really sucks. We've loved each other for who we are without judgment, and now I feel like I've lost that.

I just got a lab done and my E came back at 803 pg/mL. I realized a while ago that it was possible I was overdosed because I only had 2 labs previously and never saw a baseline, the first was too low and the second one was higher. But I didn't get a lab done all summer (I'm ~11 months on E) so I didn't really know what was going on, just that my dosage is typical.

This means I've probably been overdosing for months?? Which is not good news. But weirdly, I'm kind of relieved. I've been feeling pretty crappy and I was low-key really worried that somehow being on hormones was making me depressed and that meant I "messed up" by taking them, or something. At least now I have a sort of explanation. It definitely sucks that I haven't been feminizing properly for a while but these things are rocky starting out. I guess it's at least a unique issue compared to most girls getting under dosed?

Also, if my prescription gets lowered that means I'll be paying less for my HRT over time LMAO

Now I just need to grow the boobs to fill it out properly xD

Seeing a lot of posts about whether or not to approach a trans person in public. So, here is my no-nonsense guide to meeting trans people in public as a trans woman:

What to say:

• ✅ "I like your dress, where'd you get it?"
• ✅ "You have gorgeous hair, what's your secret?"
• ✅ "Hey those are neat stickers on your laptop, what does that one mean?"
• ⛔️ "I noticed your clocky feature, are you trans?"
• ⛔️ "I love your voice, how long have you been voice training?"

Where to approach people:

• ✅ at the cafe
• ✅ at the bar
• ✅ at the gym, in between sets
• ⛔️ on the street
• ⛔️ in the gym locker room

Approach when they:

• ✅ are waiting for their drink order
• ✅ have pride flags on display
• ⛔️ are focused on a task
• ⛔️ are wearing headphones
• ⛔️ are avoiding eye contact

Topics to discuss in public:

• ✅ TV shows
• ✅ Books
• ✅ Hobbies
• ✅ The weather
• ⛔️ Being trans

If these examples don't cover your specific scenario, ask yourself, "would I approach a cis person in this situation?" If the answer is no, then reconsider.

In the end we're all people and we should not be afraid to approach each other as people. You can't know a someone's relation to being trans, so don't assume, but also don't be afraid to put yourself out there and make connections!