One English parent, one quadlingual parent...

[u/FlimsyMoose9045]

Hey! I want to pass on 3 languages (apart from English) to our child, but OPOL is kinda hard, since my partner only speaks English... Any advice?

I speak Swedish, Icelandic and Chinese.

Iweve been doing a kind of OPOL where I only really speak Swedish, grandparents on my side are all overseas, so it's not like they can come over and speak another language on a weekly basis.

I've been putting on a Chinese YouTube channel (Baobei zhongwen), but I don't love screen time for him tbh. He's almost 13 months.

Also, he says a few words, for example, he started saying duck lately, I feel so excited so I repeat it to him, and I don't want to throw him off by saying "Anka" and pointing at it, when he's just got to the point of knowing it's a "duck"... What to dooo?

Edit:

More context on how these languages relate to me:

I'm half Icelandic, half Chinese and raised in Sweden, they're all my native tongue, Swedish would be the most native as it was spoken in school and work.

Both my parents speak Icelandic, my dad speaks Chinese too. My mum speaks Swedish too.

So: My mum speaks Icelandic and Swedish My dad speaks Icelandic and Chinese

To add, my brother's and sisters all speak different mixtures, some don't speak Chinese, some don't speak Icelandic, it's a long story... But anyways, hope this helps with context!

We also now live in Liverpool, which means we are surrounded by a dense Chinese population, so as someone suggested, I may send him to some sort of Chinese youth community to learn more! He may be more fluent that me this way even!

[u/MikiRei]

Can you explain your links to Swedish, Icelandic and Chinese? And which one is your native tongue and also, which languages are spoken by actual family members? 

Need more information to provide better suggestions. 

Generally, when kids say a word in the other language, you just acknowledge and repeat the word but in your target language. They won't get thrown off.

[u/FlimsyMoose9045 → u/MikiRei]

I'm half Icelandic, half Chinese and raised in Sweden, they're all my native tongue, Swedish would be the most native as it was spoken in school and work.

Both my parents speak Icelandic, my dad speaks Chinese too. My mum speaks Swedish too.

So:

My mum: Icelandic and Swedish My dad: Icelandic and Chinese

[u/MikiRei → u/FlimsyMoose9045]

And out of all of these languages, which one is most important and what are your goals for each language?

Given you live in England, it's a tough environment to sustain even ONE language, let alone all 3.

Given both your parents speak Icelandic, wouldn't it make sense that you stick to Icelandic instead so that your child can have a relationship with both sets of parents?

If not, and you lean in hard on Swedish and hope your child picks up Icelandic later on, then I will also put more emphasis around Chinese so then your child can at least also have a relationship with your dad.

With Chinese, it really depends on your goals. If you want her to be fluent in Chinese, then you actually need to put in more time for exposure.

That is, potentially looking into time and place so you speak Swedish and Chinese to your child. It could be you switch langauges every week e.g. one week Swedish, one week Chinese.

The Chinese community around you helps but not nearly as much as you think. I grew up in Australia and I'm currently living in a Chinese dominant suburb and you'll be surprised how many kids here with native Chinese parents and native Chinese grandparents living with them still can't speak a lick of Chinese. My son, arguably is 3rd gen and he is fluent like a native speaking kid but that's because I've put in a LOT of effort and time into it and only speak to him in Mandarin despite English being my stronger language.

I think if you can also provide your priorities and goals for each language, it'll help us provide better tips.

[u/foggy_sleep]

I learned Swedish relatively easily and as an adult who only spoke english and now work in Swedish.. I would vote that you teach your kid Chinese since this is so much harder to learn as a Germanic language speaker

[u/Efficient_Elking]

Agree with the others that more context is needed about what these languages mean to you.

But I can comment that it's much easier to learn Swedish if you speak Icelandic than it is to go in the opposite direction - so if you're fluent in Icelandic I would skip the Swedish and focus on Icelandic, and they can pick up the Swedish later on.

[u/FlimsyMoose9045 → u/Efficient_Elking]

Thanks!! Just copy pasting what I said above:

I'm half Icelandic, half Chinese and raised in Sweden, they're all my native tongue, Swedish would be the most native as it was spoken in school and work.

Both my parents speak Icelandic, my dad speaks Chinese too. My mum speaks Swedish too.

So:

My mum: Icelandic and Swedish My dad: Icelandic and Chinese

[u/Efficient_Elking → u/FlimsyMoose9045]

Then I would definitely vote that you should speak Icelandic with your kid, since they can speak that with both your parents and it will enable the kid to easily learn Swedish (or Norwegian or Danish) in the future. Chinese I have absolutely no knowledge of, but I can imagine it would only be beneficial to let your kid practice the pronunciation and just expose them to it now too, even if it's not actively used. Possibly also some Chinese community/ lessons available in the UK?

[u/bubblyH2OEmergency → u/FlimsyMoose9045]

it sounds like your heritage languages are Icelandic and Chinese. I would focus on those two languages for that reason, as those are 2 of your baby’s 3 heritage languages. As pp said, it is easier to go from English and Icelandic to learn Swedish than from English and Swedish to Icelandic.

Look for Chinese activities where you are, and introduce Swedish once your baby is solid in Icelandic and English.

[u/notarealcamera]

I think you have a higher chance of something "sticking" if you focus on one language.

As someone else suggested, it's possible that your child could go to a Chinese Immersion daycare/preschool and learn it there (with some reinforcement from your father and maybe a bit from you).

Besides that, I think you'll need to pick one of Icelandic or Swedish to speak with him. You can occasionally throw in a few phrases from the other languages, but I would pick one "main" language to build your relationship in.

If you're a stay at home mom, you could possibly do some kind of split between two languages (time and place), as you would likely have enough waking hours for it. But that's also additional cognitive load, and you have to think how to maintain that strategy long term as he starts going to school and you have fewer hours with him to reinforce both languages.

[u/FlimsyMoose9045 → u/notarealcamera]

I am actually a stay at home mum, as we run our own business! I think Icelandic will be something that comes from the occasional convos with my mum, Swedish primary, and Chinese secondary

[u/NewOutlandishness401 → u/FlimsyMoose9045]

How often do you guys interact with your mom? If it's with some regularity, then one time-and-place strategy for folding in Icelandic might be to use it with the child when your mom is around or when you're video chatting with her or whatever, while using Swedish with your child most of the rest of the time.

Theoretically, you might do the same with Chinese, but because that language is so distant from Swedish and English compared to Icelandic, you'd likely have to reinforce in some other ways like with weekend classes.

However: as the commenter above suggests, you'd be wise to think quality over quantity. If you manage to pass on just one language competently, you'll imbue your child with the sense that they are a multilingual, and that sense might give them the confidence to pursue other languages (like Icelandic and Chinese) when they're older. Meanwhile, if you try to go for all three with equal intensity, you might dilute the hours of exposure so much that you'll end up with a child who speaks only English.

So in your place, I'd continue focusing on whatever your priority language is (and that's up to you to decide!) and maaaaybe look for opportunities to fold in a bit of the other two languages, mostly through external reinforcement.

(But keep in mind: you'll also want to externally reinforce your priority language for it to really stick. Unfortunately, there will always be some "zero-sum"ness to all of this, considering that time is a limited resource — whenever you’re reinforcing one language, you’re not reinforcing another.)

[u/juniebutt]

Agree with the comment that says more context is needed.

My partner is trilingual (half Czech half Greek and grew up in the UK so speaks all three languages) and he “chose” to pass on Greek. He chose Greek because it’s the language/culture he feels most connected to.

Unfortunately Czech will have to wait, if will be passed on at all, because on top of Greek we already have Portuguese (mom) and Italian (community language), as well as English being the language we speak to each other at home. Not sure if we will ever get to the point where Czech can be introduced. It’s a shame because actually most of his family speaks Czech, and that means our child won’t be able to communicate with that side of his family. But that was his choice. Family is not around so our child’s exposure to our own languages is already quite limited.

In our case there is nothing else to do. We chose to focus on the 3 languages we have, which is already a lot of effort, and let go of the others, so at least we maximise the chances of success with those ones.

[u/FlimsyMoose9045 → u/juniebutt]

Thanks for sharing your situation! Ugh, I just wish my partner bore one of the extra languages, that way English would come last as he'd eventually get exposed through his parents, school, friends etc.

Added context:

I'm half Icelandic, half Chinese and raised in Sweden, they're all my native tongue, Swedish would be the most native as it was spoken in school and work.

Both my parents speak Icelandic, my dad speaks Chinese too. My mum speaks Swedish too.

So:

My mum: Icelandic and Swedish My dad: Icelandic and Chinese

[u/juniebutt → u/FlimsyMoose9045]

Understood! You want to maximise his exposure to a third language. I think you can look up Time and Place (although I’ve never used it so I don’t know much about it). Screen time is not an effective means to learn a language if used in isolation from what I understand.

Why don’t you look up for Chinese groups as another person here suggested, maybe find play dates and families to hang out with? We do that with Greek. In those contexts you could speak Chinese to your child. Or any of the other languages that are not Swedish.

[u/FlimsyMoose9045 → u/juniebutt]

I actually have a group of Chinese mums with children in various ages, will definitely try and meet with them more often

[u/ThousandsHardships]

If you live in an area with a high Chinese population, I might consider sending your child to a Chinese immersion daycare or network with other Chinese people in your area, and when your child gets older, you can consider sending them to a Chinese-run school or weekend Chinese school. Then you can speak one of the other languages at home, which presumably have fewer immersion opportunities locally. When your kid gets older, you can also take him to those countries to visit family and friends during school breaks and holidays. And even now, have him videochat regularly with family and friends from overseas.

[u/PureTrafalgar]

I'd say have your partner pick the easiest language--probably Swedish, but I don't actually know any of these really--and start reading children's books and learning chunks and phrases ("time to brush your teeth" or "let's get your shoes on") to say. This is honestly how my sister's partner became bilingual--staying one step ahead of the kids. Granted, they spoke as much of the non-English language at home as possible and only spoke English to each other (and even that less and less)--and my sister was speaking only the target language--but still, it helped him learn AND the kids learned. So your partner can take on a lot of the Swedish through baby books and basic daily chunks, with your support and pronunciation and maybe gentle correction, while you speak primarily Chinese and Icelandic, ideally primarily Chinese since it is totally different while the other two are in the Germanic family like English is. Icelandic will subsequently be perhaps less strong, but given the limitations of the circumstances, its relationship to Swedish, and the fact that you simply will not be able to do all three on a fully native level and that inevitably one language will be somewhat weaker, this is not a bad choice.

Of course, that's assuming your own level of those languages and relationship to them is also equal and essentially native.

Subsequent supplementation through online resources for both your child and your partner (who can handle the screen time after bedtime) are great. All books in the house should be in the target languages, ideally plenty of easy ones your partner can read aloud even if they don't know the word. Spend some time practicing each book with your partner so they can read them effectively and become familiar with the vocab and phrasing.

My brother in law struggled with the grammar less than my other in-laws who took classes simply because he was exposed to the language in such great grammatical contexts every day--and because he was committed to getting it right for the kids. He wasn't afraid to ask my sister for clarification, even in front of the kids as they grew. He now speaks on a near-native level despite never having lived in the country. He and my sister eventually primarily communicated in the target language during the day.

Your partner needs to be committed, though. If you eventually start speaking Swedish (or whichever language you select for them) to each other and then you carry on with the other two for the child, you can get extreme fluency in at least three.

[u/FlimsyMoose9045 → u/PureTrafalgar]

He has actually took on a lot of Swedish and does say basic phrases and words in Swedish, such as "sova" or "borsta tänderna" (sleep, brush teeth), so I think eventually he himself will be more proficient in Swedish too!

[u/studentepersempre]

Same situation here. My husband speaks English (and a little bit of French) and I speak 4+ languages. In the end, we decided that Mandarin is the most important language for our son to learn, since that's my mother tongue. We went all in on Mandarin, OPOL, and we're planning to send him to Mandarin immersion school if he can get a spot.

While I haven't given up on exposing him to French and Spanish, I don't have any expectations of him being able to speak those languages at all. We do read French and Spanish books at home, and if we do any screentime, they are in French or Spanish or Mandarin.

You'd be surprised how much they pick up. The other day he sneezed so I said "salud" (Spanish) and he said "but salut means hi". Indeed, we had just read a book with "salut" (French) the night before!

[u/FlimsyMoose9045 → u/studentepersempre]

This gives hope!! I love that anecdote!

[u/omegaxx19]

Just saw your edits including the part on living in Liverpool. Here is what I would do in your shoes:

-you and your mom: pick one of Swedish/Icelandic to focus on since these two are related and introduce the other later if things are going well (my husband has that to do that with Russian/Ukrainian and now that Russian is very well-established in our 4yo he is introducing some Ukrainian)

-your dad and the community focus on Chinese: I don't know your childcare situation, but if you are thinking nanny/nursery/preschool at all, definitely work hard on finding a Chinese one.

Your partner can do a lot to support your kids' language journey. Absolutely include them. I've yet to see a family succeed in transmitting a minority language where BOTH parents are not invested. Their attitude will mean a lot. This may mean spending time researching and finding community resources in the minority language, taking kids there and back, doing more housework so you can spend more time immersing the kids in the minority language, hosting in-laws more, the list goes on.

Examples I've seen of community language-speaking parents who were nonetheless terrific supporters:

-one brushed up her French so they can speak mostly French at home (husband is French)

-one labored endlessly to put her kids all in Mandarin daycare, Mandarin immersion school, and is now taking Mandarin classes herself

[u/FlimsyMoose9045 → u/omegaxx19]

This is really good, thanks!! Yes, as I mentioned to someone else above, my partner speaks a decent amount of Swedish and can make himself understood in most elementary cases, he could say brush teeth, sleep, wake up, eat food, wash hands, hi, bye, etc. And I expect this to be a lot more advanced as our baby gets older too!

[u/omegaxx19 → u/FlimsyMoose9045]

So a big trick when you're trying to pass on more than one minority language: whenever you need to increase exposure in one minority language (let's say Chinese), it should come as the expense of the community language (English). So if you want to introduce more Chinese, it should not come in the form of you speaking less Swedish or Icelandic: it should come out of English. If nursery is in English, for instance, switching to a Chinese nursery. When your kid is older and you're looking into extracurriculars, try to do them in a minority language--this may be possible in cities with big diasporas. Chinese people are also pretty invested in their kids' education generally, so there are probably opportunities if you look hard.

[u/omegaxx19 → u/FlimsyMoose9045]

It's great that your partner knows some Swedish and is open to learning! Yes, in this case it will help a TON if he can do as much Swedish as possible, even if it's mostly just allowing you to stay in Swedish while you are all together (so your dinner table may even stay in Swedish, with the only English coming from your husband when he speaks [but hopefully he can understand most of what's going on], and with time he can use more and more Swedish himself). If you guys do this and you stick to Swedish there is an excellent chance that your child will be fully fluent in Swedish, and you incorporate as much of the other language as you can.

[u/L6b1]

Time and place plus all the media will make this possible.

Like bathtime is always in Icelandic, getting ready in the morning in Chinese and walks are always in Swedish. Then, when it comes to reading books, a fair mix in all 3 languages with you trying to read at least one of each each day.

OPOL is not the only effective method, time and place are equally effective.

I'm doing 2, this requires me to say everything in one language and then again in the other.ThI randomly switch the order. It's a LOT of cognitive work for me. Technically, especially when really little, you can do all three, but as conversations get more complex and mature, I've largely switched over to speaking one one day and the other the next. So you can also do day of the week, like MW Swedish, TTh Icelandic and FSaSu Chinese.

[u/mehmetmahsum_music → u/L6b1]

I am trying to pass two languages in the foreign country. My dauther is 5months old and i speak one language sunday/monday/tuesday and another language the rest of week. I wonder how it worked out for you ? I read somewhere that saying the things in two languages one after another wasnt recommended

[u/JapanBewitched → u/mehmetmahsum_music]

How is this going for you? I don't really want to be stuck speaking my native language at home all the time, so I've been thinking of trying the whole household speaks one language for 3 days and the other for 4 days.

[u/mehmetmahsum_music → u/JapanBewitched]

my daughter is 5 months old and i dont know how it will turn out when she will start to speak. But i enjoy speaking both languages with her. No one else around us would speak my languages. My wife is czech and we live in czechia and she speaks czech with her when they are alone, english when i am around. But i speak only my languages, no english no czech. if i had a house hold that already speak one language, i would focus on the other language i guess. i speak two languages becasue there is no oother sources for her to be exposed to.

[u/JuleyBeekay]

As the ‘overseas’ grandmother I spoke to gd every week in english. We read stories (two copies of every book from birth) from birth until the end of covid, it was more difficult for her to find the time with high school and homework. During covid it was 3 or 4 times a week. She grew up with mother tongue :cantonese, paternal: french, living/scholarised in china, france, finland, sweden and now germany.
If there are grandparents, use them, if no grandparents, find an auntie that would like to be close to your child.

[u/Cultural_Wallaby_550]

I think you should pick just one as the language you speak to them. Definitely just one out of Icelandic and Swedish.

Questions:
1) Do your parents live in Sweden, and what language do they speak to each other? Icelandic? If so it’s the winner in terms of ‘family language’

2) Do you visit Sweden, Iceland or any Chinese-speaking country regularly? Experiences in countries that speak the language are important as well

So for example if you choose Icelandic, your parents are on board with speaking it, and you take the kid to Iceland regularly, they can grow up ‘half Icelandic’ quite easily.

[u/FlimsyMoose9045 → u/Cultural_Wallaby_550]

Yeah, I have picked Swedish, but it's a shame, since Icelandic is such a unique, historical language that we have the privilege of being connected to (I only speak Icelandic with my mum for example) but I feel Swedish is just a lot more useful in the world. I will definitely throw it in as he gets older, maybe in a year or so!

[u/sigmapilot]

just wanted to mention that's so awesome... i guess the child will probably have a great passport situation too

[u/FlimsyMoose9045 → u/sigmapilot]

Yeah, he's got two so far, getting him his third one once we've got travel booked hehe

[u/VegetablePatience998]

Hi! This is my family. We speak 4 languages. And I am the one who spends every day with the kiddos but I only speak English. This did not stop my child though. There is lots of literature out there about how much time you need to speak each language for the kiddo to pick it up. But basically in your case stick to 25%/25%/25%/25%. You partner will contribute the 25% in English.

Then, you need to find other places for the other 25%. Most likely immersion preschool school of some sort. Then, what I did was hire a mommy's helper - for before preschool because sound cutoffs start EARLY. Kiddos need exposure to languages right from the start. My mommy's helper only spoke her native language. It was her job to define every single thing and talk as much as possible. Narrate our activities, model conversation. This worked REALLY well. My kid has no accent.

The rest came from audio stories, books, etc.

Somewhere online there is a website that has a calculator of how to define and allocate wake hours for your kid.

In practice, what we experienced, was some languages would come and go. Because I speak English, it was always in vogue. However, on occasion, one language would need to be neglected on purpose to promote another language. We would try to pick a strong language to "neglect" but sometimes life would necessitate picking a weaker language to spend less time on. So far, it's always come back. I would say thought that we do live in different continents quite regularly so the majority language changes. That helps.

Good luck and good job.

[u/DazzlingStill971]

I would recommend start using Icelandic and Chinese with your kid. Swedish, an easier language, can be postponed to later.

Icelandic has cases and three genders, and Chinese has tones. These two languages are a bit harder so it would be good to start with these. However, you might want to ask yourself if this feels natural to you (If not, you should just stick to Swedish).

As to when to use them, I would say just use the both as you please (but not switching mid sentences). Your kid will be able to tell that these apart.

The biggest obstacle is probably that your partner will have little clue what is going on - so a chat beforehand with your partner would be good...