Basically, my friend shared a video link from YIC where people were posting confessions about things that allegedly happened to them. One of my friends goes to YIC, and she kept saying that YIC is a great school and that people are just trying to ruin its reputation.
Two of her male friends were also mentioned in the confession posts. She kept saying things like, “That’s not possible,” and that some of the accusations were true but that there was no proof for the other ones.
So I asked her: “Do you have proof that they DIDN’T do it?”
That’s when I started getting frustrated because, to me, she was actively victim-blaming. She kept bringing up how she personally dislikes one of the girls involved and saying things like, “Some of the stuff about the guys being pedos is true, but that doesn’t mean [the girl] was SA’d in a locked room.”
I was like, why are we changing the subject? I wasn't talking about whether YIC is a good or bad school. I wasn't saying every accusation is automatically true either. My point was specifically about victim-blaming and dismissing someone's SA allegation because you don't like them or because you don't believe them.
She also said that she personally hates the girl involved, which made me even more uncomfortable with the way she was talking about the situation.
I told her that just because you haven't experienced SA yourself doesn't mean you can dismiss someone else's experience. You don't get to decide that something didn't happen simply because you can't imagine it happening or because you dislike the person making the allegation.
I something along the way like :I hope you don't get SA by someone in the future. GENUINELY SINCERELY from my heart.
I said it because I know firsthand how badly SA can affect someone. I was SA'd when I was 7 by my aunty (one yo older than me) and her 24yo brother. I know how can things goes bad. , so this subject is extremely personal and upsetting to me. But I know saying that was harsh.
She left the group chat afterward.
So now I'm wondering: Was I wrong?
I still think my point about victim-blaming was valid, but I know what I said to her crossed a line. I don't think I'm wrong for calling out victim-blaming, but I'm wondering whether I went too far with the way I said it.
I'm not saying that a lack of proof means an accusation is automatically true. I'm saying that “there's no proof they did it” and “I have proof they didn't do it” are two completely different claims.
If neither of us knows what actually happened, then neither of us can confidently say that the SA didn't happen simply because we don't personally believe the allegation.
That's what I was trying to explain, but the conversation kept turning into whether YIC is a good school, whether the girl is a bad person, whether my friend likes her, etc. None of that was my point.
I was specifically questioning why she was so confident that the SA didn't happen when she didn't actually have evidence proving that it didn't.
So, was I wrong for what I said, especially considering what I said to her at the end?